Is this analytical enough for an A in history AS? Watch

mous
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Provided that I continue with this same standard throughout the essay, would this paragraph get me an A and how could I improve it? Also, is there any way I could shorten it, since I have a slight problem with time?

Question: How accurate is it to say that the most important result of collectivisation was that it imposed Communist control in the countryside?

The most important reason in my opinion was the political benefits gained by Stalin. Coming into 1928, Stalin was engaged in a leadership struggle with the Right Wing and so took the initiative and implemented a scheme that would appeal to the left wing of the party, who were now without opposition due to the removal of Trotsky and Kamenev. His political move thus ensured that the conservative left wing would support Stalin and outvote the right wing on any policy. Collectivisation also ended thought of the continuation of the NEP. Dismissing the NEP in favor of a strict Communist policy would allow Stalin to 'absorb' most of the votes and allow him to stay in power while dismissing the right wing as a timid and weak group. However, one of the more important political results of the collectivisation policy was the building of the support that Stalin gained in the aftermath of the policy. With Communist members fearing a division in the party following the massive famine of around 10 million caused by the policy, the whole party was now behind Stalin, meaning that he emerged from the crisis even stronger than before and with more power due to his widespread support he now received.
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Short Story Long
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Hey, I did Russia at AS last year

I think your arguments are pretty strong but maybe need to be a little more explicit like you seem to have a running point of Stalin needing to outvote the right, so I would Just say that briefly to link all those sub-points. The end is the best bit it's really clear and concise.

I think its good and if you made it shorter you would probably loose that crucial analysis. You should write the rest and hand it in to your teacher for marking because an overall grade means so much more than one paragraph, I mean the question is asking you to assess the most important important result of collectivization so that means you have to look at all the results and weigh them against each other to make a decision with good reasoning behind it.

But anyway It's good you and if you carry on with that and compare and decide in your conclusion you should do well

Hope I helped!
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mous
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(Original post by Short Story Long)
Hey, I did Russia at AS last year

I think your arguments are pretty strong but maybe need to be a little more explicit like you seem to have a running point of Stalin needing to outvote the right, so I would Just say that briefly to link all those sub-points. The end is the best bit it's really clear and concise.

I think its good and if you made it shorter you would probably loose that crucial analysis. You should write the rest and hand it in to your teacher for marking because an overall grade means so much more than one paragraph, I mean the question is asking you to assess the most important important result of collectivization so that means you have to look at all the results and weigh them against each other to make a decision with good reasoning behind it.

But anyway It's good you and if you carry on with that and compare and decide in your conclusion you should do well

Hope I helped!
Hahaha its a pretty hard syllabus, and yes, you helped a whole hell of a lot!!
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Short Story Long
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(Original post by mous)
Hahaha its a pretty hard syllabus, and yes, you helped a whole hell of a lot!!
I hated Russia with a passion but the most important thing is exam technique. I was on Edexcel and the questions were straight forward, and if you've revised even a little you should know what the answers should contain but actually writing good essays with the knowledge is what me and my friends struggled with, so you seem to be doing really well especially at this point (I was getting Ds still this time last year)
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mous
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(Original post by Short Story Long)
I hated Russia with a passion but the most important thing is exam technique. I was on Edexcel and the questions were straight forward, and if you've revised even a little you should know what the answers should contain but actually writing good essays with the knowledge is what me and my friends struggled with, so you seem to be doing really well especially at this point (I was getting Ds still this time last year)
Well, I should be, I have my exam this Wednesday! Out of curiosity, what grade did you get?
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Short Story Long
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Ah I see, I did my exam in the summer. In the Russia exam I got 78 UMS so a B but I did much better in my other module so ended up with an A overall. The paper for me was very lucky as I didn't revise everything in great detail (stupid eh ) but the bits I revised the most came up.

A few of my friends are doing their retake this Wednesday too. Good Luck with the exam I'm sure it'll be fine
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concentration
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  1. i have the exam on wednesday too, so nervous! i was wondering if anyone could help me with my exam structure, ive been planning most of my essays in this way :

    question: 'why did stalin set up the 5 year plans?'

    plan:
key point to paragraph

- economic reasons (failing of NEP)


evidence to use

-first 5 year plan was introduces in responce to NEP's failure
- NEP could only industrialise russia 'at a snails pace'
-amount of steel, iron + copper produced under NEP never exeeded amount produced in last years of Tsarism
-improvements in commodities e.g crude oil + coal left russia behind Germany, France + other western nations


significance of point

- NEP was not efficient enough for radical socialist society ideal for stalin
- russia needed a new approach to economy and society

and so on.. do you think this is enough own knowledge?

Also i can never think of any counter arguments, does anyone know how to do this? thankyou : )
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concentration
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ahh yeah thats a good point, thanks!
Last edited by RK; 1 month ago
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