Going out with a guy who has a child...

Don't get me wrong, I love kids! And she is the cutest ever (she's 5).

But I feel a bit weird about the possibility of things going long term with her dad and I'm not entirely sure why?! He has custody of her and her mother is a bit erratic so although she is around they don't see her all that much. He and I have been seeing each other for a little while and it's getting serious but I keep thinking how awful I'd feel if she got used to me being around and then we broke up. Things were pretty bad when her mother left and although me and daddy are "friends" around her he's said that eventually he'll have to tell her that we're boyfriend and girlfriend (maybe a 5 year old would pick up on that already, I don't know).

I don't want to say anything because what can I say - I don't mind the fact he has a little girl I just feel super apprehensive about it. Anyone else in the same situation?

Reply 1

random_bloke

1

I think you have an opportunity here.

If you don't mind the kid...then by being in her life you can offer something that the mother may be failing to provide.

Equally...only go for the relationship if you are really keen on it because a kid will get in the way of your relationship....ie..going out.

Reply 2

Leisure17

8

Having a boyfriend with a child is more difficult than someone without an obligation. He will not always have time for you and you might not be able to be as spontaneous as you would like to. You will certainly have to show consideration for the child's needs or her father's obligations. This is a man who does not only have an "ex" but has a lasting tie to his ex - a child.
He might not be seeing her any more, but she will pop in and out of your lives.
So what you really must ask yourself is:
Am I committed enough to take on more obligations than with a "normal" relationship?
It is certainly very difficult for a person looking after a child to find a partner again and even more difficult for him or her to find someone who will be accepted by the child. Your relationship does sound as if it might be a good thing. I would give it a go.

Reply 3

LuverlyLawyer

1

My ex who I was with for three years had a 14 year old son. We got on great and it wasnt an issue at all :smile:

Reply 4

michelle9876

You actually seem to be putting so much thought into this. Good on you though for considering the kid so much, I'm sure most people would be far more selfish than that.

Also.. Not every relationship will last. And you don't really know yet whether this is to last. But, even if it doesn't, I'd say it's him that should decide whether to let his child know, and therefore decide whether a break-up would be too difficult. And it's not really a good enough reason to not be with him!

You seem to be thinking about this too hard, but I suppose the best thing to do would be to talk it over with him.

Reply 5

silverbolt

19

LuverlyLawyer

My ex who I was with for three years had a 14 year old son. We got on great and it wasnt an issue at all :smile:

wow that must have been an age difference lol.

the other problem with relationships involving children is you become attached and vice versa, and if the relationship sours it can make it very hard to leave i speak this from bitter experiance

24 years dif

Just be careful... my uncle dated a woman for years who had a daughter... they lived together... the whole nine yards, and the one that got hurt the most in their breakup was the child... she viewed us as her family.

Going out with a guy who has a child...

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