Does anyone else get really, really worried they will never have children? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 6 years ago
#1
I'm not talking about right now, even if it was possible (but its not, because i'm not sexually active) - I wouldn't want a child now because I'm only 22 and would obviously ideally want to be in a stable relationship/job etc first.But I really honestly can never see myself in a relationship and consequently eventually with a child, and it really bothers me - not just a niggle, I'm thinking about it everyday and end up in tears over it regularly and it just gets worse the closer to graduating I get, I sort of link graduation to this big black hole of loneliness where everyone I know is going to marry off and have kids and i'm just going to be left alone.

I am very unattractive, my confidence is extremely low, I've always been incredibly love shy and get so anxious around guys I can barely make conversation with them let alone anything else, i've never flirted in my life, I wouldn't even know where to start! Plus i'm so ugly/awkward they aren't interested anyway unless its to take the mickey. So it probably goes without saying that i've never been in a relationship or even had a fling or anything.

That's not meant to sound wierd and full on like my plan is to meet men with the sole purpose of having children - my point is more that if I can't even speak to men now then how am I ever going to get to meet someone who I could potentially have a child with in years to come? I've already had one round of unsuccessful therapy to try and deal with self esteem issues/social anxiety but it hasn't helped and so I'm just getting even more fearful that i'll never be able to have a child, because until I manage to change I don't see how I can!

I'm finding my final year of uni a bit difficult due to persistent mild depression/anxiety and I think my worry about never having a family is a pretty big contributing factor to why i'm finding it difficult to shake. My mum was 26 when she had me, that's only 4 years older than I am now! Ugh
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myusername.
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#2
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Don't worry you're only 22, loads of people don't have children until they are in their 30s! I'm 19 and I just want to concentrate on getting my degree and settling into a stable job right now. I won't be having kids for many, many years yet!
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tillytots
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#3
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nope, it's the opposite actually.
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nails9999
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#4
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Wow don't be so hard on yourself! I bet you any money you don't look as bad as you think. And your looks are definitely not why you've not met any men, you're low self esteem is. It sounds like you really need to build your confidence, why don't you try some new things, things you never thought you would do, like going travelling or something? You have nothing to lose. As for meeting a partner and having kids, you are only 22, you have your WHOLE life to do that, for now just enjoy being young and doing things you enjoy and eventually you WILL meet someone. I don't plan on marrying and having kids until I'm 30 so to me it seems like you have heaps of time
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Bellissima
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#5
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occaisionally... not really really scared though. i mean it is a concern but since it's not on my priority list right now it's not something i think about.
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miser
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#6
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No, I don't want children of my own. I would like to adopt however.

Edit: Hmm, it seems adoption is controversial now.
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thunder_chunky
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#7
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm not talking about right now, even if it was possible (but its not, because i'm not sexually active) - I wouldn't want a child now because I'm only 22 and would obviously ideally want to be in a stable relationship/job etc first.But I really honestly can never see myself in a relationship and consequently eventually with a child, and it really bothers me - not just a niggle, I'm thinking about it everyday and end up in tears over it regularly and it just gets worse the closer to graduating I get, I sort of link graduation to this big black hole of loneliness where everyone I know is going to marry off and have kids and i'm just going to be left alone.

I am very unattractive, my confidence is extremely low, I've always been incredibly love shy and get so anxious around guys I can barely make conversation with them let alone anything else, i've never flirted in my life, I wouldn't even know where to start! Plus i'm so ugly/awkward they aren't interested anyway unless its to take the mickey. So it probably goes without saying that i've never been in a relationship or even had a fling or anything.

That's not meant to sound wierd and full on like my plan is to meet men with the sole purpose of having children - my point is more that if I can't even speak to men now then how am I ever going to get to meet someone who I could potentially have a child with in years to come? I've already had one round of unsuccessful therapy to try and deal with self esteem issues/social anxiety but it hasn't helped and so I'm just getting even more fearful that i'll never be able to have a child, because until I manage to change I don't see how I can!

I'm finding my final year of uni a bit difficult due to persistent mild depression/anxiety and I think my worry about never having a family is a pretty big contributing factor to why i'm finding it difficult to shake. My mum was 26 when she had me, that's only 4 years older than I am now! Ugh
I don't think you should compare yourself to your mum or other people because some people start having kids early and some don't have kids until much later on. If you start comparing yourself to other people in terms of marriage and having kids then it will just make you feel worse, that is not the way to go.
You are still at uni so I wouldn't worry about this. Concentrate on your studies. You've been lucky enough to attend uni and meet some people who you'll hopefully be friends with for the rest of your life, it's supposed to be one of the best times of your life. You'll miss it when it's over so try to make the most of it.
Once you finish Uni you'll start job hunting and hopefully you'll find a job sooner or later, preferably sooner. Wherever it is you live and whatever the job, you will find that you'll start to meet a lot of people as you start to work. As you build on your career you'll meet more and more people and who knows, maybe you'll meet someone through work.
One of my brother's oldest friends met his wife whom he married just last year in a boardroom meeting for his company in London.
So my point is, don't worry about it just yet. You're in your early 20's, you still have the rest of your 20's to go. Try to enjoy life and as you go on you will start meeting people more and more after you graduate.
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thunder_chunky
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#8
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(Original post by miser)
No, I don't want children of my own. I would like to adopt however.
I hear there's a 3 for 2 offer on Chinese babies at the moment.
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IlluminatedRain
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#9
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I can't really sympathise with you, since I decided that I didn't want to have my own kids at 12 years old and to get sterilised when I was 14. My question to you is why exactly do you want kids? Is it because of that fuzzy feeling, or do you have an actual reason for it? Maybe if you try to think more rationally about your wishes your anxiety over it might decrease a little. Plus, you have no idea what's going to happen in four or ten years. You might find yourself pregnant in two years or receiving your adopted child in five. There are so many ways to become a parent, I'm sure you'll find yourself on one of those paths sooner or later.
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Gavzzz
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Hey OP, I used to be a bit like you around girls. I used to go red in the face if a girl even said hello to me, it was so frustrating going through secondary school and even now to some extent (I am now 27 ) even though I have been through several relationships now.

My advice is to try to get some confidence by talking to guys that you are not particularly interested in as they will be easier to talk to, hopefully. Also do you currently work anywhere? I found that I became much more confident in talking to people in general because I spent so long working behind a bar and as a waiter. I would assume another job where you come into contact with both genders frequently would be helpful for your self confidence.

Lastly something that helps me sometimes is when I am talking to someone who I don't know I tell myself in my mind that this is a person, another human being with flaws and problems of their own. They have things that make them happy, things that make them sad, things that are important to them and things that they don't care about. I really don't know why but for me it really levels things and makes me view them as something that could be just like me, not a model sitting atop of a pedestal, not a person to be afraid of. I don't know if this helps but hopefully it does.
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xOHarriet
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#11
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#11
Honestly I worry more about having kids than not having kids.

I think you're getting a bit ahead of yourself though. If you're yet to have a relationship, why are you worrying about something so far in the future? It's like worrying about not being able to run before you've even stood up.

I genuinely believe that there's at least 1 person for everyone - it just takes some longer than others to find them.
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johndoranglasgow
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Nope.

It's the sort of thing that I'll see how my life and career play out before settling on kid/no kids. Pretty certain the minute it's no longer a choice I'll wish I had gone for the alternative :rolleyes:
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Arnob204
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#13
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(Original post by IlluminatedRain)
I can't really sympathise with you, since I decided that I didn't want to have my own kids at 12 years old and to get sterilised when I was 14. My question to you is why exactly do you want kids? Is it because of that fuzzy feeling, or do you have an actual reason for it? Maybe if you try to think more rationally about your wishes your anxiety over it might decrease a little. Plus, you have no idea what's going to happen in four or ten years. You might find yourself pregnant in two years or receiving your adopted child in five. There are so many ways to become a parent, I'm sure you'll find yourself on one of those paths sooner or later.
How on earth did you get sterilised at 14? No one is mature enough to make that decision at that age and your parents should be ashamed of themselves.
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rainbow.panda
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#14
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#14
No, I'm worried about accidentally getting pregnant because I don't want children.
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mikeyd85
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#15
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Nope. I've had kids around me my entire life. Because of this, I'm neither here nor there when it comes to having my own. I would if she wanted them, but otherwise I probably wouldn't.
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rainbow.panda
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#16
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(Original post by Arnob204)
How on earth did you get sterilised at 14? No one is mature enough to make that decision at that age and your parents should be ashamed of themselves.
No doctor would agree to perform a tubal ligation on a 14 year old, unless perhaps it was for medical reasons, so maybe she just decided she wanted to get sterilised when she was 14 and she'll get it done when she is old enough?
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IlluminatedRain
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(Original post by Arnob204)
How on earth did you get sterilised at 14? No one is mature enough to make that decision at that age and your parents should be ashamed of themselves.
I decided I wanted to get sterilised at that age.
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fluffylovey
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#18
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If anything I'm scared I WILL have kids :'D I'm USELESS with them, and I'd rather get a dog tbh

But seriously, you're only 22!! There is plenty of time to have a child if you want one! Enjoy being young and free while you can, then get settled down ^^ There is the perfect man to give you the perfect kid out there :3

(Likewise, somewhere out there is perfect breeder to give me a perfect Beagle/Nova scotia duck toller )
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Arnob204
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(Original post by IlluminatedRain)
I decided I wanted to get sterilised at that age.
You're a liar, no doctor in his right mind would perform a life-changing operation at your age.
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concubine
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#20
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#20
I get really worried that I will.


**** that noise.




(Original post by fluffylovey)
There is the perfect man to give you the perfect kid out there :3


These kind of empty promises and lies always seem worse to me that being blunt with people.
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