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    I've recently found out that boyfriend of more than a year occasionally talks to other girls about sexual things. I understand he is a guy and as a general rule, guys tend to think with their penis more than their brain, and when I first started dating my bf, I knew he could be a bit of a flirt, but now we are very much in love with each other, and very close.
    However, when I was at his house he left his Facebook logged in. I posted some stupid status because we take the piss out of each other all the time and was about to log out when his (male) friend popped up to chat. I clicked on the inbox section to tell him we were just about to head out to see him and I noticed he'd spoken to loads of girls over the last few months, so I clicked on one of their conversations to open it.
    Now at this point, I would like to say that I haven't checked his messages since, nor have I done so with any of my boyfriends in the past, I think curiosity just got the better of me and I regretted doing so immediately.
    A lot of his friends are girls, and I'm fine with that, most of them are lovely, but the messages of this one particular girl were relatively normal apart from him occasionally saying things like "oh want me to join you?" if she mentioned she was off to have a shower or "i love your boobies :3" when commenting on her profile picture. He even asked her to suck his d*ck, but followed it with "sorry that was a bit far".
    Is this cheating?
    I don't know if this is worth a confrontation with my bf because if it means anything, it's obviously a problem.
    What should I do? ( besides never ever ever reading his inboxes ever again)

    I'd also like to add that I'm practically a nymphomaniac, and willing to try everything, so if you have any suspicions about me not "doing my job" in the sex department which has led him to seek other people, you're sadly mistaken. In the past he's had flings (before we went out) and I can understand that especially in a long term relationship, other girls have a more "naughty" air about them because they're off limits, but I don't know what to make of his actions now. Does anyone have any ideas of how I should approach him?
    She replies kind of halfheartedly I think, but she still kind of goes along with it Its dated a few weeks ago.

    I doubt that he is actually doing anything physical with these girls, but since we go to different colleges I wouldn't be able to say for certain. Apart from this we do have a wonderfully balanced and interesting relationship, we have many similarities and I love him to bits. I don't want to break up with him and I will try my hardest to make this work for us because he has so much good in him, even though this has come to light about other girls.
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    It's outrageous. I'd give him severe jip, as a minimum.
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    Hmmm, it could be mucking around (in pretty bad taste, I might add) or it could be something more. The only thing to trust is your judgement here - is your boyfriend the type to tell the truth when confronted with something?

    I guess it's up to you - I'd personally confront him about it, although you know you were in the rong to check his messages, and he WILL try and use that against you. It depends how much you trust him and take his word on things. He sounds a bit immature though.
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    I think in a situation like this it's best not to jump to conclusions.
    My advice would be to talk to him about what you say and explain you were not snooping and that you have not read his messages since, and just say how it made you feel.
    But give him a chance to explain
    Obviously if it came out he was cheating I would then advice you to dump him!
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    (Original post by jengajenga)
    occasionally saying things like "oh want me to join you?" if she mentioned she was off to have a shower or "i love your boobies :3" when commenting on her profile picture. He even asked her to suck his d*ck, but followed it with "sorry that was a bit far".
    Is this cheating?
    He sounds like a gimp with no game whatsoever.
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    Personally i think what he did was way way out of line, borderline cheating at best. It was very disrespectful to you, and your relationship, imo anyway.

    There are plenty of guys out there who would never say those kind of things to another girl while in a relationship.
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    (Original post by jengajenga)
    I've recently found out that boyfriend of more than a year occasionally talks to other girls about sexual things. I understand he is a guy and as a general rule, guys tend to think with their penis more than their brain, and when I first started dating my bf, I knew he could be a bit of a flirt, but now we are very much in love with each other, and very close.
    However, when I was at his house he left his facebook logged in. I posted some stupid status because we take the piss out of each other all the time and was about to log out when his (male) friend popped up to chat. I clicked on the inbox section to tell him we were just about to head out to see him and I noticed he'd spoken to loads of girls over the last few months, so I clicked on one of their conversations to open it.
    Now at this point, I would like to say that I haven't checked his messages since, nor have I done so with any of my boyfriends in the past, I think curiosity just got the better of me and I regretted doing so immediately.
    A lot of his friends are girls, and I'm fine with that, most of them are lovely, but the messages of this one particular girl were relatively normal apart from him occasionally saying things like "oh want me to join you?" if she mentioned she was off to have a shower or "i love your boobies :3" when commenting on her profile picture. He even asked her to suck his d*ck, but followed it with "sorry that was a bit far".
    Is this cheating?
    I don't know if this is worth a confrontation with my bf because if it means anything, it's obviously a problem.
    What should I do? ( besides never ever ever reading his inboxes ever again)
    i'd speak to him about it obviously, but even if it is just banter it's completely inappropriate to say things like that to another girl when you're in a relationship. Why would you even say something like "such my d*ck" as a joke, that's just strange and out of order.
    what does the girl say back? does she go along with it?
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    Probably.
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    (Original post by Jono404)
    He sounds like a gimp with no game whatsoever.
    This.

    "I love your boobies :3", what the hell is that?

    Get rid.
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    Don't reveal that you looked at his messages and have the restraint not to do so again. I know how tempting it can be. I've been on the edge of it myself but if you don't trust him whether he cheats on you or not in the future it doesn't matter - you doubted him in the first place.

    Trust him not to hurt you. Believe he respects you enough not to actually do anything.

    You have no evidence anything has actually happened and flirty comments are a world away from him actually sleeping with someone else. It's not really cheating.
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    Is he 15? Or does have an IQ in single figures?
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    (Original post by Awesome-o)
    Is he 15? Or does have an IQ in single figures?
    He's 17.
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    (Original post by Eljamaispa)
    Don't reveal that you looked at his messages and have the restraint not to do so again. I know how tempting it can be. I've been on the edge of it myself but if you don't trust him whether he cheats on you or not in the future it doesn't matter - you doubted him in the first place.

    Trust him not to hurt you. Believe he respects you enough not to actually do anything.

    You have no evidence anything has actually happened and flirty comments are a world away from him actually sleeping with someone else. It's not really cheating.
    Do you not think he showed a massive lack of respect to her by saying what he said anyway..?

    How would you feel about your partner talking that way to someone of the opposite sex? Do you think it's acceptable behavior in a relationship?
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    (Original post by Spetznaaz)
    Do you not think he showed a massive lack of respect to her by saying what he said anyway..?

    How would you feel about your partner talking that way to someone of the opposite sex? Do you think it's acceptable behavior in a relationship?
    I've thought about this kind of scenario a lot. What to do if a partner was sending flirty text messages, facebook messages or being sexy for someone else on webcam? Especially in regards to my own relationship.

    What it comes down to is that they don't actually act on their feelings.

    In the same way that any feelings of distrust or jealously can cross a line from having the feelings and talking about them with others (can't be helped) to snooping through your partner's phone and facebook (disrespectful and distrusting), there's a line between finding others sexually attractive (people really can't be blamed for this) and flirting to kissing or being sexually involved with them (disrespectful).

    Obviously if I found my girlfriend had been sending flirty texts to another girl my hair would be on end and I'd be keen to slap the recipient senseless but if nothing had actually happened I would be in no position to call her a cheater. The flirting could have been harmless and it may have been banter.

    That's why I recommend the OP to continue to trust him. Innocence until proven guilty.
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    (Original post by Eljamaispa)
    I've thought about this kind of scenario a lot. What to do if a partner was sending flirty text messages, facebook messages or being sexy for someone else on webcam? Especially in regards to my own relationship.

    What it comes down to is that they don't actually act on their feelings.

    In the same way that any feelings of distrust or jealously can cross a line from having the feelings and talking about them with others (can't be helped) to snooping through your partner's phone and facebook (disrespectful and distrusting), there's a line between finding others sexually attractive (people really can't be blamed for this) and flirting to kissing or being sexually involved with them (disrespectful).

    Obviously if I found my girlfriend had been sending flirty texts to another girl my hair would be on end and I'd be keen to slap the recipient senseless but if nothing had actually happened I would be in no position to call her a cheater. The flirting could have been harmless and it may have been banter.

    That's why I recommend the OP to continue to trust him. Innocence until proven guilty.
    Yeah I get what you mean. I don't think he's acted or will act on these feelings or what he's been saying, I think it's just a way to blow off steam but I cant quite gauge how appropriate this kind of behaviour is, especially when he doesn't really talk to me in this way.
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    Sounds like banter to me?
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    He sounds immature
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    (Original post by jengajenga)
    He's 17.
    Thought so, men are still very immature at that age. Advice would be to describe what you saw (as you did on here) to him. The natural course of events that follows will dictate whether you are meant to be together. Good luck
 
 
 
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