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    (Original post by Lawstudent321)
    No you weren't raped. She didn't force you, you didn't do anything to prevent it.


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    would you say the same if it he was a girl?

    I think not :rolleyes:
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    Coincidentally this was on the ad banner when i read this post...

    http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/videos/view/11
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Imagine that it's not in a court scenario then and take the story at face value. There will be thousands of rapes in the UK which are commited and go to trial but fail because of lack of evidence, that doesn't mean it wasn't rape though.

    We aren't considering the CPS case here we are considering the actual scenario.
    Women are not usually physically strong enough to prevent rape against them while you could have just easily pushed her off if you wanted. Had it been a man trying to have sex with you I am certain you would have fought till your last drop of blood was spilled. There must have been a small part of you that didn't actually mind at the time.
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    (Original post by yeahman1)
    What is date rape?

    Yes I would.
    Date rape is when the aggressor uses drugs on a 'victim' so they are less resistant to sexual assault (it doesn't actually have to be sexual intercourse). The drug can include alcohol.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I would like to start by saying that although I might be being a bit flippant about what happened now, it was a long time ago and by being like this I feel like I can get over it with a bit of dark humour as it something I try to push to the back of my mind.

    I would like people's opinions here on whether this would constitute rape, I am not doing it so much for me but more as an experiment to see how people's beliefs vary based on the scenario, although this is 100% true, I will answer any questions that are asked in order for people to form their opinions.

    I am a male, and this happened 6 and a half years ago, I still remember it like it was yesterday.

    I was in the early stages of a relationship with a girl that I was relatively attracted to but we were quite young (15). She was a virgin, I was not.
    She had mentioned sex a lot but I was quite wary of it because I didn't think I was ready for that part in our relationship yet, she felt like she was. I was very wary of how complicated things could become if the relationship ended as she would be losing her virginity to me, and I didn't feel like I wanted that.

    One morning when we were in my room (she stayed over but we didn't have sex in the evening, pretty innocent really) she decided now was the time. I told her I think we should wait and that I didn't really feel like it because it was morning and my parents were around etc, but she told me to stop being an idiot. She put a condom on me and had sex with me, and I was kind of distant throughout. It happened and afterwards I felt really weird, almost sad for quite a while. After a few days I ended up breaking up with her because she became someone I wasn't comfortable being around, which led to me being accused of using her for sex and taking her virginity, being a monster etc, but I can handle that.


    My questions are.
    1) Was I raped?
    2) Would your answer be the same if the roles were reversed and I was a woman?
    3) Depending on your answers to 1/2 do you think women can rape men?

    If you have any questions please ask them
    You had your 15 year old girlfriend sleeping over in the same room with you while your parents were at home? And they saw nothing wrong with it?
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    (Original post by Dagnabbit)
    Date rape is when the aggressor uses drugs on a 'victim' so they are less resistant to sexual assault (it doesn't actually have to be sexual intercourse). The drug can include alcohol.
    If the 'victim' is so drugged/boozed up that they cannot resist then I would consider any sexual activity to rape/assault.
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    (Original post by LutherVan)
    You had your 15 year old girlfriend sleeping over in the same room with you while your parents were at home? And they saw nothing wrong with it?
    What's wrong with your girlfriend sleeping over?
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    (Original post by Rjustice)
    But it don't like he made any effort to fight her off, so this can't be really rape
    i sincerely hope you're joking

    (Original post by LutherVan)
    You had your 15 year old girlfriend sleeping over in the same room with you while your parents were at home? And they saw nothing wrong with it?
    why would they?

    (Original post by sissoko46)
    Women are not usually physically strong enough to prevent rape against them while you could have just easily pushed her off if you wanted. Had it been a man trying to have sex with you I am certain you would have fought till your last drop of blood was spilled. There must have been a small part of you that didn't actually mind at the time.
    what about being too nervous or scared about the other's reaction to say no?
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    Did you say "no i don't want to have sex with you" because otherwise she could have assumed you wanted to.
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    I'm going to say no. Many people have done sexual things that they are not necessarily comfortable with. Myself included. It doesn't mean that they have all been raped or sexually assaulted.

    It doesn't sound like she physically forced you to do anything. It doesn't sound like there was any malice in her actions.

    Just let it go.
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    (Original post by ironandwine)
    what about being too nervous or scared about the other's reaction to say no?
    He was staying with her he obviously felt comfortable around her and I believe he only came to regret it afterwards. He could easily have held her away if he wanted to just as he would have undoubtedly fought hard if it was a male trying to have sex with him. What she obviously did was wrong but it could not have happened without him partially desiring the same thing at the time.
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    (Original post by pinda.college)
    What's wrong with your girlfriend sleeping over?

    (Original post by ironandwine)
    why would they?
    Why do boyfriends and girlfriends normally sleep in the same room?

    Why would a parent be tolerating that?
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    (Original post by sissoko46)
    He was staying with her he obviously felt comfortable around her and I believe he only came to regret it afterwards. He could easily have held her away if he wanted to just as he would have undoubtedly fought hard if it was a male trying to have sex with him. What she obviously did was wrong but it could not have happened without him partially desiring the same thing at the time.
    yeah exactly, he liked her and he didn't want to give her a reason for her to dislike or be put off by him. so, roles reversed, if a skinny stick of a boy has sex with a girl when she's said she doesn't want to do it, but doesn't push him off, that's not rape? right.

    partially desiring? lol you have got to be kidding me? if you get turned on during such a time it's a natural reaction, it doesn't suddenly stop being rape. it's rape because he explicitly said he didn't want to have sex with her. it's really that simple.

    (Original post by LutherVan)
    Why do boyfriends and girlfriends normally sleep in the same room?

    Why would a parent be tolerating that?
    you're either trolling or you're incredibly naive.
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    (Original post by LutherVan)
    Why do boyfriends and girlfriends normally sleep in the same room?

    Why would a parent be tolerating that?
    Different parents have different approaches to this issue. Some will trust their children not to do anything they shouldn't, some take a 'as long as I don't know about it' approach, and others won't allow it ever (or until they reach a certain age). My parents were certainly in the latter camp.

    In any case, sleeping in the same bed doesn't always lead to sex. If you meet anyone over the age of 21 who has sex with their partner every single night, then they must have a pretty impressive amount of energy/spare time/libido.
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    (Original post by LutherVan)
    Why do boyfriends and girlfriends normally sleep in the same room?

    Why would a parent be tolerating that?
    Subjective I suppose, down to trust and leniency.
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    (Original post by ironandwine)
    you're either trolling or you're incredibly naive.
    My apologies. I never realised advocating good parenting falls under the camp of naive and trolling in the modern world.

    (Original post by RightSaidJames)
    Different parents have different approaches to this issue. Some will trust their children not to do anything they shouldn't, some take a 'as long as I don't know about it' approach, and others won't allow it ever (or until they reach a certain age). My parents were certainly in the latter camp.

    In any case, sleeping in the same bed doesn't always lead to sex. If you meet anyone over the age of 21 who has sex with their partner every single night, then they must have a pretty impressive amount of energy/spare time/libido.
    Why does she have to sleep over? Why do they need to enforce the trust in such a manner?

    Is parenting not about making an attempt to limit risk for your kids?

    Please lets call a spade a spade. The first 2 are poor parenting.
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    (Original post by pinda.college)
    Subjective I suppose, down to trust and leniency.
    Down to poor and weak parenting.
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    you just lied there the whole time she was having sex with you, and did nothing to stop it?

    doesnt sound like rape to me...
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    (Original post by LutherVan)
    My apologies. I never realised advocating good parenting falls under the camp of naive and trolling in the modern world.



    Why does she have to sleep over? Why do they need to enforce the trust in such a manner?

    Is parenting not about making an attempt to limit risk for your kids?

    Please lets call a spade a spade. The first 2 are poor parenting.
    I think pretending sex doesn't happen when people are fifteen is naive, yes, and I don't think that's bad parenting. And if my fifteen year old in the future is going to have sex, I'd rather have them do it somewhere safe and be safe about it. Why you'd call having sex a 'risk' is beyond me.
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    No
    No
    Yes

    You were distant but didn't even protest, I'm sorry but how is that rape? So basically what it is, is that you did not want to do something but your partner did, so you did it anyway to make her happy. The same way a girl might watch the football with her bf on TV even though she hates it? Or how a guy might go shoe shopping with his gf.

    ps inb4 yes means yes, no means no, and no reply means no too.
 
 
 
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