Worried about possible unfaithful girlfriend. Watch

Anonymous #1
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Anon or delete please.

Morning TSR. It's another one of these threads.

Basically, for reasons that need not be said, I have been concerned that my girlfriend may have been unfaithful.

Before we met at university, she had a summer fling. Now, her being a girl, she finds it necessary to stay in touch with him, because they're still friends. This I do not have a problem with. It's none of my concern, she's with me and loves me dearly.

However, something happened which made me think this guy is more than just her friend. I don't need to tell you what happened as it is irrelevant to the story and the advice I ask of you.

Because of these suspicions, I read her texts to him. Yes, it's wrong, I know. But I had reason to do it. Please don't include in your replies how it was wrong of me to do this.

We were apart for Christmas, as we went to our respective home towns. She told me that she was staying in with her family. In these texts I've found out she was with him. I don't mind her seeing him - but she lied to me about this.

The thread of texts referred to what sounds like an emotional talk between the two of them. They had been talking, on their little secret Christmas Eve rendezvous, about the amount of partners they have had in the past. He had 20.

I can infer that my girlfriend had said to him that this made her feel less special. He said that she was the most special he'd ever had, and that it made him sad that they hadn't had a go at it. She's told me in the past that neither of them have any feelings whatsoever for each other.

There were some flirty messages, from both parties.

There was a mention of him having an STI, and her going to the doctors with him. I know they are just friends, but this has sent major alarm bells ringing.

Why would she offer to go to the doctors with him? Why is it necessary?

What do I do? Am I being unreasonable?
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jnkesd
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#2
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Send this guy a message that says she's your woman and you're not to be messed with. I'm partial to the dead horse head in the bed method but to each his own. You might wanna find out about that STI situation too, if she's got something from him (not saying they're fooling around, I don't know) you'll want to get that sorted out. I'm not the best for advice but you might want to have a talk with her too... I think? Because if she's been cheating on you then you gotta dump her. If the other guy has STI(s) she might not want anything to do with him anyway and problem solved.
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sophisticated
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No I don't think you are being unreasonable, this would make me uneasy too, but I think you need to confront your girlfriend and talk to her about this instead of just finding out all your information by going through her private messages.

I might also be more concerned about the STI thing. If she's slept with him and you've then slept with her.... Doesn't take a genius OP.
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Rock Fan
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Agreed your girlfriend is giving you every reason to feel uncomfortable, tell her maybe you stumbled on her messages and ask her about the STI thing, also ask her why did she lie as well.
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PauLLL
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Don't tell her you read her messages, but you've got to lay down the law.

If I was you, I'd tell her to choose, you or him. If she chooses you, which she should then she should have no contact with him at all. If there is contact, you know what to do.

If she chooses a 'friend' over you, then you're obviously better off anyway. Can't lose.


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tehFrance
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She has cheated on you, it is pretty obvious from what you have written that she has. Personally I'd confront her and then dump her.
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amyshamblesxx
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Yeah that sounds dodgy... I'd confront her.
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marcus2001
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Propose to her?
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silverbolt
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the fact that she lied and met up with her ex would have me livid.

My gf has met her ex on two occassions (they were together five years have some stuff that still needs sorting out) i knew about it and i was fine with it. Because she was open and up front about it.

If she did it behind my back its a different story altogether
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Diiiii
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Yes, you should confront her. It's probably better not to tell her that you went through her messages, think of a way to tell her about you finding all that info out. It doesn't work that well when you find that out so it's probably best to tell that to her later. I don't think she should have met him without telling you. Best thing is confront her, then decide what to do. Good luck.
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The Assassin
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This sounds really dodgy. The mere fact that she would lie to you about 'staying in with her family' when in fact she wasn't shows that there may be something she's hiding. You can't continually feel uncomfortable about this, so you need to confront her about it. Ask/tell her if/why she's hiding something from you -- you can't be in a relationship if there isn't any trust between you guys.
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