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Am I too nice for a girlfriend? Watch

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    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    Exactly. Basically, he's not as successful with women as he'd like to be. Whats the reason? Presumably he's doing something wrong. Oh no, that can't be it, all women must be idiots! And all of us who have girlfriends must be ****ers. Oh yeah, and girls don't like confidence, that's evidently true. If only you were in another country, everything would be different. Basically, all your problems are womens' fault. More fool them that they haven't got this guy as a boyfriend as he clearly respects women so much.

    OP, you do actually seem like a genuinely nice guy, but you are also guilty of falling into this line of thinking. Loads of nice guys have girlfriends, and treat them well, so clearly that isn't the problem. If I had to guess, I'd go with what some others have said, you aren't being flirty enough. If you want a sexual relationship with a woman, I'd say the honest thing to do is to is to make that clear. If you act like you want to be friends, it seems ridiculous to complain about being "friend zoned" (not saying you're particularly guilty of this).
    I see what you're saying & I actually agree with your point. I don't think all do, but lately its just what I'm seeing. I am friend zoned a little, but lately girls think I'm 'too nice'. I think what I'm going to do it just be more laid back & make things clear
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    (Original post by Hal.E.Lujah)
    Hey relax, he's asking for help here, and that response was only to a known troll as a joke, as I'd already contributed to the OP's question.


    It's a fair point about getting friend zoned, you're right in saying intentions should be obvious from day 1.
    To be clear, that first paragraph is also responding to that poster.

    I tried to put it nicely, but it's pretty self pitying to suggest that the reason you have no success with women is that you're "too nice", like it couldn't be anything negative. It also subtlety places the blame on the women for making such terrible choices. I do act a bit cocky, so I'm not a "nice guy", but I'm not a bad guy either, I treat my girlfriend with total respect, same as any "nice guy" would. Just because I act a bit more boisterous with my mates, doesn't mean I don't know how to treat a lady.
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    (Original post by jay_)
    I see what you're saying & I actually agree with your point. I don't think all do, but lately its just what I'm seeing. I am friend zoned a little, but lately girls think I'm 'too nice'. I think what I'm going to do it just be more laid back & make things clear
    Cool. I'm not suggesting you, or most guys, plan to pretend to be a girls friend, only to them try to get in her panties. Flirting is a lot harder than normal conversation, so it's easy to just talk to a girl normally, and "friend zone" yourself that way. I know some people hate the idea, but I think it can be helpful to practise flirting with girls, even if you don't intend for it to go anywhere.
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    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    To be clear, that first paragraph is also responding to that poster.

    I tried to put it nicely, but it's pretty self pitying to suggest that the reason you have no success with women is that you're "too nice", like it couldn't be anything negative. It also subtlety places the blame on the women for making such terrible choices. I do act a bit cocky, so I'm not a "nice guy", but I'm not a bad guy either, I treat my girlfriend with total respect, same as any "nice guy" would. Just because I act a bit more boisterous with my mates, doesn't mean I don't know how to treat a lady.

    Nobody said you're not a great boyfriend, you probably are. I took the OP to mean guys a lot worse than just a bit boisterous tbh

    I see what you mean about implicit blame, but I really was just trying to say it wasn't meant to be because his and her personalities didnt click :dontknow:
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    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    Cool. I'm not suggesting you, or most guys, plan to pretend to be a girls friend, only to them try to get in her panties. Flirting is a lot harder than normal conversation, so it's easy to just talk to a girl normally, and "friend zone" yourself that way. I know some people hate the idea, but I think it can be helpful to practise flirting with girls, even if you don't intend for it to go anywhere.
    To be fair you're right and I'm just gonna give it a go. I don't have anything to lose, ha.
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    I'm going to go ahead and put a different perspective in on your situaion. It's fairly blunt so yeah brace yourself for that.

    First off the "too nice" thing, your not being unsucessful in a relationship becuase your "too nice" so stop it.
    For example I have a friend that iv'e known for years and he is the nicest boy I have ever met and I wish him the best in his romantice endevours. But I wouldn't go out with him. does that mean I'll only go out with *******s? no it means I have no romantic interest in him, there is no spark, no attraction, and that will be the same for most of the girls that meet him. Just becuase you show common decentcy to a woman doesn't mean you'll have that spark. Nothing wrong with you, nothing wrong with her, its a hit and miss buisness.

    That being said there is being nice and there is being genuine. if you overthink and end up pouring on niceness that is completely out of character for you (Not saying your a bad person normally) girls will sense it and be put off. Now this isn't saying be a **** to her this is saying don't give her different treatment that may come across as "I'll do this for an hour then get in her pants." I'm not saying that's what set out to do, but some guys do so the guard is up. Be yourself here.

    With the girls prefearing exs thing that has a fairly logical explaination. If a girl has been with a guy for a year, and felt affection for him she's gunna miss him. If he was direcpectful to her once say cheated on her thats a terrible thing but its one terrible day out of the good 364 days they had together, forgive her for thinking on the good times. (I'm overexaggerating obvioulsy but I hope the point is clear)
    Don't assume, you don't know the whole story, no person likes to be treated like **** 24/7 don't think thats what's happened in your friends previous relationships or whats going to happen to her in the future is she chooses that other guy.

    Also don't have the bitter attitude of if the girl doesn't choose you anyone else she choses must be a moron or she must be stupid because that is not attractive.

    Go out there with a good attitude ,be genuine, and be yourself you'll find someone eventually.
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    Seems to me that often blokes who have the right personality etc. for a relationship tend to get friendzoned because they spend too long getting to know the girl, resulting in becoming 'that cute friend' rather than 'that enigmatic, hot guy'. Make sure a girl knows early on that you want her; don't spend ages getting to know them. It impresses girls as it's a mistake most blokes make.
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    (Original post by jay_)
    Hey. I'm 20 years old, have a great job but girls don't seem to notice me? I'm tall, well built but girls seem to call me "cute" and that's as far as it goes. I haven't had a girlfriend since I was 17. I've been on dates etc, but they just end up going nowhere & I think its because I'm too nice?

    My dad was the total opposite, so I guess I've been brought up to be nice towards women. I give compliments and we have banter. I'm not shy or quiet around girls, in fact I'm very confident but girls seem to prefer total morons?

    For example, there's been a couple of girls I was talking to and they seemed to like me but they preferred another guy, or their ex who were COMPLETELY disrespectful? I don't get it. It feels like I should start being disrespectful towards women, maybe that way I'd be noticed and get somewhere cause being nice isn't really getting me anywhere? Any tips on how I can move along from being "too nice"? I don't wanna be rude, but obviously I'm doing something wrong
    I know how you feel, I'm 17 and never had a girlfriend. I used to just get called cute when I was nice, so I decided to be more cocky and that ended up worse. I would definitely not advise changing and not being nice, it's worse!!
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    (Original post by jay_)
    To be fair you're right and I'm just gonna give it a go. I don't have anything to lose, ha.
    Good attitude, just see it as a bit of fun and I'm sure you won't have any problems.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I know how you feel, I'm 17 and never had a girlfriend. I used to just get called cute when I was nice, so I decided to be more cocky and that ended up worse. I would definitely not advise changing and not being nice, it's worse!!
    Haha, great.. women are too picky try & settle for a happy medium maybe
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    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    Good attitude, just see it as a bit of fun and I'm sure you won't have any problems.
    Hopefully not cheers
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    (Original post by MissNix)
    I'm going to go ahead and put a different perspective in on your situaion. It's fairly blunt so yeah brace yourself for that.

    First off the "too nice" thing, your not being unsucessful in a relationship becuase your "too nice" so stop it.
    For example I have a friend that iv'e known for years and he is the nicest boy I have ever met and I wish him the best in his romantice endevours. But I wouldn't go out with him. does that mean I'll only go out with *******s? no it means I have no romantic interest in him, there is no spark, no attraction, and that will be the same for most of the girls that meet him. Just becuase you show common decentcy to a woman doesn't mean you'll have that spark. Nothing wrong with you, nothing wrong with her, its a hit and miss buisness.

    That being said there is being nice and there is being genuine. if you overthink and end up pouring on niceness that is completely out of character for you (Not saying your a bad person normally) girls will sense it and be put off. Now this isn't saying be a **** to her this is saying don't give her different treatment that may come across as "I'll do this for an hour then get in her pants." I'm not saying that's what set out to do, but some guys do so the guard is up. Be yourself here.

    With the girls prefearing exs thing that has a fairly logical explaination. If a girl has been with a guy for a year, and felt affection for him she's gunna miss him. If he was direcpectful to her once say cheated on her thats a terrible thing but its one terrible day out of the good 364 days they had together, forgive her for thinking on the good times. (I'm overexaggerating obvioulsy but I hope the point is clear)
    Don't assume, you don't know the whole story, no person likes to be treated like **** 24/7 don't think thats what's happened in your friends previous relationships or whats going to happen to her in the future is she chooses that other guy.

    Also don't have the bitter attitude of if the girl doesn't choose you anyone else she choses must be a moron or she must be stupid because that is not attractive.

    Go out there with a good attitude ,be genuine, and be yourself you'll find someone eventually.
    I see what you're saying, and I know all women aren't like that. Just the majority that I'm talking to lately really are. I'm not always nice but I guess I'm more nice than the average guy, so I'll switch it up a bit & surprise people.
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    (Original post by jay_)
    Hey. I'm 20 years old, have a great job but girls don't seem to notice me? I'm tall, well built but girls seem to call me "cute" and that's as far as it goes. I haven't had a girlfriend since I was 17. I've been on dates etc, but they just end up going nowhere & I think its because I'm too nice?

    My dad was the total opposite, so I guess I've been brought up to be nice towards women. I give compliments and we have banter. I'm not shy or quiet around girls, in fact I'm very confident but girls seem to prefer total morons?

    For example, there's been a couple of girls I was talking to and they seemed to like me but they preferred another guy, or their ex who were COMPLETELY disrespectful? I don't get it. It feels like I should start being disrespectful towards women, maybe that way I'd be noticed and get somewhere cause being nice isn't really getting me anywhere? Any tips on how I can move along from being "too nice"? I don't wanna be rude, but obviously I'm doing something wrong
    Trust me, I've been looking for a guy as you've described yourself for a long time now. That being said, if you resent being nice, you're probably not that nice. I'm not trying to say that you're not nice, that was more an afterthought / me going off on a tangent. More to the point, there may be other reasons why you've just not met the right girl yet, just don't start acting like a tool. Think about it, do you really want to be with the sort of girl who likes to be treated badly... says a lot about unresolved issues?
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    (Original post by Evangelica)
    Trust me, I've been looking for a guy as you've described yourself for a long time now. That being said, if you resent being nice, you're probably not that nice. I'm not trying to say that you're not nice, that was more an afterthought / me going off on a tangent. More to the point, there may be other reasons why you've just not met the right girl yet, just don't start acting like a tool. Think about it, do you really want to be with the sort of girl who likes to be treated badly... says a lot about unresolved issues?
    Ahaha, yeah the way you looked at it just now made me re-think. Its not that I resent being nice, more that if it gets me nowhere then what's the point? If only I knew girls that wanted a nice boyfriend that'd be there for them then I'd be sorted haha
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    A bit annoying that you phrase everything as questions when they are clearly just your opinions.

    It is difficult for us to know what you're doing wrong, when all you've given us is that you are 'nice' (and tall, well built etc). Your 'lack of success' is not weird - most guys don't do well (or as well as they want) with women until their mid twenties. Girls tend to look for older guys as well, and the girls younger than you will be very young.

    Could be you are not flirtatious enough, not decisive and masculine enough in mind or boring. You just need to be honest with yourself in determining this. Do you make them laugh? Do you flirt, tease and randomly touch them to express interest? Do you have real interests, something you're passionate about, ambition in terms of life and studies? If girls say yes to a first date but lose interest after that, it is your personality that needs work.
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    (Original post by jay_)
    Hey. I'm 20 years old, have a great job but girls don't seem to notice me? I'm tall, well built but girls seem to call me "cute" and that's as far as it goes. I haven't had a girlfriend since I was 17. I've been on dates etc, but they just end up going nowhere & I think its because I'm too nice?

    My dad was the total opposite, so I guess I've been brought up to be nice towards women. I give compliments and we have banter. I'm not shy or quiet around girls, in fact I'm very confident but girls seem to prefer total morons?

    For example, there's been a couple of girls I was talking to and they seemed to like me but they preferred another guy, or their ex who were COMPLETELY disrespectful? I don't get it. It feels like I should start being disrespectful towards women, maybe that way I'd be noticed and get somewhere cause being nice isn't really getting me anywhere? Any tips on how I can move along from being "too nice"? I don't wanna be rude, but obviously I'm doing something wrong
    Please do not stop being a decent person, simply because it seems the 'bad guys' are the only ones getting attention.
    I get treated badly by guys constantly, and I mean constantly, and all of them start off as 'nice guys' - I'm sick of it
    Don't change just to attract a girl. If you're wanting a lasting, meaningful relationship I believe it's far better to be yourself. Sounds cliche but it's true!!
    I'm 21, I've got Friends having kids, getting engaged, moving in with partners etc etc - I'm single and although I get a lot of male attention, guys seem to get bored with the fact I have self respect. Many claim I'm more 'Marriage Material' than worth bothering with for a relationship right now :rolleyes:
    I'm still waiting for a guy to come along and sweep me off my feet, be my Knight in Shining Armour so to speak - and rescue me; someone who actually genuinely wants to love, respect and appreciate me for who I am. Should he not come along, doesn't really matter, I know I'll be ok - I know there'll always be someone around if I felt like saying yes anyway
    My point is, the trick to happiness within yourself is having a Life without needing to rely on someone else to make it complete - obviously, it's only natural that sharing your Life with another person makes you feel whole, but there's nothing stopping you living your Life, and enjoying yourself instead of feeling bad for losing out on girls who would most probably only end up hurting you anyway.
    Life's too short to waste!!
    Anyways, you'll be fine - stop worrying
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    (Original post by ~*Horse_Mad*~)
    I'm 21, I've got Friends having kids, getting engaged, moving in with partners etc etc - I'm single and although I get a lot of male attention, guys seem to get bored with the fact I have self respect. Many claim I'm more 'Marriage Material' than worth bothering with for a relationship right now :rolleyes:
    Having self respect is not the same as not having sex. Apologies if that isn't what you meant. This is just like guys saying they can't get a girlfriend because they are "too nice"- how many girls say "I won't go out with him, he's too nice?". In that same sense, guys don't go "well, I would go out with her, but she's just got too much self respect". Self respect usually translates into confidence, which is an attractive quality. Does anyone ever think it may be a negative quality about themself, rather than a positive quality, that is preventing them from having successful relationships?

    (Original post by Jimbo1234)
    Sorry to break it to you buddy, but over 50% of the nation is overweight Oh, don't get me wrong, men are also in the bad, just not as much as the women.
    I thought it was fat AND depressed? In any case, that's for the population as a whole, it's much less than half for young people, the age range this forum is aimed at.

    It isn't that hard to find a nice girlfriend who isn't overweight. Stop making excuses. As a young man, more girl's want relationships than we do, so we actually have an advantage there. A lot of guys date girls considerably more attractive than they are, and no, it usually isn't because they are "********s" or because the girl has borderline mental problems and is addicted to ****ty, failing relationships.
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    nice guys finish last
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    (Original post by jay_)
    Hey. I'm 20 years old, have a great job but girls don't seem to notice me? I'm tall, well built but girls seem to call me "cute" and that's as far as it goes. I haven't had a girlfriend since I was 17. I've been on dates etc, but they just end up going nowhere & I think its because I'm too nice?

    My dad was the total opposite, so I guess I've been brought up to be nice towards women. I give compliments and we have banter. I'm not shy or quiet around girls, in fact I'm very confident but girls seem to prefer total morons?

    For example, there's been a couple of girls I was talking to and they seemed to like me but they preferred another guy, or their ex who were COMPLETELY disrespectful? I don't get it. It feels like I should start being disrespectful towards women, maybe that way I'd be noticed and get somewhere cause being nice isn't really getting me anywhere? Any tips on how I can move along from being "too nice"? I don't wanna be rude, but obviously I'm doing something wrong
    Same, my dad was a p***k still is and he's never not got a woman on his arm.

    Spent my whole life trying to be nothing like him, turns out girls aren't into that.

    There loss, I don't care. When I do find a girl who likes what I have to offer her then she'll enjoy it. Try it, see what happens but if you're like me then you'll realise that is just the way you are.

    I know that ass of a guy you know with all the girls is the treat 'em mean kind but hey in a few years to come they won't want them and they'll be searching for guys like us.
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    (Original post by ~*Horse_Mad*~)
    Please do not stop being a decent person, simply because it seems the 'bad guys' are the only ones getting attention.
    I get treated badly by guys constantly, and I mean constantly, and all of them start off as 'nice guys' - I'm sick of it
    Don't change just to attract a girl. If you're wanting a lasting, meaningful relationship I believe it's far better to be yourself. Sounds cliche but it's true!!
    I'm 21, I've got Friends having kids, getting engaged, moving in with partners etc etc - I'm single and although I get a lot of male attention, guys seem to get bored with the fact I have self respect. Many claim I'm more 'Marriage Material' than worth bothering with for a relationship right now :rolleyes:
    I'm still waiting for a guy to come along and sweep me off my feet, be my Knight in Shining Armour so to speak - and rescue me; someone who actually genuinely wants to love, respect and appreciate me for who I am. Should he not come along, doesn't really matter, I know I'll be ok - I know there'll always be someone around if I felt like saying yes anyway
    My point is, the trick to happiness within yourself is having a Life without needing to rely on someone else to make it complete - obviously, it's only natural that sharing your Life with another person makes you feel whole, but there's nothing stopping you living your Life, and enjoying yourself instead of feeling bad for losing out on girls who would most probably only end up hurting you anyway.
    Life's too short to waste!!
    Anyways, you'll be fine - stop worrying
    see my post above
 
 
 
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