Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

Was I raped? Watch

Announcements
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by fudgemuffins)
    You obviously must have been erect for her to have sex with you, so that means you wanted it. If you didn't want to have sex with her you would have not got a hard-on, that's why it's generally agreed that women can't rape men.

    I don't think it's rape, although it's typical how people blame you for 'taking' her virginity when you broke up with her. Probably should have waited longer.
    Doesn't that mean that you can't rape a girl who's getting wet because of you?
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Dragonfly07)
    Bottom line is, he was raped.
    Except he wasn't.

    In the legal sense and honestly, I suspect in the circumstantial sense.


    (Original post by bssjonny)
    Im confused.
    Did she physically force you to have sex with her?
    Because to be honest even though you said no, unless you also resisted im not sure how it is rape. It might have just been a matter of her being persistent (which isnt illegal) and you being too passive and perhaps giving her the impression that you have changed your mind.

    Also were you just COMPLETELY absent for the sex act in that you just lied there? Surely if you engaged even just a little bit then it is no longer rape.
    Sorry have to agree with these questions.

    And by the sounds of your reply:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The reasons I didn't fight her off were basically that my parents and brothers rooms were directly next to mine, the noise that would have been created from the argument afterwards wouldn't have been good.

    Also, she had been so persistent for so long, it's not that I gave in but more that she made me feel like I had been messing her around long enough (about 3-4 weeks) and now it was basically time for it to happen.
    No it wasn't rape (in the legal or moral sense). You consented. You consented begrudgingly after her persistence but you consented.

    Unless she was stronger than you and forced herself upon you without recourse you could have pushed her off. You didn't.
    Sorry but even a minor bit of physical resistance would have rendered any forceful attempts by a 15 year old girl to have her way with you futile, hell you could have stopped her putting on the condom for a start.

    You were distant because you weren't entirely up for it, welcome to the duality of man, and you felt **** because you felt like you were dropped into relationship crap you had wanted to avoid.


    If you were really that bothered you wouldn't have minded if you parents got involved, what would they do? Kick the crazy sex-mad girl out of their home, boohoo, life goes on.



    I'm not going to comment on the wider issue of female on male sexual abuse, assault etc, because this thread is about the OP's specific situation and from what I've gathered it wasn't.

    Life goes on.
    • #2
    #2

    http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Substantia)
    Coincidentally this was on the ad banner when i read this post...

    http://thisisabuse.direct.gov.uk/videos/view/11
    There's so many comments on that page from young girls that have been raped, hundreds probably. And these are just a fraction of all those who have been raped.

    In those comments it's often the boyfriend forcing the girl into sex, sometimes even letting his friends rape her too. And in most cases the girl is too scared to tell anyone. It's really heartbreaking.

    I know this isn't directly related to the OP, but it shows just how prevalent rape is.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by reena95)
    Did you say "no i don't want to have sex with you" because otherwise she could have assumed you wanted to.
    Thats not how consent works - its not 'say no if you dont want it', its 'say yes if you do'. We shouldn't be working with the idea of everyone being ok with it unless they actually say no, we should be checking and asking for consent. Come on people...
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by hamsterdowns)
    Thats not how consent works - its not 'say no if you dont want it', its 'say yes if you do'. We shouldn't be working with the idea of everyone being ok with it unless they actually say no, we should be checking and asking for consent. Come on people...
    Exactly this, it's not 'opt out'. People saying it's okay unless they say no are pretty much saying it's fine to blurt out 'people who want sex say what?'.
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    Why did you let her do it then?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    So according to a lot of people here rape revolves around violence. It requires
    a) That violence be threatened against the individual and
    b) the individual being raped must attempt to use violence to stop the rape.

    I personally don't think that's correct. If it is there would be many men who have gone to jail for rape who are "innocent" who clearly are not.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Yes to all 3.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TheSingingMute)
    You're saying legally that only men can be rapists, what would the law think of this case (assuming it's true)? As the women in question forced penetration by feeding him viagra.



    Again what if there was penetration of the penis but forced by the woman?

    Think this is pretty interesting..
    It wouldn't be rape. A (''The accused'') must penetrate B (''The victim'') with his penis.

    Part 1 section 1

    http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2003/42/part/1
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by hamsterdowns)
    Thats not how consent works - its not 'say no if you dont want it', its 'say yes if you do'. We shouldn't be working with the idea of everyone being ok with it unless they actually say no, we should be checking and asking for consent. Come on people...
    fair enough, thanks for clearing that up (Y)
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by fudgemuffins)
    You obviously must have been erect for her to have sex with you, so that means you wanted it. If you didn't want to have sex with her you would have not got a hard-on, that's why it's generally agreed that women can't rape men.

    I don't think it's rape, although it's typical how people blame you for 'taking' her virginity when you broke up with her. Probably should have waited longer.
    This post would make sense if men had 100% control of an erection.

    Also, as a comparison, would you think a woman consented if her vagina became moist from being raped?
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    But this is the thing. We are seeing now that you "can be raped in a relationship" if I had tried to fight her off this would have alerted my parents, as I obviously lived at home back then. I didn't want that kind of drama.

    A lot of people would claim that you do not have to "fight back" in order for your case to be rape... In fact it wasn't till all of this started being an issue that I started to think I was raped rather than just, I dunno, kind of bullied into having sex...
    I am female, and was in the situation where I 'didn't say no' even though I did not want it, and therefore it was not rape.

    Yes, you were coerced and you didn't want it, but if you didn't make it known at the time then there is no way she could know she was doing anything wrong.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Lawstudent321)
    No you weren't raped. She didn't force you, you didn't do anything to prevent it.


    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Don't insult our intelligence by calling yourself a law student when you make posts like this.
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by hamsterdowns)
    Thats not how consent works - its not 'say no if you dont want it', its 'say yes if you do'. We shouldn't be working with the idea of everyone being ok with it unless they actually say no, we should be checking and asking for consent. Come on people...
    Sadly, that's not how the law is applied.
    Offline

    15
    ReputationRep:
    http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2003/42/part/1

    enjoy
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    And FFS can everyone on this thread stop being so pedantic. Yes, legally the OP wasn't raped because "rape is only the insertion of the penis on a vagina/anus/mouth blah blah". But in the everyday sense of the word he was still raped. He didnt give consent, end of.
    • #4
    #4

    I would say it was rape. I was in a very bad DV relationship where he beat and raped me. I didn't leave him till nearly a year after this. In my eyes every time we slept together after that was also rape. I didn't want to do it but could not say no because of fear. He was my husband and I think man can be raped. Turn it the other way round and I had done that to him. I would have raped him. DV is dv weather its a man hitting a women or a women hitting a man. And rape is the same.
 
 
 
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: January 6, 2013
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Will you be richer or poorer than your parents?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.