How to stop being obsessed with someone? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 6 years ago
#1
Ever since I met this guy I have been infatuated by him. He is not particularly handsome, but he has a charisma and charm and he made me feel nervous every time he was around. I vowed that I would have him so I put all my efforts into flirting with him and eventually after months of tension he stayed over at mine. It was very intense and he pretty much moved in for a month. Believe it or not we never actually slept together but he made it clear that he wanted to dominate me and would spank, handcuff and tease me non stop. After he moved away he cooled things off. But I haven't been able to get him out of my mind. I obsess as to why he asked his previous lover out to be his girlfriend but not me, I text him regularly in the hope we can regain some of that spark that drew us together initially...I can't get him out of my mind. He was mysterious, silent, dark and exciting and I never felt like I really got inside his warped head. I wish we had stayed together All I do is think about him and I have exams coming up and still this infatuation won't die
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Rosa Arabelle
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Ever since I met this guy I have been infatuated by him. He is not particularly handsome, but he has a charisma and charm and he made me feel nervous every time he was around. I vowed that I would have him so I put all my efforts into flirting with him and eventually after months of tension he stayed over at mine. It was very intense and he pretty much moved in for a month. Believe it or not we never actually slept together but he made it clear that he wanted to dominate me and would spank, handcuff and tease me non stop. After he moved away he cooled things off. But I haven't been able to get him out of my mind. I obsess as to why he asked his previous lover out to be his girlfriend but not me, I text him regularly in the hope we can regain some of that spark that drew us together initially...I can't get him out of my mind. He was mysterious, silent, dark and exciting and I never felt like I really got inside his warped head. I wish we had stayed together All I do is think about him and I have exams coming up and still this infatuation won't die
If he's taken, then he's off-limits. Stop texting him; cut off all ties and just concentrate on yourself and your exams and other things. Try and busy yourself; find some hobbies, do some extra volunteering. Do something besides sitting and wallowing in self-pity.
Just stop contacting him, since he's clearly not interested anymore and has a girlfriend already.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 6 years ago
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(Original post by Rosa Arabelle)
If he's taken, then he's off-limits. Stop texting him; cut off all ties and just concentrate on yourself and your exams and other things. Try and busy yourself; find some hobbies, do some extra volunteering. Do something besides sitting and wallowing in self-pity.
Just stop contacting him, since he's clearly not interested anymore and has a girlfriend already.
No what I meant was I am jeaous that his ex girlfriend made it to girlfriend status but not me. It has left me feeling very insecure and bitter. He is currently single.
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Rosa Arabelle
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#4
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(Original post by Anonymous)
No what I meant was I am jeaous that his ex girlfriend made it to girlfriend status but not me. It has left me feeling very insecure and bitter. He is currently single.
I see. Has he bothered to respond to your texts? If so, then just continue chatting with him, build something out of it. If not, then just take the hint, leave him be, and concentrate on yourself. Although I do think he just used you to mess around with, felt a little frustrated that you wouldn't have sex with him, and left to do his own thing.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Rosa Arabelle)
I see. Has he bothered to respond to your texts? If so, then just continue chatting with him, build something out of it. If not, then just take the hint, leave him be, and concentrate on yourself. Although I do think he just used you to mess around with, felt a little frustrated that you wouldn't have sex with him, and left to do his own thing.
Well he moved away and the more he distanced himself the more obsessed I became. Nevertheless he would continue to reply, sometimes extremely flirtatiously, telling me I was gorgeous and that he wished I was in bed with him etc, other times he would ignore. I haven't texted him in a few days now as I am fed up of not knowing where I stand with him (despite asking several times) and I just want him to ask me to be his girlfriend but he won't. Yeah sometimes I question whether it was just the sex he was after (we met at an event where I was dressed in very little and there was instant sexual chemistry) but we spoke for ages prior to sharing a bed and we had many deep conversations so I just don't know.
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Miouhaneun
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#6
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It sounds like you presented an opportunity to have a bit of fun by playing with the thought. Just someone wanting you is rather flattering, no matter if you want them in return. Unless he has explained or even addressed why nothing happened between you two, I'd say drop it like a cold fish. Either he is not interested and you are not doing yourself any favors by holding onto him, or you dropping him might make him realize he can't expect you to wait forever and thus resulting in him getting his thumb out of his ass. But to be honest, that rarely ever happens. Just for your own sake, move on and find other things to strive for.
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AvocatInTraining
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#7
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Wth....look needy is never works. You'll have to move on. No point on wallowing in the pats. It'll hurt more.
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ash92:)
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Find a hobby...
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Miouhaneun)
It sounds like you presented an opportunity to have a bit of fun by playing with the thought. Just someone wanting you is rather flattering, no matter if you want them in return. Unless he has explained or even addressed why nothing happened between you two, I'd say drop it like a cold fish. Either he is not interested and you are not doing yourself any favors by holding onto him, or you dropping him might make him realize he can't expect you to wait forever and thus resulting in him getting his thumb out of his ass. But to be honest, that rarely ever happens. Just for your own sake, move on and find other things to strive for.
I don't understand your first sentence.

Yeah I guess I just can't accept he is not interested. We were so close. He has attempted to give me a few reasons as to why things cooled off (the fact that he is not good at communicating from afar, that he does not want to commit incase things do not work ot between us and we lose our friendship) but I feel there are deeper reasons that he is not divulging because it all happened very suddenly.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by AvocatInTraining)
Wth....look needy is never works. You'll have to move on. No point on wallowing in the pats. It'll hurt more.
yeah I've learnt that now. This is the first time I have ever chased a guy and it experienced rejection and it bloody hurts like hell. Especially when you thought things were perfect. I am finally trying to move on but I can't stop thinking about him.
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Anonymous #1
#11
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(Original post by ash92:))
Find a hobby...
I have many hobbies. I have tried to keep busy but he has left this massive void and I really just want things to go back to how they were. But I have to accept it's over. It would help if I knew why he is no longer interested but guess I will have to live with that.
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Rosa Arabelle
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#12
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well he moved away and the more he distanced himself the more obsessed I became. Nevertheless he would continue to reply, sometimes extremely flirtatiously, telling me I was gorgeous and that he wished I was in bed with him etc, other times he would ignore. I haven't texted him in a few days now as I am fed up of not knowing where I stand with him (despite asking several times) and I just want him to ask me to be his girlfriend but he won't. Yeah sometimes I question whether it was just the sex he was after (we met at an event where I was dressed in very little and there was instant sexual chemistry) but we spoke for ages prior to sharing a bed and we had many deep conversations so I just don't know.
Sounds like bad news. I seriously recommend you stop texting him for a while. Stop asking him why you're not his girlfriend; it's really desperate, and he's evidently not as keen as you are, as harsh as it sounds. I've been there - not to the point of obsession, certainly, but I used to be frustrated as to why a guy I knew and I weren't together. The solution is this: just move on. Delete him off your contacts, concentrate on exams, hobbies, anything else. I know it seems hard, but you can do it. The more you text this guy, the more he can lead you on, using you for all kinds of things just because he knows you're infatuated.
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Anonymous #1
#13
Report Thread starter 6 years ago
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(Original post by Rosa Arabelle)
Sounds like bad news. I seriously recommend you stop texting him for a while. Stop asking him why you're not his girlfriend; it's really desperate, and he's evidently not as keen as you are, as harsh as it sounds. I've been there - not to the point of obsession, certainly, but I used to be frustrated as to why a guy I knew and I weren't together. The solution is this: just move on. Delete him off your contacts, concentrate on exams, hobbies, anything else. I know it seems hard, but you can do it. The more you text this guy, the more he can lead you on, using you for all kinds of things just because he knows you're infatuated.
I know. I have literally lost every scrap of dignity I owned in my quest to make him my boyfriend. I have told him repeatedly why I like him, how much he means to me, why I want him and I have got very little back, although he does still flirt with me and he does confide in me and he does compliment me, just not as frequently. It's maddening getting these mixed messages. But yeah, I do think he would have tried harder if he wanted me as badly as I do him. Today is my third day of not texting him after a year and a half (in total) of contact so fingers crossed it will last.
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Miouhaneun
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#14
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't understand your first sentence.

Yeah I guess I just can't accept he is not interested. We were so close. He has attempted to give me a few reasons as to why things cooled off (the fact that he is not good at communicating from afar, that he does not want to commit incase things do not work ot between us and we lose our friendship) but I feel there are deeper reasons that he is not divulging because it all happened very suddenly.
Sorry I was being rather vague there I realize now. What I meant is, you clearly showed your interest in him, and many people (sometimes with no intention of hurting you) will grab that opportunity to play with you. If they are not emotionally invested in it on the level you are then it seems like harmless entertainment that will not hurt anyone since it will not actually happen. People can lure themselves into thinking it was no harm done because nothing literally happened.
For example men who join dating sites and have online "relationships" with women through chatting and Skyping, even though they have girlfriends at home. They will argue that what they do is alright since nothing physical ever happened, only words were exchanged.
Maybe on some level he is interested, but it is obviously not like you who want to have an intimate and loving relationship. That he flirts but doesn't want to go for a real commitment could mean that he just feels like flirting sometimes, most people do and it does not always mean that you want to go all the way. The fact that he sometimes ignores you signals that you are either pushing too hard and he feels he needs to distance himself somewhat, or that he is busy doing something more important. However most good friends or romantic prospects will then get back to you once they are done doing what they were doing.

What I am trying to say is, him being uninterested romantically, him having attachment issues and fear of failure and any other reason to why he would not want a relationship with you, this is all things you can do absolutely nothing about. Since you have feelings for him you cannot be his therapist or any such, you need to look after yourself. And what is best for you is to cut contact with this guy, stop hoping and waiting for him and live. It will feel terrible for a little while, but if you look you will find joy in other places, and next time you meet someone lovely they will hopefully feel the same about you.
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Miouhaneun
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#15
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By the way this sounds very much like a friendship I have. Except the man I'm trying to be friends with and have genuine respect for is married. This however does not stop him from flirting, constantly complimenting my personality and my body, talking about how we in the future should try a relationship, how our thoughts are alike and so on. So I do, on some level, understand how you feel. It is hard.
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