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Was I raped?

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Ok so rather than being a pedant and answering one question at a time could you answer my second question, would you consider it rape if the roles were reversed? That way a willy is involved for you :smile:

Yes because there would have been penetration with a penis without consent.

Reply 41

InternetGangster

Were you just lying there like a twig while she was doing all the work? I understand that rape can happen with both parties, but it's definitely a lot easier for men.

Reply 42

Anonymous #1

Original post by Dragonfly07

Rape doesn't have to have physical restraint taking place. If someone is coerced or forced into having sex despite their wishes then it is rape. He said no and she ignored it.

Reasons he didn't fight her off: he could have been too thrown off by surprise, he could have been scared to hurt her (physically or otherwise), he could have been scared for the sake of the relationship. I could go on, there are many possible reasons.

Bottom line is, he was raped.

The reasons I didn't fight her off were basically that my parents and brothers rooms were directly next to mine, the noise that would have been created from the argument afterwards wouldn't have been good.

Also, she had been so persistent for so long, it's not that I gave in but more that she made me feel like I had been messing her around long enough (about 3-4 weeks) and now it was basically time for it to happen.

Reply 43

PostgradMatt

Original post by Anonymous

And as for question 3, it is IMPOSSIBLE for a woman to rape a man under UK law. Rape requires penetration with a penis.

http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2003/42/part/1

Reply 44

RightSaidJames

OP, well done for having the courage to raise this issue. A similar thing happened to me when I was younger: I didn't want to take part in it, I certainly didn't enjoy it and at no point did I say 'Yes', except perhaps in the sense of 'well, alright then, I suppose...'. Was it rape? Legally, no, as it doesn't meet the right criteria. Morally, I'm still not sure: I could easily have said 'No, I don't want to do this, I don't want to be your friend if you keep asking me to'. I could have told someone about it, but I didn't because I knew it was wrong and I thought I'd get in trouble. Did this person take advantage of me? Yes, absolutely. Would I bring it up now? No, because the revelation would do far too much damage and affect far too many people.

To answer your questions:
1) Legally no, morally yes.
2) Legally yes, morally no.
3) I do think women can rape men, and I believe the law should be changed to reflect this. However biologically speaking it's far less clear cut, so I can understand why the law hasn't yet been changed (probably because there isn't enough political will/popular demand that would prompt the funding of the necessary research).

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 45

Anonymous #1

Original post by RightSaidJames

I agree, I think it's a shame that this thread is being derailed by "the legal" sense of rape rather than the moral kind of lack of consent etc.

Reply 46

hamsterdowns

Original post by fudgemuffins

No man can get an erection if he is genuinely scared and frightened at the prospect of being sexually assaulted. It's how the penis works, it actually shrinks when you are scared.

In the OP's case, he wasn't being assaulted but I believe most people could have resisted getting a boner (unless his girlfriend was really hot). He also could have easily pushed her off him or something, so the fact that he passively let it happen means it is not rape.

If you are going to not give consent, you can't just keep it in your mind. You have to actually do something or tell them clearly that you are not allowing them to have sex with you. If they still do it, then it is rape.

No but it can happen at the feel of a familiar touch - he was 15! I'm not sure how great control over your libido is at 15.

And he did say no! The OP says that he said he wasn't ready and that they should wait and she did it anyway. If he hadn't said anything then I agree that the erection could be misconstrued as consent but that is completely overridden by him saying no!

Lastly, you shouldn't have to fight someone off for it to be classified as rape.

I'm going to keep posting this link as it pretty much mimics the OPs situation but just with reversed sex roles - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPC-Q2NMwJw&oref=http%3A%2F%2F

Every single person on this thread should watch it

Reply 47

Melancholy

Original post by Meghna96

umm.. If you didn't want her to, then yes it's rapeit would be the same for her as wellWomen can rape men. What's stopping them? We are all humans, and so it is equally possible.

Your last sentence makes no sense. Are the disabled (or certain beings otherwise incapable of the act) no longer human?

Sorry for picking you out - there are numerous examples of these type of inaccuracies and "feather-brained-ness" on TSR.

This whole process of people coming forward to offer their view in trying to answer the OP is astounding.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 48

Dragonfly07

Original post by fudgemuffins

Bull****. The few men who do report rape, and I mean real rape where other men bum**** them, actually also report having erections.

There are people who are absolute victims, 100% said no, are being overpowered 100%, and are 100% straight. They get no penile stimulation during the rape.

When they receive counseling sessions these same men report feeling shame and confusion because they had an erection during the rape.

Reply 49

RightSaidJames

Please note that this thread isn't the right place to debate whether women can legally rape men. It's obviously fine to state your opinion on the matter, but an extended discussion on this issue distracts from the purpose of this thread.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 50

Anonymous #1

Original post by RightSaidJames

Please note that this thread isn't the right place to debate whether women can rape men. It's obviously fine to state your opinion on the matter, but an extended discussion on this issue distracts from the purpose of this thread.

That's actually part of the reason I started this thread, not about women raping men in the LEGAL sense but about women raping men in the MORAL/ETHICAL sense.

There will always be some law pedants that hype on a thread like this but some people have genuinely come up with some thoughts that have made me think about the way society views rape.

Reply 51

JollyGreenAtheist

Original post by Rjustice

Am not saying you should fight of a rapist for it qualify as rape, but there does need to be physical evidence for it to stand in court. If the OP was to report them, it will be simply his word against her word.

Fair point, but the OP didn't mention court. I think we're arguing on technicality and morality rather than legality.

Reply 52

yeahman1

Unless she physically forced it, it wasn't rape. If you didn't physically attempt to stop it, it isn't rape. This sounds more like you being a pushover.

Reply 53

yeahman1

Original post by RightSaidJames

Someone's a tad arrogant...

Let the discussion run its course, there's no "right place" to discuss it.

Reply 54

TheSingingMute

Original post by Dominic Powell

1) In a purely legal sense, you weren't raped, as men cannot be raped by women, it does fit the description for "sexual assault" and "causing a person to engage in sexual activity without consent".

The main question is 'did she reasonably believe you consented', if you said "no", then reasonable belief dictates that you meant "no". So while it wasn't rape, it could be one of the crimes described above.

Rape

(1)A person (A) commits an offence if—
(a)he intentionally penetrates the vagina, anus or mouth of another person (B) with his penis,
(b)B does not consent to the penetration, and
(c)A does not reasonably believe that B consents.
(2)Whether a belief is reasonable is to be determined having regard to all the circumstances, including any steps A has taken to ascertain whether B consents.
(3)Sections 75 and 76 apply to an offence under this section.
(4)A person guilty of an offence under this section is liable, on conviction on indictment, to imprisonment for life.

2) If the situation were reversed I would say it fits the description for rape, but again, only men can be rapists.

3) Morally, yes. Legally, no.

You're saying legally that only men can be rapists, what would the law think of this case (assuming it's true)? As the women in question forced penetration by feeding him viagra.

Original post by PostgradMatt

The offence committed is: 'Causing a person to engage in sexual activity without consent.' Rape requires penetration with a penis.

http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2003/42/part/1

Again what if there was penetration of the penis but forced by the woman?

Think this is pretty interesting..

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 55

PostgradMatt

Original post by Anonymous

I think in the moral/ethical sense (Which I rarely consider because of my training :biggrin:

). What she did was wrong and just as wrong as a man raping a woman. You said no and she continued, that is not on at all. Any sort of physical struggle is irrelevant in my eyes. I think women and men should show each other equal respect. No is no. I certainly don't think should should feel like you were a push over either.