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    So this guy and I hang out pretty much every day at uni - and in addition to that we are constantly talking on facebook, skype and texting each other. Since we don't have any mutual friends, all our interactions are pretty much just us two. We refer to our friendship as a 'relationship' and both constantly get in trouble with our partners because of the whole thing. We enjoy spending time together, we do tell each other that we care, but it gets too complicated and I'm worried that I might start fancying him in the future. So I suggested that we talk less, maybe meet up once a week for a coffee, and he completely rejected that idea insisting on keeping the things the way they were. When I asked him about his thoughts on all this, he said that we were just friends, but I'm quite skeptical about that since I have lots of male friends and not one of my friendships are that personal and complicated. Not one of my male friends requires every day communication and so much time together.
    Is he lying? He believes that I don't fancy him, maybe that's the problem?
    Any thoughts?
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    What's his relationship like with his girlfriend?
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    Consider the worst case scenario.
    If you don't want to lose your partner then opt out?
    A good partner would trust you, but you shouldn't raise any worries for them too :x
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    (Original post by misst911)
    What's his relationship like with his girlfriend?
    he doesn't talk about it a lot, but it sounds ok, although occasionally he would say that she is annoyed or angry with him for whatever reason. his girlfriend is not thrilled about this friendship, I know that for sure
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    he doesn't talk about it a lot, but it sounds ok, although occasionally he would say that she is annoyed or angry with him for whatever reason. his girlfriend is not thrilled about this friendship, I know that for sure
    I can understand why. Maybe he gets something from you that he doesn't get from her though.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    he doesn't talk about it a lot, but it sounds ok, although occasionally he would say that she is annoyed or angry with him for whatever reason. his girlfriend is not thrilled about this friendship, I know that for sure
    Can you blame her when you clearly have that much contact and you admit that you could develop feelings for him? If you treasure your own relationship then I would be firm about the backing off - maybe even ask him why you have to speak everyday, as that seems a little much to me? You can still be friends, but as you've said yourself, you don't have that sort of relationship with any other of your male friends, so why should this one be any different? I think also if you know the girlfriend at all it might be worth speaking to her one on one, assuring her that you're not a threat, pointing out that you're in a relationship you don't want to jeopardise yourself (or so I'm assuming), and that if it means that much to her you are willing to reduce contact.

    My boyfriend has a close female friend that I sometimes feel uncomfortable about, but I trust him because he has shown on a few occasions, without prompting from me, that I am his priority, and he respects that there are boundaries when you are in a relationship that maybe aren't there when you're single. If your friend isn't willing to recognise those boundaries too then I think that he probably likes you a bit too much, which a) isn't fair on his girlfriend, and b) isn't fair on you as he's putting you in an awkward situation.

    What would you do if it did turn out he liked you? (Which I think he probably does, in all honesty).
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    (Original post by Sweet_Heart)
    Can you blame her when you clearly have that much contact and you admit that you could develop feelings for him? If you treasure your own relationship then I would be firm about the backing off - maybe even ask him why you have to speak everyday, as that seems a little much to me? You can still be friends, but as you've said yourself, you don't have that sort of relationship with any other of your male friends, so why should this one be any different? I think also if you know the girlfriend at all it might be worth speaking to her one on one, assuring her that you're not a threat, pointing out that you're in a relationship you don't want to jeopardise yourself (or so I'm assuming), and that if it means that much to her you are willing to reduce contact.

    My boyfriend has a close female friend that I sometimes feel uncomfortable about, but I trust him because he has shown on a few occasions, without prompting from me, that I am his priority, and he respects that there are boundaries when you are in a relationship that maybe aren't there when you're single. If your friend isn't willing to recognise those boundaries too then I think that he probably likes you a bit too much, which a) isn't fair on his girlfriend, and b) isn't fair on you as he's putting you in an awkward situation.

    What would you do if it did turn out he liked you? (Which I think he probably does, in all honesty).
    The thing is, we talk a lot for many reasons - common geeky interests and lots of uni work together, both quite antisocial, we kinda 'clicked' for the very first day we met. We spend a lot of time together, and it feels natural, but we both understand how other can see it as wrong.

    I love my boyfriend, we've been together for quite a while, and we just developed this caring for one another rather than being actively interested in each other's everyday lives. What I feel for this friend of mine is completely different, I can't work out whether it's a good or bad thing yet. I do initiate at least half of conversations with my friend, but if we need our space, we easily tell each other about that. The thing is, we dont get tired of each other's company.

    I really dont know what I would do if I knew my friend liked me.. I know for sure that I would sort everything out with my boyfriend first before doing anything else, I respect his feelings.
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    Referring to a friendship as a relationship is just weird imo. Why would you do that when it essentially undermines what the pair of you have with your respective boyfriend/girlfriend?

    Honestly, I think you need to work out what you want, never mind what he wants!
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    If my boyfriend did this I wouldn't be able to cope. Especially refering to it as a 'relationship'? Thats just odd and pretty unacceptable when you're actually in a relationship as far as I'm concerned.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The thing is, we talk a lot for many reasons - common geeky interests and lots of uni work together, both quite antisocial, we kinda 'clicked' for the very first day we met. We spend a lot of time together, and it feels natural, but we both understand how other can see it as wrong.

    I love my boyfriend, we've been together for quite a while, and we just developed this caring for one another rather than being actively interested in each other's everyday lives. What I feel for this friend of mine is completely different, I can't work out whether it's a good or bad thing yet. I do initiate at least half of conversations with my friend, but if we need our space, we easily tell each other about that. The thing is, we dont get tired of each other's company.

    I really dont know what I would do if I knew my friend liked me.. I know for sure that I would sort everything out with my boyfriend first before doing anything else, I respect his feelings.
    I have serious alarm bells going off in my head about all of those things you've just said. Be honest with yourself, do you want more with your friend? Because it's beginning to sound like it. I agree with the poster above - you need to sort your head out - you should not be thinking that if your friend declared his love for you you would have to consider your options, or think that you might fall for him in the future.

    The pair of you need to respect each other's relationships and cut (or at least reduce) contact if the potential for feelings developing is there - it's not fair on your respective partners and people are only going to get hurt. Unfulfilled desires don't stay unfulfilled for long if the opportunity arises.
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    So you think you have feelings for him. Sounds like he has feelings for you. You need to discuss it with him, and maybe end it with your partner(s), there's clearly something missing or not quite right if you feel this way about someone else, and your boyfriend deserves to know this.
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    (Original post by Sweet_Heart)
    I have serious alarm bells going off in my head about all of those things you've just said. Be honest with yourself, do you want more with your friend? Because it's beginning to sound like it. I agree with the poster above - you need to sort your head out - you should not be thinking that if your friend declared his love for you you would have to consider your options, or think that you might fall for him in the future.

    The pair of you need to respect each other's relationships and cut contact if the potential for feelings developing is there - that will only ever end in tears.
    another poster asked me what would I do if he said he liked me, I just replied, I'm not really thinking about that at all. I'm more of a 'hey, this is a great weird friendship that might go to hell if I'm not careful' kind of girl.
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    (Original post by joker12345)
    So you think you have feelings for him. Sounds like he has feelings for you. You need to discuss it with him, and maybe end it with your partner(s), there's clearly something missing or not quite right if you feel this way about someone else, and your boyfriend deserves to know this.
    Totally agree with this, I think the OP really needs to figure out what she wants before anything else.
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    (Original post by joker12345)
    So you think you have feelings for him. Sounds like he has feelings for you. You need to discuss it with him, and maybe end it with your partner(s), there's clearly something missing or not quite right if you feel this way about someone else, and your boyfriend deserves to know this.
    that's the worst thing - I love my boyfriend, I'm happy with him, but in a different way. I will do my best to figure things out before anyone gets hurt.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    another poster asked me what would I do if he said he liked me, I just replied, I'm not really thinking about that at all. I'm more of a 'hey, this is a great weird friendship that might go to hell if I'm not careful' kind of girl.
    I asked you. And you said that you weren't sure what you would do but would speak to your boyfriend before doing anything else - which suggests that you would have to consider things, it's not a knee-jerk reaction (which it would be for me if one of my male friends said they liked me). I'm not saying you're a bad person, I'm just saying that it's worth thinking about the real nature of your 'relationship', even if you might not want to - because there is the potential here for the pair of you to develop feelings and for people to get hurt, you acknowledged as much yourself.
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    (Original post by Sweet_Heart)
    I asked you. And you said that you weren't sure what you would do but would speak to your boyfriend before doing anything else - which suggests that you would have to consider things, it's not a knee-jerk reaction (which it would be for me if one of my male friends said they liked me). I'm not saying you're a bad person, I'm just saying that it's worth thinking about the real nature of your 'relationship', even if you might not want to - because there is the potential here for the pair of you to develop feelings and for people to get hurt, you acknowledged as much yourself.
    fair enough, I agree with you! thanks.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    that's the worst thing - I love my boyfriend, I'm happy with him, but in a different way. I will do my best to figure things out before anyone gets hurt.
    I see what you're saying, but maybe it's more habit/like than actually loving him. You mentioned with your friend that you never get bored of each other, maybe there really is something there. Either way, as long as you figure things out you're dealing with it in the best way possible!
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    Sounds like you're falling for him.

    If I was in a relationship with someone who had a "relationship" with another girl, I wouldn't be particularly happy. I think you both need to cut down those jokes at least because its going to end up resulting in trust issues with you and your partner.
    Second, how much do your boyfriend? If its less than this guy... Kinda awkward.

    To be honest it sounds like you kinda like the guy but are desperately trying to pretend you don't. If you want your boyfriend, cut down contact. If you want the guy, break up with your boyfriend.

    Don't lead anyone on and certainly don't be tempted into any cheating. Remember, this is a situation where people can get really really hurt. Be careful.
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    More like what does OP want - she wants her cake and eats it too
 
 
 
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