Advice wanted please. Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 6 years ago
#1
Please keep anon cause he uses this website.

I think this may end up being quite a long post. I'm not sure what I'm looking for, I know no one has the magic wand or whatever; I think I just need to get this off my chest. Bit of background... has been a long distance relationship ever since I started uni in September, he's looking to get a mortgage and under a lot of pressure from his mom in particular to do so. I'm 20, he's 21.

Right so basically I've been in a relationship with this amazing guy for a year and a half. Things were going great, yeah we fought a little but no more than normal people in a relationship and it was always resolved by talking.

So we have a bit of a tiff last weekend, nothing major even by our standards. We make up, drive back to my uni and he leaves for work on Monday morning like normal, kisses me goodbye etc.

Tuesday he sends me a text saying he's been thinking about this for a while and it's over. Naturally I ask him why/what did I do etc and the only response I get is "I need space". I try to give him the space he wants although it is a little hard at first. We speak on FaceTime that night and both have a cry, he tells me to book a train to come see him during next week, which I have done. He tells me he's not ready to explain the reasons yet but he will do. He also says he still loves me and hopes we can be together again one day.

He texts me good morning on Wednesday morning, nothing special just a one word text so I reply and we chat a bit. Thursday night we FaceTime and I push him for the reasons and he says he's been having thoughts about having sex with other people. He says there's nothing wrong with me he's just greedy and doesn't trust himself to be committed, even though he wants to be with me. He says he's been having these thoughts for around a month. Obviously I get quite upset at this but I have at no point got angry and have insisted that I will be here waiting for him when he gets his head in order.

Friday we have very little contact, we text a little but nothing much.

Today (Saturday) I texted him at around 6pm asking if he wanted to chat for a bit and he said maybe later as he was at the pub. I carry on with my day as normal and it gets to around 11pm when I text him asking if we can talk now (I'm feeling pretty lonely he's my best friend as well as my boyfriend). He says that he doesn't feel like talking. I persist which maybe I shouldn't have done and we talk for around 5 minutes during which he doesn't say all that much and claims to be quite upset.

After he hangs up I send a few angry texts. I know that I am probably in the wrong for doing so I just feel so lost and angry and confused, I have no idea what I'm supposed to have done. We were pretty serious we had talked about marriage, kids, we knew each others views on the matter anyway even though realistically we knew it was years away.

My questions to TSR are... What do I do now? What, realistically, are my chances of getting him back? Is this just something he needs to get out of his system? I don't know I just need some advice I don't even know the right questions to ask.

Thank you for reading.
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Anonymous #1
#2
Report Thread starter 6 years ago
#2
bump ... I could really do with some advice
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foolscap
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#3
Report 6 years ago
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Sounds like he wants to sleep around and most probably has certain people in mind already, or has gotten cold feet over something maybe you guys got too comfortable and he wants excitement and to have sex with lot's of people before a serious long term relationship. This is obviously not to do with you, and unfortunately I think he's ruined what you had. Don't let him sleep with other people and come back to you, I know it's going to be hard as hell but make him either beg to be back with you or move on. He told you it's over on tuesday morning out of the blue which must have been horrible for you, and by the looks of it (as a lot of people in your position would) you're gunna try and make it work which I very much do suggest, but be very blunt for him and ask him where he see's your relationship with each other going, I'm not sure staying friends right now would work as you could get stuck in a limbo state where you're still really attached to him but aren't with him, if it isn't on the cards get closure and get rid - he's done it for such a silly reason and I feel you are vulnerable due to you being best friends with him as well, I feel for you ! This may sound somewhat cold but I want you to take off the rose tinted glasses and consider that while you I'm sure can still picture your amazing future together with him, he's thinking of ****ing other girls. Best of luck, I hope it either works itself out or you can deal with it
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Anonymous #1
#4
Report Thread starter 6 years ago
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(Original post by foolscap)
Sounds like he wants to sleep around and most probably has certain people in mind already, or has gotten cold feet over something maybe you guys got too comfortable and he wants excitement and to have sex with lot's of people before a serious long term relationship. This is obviously not to do with you, and unfortunately I think he's ruined what you had. Don't let him sleep with other people and come back to you, I know it's going to be hard as hell but make him either beg to be back with you or move on. He told you it's over on tuesday morning out of the blue which must have been horrible for you, and by the looks of it (as a lot of people in your position would) you're gunna try and make it work which I very much do suggest, but be very blunt for him and ask him where he see's your relationship with each other going, I'm not sure staying friends right now would work as you could get stuck in a limbo state where you're still really attached to him but aren't with him, if it isn't on the cards get closure and get rid - he's done it for such a silly reason and I feel you are vulnerable due to you being best friends with him as well, I feel for you ! This may sound somewhat cold but I want you to take off the rose tinted glasses and consider that while you I'm sure can still picture your amazing future together with him, he's thinking of ****ing other girls. Best of luck, I hope it either works itself out or you can deal with it
Thank you for your response, you've basically said everything I know in my head already but it's so scary being on my own all of a sudden when, to all intents and purposes, i've done nothing wrong. Admittedly I wasn't perfect in the relationship but who is? I'm just at a loss for what to do when I love him so much. At the moment I know I'd definitely welcome him back with open arms, but I'm not naive enough to think that this would be a healthy option. I'm just at a loss really. I can't stop crying, I can't eat properly, I can't sleep... and mostly I just can't figure what I did to deserve this.
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