Do I have an unrealistic view of sex? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 6 years ago
#1
As a girl, I think I have a normal view of sex, but when talking it through with my boyfriend and just general chat, maybe it seems I have an unrealistic view of it?

The first time in particular, I imagined it to be all romantic, and perfectly thought through, waking up together and it just being perfect!
But, going to a boarding school...this is immediately unrealistic...and also my parents are not keen on the idea of allowing me and him to share a room...

Am i being too romantic and thinking it will be all lovely and perfect and everything will be so great, is reality really totally different?!
0
reply
ChocoCoatedLemons
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#2
Report 6 years ago
#2
Well, for most girls, the first time you have sex hurts. So no, it won't be perfect. Unless you like that sort of thing.

I'd say that's a pretty unrealistic view of it, to be honest. Nothing is perfect - stuff goes wrong in sex, it happens.
1
reply
theguv92
Badges: 6
Rep:
?
#3
Report 6 years ago
#3
not necessarily, really you will both be so inexperienced that you have no control over the specifics of what happens. the practicalities of sex is that its largely animalistic, rather than romantic, and for the most part will probably not go particularly smoothly and you have to be prepared for funny noises, strange faces etc.

bottom line, if you hold it to too high a standard and idealise it, you set yourself up for disappointment. but if you enjoy it for who you're sharing it with, rather than the physical act itself, which will be dreadful due to said inexperience (and you will come to realise this in the future!), then you can take it all in your stride and it can be as good as you hoped
0
reply
tamimi
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#4
Report 6 years ago
#4
This is my opinion, so please don't bash me over it. But I do think sex is probably the most over rated thing in the history of over rated things.

It can be 'magical' and special and whatnot but rarely it is.
1
reply
Kabloomybuzz
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#5
Report 6 years ago
#5
Sex is something that gets better with time. The first few times its often not great and can be uncomfortable or painful for the girl. The first few times with anyone is about getting comfortable with each others bodies and how they work. It helps a lot if you know what works for you and you are comfortable communicating this to your partner.

That being said, it doesn't mean it can't be romantic and it is often very emotionally connecting the first time. Its probably better not to expect too much but enjoy it for what it is. Its best to both be emotionally ready and able to communicate comfortably with each other.
1
reply
Anonymous #2
#6
Report 6 years ago
#6
Romantic and perfect? Possible, but not probable and in my opinion, not even desirable.

My first time was with my long term boyfriend: it was messy, awkward and nerve-wracking and I wouldn't have had it any other way. To paraphrase an Oscar Wilde quote, "I hope I am not perfect; it would leave no room for developments".

For me, the best thing about sex is experimenting and learning about each other and yourselves; what feels good, how you can grow together sexually and emotionally. Where's the fun if you're perfect to begin with?
0
reply
danny111
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#7
Report 6 years ago
#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
As a girl, I think I have a normal view of sex, but when talking it through with my boyfriend and just general chat, maybe it seems I have an unrealistic view of it?

The first time in particular, I imagined it to be all romantic, and perfectly thought through, waking up together and it just being perfect!
But, going to a boarding school...this is immediately unrealistic...and also my parents are not keen on the idea of allowing me and him to share a room...

Am i being too romantic and thinking it will be all lovely and perfect and everything will be so great, is reality really totally different?!
Yea you are doing it wrong.
0
reply
llessur123
Badges: 9
Rep:
?
#8
Report 6 years ago
#8
It will be painful and most likely awkward for the first time. It's fun and all but highly over rated.
0
reply
Avolil
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#9
Report 6 years ago
#9
Just make sure he puts it in the correct hole. Once you've done the basics then thats when it gets better and more enjoyable. Once the big V is over and done with youll realise how much stress about the first time was unnecessary, as long as it's with someone you fully trust then it doesn't need to be perfect as long as it's with the guy you want it with. Hope that helped!

Also, the first time with someone new, whether experienced or not, is unpredictable. Just go with it

Posted from TSR Mobile
0
reply
Anonymous #3
#10
Report 6 years ago
#10
my first time was also my bf first time and he ended up in hospital, but 3 and a half years later we laugh about it, we have much more romantic sex now because we know each others likes and dislikes, sex for the first time is always going to be a bit strange, and mostly be a bit painful for girls, I hope it is romantic, but if not don't worry too much about it.
0
reply
vaguity
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#11
Report 6 years ago
#11
No. Definitely not for the first time.
All romance is lost when you realise how much it ****ing hurts.

Certainly not perfectly thought through because obviously, when he puts it in, you'll be in pain so you'll be telling him when it's okay to go further in, what speed is alright for you etc, and you won't know that until you're actually in that position. It's okay though, although I was in pain at the time it's something I'm happy with the memory of. It's a memory I'm kinda fond of. If that makes sense.

First few times are kinda something to just get through imo, because it is very uncomfortable, and does hurt, but after that it can be really lovely yes.
0
reply
vaguity
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#12
Report 6 years ago
#12
Also I like how all the girls on here have been like "the first time is awkward and it hurts"
0
reply
Birkenhead
Badges: 3
Rep:
?
#13
Report 6 years ago
#13
(Original post by ChocoCoatedLemons)
Well, for most girls, the first time you have sex hurts. So no, it won't be perfect. Unless you like that sort of thing.

I'd say that's a pretty unrealistic view of it, to be honest. Nothing is perfect - stuff goes wrong in sex, it happens.
Can you clear some things up:

Surely if a girl masturbates penetratively before having sex that will break her hymen; it's just that people always talk about that breaking in virginal sex but surely all it takes is penetration? And surely penetrative masturbation would 'prepare' the vagina for real sex and take away pain? I may be missing something
1
reply
fredscarecrow
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#14
Report 6 years ago
#14
Aside from any pain, prepare for squelches, fanny farts, slapping noises and, if youre not using a condom, it all coming back out.

Laughter makes sex so much better because it really can be mortifying sometimes! I think thats what makes it so good for bonding though :-)

Also bear in mind loss of erection, slipping out etc. So many things to go wrong.
My first time was just drin and bear it but I still loved the bonding...but then I had no high hopes and couldn't be dissappointed.

Posted from TSR Mobile
1
reply
ChocoCoatedLemons
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#15
Report 6 years ago
#15
(Original post by Tuerin)
Can you clear some things up:

Surely if a girl masturbates penetratively before having sex that will break her hymen; it's just that people always talk about that breaking in virginal sex but surely all it takes is penetration? And surely penetrative masturbation would 'prepare' the vagina for real sex and take away pain? I may be missing something
Sure, always willing to talk about sex on the internet

I don't know how much of this you already know, so I'll just write it like you don't.

The hymen, for nearly all girls, already has a hole in it. This is the hole tampons etc can enter through. Very few girls have a fully intact hymen (fortunately!). So, unless a girl masturbates with something a bit bigger than a finger or maybe two, the hymen isn't actually being broken, just stretched a bit. But when you introduce penis time into the situation, that hole simply can't stretch far enough and the hymen has to rip a bit.

Some girls have indeed already gotten rid of it before then through gymnastics etc, but after the hymen you've still got the relatively unstretched muscles in the vagina which aren't used to a sizeable (well, sometimes sizeable) intrusion.

I am so sorry everyone. But now you know.
2
reply
vaguity
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#16
Report 6 years ago
#16
(Original post by Tuerin)
Can you clear some things up:

Surely if a girl masturbates penetratively before having sex that will break her hymen; it's just that people always talk about that breaking in virginal sex but surely all it takes is penetration? And surely penetrative masturbation would 'prepare' the vagina for real sex and take away pain? I may be missing something
Basically what chococoatedlemon said. It could prepare it if you used something like a dildo, but I doubt many girls would do that because the pain would still happen, except whatever you're using will cause the pain instead of a penis. And masturbating is supposed to be fun, not painful...either way, it still hurts. And its a bit of a myth about the whole 'popping the cherry' thing, because it stretches and rips a bit, not breaks bc ofc the hole exists already for periods to come out of. Hence why some girls don't bleed, but its still painful BC of stretching.
0
reply
Avolil
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#17
Report 6 years ago
#17
(Original post by Tuerin)
Can you clear some things up:

Surely if a girl masturbates penetratively before having sex that will break her hymen; it's just that people always talk about that breaking in virginal sex but surely all it takes is penetration? And surely penetrative masturbation would 'prepare' the vagina for real sex and take away pain? I may be missing something
Think of it like getting a piercing, you tend not to do it yourself because you're expecting the pain. So someone else does it for you.
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

How has the start of this academic year been for you?

Loving it - gonna be a great year (105)
17.65%
It's just nice to be back! (163)
27.39%
Not great so far... (212)
35.63%
I want to drop out! (115)
19.33%

Watched Threads

View All