Ask a Transwoman!

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I've got a question. If you are transgender do you feel "detached" from your body. Not sure if detached is the right word. :colondollar:

yes actually.. and its a really wierd feeling..

To have this dissconect from your physical self, is something thats quite hard to explain.

ofcourse its you, but at the same time, its wrong - and it doesnt feel like you.

For most people their physical self, love or hate it, is such an integral part of who they are.. when you take that away - it really is quite unusual, and you can sometimes feel lost.. as who are you, but your physical presense? beyond that its a little more complicated..

so in short.. yes :smile:

Reply 301

fallen_acorns

Original post by manchesterunited15

But anyway, back to my question (originally directed at minimarshmallow), do you really think a post op transwoman should not tell sexual partners this?

this gets asked a lot.. as it seems to be one of the first things people worry about.

in reality, its a tiny tiny problem, that rarely ever happens.

My personal opinion, is that hopefully sometime in the future people wont feel the need to hide their trans idenitiy, and that we can grow to accept - even the unfortunate way we were born. the stigma around it will be reduced... - people ofcurse can live in 'stealth' - but would never feel frightened of mentioning it, or threatened of mentioning it.

As it currently stands though, the issue is a little more complex then yes, or no.

many questions need to be asked:

Are they activly trying to decieve the partner?
Is it safe for them to tell the partner? (do they risk being outed, and then attacked etc.)
Is their an obligation to disclose your medical history?
Is it a relationship, or a one night stand?
Are they both drunk? (sounds silly.. but..)

etc. you could list many more..

And from those you could judge each case and say:

yes she was wrong,
or
No, actually the presumption was on the other person
or
telling would have risked her being assulted/abused, so no..
or
It was a relationship, and she broke the trust..
-etc.. - you get the picture..

But its not as simple as just saying, a straigh yes. or a straight no.

Reply 302

fallen_acorns

Original post by kidomo

I'm curious...how do they remove the penis and convert it to a vagina? sounds like a MAJOR operation!

it is a major operation :smile:

Im no surgeon or doctor... I know what happens (but it sounds like so do you) - but I have no idea how they do it.. I couldnt tell you 'they cut it like X, and then attach that to Y' etc..

it seems like you have a rough idea.. and I dare say, if your more interested, you can find out online.. infact there are full videos of the sugery online..

Reply 303

Dragonfly07

Sorry if this has been asked before, but are people able to tell that you're trans or do they just assume that you were born a woman?

If the latter, then did you notice a change in people's attitudes to you when they thought you're a man vs. when they thought you're a woman?

Reply 304

LewisG123

At what point would you tell a man who you were dating that you're trans

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Reply 305

fallen_acorns

Original post by Dragonfly07

Unfortunatly its very obvious in person, everyone can tell :smile:

Original post by LewisG123

At what point would you tell a man who you were dating that you're trans

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see above, no chance of this happening to me... - hypothetically though, I would tell them straight away.

Reply 306

fallen_acorns

glossing over how bad ive been at replying to some of these messages, see reply in bold :biggrin:

(think Ive answered what you were getting at.. though probably not.. Im very tired, :tongue:

Reply 307

fallen_acorns

Oh god yes!

its often hard to convey to people what its like to have strangers think is apropriate to ask questions about whats between your legs.. - or friends think its perfectly fine to openly discuss it in a public place.. -- as its something most people would find utterly wierd/stupid.. but for a trans person it can be common place..

- same goes for romantic connections.. - its dead easy to get casual sex as a trans women.. - as there are a ton of guys out there with fetishes for trans women.. 'chasers' as they are dubbed.. -- but its very hard to get a relationship.. as almost all of them just want casual sex, to apease a fetish, experiment etc..

You have no idea how many times ive been asked..by guys I dont know - as part of their chat up process - 'so whats between your legs' - 'you still have a penis right?' - 'What are your future sugery plans? as I dont want a trans person who has had sugery' etc. etc.

- so yes, just very much yes :tongue:

(and that comic is awesome :biggrin:

- Ive been sharing it with every group im in/everyone I know at the moment.. because its just such a nice and acsessable way of explaining these things :smile:

)

Reply 308

syrettd

Hey Lily, a couple of weeks ago I read about a woman who said she was of a group of people who have something which is basically like being trans except instead of believing they were born the wrong sex, they believe they should have been born disabled. In the case of this woman she became obsessed with a relative's leg braces as a kid and now lives in a wheelchair not using her legs, and trying to find a surgeon who will cut the nerves to her legs. I just wondered what your thoughts were on all this? As someone who had a nerve cut accidentally in a biopsy a few weeks ago and now finds it difficult to use one of my arms, thinking back to this story makes me a little sad/angry at why someone would choose this pain I'm in, or envy me for it.

Reply 309

fallen_acorns

Original post by syrettd

I think the key thing to remember(to try and save getting upset), when looking at people like that - especially under your circumstances, is that what they have (i foget the name..) - is very much a mental illness. - in effect they are not choosing to have the pain your in, but suffer from a condition which makes them believe that it is what they want..

It does have bad knock on effects to trans peopel though.. often they are used as an exsample of why we are wrong/crazy/imoral - and our sugeries are compared to self-mutilation..

This all came to head quite a lot last year, when by chance, there happened to be someone who both suffered from this - and was trans..

Its an unfortuntae state to be in though - and I do feel for anyone who feels that the only way they cna lead a full and proper life is by damaging a part of their body :frown:

Reply 310

Id and Ego seek

Original post by fallen_acorns

(and that comic is awesome :biggrin:

- Ive been sharing it with every group im in/everyone I know at the moment.. because its just such a nice and acsessable way of explaining these things :smile:

)

...
What is the answer to that though? :colondollar:

Reply 311

fallen_acorns

Original post by Id and Ego seek

...
What is the answer to that though? :colondollar:

in public/normal circumstances I wouldnt answer them,

But as this is my thread for answering all questions - and I think ive mentioned it before the answer for me, is that im pre-op :smile:

Still male genitalia.. though I fully intend to have sugery, and currently im working through my NHS trans care thingy, to get to that point :smile:

It looks like in decemember, il have finished all of the pre-sugery requirements, and then I will be able, if I choose, to put my name down on the list, and start the consultations for sugery :smile:

- I graduate this year, so hopefully I can start the process in december, and aragne to have the sugery, once I graduate in the summer :smile:

- before I start work.. as you need 2 months or so to recover :smile:

Reply 312

spun29

Do transgender prefer men or women...and what makes them gay, lesbian or straight?...Sorry if my question sounds rude...i've always thought about this when ever i think of transgenders! :smile:

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Reply 313

fallen_acorns

Original post by spun29

Do transgender prefer men or women...and what makes them gay, lesbian or straight?...Sorry if my question sounds rude...i've always thought about this when ever i think of transgenders! :smile:

Posted from TSR Mobile

eek, its confusing!

it depends on the individual..

Transgender, is relating to someones gender, (man/women/other)

Sexuality though, is something completly different, and not connected :smile:

(gay, lesbian, straight etc)

So trans people can like anyone, or any combination of people.. - just in the same way that non-trans people will :smile:

--

Though it does become more confusing with trans people.. especially pre-op.

Because ofcourse the gender and body, dont match.. terms for relationships can become tricky.. and often it can become a grey-area,

with a lesbian dating a trans man,
A bisexual not liking trans people at all,
A straight guy having a crush on a trans girl..

Etc. - it makes the labels confusing, and can all get a bit muddled..

Though there certianly are lots of people who like, and will date trans people, and will love us for who we are :smile:

Reply 314

Id and Ego seek

Original post by fallen_acorns

Still male genitalia.. though I fully intend to have sugery, and currently im working through my NHS trans care thingy, to get to that point :smile:

You will have achieved what has plagued my mind during showers since I was a pre-teen: what it feels like to have a penis.

Jealous. Even though you won't miss it, never forget it :cry:

Good luck!

Reply 315

fallen_acorns

Original post by Id and Ego seek

You will have achieved what has plagued my mind during showers since I was a pre-teen: what it feels like to have a penis.

Jealous. Even though you won't miss it, never forget it :cry:

Good luck!

thanks

+ yes, most definatly will not miss it!

(though being able to pee standing up is kind of nice (if wrong in my case) :tongue:

)

Reply 316

syrettd

Hey Lily, another question from me! I was reading the paper earlier today and they had a double page spread dedicated to a prisoner who had a sex change operation on the NHS while in prison and was defending it, based on the fact that "The NHS wastes money on people with cancer, whereas I've got lots of years left". As someone very recently diagnosed with cancer, I wanted to punch her. This is, obviously, the reaction the paper wanted me to feel. I've also read articles about a man who became a woman and then realised it was a mistake and wants to have his surgery reversed, and other articles along the same lines as both of these examples. So my question is what do you think of transgendered people represented in the media? To me it seems like what I read is biased and potentially harmful to people's understanding of transgendered people and the issues they face.

Reply 317

fallen_acorns

Original post by syrettd

Hey Lily, another question from me! I was reading the paper earlier today and they had a double page spread dedicated to a prisoner who had a sex change operation on the NHS while in prison and was defending it, based on the fact that "The NHS wastes money on people with cancer, whereas I've got lots of years left". As someone very recently diagnosed with cancer, I wanted to punch her. This is, obviously, the reaction the paper wanted me to feel.

I've also read articles about a man who became a woman and then realised it was a mistake and wants to have his surgery reversed, and other articles along the same lines as both of these examples. So my question is what do you think of transgendered people represented in the media? To me it seems like what I read is biased and potentially harmful to people's understanding of transgendered people and the issues they face.

ive split it into 2 parts:

For the first paragraph:

She sounds like an insensitive bitch! - her comment is completly out of line, and offensive.

Though I agree with her being allowed sugery.. - im glad we live in a country that will happily treat our prisoners medical conditions.. and transsexualism/gender dyshporia, is considered a medical condition - so should be treated like any other :smile:

But that does not defend her comments about cancer at all! which are just way out of order.

---

For the second paragraph:

yes, there are some trans people who de-transition.. they are very very rare though, and the NHS put it at 99.5% of people who have trans sugery, are happy with the results.

As for trans media coverage..

By and large its awful..

the press want stories, and the trans people make damn good ones! we are different, we are often contreversial, and we are quite facsinating for non-trans people!

articles usually come under:

-Jokes - laughing at trans people.. how a trans person looks, how ugly a trans women is, etc.
-Controversy - finding trans people with crazy problems, and publishing articles about them, to cause a stir of people saying 'wow trans people are nuts!'

Though occasionally you do get great articles, about trans welfare - trans rights, inspiring stories of trans people getting on with life/achieving gerat things etc :smile:

But overal its currently one of the biggest problems facing trans people, and our fight for equality :frown:

Reply 318

kb5462

Do you feel well-represented (or are your concerns/issues/viewpoints well-represented) in parliament, as someone who is transgendered?

I've always wondered this, because it's obviously a topic that (not necessarily rightly) isn't always hugely discussed.

Reply 319

syrettd

Original post by fallen_acorns

But overal its currently one of the biggest problems facing trans people, and our fight for equality :frown:

Yeah, I do agree that getting the surgery on the NHS is fine, and she even mentioned how she wanted bigger breasts but they wouldn't pay so she got them privately, which despite my hatred for her earlier comments made me a bit impressed- she could have so easily been the next Josie Cunningham and squeezed the life out of the NHS.

The articles I read are always the controversy causing ones, and they always stick in my mind. Like the one with the man who wants to reverse his surgery. He was advocating stricter controls on how trans people go about getting hormones and surgery. It could be a fair comment, I suppose, but in his story his treatment was decades ago, and he went to the doctor about cross dressing and was immendiately given hormones. Then he went back a few years later about depression, and the GP convinced him surgery would make him happy. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but from what you've said about current NHS practises, this would NEVER happen now. So what he was saying seemed, to me, that it could be quite harmful to the trans community in that people could just go 'well you might change your mind in five years, doctors shouldn't give you those hormones'.