Is it sad that my only real goal in life is to find love? Watch

Anonymous #1
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I'm a 21 year old woman. As much as I've tried to force myself into chasing a high-flying career, deep down I realise I genuinely don't really care about all that stuff very much. I do care about having a job, but I'm not too fussed what it is as long as it's reasonably respectable and earns me a satisfactory wage to live decently. I care more about hobbies and friends and social life, and finding the perfect partner. The latter of which I've been finding incredibly difficult, as I'm one of those people who just find it very difficult to attract people and enter any relationships. This has naturally made me depressed for the past few years. To try and counteract this, I've just been really trying to find hobbies to help fulfil my life and throw myself into them, as well as do things and go new places to increase my chances of finding someone. I've also been using online dating on and off since I was 18, but not had any luck with it so far.

Some people tell me to just stop worrying, and just concentrate on other things, that relationships aren't important. I've even been accused of being desperate, and maybe I am at times, but why is how I feel seen as wrong? Isn't it more natural to desire a mate and create offspring than to live to be another rat in the corporate race? Believe or not, priorities can vary from person to person, right? In some cultures it's pretty normal to grow up and just expect to become a housewife, but here and now that's looked down upon and people push you into career even if your mind and personality may not be that way inclined, which I find sad.

Does anyone else feel like this? I'm not even very sure why I'm writing this to be honest. Just wanting to vent. I'm guessing all I can do is keep concentrating on hobbies and social life to keep me buzzing until my prince charming hopefully one day materialises...
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modini
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I think you have a good outlook on life.
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Alex Dom
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I feel the same way as you to an extent. Who cares about not having the best car or the best house if you have no one to share it with.... In my experience, I've tried getting into long term relationships but to no avail. Only small flings which end up with me hurting inside with a broken heart. Just have to keep on trying I guess...
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by modini)
I think you have a good outlook on life.
Sarcastic reply, or are you being serious?

Honestly, this being TSR I was kind of half-expecting to see replies like "You're being desperate and pathetic", "you can't count on a man for happiness and security", "but career IS the be all and end all, because it just is, no question about it" etc bla bla bla.


(Original post by Alex Dom)
I feel the same way as you to an extent. Who cares about not having the best car or the best house if you have no one to share it with.... In my experience, I've tried getting into long term relationships but to no avail. Only small flings which end up with me hurting inside with a broken heart. Just have to keep on trying I guess...
Thanks for sharing. At least I'm not the only one. Maybe it really is just a case of not really caring too much what other people think and just do what's best for you? Although the frustration of failed attempts at relationships can be quite a downer, but let's just hope it'll happen eventually!
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Clouless
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I agree with you fully. Everything loses its colour and excitement without the right person to share it with.

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dreadpiraterach
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I agree too. A successful career would be nice but I don't think it would be anywhere near as fulfilling as finding someone to love and to share your life with.
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danny111
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No.

Why would it be wrong.
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angel.iced<3
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It's not sad at all You said:
'I'm one of those people who just find it very difficult to attract people and enter any relationships'
I think this is why you feel that you want to achieve this in your life because you feel you've failed at it before but want to succeed. But seriously though there's nothing wrong with that it's quite normal
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by danny111)
No.

Why would it be wrong.
Because some people have told me it's wrong . But I'm glad I made this thread now I'm feeling assured in not feeling like this


(Original post by angel.iced<3)
It's not sad at all You said:
'I'm one of those people who just find it very difficult to attract people and enter any relationships'
I think this is why you feel that you want to achieve this in your life because you feel you've failed at it before but want to succeed. But seriously though there's nothing wrong with that it's quite normal
Yes, that's exactly it! If I managed to enter a good relationship with a great person, especially if it lasted, it would feel like an amazing achievement to me. I feel like I have so much love to give, and I feel excited about the thought of it happening to me, but frustrated that I'm finding it so difficult to get it.

Distracting myself from the disappointments of my love life by trying to concentrate on career just hasn't really helped me much, maybe even made things worse at times. So I feel like I may as well just follow my heart to do what truly makes me happy, not what other people tell me I should do with my life.
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danny111
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Because some people have told me it's wrong . But I'm glad I made this thread now I'm feeling assured in not feeling like this




Yes, that's exactly it! If I managed to enter a good relationship with a great person, especially if it lasted, it would feel like an amazing achievement to me. I feel like I have so much love to give, and I feel excited about the thought of it happening to me, but frustrated that I'm finding it so difficult to get it.

Distracting myself from the disappointments of my love life by trying to concentrate on career just hasn't really helped me much, maybe even made things worse at times. So I feel like I may as well just follow my heart to do what truly makes me happy, not what other people tell me I should do with my life.
It's not wrong at all. Your main goal in life should be happiness. And you are much more likely to achieve it through love than money.
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angel.iced<3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Because some people have told me it's wrong . But I'm glad I made this thread now I'm feeling assured in not feeling like this




Yes, that's exactly it! If I managed to enter a good relationship with a great person, especially if it lasted, it would feel like an amazing achievement to me. I feel like I have so much love to give, and I feel excited about the thought of it happening to me, but frustrated that I'm finding it so difficult to get it.

Distracting myself from the disappointments of my love life by trying to concentrate on career just hasn't really helped me much, maybe even made things worse at times. So I feel like I may as well just follow my heart to do what truly makes me happy, not what other people tell me I should do with my life.
Aww you will find someone soon enough, it will probably happen when you stop looking haha.
Yeah that is how you will be happy so you should go for it
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516359
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Yes - you are deaming your life a success on something that requires two people to achieve. Falling in love is easy staying in love is the true test. Especially since there are now more newer relationship pressures (social media, recession etc). If the person you love falls out of love with you - have you failed? This is why it doesn't work. It takes two to tango

No - true love is very very very very very very hard to find. There are people who have never been in love and die not meeting someone that they felt completed them. You may meet someone that makes you feel better than a never ending pile of cash.

Overall: if you make love your goal don't make it your only goal. The average life expectancy is now approaching 100. When you look back on your life, regardless of age you ask yourself what you have achieved in all areas of your life - school, career, relationships. Cover all bases and find the person you love, have the job that makes you happy and remeber life is long . . . Very very long.
Fill it with lots of good stuff
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rjm101
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Lets face it, we only care about our careers because want to earn a decent living. Ofcourse we choose what were interested in, in order to increase our chances of success and prevent ourselves from getting bored in day to day work. So many people come and go in companies that its pretty obvious were all doing it for the bigger pay check. Why do we go for the bigger pay check? Because eventually we want to retire a respectable age so we no longer have to work again, so clearly a career doesnt matter that much because were doing it for other reasons. I'm pretty sure there is no job I will like 100% because at the end of the day I still have to get up at in the morning which my body really hates and commute all the way into london because businesses think its better to be in central London when its just giving all their employees extra travel time and grief.
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Manitude
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Aiming towards something that makes you happy sounds like a pretty good idea to me...
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Mukhabarat
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If it makes you happy, I guess...
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Iqbal007
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I agree with the first reply.........your not materialistic, you care about genuine things in life which matter to you, it isn't about the crazy amounts of money, but having someone there with you to live your life. Thats a very good outlook on life, it makes you happy
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Rocky-san
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I totally get what you're saying. Career is there to stabilise your life...to keep it going, but what really makes your life is the people in it. I guess it is quite natural to be on a mission for a life partner..but dont be disheartened that you havent found him yet. There are plenty of fish in the sea

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my GT-S5570
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xBillyBrownx
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Why do you think it is that you "can't attract people or enter any relationships"?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by randomd_love)
Yes - you are deaming your life a success on something that requires two people to achieve. Falling in love is easy staying in love is the true test. Especially since there are now more newer relationship pressures (social media, recession etc). If the person you love falls out of love with you - have you failed? This is why it doesn't work. It takes two to tango

No - true love is very very very very very very hard to find. There are people who have never been in love and die not meeting someone that they felt completed them. You may meet someone that makes you feel better than a never ending pile of cash.

Overall: if you make love your goal don't make it your only goal. The average life expectancy is now approaching 100. When you look back on your life, regardless of age you ask yourself what you have achieved in all areas of your life - school, career, relationships. Cover all bases and find the person you love, have the job that makes you happy and remeber life is long . . . Very very long.
Fill it with lots of good stuff
You're right - relationships require some reliance on other people. But then again, so does career to some extent - doctors wouldn't be anywhere without all their teachers to teach and train them or without patients to treat, and popstars wouldn't be anywhere without someone giving them a record deal or fans to buy their music. Just two examples, but I hope you get what I mean.

I suppose love isn't my only goal in life. I do have lots of other little goals, some I have already achieved, and some I'm still in the process of achieving. But love is always something at the back of my mind that I'm really searching and yearning to have one day. I don't want to be someone who is totally clingy and lost without love and reliant on it for happiness, but at the same time I'd like to think I won't end up alone forever. I'm an independent woman, but I do feel like I need a man one day!
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Xx.MissEG.xX
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It's not sad, but it's not really a 'goal'; you can't make it happen, so you can't work towards achieving it.
Whilst I've never been in love, I would say that going on dating sites will not increase your chances. You shouldn't try and chase it; enjoy your life, and it will hopefully come.
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