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    I like to do similar things for my boyfriend (prepare meals, buy him things he needs, he's broke atm) - but isn't it normal and healthy to want to treat and spoil the person you love?

    My boyfriend returns a similar amount of affection (although probably in slightly different ways, as obviously we have different personalities and are good at different things, and have different amounts of money at the moment!)

    I don't think it should be a gendered thing tbh. Perhaps your friend is just concerned that you are putting in more effort than your partners and deserve to be treated back? Or perhaps she thinks you do this out of a gendered sense of duty, rather than your actual willingness/happiness to do so.

    I reject both the notion that women should have to wait ontheir male partners, and the one that men should have to buy their female partners endless un-reciprocated gifts and treats. Rather, from a non-gendered pov it's just about both partners willingly and happily giving each other affection in whichever ways personally suit them (even if for some women this involves "serving", or for some men this involves buying)
    • #3
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    (Original post by Future African game vet)
    aw thank you But, it's just a trend I seem to be witnessing, not just with me, but others I know who are as nice as they can be... men seem to get bored :confused:
    I don't think is true! I'm nice as pie to my bf and he's nice as pie to me. You just need to hold out for someone who is as considerate as you are.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I like to do similar things for my boyfriend (prepare meals, buy him things he needs, he's broke atm) - but isn't it normal and healthy to want to treat and spoil the person you love?

    My boyfriend returns a similar amount of affection (although probably in slightly different ways, as obviously we have different personalities and are good at different things, and have different amounts of money at the moment!)

    I don't think it should be a gendered thing tbh. Perhaps your friend is just concerned that you are putting in more effort than your partners and deserve to be treated back? Or perhaps she thinks you do this out of a gendered sense of duty, rather than your actual willingness/happiness to do so.

    I reject both the notion that women should have to wait ontheir male partners, and the one that men should have to buy their female partners endless un-reciprocated gifts and treats. Rather, from a non-gendered pov it's just about both partners willingly and happily giving each other affection in whichever ways personally suit them (even if for some women this involves "serving", or for some men this involves buying)

    Exactly. I dont expect anything as such, just respect and well... I sort of just want to be loved back. I don't do these things to "make them love me2, i do it to show how much I care and because there is nothing that makes me happier, than making someone else happy. I can't bare it when people are sad or dissatisfied maybe I'm too sensitive but it really upsets me to think they aren't happy.

    I would never wait on anyone, nor would I want someone to wait on me! But I do like people I love/ care about to feel special and wanted.
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    I think it's a lovely thing to do, as long as you aren't being taken for granted and your boyfriend is treating you as well. I treat my boyfriend and he does the same for me.

    Relationships are a two-way street. I don't think gender should really dictate whether you should or shouldn't treat your partner.
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    (Original post by Kazbian)
    I think it's a lovely thing to do, as long as you aren't being taken for granted and your boyfriend is treating you as well. I treat my boyfriend and he does the same for me.

    Relationships are a two-way street. I don't think gender should really dictate whether you should or shouldn't treat your partner.
    wise words
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    You sound lovely! There's nothing wrong with it as long as the relationship's equal, don't let people take you for granted but if it makes you happy to do those things for someone then why on earth stop? I mean, my mum nearly always makes my dad breakfast and sends him off to work with his lunch because he works ridiculously hard, although so does my mum to be fair seeing as she's raising three little troublemakers. :lol: Sometimes he'll randomly come home with flowers for her, it's very sweet.
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    Giving unconditional love/tokens of an unconditional nature can be a little foolhardy when dealing with a certain type of person (male or female). This may seem sexist, and is probably just me coming at it from a male perspective, but I think men in particular have an innate capacity to take people for granted if we feel as if we always get our own way, or get positive feedback (inc. such 'treats') without qualification

    That said, as long as a girl is firm in other senses and maintains some level of independence, there is nothing to suggest that a guy will necessarily take her, or the things she does, for granted. I feel that sweet/kind/giving/thoughtful character attributes simply tend to highly correlated with more submissive/forgiving personas and hence perhaps the whole lot get mixed up and are heavily represented in the 'girls who get taken for granted' category :beard:

    As for gender roles, I've always been of the view that 'women love to give love and men love to receive it'. Massive generalisation of course but life experience has taught me that in the main this holds true. Women are more emotionally responsive and nurturing creatures, and men often give/show love in a 'practical' way
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    Giving unconditional love/tokens of an unconditional nature can be a little foolhardy when dealing with a certain type of person (male or female). This may seem sexist, and is probably just me coming at it from a male perspective, but I think men in particular have an innate capacity to take people for granted if we feel as if we always get our own way, or get positive feedback (inc. such 'treats') without qualification

    That said, as long as a girl is firm in other senses and maintains some level of independence, there is nothing to suggest that a guy will necessarily take her, or the things she does, for granted. I feel that sweet/kind/giving/thoughtful character attributes simply tend to highly correlated with more submissive/forgiving personas and hence perhaps the whole lot get mixed up and are heavily represented in the 'girls who get taken for granted' category :beard:

    As for gender roles, I've always been of the view that 'women love to give love and men love to receive it'. Massive generalisation of course but life experience has taught me that in the main this holds true. Women are more emotionally responsive and nurturing creatures, and men often give/show love in a 'practical' way
    that is a very interestng way of putting it, id agree sounds about right!
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    Such an epic thread I had to mention it on my website a while back.

    http://davidjoragui.com/relationship...relationships/

    Scroll down to 'lack of appreciation' - I see problems like these occurring in so many relationships these days.
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    (Original post by Spontogical)
    Such an epic thread I had to mention it on my website a while back.

    http://davidjoragui.com/relationship...relationships/

    Scroll down to 'lack of appreciation' - I see problems like these occurring in so many relationships these days.
    oh why thank you, nice to know I helped your writing :-)
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    just came across my old thread whilst browsing TSR.

    Its been 2 years and I'd like to update

    almost exactly a year ago, I found the most wonderful man. Not only does he love that I like to surprise him and do silly little things for him all of the time, he actually gives back just as much, if not more.

    To everyone in the thread who felt a little disheartened like myself in the past, don't give up- there are some wonderful people out there who will make your life just that little bit more special, and make you feel like everything you do is worthwhile.

    Hope you have all found happiness
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    Nobody's "duty" but nice nonetheless. Some people more naturally inclined than others but nice on both sides
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    (Original post by jaffacake111)
    Nobody's "duty" but nice nonetheless. Some people more naturally inclined than others but nice on both sides
    exactly people should do what they are comfortable with, and just make sure no one feels taken forgranted
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    Glad it's worked out well for you FAGV.
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    (Original post by Future African game vet)
    just came across my old thread whilst browsing TSR.

    Its been 2 years and I'd like to update

    almost exactly a year ago, I found the most wonderful man. Not only does he love that I like to surprise him and do silly little things for him all of the time, he actually gives back just as much, if not more.

    To everyone in the thread who felt a little disheartened like myself in the past, don't give up- there are some wonderful people out there who will make your life just that little bit more special, and make you feel like everything you do is worthwhile.

    Hope you have all found happiness
    Nice.

    Are you a Current African game vet yet?
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    It's nice but has nothing to do with being a girl so shouldn't be judged as such...

    It's nice for either partner to do things like that it shouldn't be man dotes on woman or vice verse
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    (Original post by Future African game vet)
    just came across my old thread whilst browsing TSR.

    Its been 2 years and I'd like to update

    almost exactly a year ago, I found the most wonderful man. Not only does he love that I like to surprise him and do silly little things for him all of the time, he actually gives back just as much, if not more.

    To everyone in the thread who felt a little disheartened like myself in the past, don't give up- there are some wonderful people out there who will make your life just that little bit more special, and make you feel like everything you do is worthwhile.

    Hope you have all found happiness

    Wow congrats! Hope I meet someone wonderful like that one day and be happy like you
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    (Original post by Future African game vet)
    Today I was having a debate with a friend, She was saying it's weird for a girl to treat a man the way I do;

    Whenever I have been in a relationship I like to do little things for the man I am dating. I wake up early and sneak out to the shop to cook special breakfasts for them, set up surprise evenings doing their favorite things, take them out for a walk at night to look at the stars away from the town's lights, make them gifts occasionally, send little messages every so often to try and brighten up their day - not ALL the time- that'd be weird, but regularly... however I have been told by my female friends that its not our "duty" as women to take that role.... surely it works both ways?

    Personally, I have never had anyone treat me in the same way back, either they just accept it and say very little, or begin to take it for granted- but this is just what I do...

    What are your opinions on this sort of thing? Is it ok for me to do this? Or would guys find it odd?
    what a lucky guy man. I hope he does some stuff in return. You deserve it.

    edit: just saw your update. Congrats, nice to see the kindness going both ways. Now to find someone like that!
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    Sweet
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    (Original post by Future African game vet)
    just came across my old thread whilst browsing TSR.

    Its been 2 years and I'd like to update

    almost exactly a year ago, I found the most wonderful man. Not only does he love that I like to surprise him and do silly little things for him all of the time, he actually gives back just as much, if not more.

    To everyone in the thread who felt a little disheartened like myself in the past, don't give up- there are some wonderful people out there who will make your life just that little bit more special, and make you feel like everything you do is worthwhile.

    Hope you have all found happiness
    One of the nicest threads I've read. Very happy for you!! :woo:
 
 
 
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