more than a friend?

I'm best mates with this guy, we've became really good friends very fast and last night he told me that he has started thinking of me as more than a friend...i really really like him but confused about if its more than just a friendship.

I now know that he wants more but i dont know how i feel.

Has anyone else let a friendship develop into something else? Has it worked? I dont want to loose my friend over this...

Advice would be good :smile:

Thanks,

x-x-x

Reply 1

BlackHawk

17

So what's stopping you? If you don't know if you feel the same way, then you don't.

Relationships are lovely, breakups are nasty. No friendship can survive an initial breakup, but time heals things and it is possible that you could remain friends after some time if you did break up.

Reply 2

randdom

20

I was friends with my current boyfriend before we got together, it seems to work well and we have been together for 3 years now. However it doesn't always work out. you should think very carefully as a friend becoming a bf/gf can make the best relationship but also one of the worst breakups

Reply 3

Tarts_n_Vicars

13

Anonymous

I'm best mates with this guy, we've became really good friends very fast and last night he told me that he has started thinking of me as more than a friend...i really really like him but confused about if its more than just a friendship.

I now know that he wants more but i dont know how i feel.

Has anyone else let a friendship develop into something else? Has it worked? I dont want to loose my friend over this...

Advice would be good :smile:

Thanks,

x-x-x

Are you a girl or a boy yourself?

Reply 4

Lillybut

1

i have a guy friend, but he's more of a flirt with, chat with, hug with, wish you could (but never could) with kind of friend. I feel something for him yes, but im too scared to act upon it cus what we have now is perfect.
Its hard tho cus sometimes there's this tension that both of us could and have nearlly acted upon, but losing him as a friend is too harsh a thought.
Just really think about it really hard if you want to become more than friends :redface:

Reply 5

Anonymous #2

Was in similar position to you...
I'd say keep the friendship. The idea of having him as a boyfriend, then losing him as both that and a friend in the future is a horrible thought.
What's the rush? If you both still the same way in the future, go for it. But you should treasure your friendship in the meantime.

Reply 6

Emperor Wu

Anonymous

I'm best mates with this guy, we've became really good friends very fast and last night he told me that he has started thinking of me as more than a friend...i really really like him but confused about if its more than just a friendship.

I now know that he wants more but i dont know how i feel.

Has anyone else let a friendship develop into something else? Has it worked? I dont want to loose my friend over this...

Advice would be good :smile:

Thanks,

x-x-x

My sister was in this situation once before, and again now. Biggest mistake she made, and is making, was not doing anything. She and a friend she worked with had mutual feelings and they were good together but she was too afraid to take it further, not even dating, for fear of ruining a good friendship. And she's still doing it, with someone else (who is far more suited to her).

My advice to you, as it was to her, is to simply try and see where it goes. if you're worried about losing a good friend, take it slow and make sure you both talk plenty. The one thing likely to ruin anything is not talking about feelings.

But you say you're not entirely sure in yourself. Maybe talk to him about it? Tell him how you feel and discuss it. If he genuinely likes you as more than a friend then I'm sure he'll appreciate talking about it.

It's better to try and regret it than to regret not trying at all.

[edit] To give some closure on the sister thing: the first guy this happened with now lives in Canada. He moved away seeing that nothing was going to come of it so in the end she lost him anyway because she didn't do anything. =/ Hence my motto above.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Tarts_n_Vicars

Are you a girl or a boy yourself?

I'm a girl, 17. and the guy who im talking about is 23. a bit of an age gap yeah but that doesnt bother us at all.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

Lillybut

i have a guy friend, but he's more of a flirt with, chat with, hug with, wish you could (but never could) with kind of friend. I feel something for him yes, but im too scared to act upon it cus what we have now is perfect. Its hard tho cus sometimes there's this tension that both of us could and have nearlly acted upon, but losing him as a friend is too harsh a thought.
Just really think about it really hard if you want to become more than friends :redface:

Exactly the way we are as well. Are best friends but still have the flirting, amazing to talk to, lots of hugs and sometimes there is the tension of wanting something else to happen. Now hes told me how he feels...im just scared i think!

Reply 9

Flank Runner

you mention youve only known him a short while but are good friends with him, i would suggest giving it time, see where it develops naturally and if your still both willing to go ahead and make the transition to gf bf in say a couple of months, then go for it, but give it time, for all you know it could just be lust, wait and see how things go first, and good luck i hope everything works for you

Reply 10

Ryan

10

Tarts_n_Vicars

Are you a girl or a boy yourself?

She said her best mate is male and she's thinking of going out with him...so she's obviously female :rolleyes:

Reply 11

Tyler Durden

17

Ryan

She said her best mate is male and she's thinking of going out with him...so she's obviously female :rolleyes:

Because homosexuality doesn't exist. Yes, you're right.

Reply 12

Anonymous #3

hey, ive sort of got a similar problem (well the only difference is that i dont know how he feels!). ive been friends with a guy for about 5 years now, and we have a lot in common and talk everyday on msn, txting and calling each other. were both going to uni this sep, but he's going warwick and im going london uni, so i doubt we'll see each other loads. But.. for the past year or so, i really like him and i have a good time with him, and weve recently been flirting a bit with each other but i dont know how he feels about me. i cant tell!! but im not confident enough to do anything about it and tell him cause im soo scared of rejection and of losing him.. ahh!!

Reply 13

Emperor Wu

Anonymous

hey, ive sort of got a similar problem (well the only difference is that i dont know how he feels!). ive been friends with a guy for about 5 years now, and we have a lot in common and talk everyday on msn, txting and calling each other. were both going to uni this sep, but he's going warwick and im going london uni, so i doubt we'll see each other loads. But.. for the past year or so, i really like him and i have a good time with him, and weve recently been flirting a bit with each other but i dont know how he feels about me. i cant tell!! but im not confident enough to do anything about it and tell him cause im soo scared of rejection and of losing him.. ahh!!

I tend to be like that. The fear of rejection prevents me from speaking my feelings, until I get used to it, so I use other forms. Ever tried writing it in a letter to him? I find that sometimes helps when words won't come out of my mouth. :smile:

If he's flirting it's possible it's just fun (some people do that) but if you're getting some vibes from it then I'd recommend trying to find out. As long as you don't come on too strongly I'm sure that even if isn't interested he won't 'reject' you as such. Still, flirting is usually a good sign.
Are you planning on staying in contact with him while you're at uni?

Reply 14

Anonymous #3

Emperor Wu

I tend to be like that. The fear of rejection prevents me from speaking my feelings, until I get used to it, so I use other forms. Ever tried writing it in a letter to him? I find that sometimes helps when words won't come out of my mouth. :smile:

If he's flirting it's possible it's just fun (some people do that) but if you're getting some vibes from it then I'd recommend trying to find out. As long as you don't come on too strongly I'm sure that even if isn't interested he won't 'reject' you as such. Still, flirting is usually a good sign.
Are you planning on staying in contact with him while you're at uni?

hmm.. writing a letter.. i dont know, i dont think i have the guts for that, id probably die on the spot! :p:

Our flirting is a bit unconventional i should say lol, he's really opened up more with me this past year and god.. im getting butterflies just from thinking about him right now!! i hope its not for fun, i d be sooo upset if he was taking the piss! :eek:

I think ill still continue the "innocent flirting" - im not much of a flirter, i do it unconsciously in a way (not like im a slut or anything like that) but im not confident with guys eventhough i seem like a very confident person with everything else in my life.
Of course were going to stay in touch!! :rolleyes:

i feel bad for him cause he applied to the uni im going to (it was his first choice) and i didnt want to go to this uni (even though its one of the best), and he didnt get in and i did! but we said we'd meet up and id come and stay with him etc.. i sooo hope we stay in touch, i dont know what id do without him :frown:

Reply 15

cloudofcalm

1

My best friends are all guys at my school - and my closest friend, the boy I shared pretty much everything with, including my not-so-nice face and history, I had a crush on once upon a time. He didn't think of me that way, and we settled into friendship. Relatively recently, he told me he had feelings for me more than friendship, and did I want to let this be more than that?

Bear in mind, he's going to school in that country, I'm going to school in Scotland, and the likelihood is, we're probably not going to see one another (although stay in contact). Yeah, I made the changeover, and I can say I honestly don't regret it at all. He's still my best friend but he's also more than that - a friendship foundation is fantastic to have, (if you can get over the awkward, 'oh my god, I shouldn't be kissing my mate' phase) I'd say 'go for it'. if you guys are good friends, that won't change because of going further.

Reply 16

Anonymous #4

Same situation a year ago, best mates, then things just developed n we couldnt do anything 2 stop it. u can opt for that, let things run their natural course, but think carefully b4 its too late. we had a break up n it was beyond awful coz u lose ur best mate at the same time as ur bf...

Reply 17

icy_shadow2006

Anonymous

I'm best mates with this guy, we've became really good friends very fast and last night he told me that he has started thinking of me as more than a friend...i really really like him but confused about if its more than just a friendship.

I now know that he wants more but i dont know how i feel.

Has anyone else let a friendship develop into something else? Has it worked? I dont want to loose my friend over this...

Advice would be good :smile:

Thanks,

x-x-x

I think you should go for it, if he told you he thought you were more then just a friend he is clearly intrested in you. My last gf was a friend for a while and then i asked her out in a simmilar way. If your friends with him you will know what he is like and if hes ure type or not, and you clearly like him so i think you should go for it.

I suggest you start flirting with him and see what happens. :rolleyes:

Reply 18

Anonymous #1

OP

Thanks for the advice everyone - Me and my friend have spoken about the whole situation 2nite and i've agreed that i do really really like him, but im scared to make the transition from being best friends to bf and gf - it would be too weird at the moment. He's happy to take things one step at a time and to see if/when things develop. I would love there to be something more with him, but as you all say, a break up could be messy.

Gonna give things a go but take it really really slowly!

Fingers crossed...

xxx

Reply 19

username47781

20

I was best friends if my current girlfriend for several months before we got together, i mean if you like him as much as he likes you, why not go for it, obviously the problem is with break ups, it would not be so nice and you could lose the friendship that you started with in the first place.

more than a friend?

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