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Am I Gay? Is this a romantic attraction?
This is a very sensitive question, and I am sort of new to the section on TSR.
When I first came to uni in the UK, as an international student, I came from a completely different world. I was a completely different person, one who was homophobic, ultra-conservative and very much the sort of person you would find raised in a fundamentalist American Christian environment.
But I have made many friends as uni, and have changed so much since then. And I really have to thank one of my friends for it. He lives in my hall, quite close to me really. He in a way 'raised' me, guiding me and teaching me through new experiences. He has been so good to me that I really thank God every night for meeting him. He has taken care of me when I was ill and drunk (even holding me up when I was vomiting). We have become very good friends, and I have been able to trust him with my personal problems. He has become like my family here in the UK.
Around six months ago, however, I started having feelings for him, and three months ago I realized how strong they were. I really do love him, but I don't know how. When he hugs me, or holds me, I feel safe and secure, and warm, like when you were a child and your father used to hold you close and tight when you were afraid. I have been an only child, and sometimes my parents have been quite distant from me, so these feelings are a bit new.
The thing is, though, is that I have never felt a sexual attraction to him in the least bit.
Then comes my question: Is this fraternal affection, a normal sense of love and caring one feels for friends, or a romantic attraction? Am I gay, or are these the sort of feelings even a straight person feels?
When I first came to uni in the UK, as an international student, I came from a completely different world. I was a completely different person, one who was homophobic, ultra-conservative and very much the sort of person you would find raised in a fundamentalist American Christian environment.
But I have made many friends as uni, and have changed so much since then. And I really have to thank one of my friends for it. He lives in my hall, quite close to me really. He in a way 'raised' me, guiding me and teaching me through new experiences. He has been so good to me that I really thank God every night for meeting him. He has taken care of me when I was ill and drunk (even holding me up when I was vomiting). We have become very good friends, and I have been able to trust him with my personal problems. He has become like my family here in the UK.
Around six months ago, however, I started having feelings for him, and three months ago I realized how strong they were. I really do love him, but I don't know how. When he hugs me, or holds me, I feel safe and secure, and warm, like when you were a child and your father used to hold you close and tight when you were afraid. I have been an only child, and sometimes my parents have been quite distant from me, so these feelings are a bit new.
The thing is, though, is that I have never felt a sexual attraction to him in the least bit.
Then comes my question: Is this fraternal affection, a normal sense of love and caring one feels for friends, or a romantic attraction? Am I gay, or are these the sort of feelings even a straight person feels?
Scroll to see replies
Anonymous
This is a very sensitive question, and I am sort of new to the section on TSR.
When I first came to uni in the UK, as an international student, I came from a completely different world. I was a completely different person, one who was homophobic, ultra-conservative and very much the sort of person you would find raised in a fundamentalist American Christian environment.
But I have made many friends as uni, and have changed so much since then. And I really have to thank one of my friends for it. He lives in my hall, quite close to me really. He in a way 'raised' me, guiding me and teaching me through new experiences. He has been so good to me that I really thank God every night for meeting him. He has taken care of me when I was ill and drunk (even holding me up when I was vomiting). We have become very good friends, and I have been able to trust him with my personal problems. He has become like my family here in the UK.
Around six months ago, however, I started having feelings for him, and three months ago I realized how strong they were. I really do love him, but I don't know how. When he hugs me, or holds me, I feel safe and secure, and warm, like when you were a child and your father used to hold you close and tight when you were afraid. I have been an only child, and sometimes my parents have been quite distant from me, so these feelings are a bit new.
The thing is, though, is that I have never felt a sexual attraction to him in the least bit.
Then comes my question: Is this fraternal affection, a normal sense of love and caring one feels for friends, or a romantic attraction? Am I gay, or are these the sort of feelings even a straight person feels?
When I first came to uni in the UK, as an international student, I came from a completely different world. I was a completely different person, one who was homophobic, ultra-conservative and very much the sort of person you would find raised in a fundamentalist American Christian environment.
But I have made many friends as uni, and have changed so much since then. And I really have to thank one of my friends for it. He lives in my hall, quite close to me really. He in a way 'raised' me, guiding me and teaching me through new experiences. He has been so good to me that I really thank God every night for meeting him. He has taken care of me when I was ill and drunk (even holding me up when I was vomiting). We have become very good friends, and I have been able to trust him with my personal problems. He has become like my family here in the UK.
Around six months ago, however, I started having feelings for him, and three months ago I realized how strong they were. I really do love him, but I don't know how. When he hugs me, or holds me, I feel safe and secure, and warm, like when you were a child and your father used to hold you close and tight when you were afraid. I have been an only child, and sometimes my parents have been quite distant from me, so these feelings are a bit new.
The thing is, though, is that I have never felt a sexual attraction to him in the least bit.
Then comes my question: Is this fraternal affection, a normal sense of love and caring one feels for friends, or a romantic attraction? Am I gay, or are these the sort of feelings even a straight person feels?
I don't think it means you are gay. I think it is the loving feeling you get for close friends or family members.
If you don't feel anything sexual towards him, can't imagine kissing him or having sex with him then he is simply a brilliant friend. FULL STOP. You are a lucky guy to have such a friend. Another question you could ask yourself is whether or not you look at OTHER guys in the same way, if you don't then your not gay either.
Coolpartyboy
If you don't feel anything sexual towards him, can't imagine kissing him or having sex with him then he is simply a brilliant friend. FULL STOP. You are a lucky guy to have such a friend. Another question you could ask yourself is whether or not you look at OTHER guys in the same way, if you don't then your not gay either.
I can't imagine kissing him, or doing anything sexual. I am not attracted to other males, but I have feelings for him that I can't understand. I have had many good mates, but have never felt this way about them.
He's become your brother
Hey, I think this is perfectly fine. Feels like familial attraction to me, like what one feels with parents and siblings.
Another question you could ask yourself is whether or not you look at OTHER guys in the same way, if you don't then your not gay either.
Not entirely accurate.
I had strong feelings for my friend when I was younger but I didn't feel anything for any other guys. I sort of felt similar to the OP: confused as to whether it was simple friend love or something more. In the end it turned out to be more and voila, I'm gay. Sometimes when we're discovering ourselves, especially when exploring (voluntarily or not) homosexuality we develop feelings only for those closest to us and not for others which is why it can take years before people know their true selves.
Personally I would give it time. It could very well be the fact that you've come into a completely different environment and so you're feeling a form of love for him that you haven't for anyone else, a 'brotherly' love that can often occur between two males (as sisterly love can between females). And it sounds like it may just be that. Sometimes we develop bonds with people that are questionable but are simply friendships that we've never experienced before.
Just take your time and eventually you'll have your answer. If you have no current, and don't develop future, urges then it's probably nothing.
Anonymous
This is a very sensitive question, and I am sort of new to the section on TSR.
When I first came to uni in the UK, as an international student, I came from a completely different world. I was a completely different person, one who was homophobic, ultra-conservative and very much the sort of person you would find raised in a fundamentalist American Christian environment.
But I have made many friends as uni, and have changed so much since then. And I really have to thank one of my friends for it. He lives in my hall, quite close to me really. He in a way 'raised' me, guiding me and teaching me through new experiences. He has been so good to me that I really thank God every night for meeting him. He has taken care of me when I was ill and drunk (even holding me up when I was vomiting). We have become very good friends, and I have been able to trust him with my personal problems. He has become like my family here in the UK.
Around six months ago, however, I started having feelings for him, and three months ago I realized how strong they were. I really do love him, but I don't know how. When he hugs me, or holds me, I feel safe and secure, and warm, like when you were a child and your father used to hold you close and tight when you were afraid. I have been an only child, and sometimes my parents have been quite distant from me, so these feelings are a bit new.
The thing is, though, is that I have never felt a sexual attraction to him in the least bit.
Then comes my question: Is this fraternal affection, a normal sense of love and caring one feels for friends, or a romantic attraction? Am I gay, or are these the sort of feelings even a straight person feels?
When I first came to uni in the UK, as an international student, I came from a completely different world. I was a completely different person, one who was homophobic, ultra-conservative and very much the sort of person you would find raised in a fundamentalist American Christian environment.
But I have made many friends as uni, and have changed so much since then. And I really have to thank one of my friends for it. He lives in my hall, quite close to me really. He in a way 'raised' me, guiding me and teaching me through new experiences. He has been so good to me that I really thank God every night for meeting him. He has taken care of me when I was ill and drunk (even holding me up when I was vomiting). We have become very good friends, and I have been able to trust him with my personal problems. He has become like my family here in the UK.
Around six months ago, however, I started having feelings for him, and three months ago I realized how strong they were. I really do love him, but I don't know how. When he hugs me, or holds me, I feel safe and secure, and warm, like when you were a child and your father used to hold you close and tight when you were afraid. I have been an only child, and sometimes my parents have been quite distant from me, so these feelings are a bit new.
The thing is, though, is that I have never felt a sexual attraction to him in the least bit.
Then comes my question: Is this fraternal affection, a normal sense of love and caring one feels for friends, or a romantic attraction? Am I gay, or are these the sort of feelings even a straight person feels?
Agape, not eros: you've resolved your own dilemma there, it seems.
Anonymous
This is a very sensitive question, and I am sort of new to the section on TSR.
When I first came to uni in the UK, as an international student, I came from a completely different world. I was a completely different person, one who was homophobic, ultra-conservative and very much the sort of person you would find raised in a fundamentalist American Christian environment.
But I have made many friends as uni, and have changed so much since then. And I really have to thank one of my friends for it. He lives in my hall, quite close to me really. He in a way 'raised' me, guiding me and teaching me through new experiences. He has been so good to me that I really thank God every night for meeting him. He has taken care of me when I was ill and drunk (even holding me up when I was vomiting). We have become very good friends, and I have been able to trust him with my personal problems. He has become like my family here in the UK.
Around six months ago, however, I started having feelings for him, and three months ago I realized how strong they were. I really do love him, but I don't know how. When he hugs me, or holds me, I feel safe and secure, and warm, like when you were a child and your father used to hold you close and tight when you were afraid. I have been an only child, and sometimes my parents have been quite distant from me, so these feelings are a bit new.
The thing is, though, is that I have never felt a sexual attraction to him in the least bit.
Then comes my question: Is this fraternal affection, a normal sense of love and caring one feels for friends, or a romantic attraction? Am I gay, or are these the sort of feelings even a straight person feels?
When I first came to uni in the UK, as an international student, I came from a completely different world. I was a completely different person, one who was homophobic, ultra-conservative and very much the sort of person you would find raised in a fundamentalist American Christian environment.
But I have made many friends as uni, and have changed so much since then. And I really have to thank one of my friends for it. He lives in my hall, quite close to me really. He in a way 'raised' me, guiding me and teaching me through new experiences. He has been so good to me that I really thank God every night for meeting him. He has taken care of me when I was ill and drunk (even holding me up when I was vomiting). We have become very good friends, and I have been able to trust him with my personal problems. He has become like my family here in the UK.
Around six months ago, however, I started having feelings for him, and three months ago I realized how strong they were. I really do love him, but I don't know how. When he hugs me, or holds me, I feel safe and secure, and warm, like when you were a child and your father used to hold you close and tight when you were afraid. I have been an only child, and sometimes my parents have been quite distant from me, so these feelings are a bit new.
The thing is, though, is that I have never felt a sexual attraction to him in the least bit.
Then comes my question: Is this fraternal affection, a normal sense of love and caring one feels for friends, or a romantic attraction? Am I gay, or are these the sort of feelings even a straight person feels?
I don't think there's anything weird about what you're describing. It could just be you being very close.
The vast majority of guys are not 100% heterosexual (at least that's what Kinsey said) so most guys should be capable of feeling what you're feeling without necessarily being huge closet gays.
Personally, I sometimes wish I was queer. They seemed to have a blast at the gay bar down from my residence, instead of all the screwed up **** you have to go through as a heterosexual.
Anonymous
He has taken care of me when I was ill and drunk (even holding me up when I was vomiting).
Sounds like he has shown you the WORLD!
Profesh
Agape, not eros: you've resolved your own dilemma there, it seems.
It's neither 'agape' nor 'eros' - neither is appropriate.
It seems like he's just a really good friend - almost like a brother. I don't think it's anything homosexual.
I'd say your straight. It is entirely possible to love a close friend. Don't worry about it. Enjoy your close relationship. Hug each other, cry on each others shoulders... It sounds wonderful!
Even if I am not gay, could it be possible that this is a romantic attraction? I may not be sexually attracted to him, but I enjoy physical contact, and sometimes when we are in the car or train we lie beside each other with one head on the other's shoulder.
I do that with some of my straight friends. I like hugs and I tend to lean my head on my best friend's shoulder. Hell we've even shared a bed (strictly sleeping of course). I think while physical contact can be taboo with men it's perfectly normal to enjoy it in a non-sexual sense. It could be romantic, might just be you like the feeling you get from being near to him.
Ever mentioned anything to him about it?
Ever mentioned anything to him about it?
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