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I feel so working class at uni :(

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As someone who lives up north, and from a relatively working class background I can relate. It's somewhat difficult to tolerate all the upper-middle class people, who complain about student poverty when mummy and daddy give them a £100 weekly allowance and trips skiing during the winter break. There can even be difficulty trying to fit in with regular middle class people, as for most of your life you haven't really been in that sort of environment. But ultimately you will find that you find decent and horrible people from all social backgrounds, regardless of whether they live in a council estate, a nice suburb or a stately manor. Although fitting in can be difficult no doubt you are just having fresher blues, keep going with the course and you'll meet similar people to yourself.

Reply 81

TurboCretin

Original post by Anonymous

I started at uni in september and I still feel totally alone.

I come from quite a rough place and I had to work bl**dy hard to get through school, never mind uni, and I feel totally out of place. Its quite a 'rah' place, and even the people who aren't stuck up and are nice are quite priviliged, and I don't really feel like I fit in with any of them.

My flatmates are lovely, and make an effort to invite me to things and get me invloved, and even cheer me up when they can tell I'm down, but I cut myself off a bit because I felt awkward being so different, so they're a lot closer and 'get' each other a lot more.

Because I was so down, of all the societies I joined, I've only really gone to stuff for one of them, and I've made quite a few friends there, but we only see each other once/twice a week as we all do different courses and are in different years so live all over the place.

Worst of alll are the people on my course. Most of the boys went to whichever public school together and won't talk to you anyway, and the girls are bitchy, Jack wills clad, ratty haired blonde types called Cordelia and Arabella, who need a slap.

I have nothing in common with these people, I'd be embarassed to show even my housemates where I live, I don't think many people here have even walked past a council estate, let alone lived in one.

Should I just leave and go somewhere less pretentious, or is it my fault? I feel like I've missed the friendship boat, but then I don't really know who I'd want to be friends with. Which of the better unis have a good mix of people? Yah-yahs get very irritating very quickly!

Thanks for reading my rant, I've been bottling it up for quite some time :smile:

(Sorry if I sound whiney, I'm incredibly grateful to be at uni, so many of the people I went to school with were never given a chance, and its a kick in the teeth to see for myself that at my uni at least, mummy, daddy and the name of your school count for more than hard graft)

If your housemates are going out of their way to include you and cheer you up, maybe you need to get over your own psychological barrier to your differences. I know this is blunt, but that seems like the only thing in this scenario which you have control over.

That said, every uni will have more and less privileged students. I'm at Bristol now and it is a breeding ground for this sort of thing, but the student demographic is still by no means a rah/yah majority. The bit in bold is where you need to place more emphasis I think. Do as much extracurricular stuff as you can (while you can - work gets a lot more hectic after first year) and really make an effort to cultivate your existing friendships in those circles. Meeting people of different ages and with different interests is what the university experience is all about. It's nice to have a group of friends on your course, but sometimes it just doesn't work out this way. It hasn't really for me.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 82

elrond

My eldest son qualified MbChb this year after 6 years at uni, living away from home. We are a working class family, and he is the eldest of 6 children. He worked extremely hard to go to uni, and once he was there, he used his attributes borne of his working class upbringing to make him stand out from the rest. To say that who you are is more important than hard graft is nonsense. Drive, ambition and commitment are much more important every time.

He is now in his FY1 year, has been published twice, and managed a 1:1 in his intercalated degree. He plans to specialise in orthopaedics and there is nothing will stand in his way.

Be proud of who you are, and remember it is your working class upbringing that got you to uni in the first place. Stand out from the rest for all the right reasons, there is no need to try and be like them.

I myself have applied to go to uni this year, and am anxiously waiting on decisions.

Reply 83

h-g-1

Original post by Clip

...

Someone speaking some sense on this thread.

Why is that people who find it hard to integrate into university automatically think that it's because of class. The way that OP has described her flatmates seems to suggest that they're not excluding her but in fact are making more of an effort to include her when they see she's a bit down. Then by her own words, she's the one excluding them.

The fact that everyone keeps guessing what uni she's going to shows that there is this "problem" everywhere. But it's not a problem. It's just that there are different people at every university. Someone who has never seen a council estate before isn't a bad person - they've just been insulated.

I don't understand how being privileged is such a bad thing. Why do people go to university? Because they want to get better jobs and earn more money and strive to make their lives better. Why do parents push their children? For the same reason, you want to work and make sure their lives are better than what you had. Not all rich people are snobs and idiots. We rush to defend OP because she says she's "working class" and doesn't fit in with the rich snobs - cue rich-bashing. I wonder how it would be if OP said she's "rich and can't seem to relate to all these working-class students around her". TSR would have a fit.

People can be horrible and stupid and idiotic and frustrating and anything and everything negative. Class has nothing to do with it.

OP - make an effort because everyone else seems to be. This class and privilege issues you seem to have are yours alone and you just need time to integrate. You will be encountering different people every day so why not be a bit open?

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 84

roh

Uni, certainly the higher ranked ones, has 2 types of people generally: those who are already middle class and those who are working to become middle class. I may be wrong but I imagine a part of the reason you're there is in order to gain the qualifications to have the sorts of jobs your flatmates' parents have and give any kids you have the life they have.

As you do go through uni and into a graduate level job you will find the vast majority of people at your work and, probably, in your wider social circle will be middle class, as by that stage will you. I'm thankful my parents did what you did (first time uni, juggled lots of other commitments with education etc.) but as part of that they have become clearly middle class, as is inevitable given that their income and education level (two absolutely key factors in determining class)are above average.

I'm not saying abandon your roots at all, but you will have to adapt to this if you want to go on to do 'middle class things', and as you say, lots of them are lovely so just go with it and ignore anyone who's being a ****head, just as you would have at school I'm sure.

Reply 85

mcdaniel

Original post by Popppppy

According to the TSR stereotype, Durham is for the "rahs" who didn't get into Oxbridge.

I only know one guy who's at Durham, and his dad's a minister, so not very "rah" at all, and AFAIK he didn't apply for Oxbridge.

I hate the Durham sterotype on TSR! It's my first choice university, I'm from a comprehensive state school and my parents aren't rich :smile:

Reply 86

helloanna

Original post by Anonymous

OH HELL NO!

On top of A levels and UCAS I also had to juggle being a carer for my mum, working full time to support my dad who'd been made redundant and running a houshold. I think I survived on four hours sleep and a few snickers a day for about three years. It was exhausting, and even with that, I was one of a few lucky people from my school to make it to uni. (I'm at Exeter, btw) Not having money has huge consequences in all areas of your life that make some of the most basic things a struggle (ever had to risk gone off food or pick pennies off the street to get together enough money to feed your family?)

Its not a sob story and I don't want anyone to pity me, just don't be ignorant. I probably am predjudiced against snobs, but why shouldn't I be? This is controversial, but in my experiences with people that fit the Rah stereotype, they've had just as many preconceptions about the working classes, and have been incredibly ignorant. Although, I take on board that I can't judge people just for being priviledged, and I will make a concerted effort not to :smile:

Labour soc is definitely something to look in to, and I'll check out the other suggestions... maybe wear a trackie and chains to lectures and threaten to cut the really annoying people to cheer me up (I joke, I joke.) :biggrin:

Exeter! I'm applying this year, I didn't think this was going to be a problem, I'm on an outreach programme and a bit worried about the whole working class thing. But, I'm sure you worked damn hard for your grades and you deserve to be there as much as everyone else! I think the best option is to seek out people who can relate, (me, next year hopefully :P) Don't let it get you down!

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Reply 87

Eboracum

Shouldn't you be looking at it and thinking despite all the background differences, you are into the same university as them, you have the same opportunity to push on and get a good degree.

I sometimes feel a bit the same as you, and that's how I get round it.

Reply 88

username133326

Original post by redferry

Hey, I was at Bristol, nout wrong with it, just this is very musch the social environment there.

OP: try joining Labour soc or Northern society. I'm not even kidding.

Lol Bangor has a Northern society... not sure how necessary it is though since about 80% of the students here are Northern/don't speak properly...

Reply 89

Dan1607

If you're male, go out of your way to intimidate them, it always made me feel better. If you're female, just get some boys from your neigbourhood to sort them out. You have a chip on your shoulder and rightfully so, you didn't get everything on a silver plate. But you need to use that as your strenght to be better and more sucessful than them.

Reply 90

Fires

Original post by helloanna

Two-thirds of the student body are private school girlies who won't even notice your existence, but if that doesn't bother you, you'll be fine.

Reply 91

Hal.E.Lujah

Original post by Clip

No-one is mentioning class, except the so-called Working Class; and people who aren't working but are claiming to be working class. This shows just how far removed from the origin people have become. The idea that because one's parents were manual workers that automatically makes one a member of the working class is nonsense. Children don't work for a living in any meaningful way, and when they make their choices after secondary education -that surely defines them (if you want to use class terminology).

I don't think it's all to do with education, but with the choices you make and the intentions you have. Consider someone whose parents are both semi-skilled manual workers living on a suburban street. These people might identify themselves as working class. Let's say they have neighbours who are from the same geographic roots, but in their case the husband owns the local chemist and the wife doesn't work. They both have children. The children obviously don't work in a meaningful sense. Although the first family might refer to their children as "working class kids", it's actually a nonsense. The children don't vote, they don't work and they are from the same geography as their neighbours - who they might identify as "middle class". If the children make the decision to go to university, or decide on a career in hotel management - they are setting out to not be manual workers. They are setting out to not be members of the so-called working class.

It sounds to me like the people around the OP are acting in a fairly normal way for university students and that the OP is bringing a whole load of baggage and prejudice with them to the party.

Reading your post, it seems like you've just made massive assumptions about the OP in order to justify dismissing how he's feeling is unfounded. It isn't all based on geography, you can even find examples of celebrities such as Plan B who considers himself middle class, but grew up on a council estate.

But I'll bite your example, just to explain to you where you've erred. The children who set out to not become manual workers have not had the same opportunities in their life so far as the children with greater financial support. They won't have had the same cultural experiences (having been to plays, eaten out at restaurants, etc etc), they won't have had the same educational opportunities (learning to ski, learning to drive, etc etc), they won't have had the same material influences (clothing, groceries, etc etc), and when they go to university they won't have the same things to talk about as everyone else, who will be predominantly middle class and above.

The people the OP are hanging out with are acting normal, the majority of people attending university consider those mannerisms normal. But if you're the only person who can't relate to the topics always being discussed or the background discussions, you're going to feel isolated at first as the OP has. It's completely normal, and just one of those things that will take him longer to integrate.

P.S. - The I wanted it to be read in the Wonka Tone, but only as a bit of fun :awesome:

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 92

helloanna

Original post by Fires

Two-thirds of the student body are private school girlies who won't even notice your existence, but if that doesn't bother you, you'll be fine.

Nah, who cares about them. My mum works at a private school and she says the best thing to do is grit your teeth and get on with it! You have slightly scared me now though. I think that's the reason they have an outreach programme xD

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Reply 93

Fires

Original post by helloanna

I was being amusing, sorry, you should check the actual figures and base your decision on those, not on threads on here. The Sutton Trust research puts it 12th on the list for the proportion of fee-paying school students, at 28%.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/news/datablog/2010/dec/22/oxbridgeandelitism-oxforduniversity

One more snippet / anecdote though - my mother rather foolishly takes Country Life, which features a "super-posh" it-girl type in each edition - there is a large photo of the spoiled young beauty in a typical scene, for example, country park house or at college. Loads and loads of them are "currently studying at" Durham, Exeter, or St Andrews. :smile:

Reply 94

Anonymous #4

hey !
First of all, i think it must be awful to feel this way at University ... I'm not from the UK (but hope to get in uni next year!) but i do go to a private school in my home country and i just wanted to say that not everyone who goes to those private schools are snob and over-estimate themselves or whatever .. There is nice and mean people everywhere! You could say i come from a privileged background but nothing has ever been handed to me in a "silver plate", my mum always made sure i was being down to earth.. I don't mean to understand how things have been for you but please stop thinking that private school kids = jerks/snobbish people, and having to read similar clichés on multiple threads is really saddening.. We are not monsters, we do not all like Jack Wills (those clothes are just uglyyyy), etc .. :smile:

Reply 95

clungemagnet

Original post by Clip

Not quite sure if you're serious. Feed the delusion with more delusion?

What's the delusion here? Please answer in 2 - 3 sentences.

Reply 96

username306617

Original post by Iron Lady

Do you think a minister is a good occupation?

It's a good job, it's clearly a vocational occupation, not something you would associate with "rahs" though, that would be more like bankers, lawyers, doctors and big time farmers.

Reply 97

XCbaby

Original post by clungemagnet

compared to the pretentiousness you get at Oxford and Cambridge, Durham's rah-ness is cute.

I wouldn't call it cute, I'd call it repulsive, but anyway...
How is Oxbridge that much more pretentious? Is it purely in an academic sense or generally.

When I was meeting one of my programme-co ordinators on starting my studies at Durham, I hadn't even expressed any concerns about rah-ness and the like when he told me outright; "I know you're thinking that you shouldn't be here, but let me assure you that you should be as muuch as the others"
Didn't know what to make of that...perhaps my accent just sounded incredibly common

Reply 98

pepperthecat

There's a lot of people at uni - it doesn't matter if you don't hit it off with all of them. You say your flatmates are lovely - but you need to make the effort to make friends with them rather than thinking you're somehow inferior. Joining societies is great - you may not make friends so 'instantly' this way as you don't see each other so often but these can turn into real lasting friendships over time as you have a shared interest.

Most importantly, you have more than earned your place there - and there's good evidence that students like you, who get into uni despite difficult circumstances (at home and/or school) often get better degrees than people who attended 'good' schools and therefore may have had far more help to get this far... makes sense when you think about it.

Also, most people (in life generally not just in uni) are also far more insecure and, frankly, selfcentred than they let on.
There is a saying: "When I was 20 I worried about what people thought of me. When I was 30 I stopped worrying what people thought of me. And when I was 40 I realised that everyone else had been too busy worrying about what others thought of them, to spend any time judging me."

So get out there, smile and say hello!!

Reply 99

XCbaby

Original post by mcdaniel

I hate the Durham sterotype on TSR! It's my first choice university, I'm from a comprehensive state school and my parents aren't rich :smile:

Was my first choice uni too, (although already in my 2nd year now) and also went to state school, same background of yourself. It is a great uni academically and you should be proud of yourself for getting the grades for an offer. But the stereotype abounds because it is true, unfortunately. Which college did you apply to?