it hurts, I'll never find him

anon please, it hurts that i won't be happy in the long-term
since my parents are bound to get me into an arrange marriage, i know i won't have a say in it
it really hurts that i won't be able to find the guy i really love, since true love is very hard to find

when i used to get abused last year, i used to cry and fall asleep that a guy would save me from this misery but the in reality no guy would want to stay with me, i've been through a lot and i think i'm mentally too emotional

i respect my culture but i don't agree with arranged marriages and the drowny (can't remember the word) system, where you have to give the groom's family lots of money

i can't live my life how i want to, because people would gossip and my parents would get embarassed of it

i really like this guy but we don't know each other that well and he hangs around with people that used to bully me. he's going uni, it hurts that i can't be with him or anyone that i like because of my culture

anon please, it hurts that i won't be happy in the long-term
since my parents are bound to get me into an arrange marriage, i know i won't have a say in it
it really hurts that i won't be able to find the guy i really love, since true love is very hard to find

when i used to get abused last year, i used to cry and fall asleep that a guy would save me from this misery but the in reality no guy would want to stay with me, i've been through a lot and i think i'm mentally too emotional

i respect my culture but i don't agree with arranged marriages and the drowny (can't remember the word) system, where you have to give the groom's family lots of money

i can't live my life how i want to, because people would gossip and my parents would get embarassed of it

i really like this guy but we don't know each other that well and he hangs around with people that used to bully me. he's going uni, it hurts that i can't be with him or anyone that i like because of my culture

It's a real shame what I hear about arranged marriages from most people. My family's been doing it forever, and while I don't entirely agree with it, they're some of the most successful marriages i've ever seen. But this is only because there's no element of forcefulness; if the son/daughter don't like the person, they don't go through with it. This coupled with really expert knowledge of life partners is probably why they're all so happy!
But you're saying it's forceful so ehh....

guys i was nearly forced into an arranged marriage with a guy that#s 10 years older than me last year to restore their honour because i'm let down since i was re-taking

now i've managed to get out of it, they are still expecting me to have one when i finish graduating uni

guys i was nearly forced into an arranged marriage with a guy that#s 10 years older than me last year to restore their honour because i'm let down since i was re-taking

now i've managed to get out of it, they are still expecting me to have one when i finish graduating uni

guys i was nearly forced into an arranged marriage with a guy that#s 10 years older than me last year to restore their honour because i'm let down since i was re-taking

now i've managed to get out of it, they are still expecting me to have one when i finish graduating uni

Whats your background?
As in ethnic background......

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-18356117

Quoted:
"The new law will distinguish between forced marriages, where there is no consent, and arranged marriages where "both parties have consented to the union but can still refuse to marry if they choose to"

It is illegal. You have nothing to worry about. If YOU do not want your family to find your future husband, then you can tell them to bugger off. You're in UNI, and now is the time to find yourself. You have the next 20 or so years - YEARS - to find your soul-mate. Life is long, and what seems horrible now, will seem infinitely less frightening in a few years from now.

Love and ultimately marriage, if that's whats right for you, is one the most important things in life. I must be hard, and seem virtually impossible to avoid the situation you're in but it's you life, no-one controls you or has the right to dictate who you're going to spend the rest of your life with and supposedly love.

Follow you heart, you're clearly upset about the prospect of your future, so take control and don't let it happen, else you will regret it. It will be so hard and so scary but at the end of the day, love is for you to find, not your parents.

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through... Have you tried Karma Nirvana? http://www.karmanirvana.org.uk/
Hopefully this organization can be of some use to you.

When you graduate, can you not just find a job and get a flat? I don't see why you should go back to your family and go by their rules.

Go to university, ensure you leave with a job at the end and simply do not marry the person they think you should. At that point you should be independent, and if they start suggesting violence or trips to wherever you may be from, start talking to the police, and tell them you did.

I'd rather be homeless than live my life with someone I do not know or love . This is your life, and you need to take control of it. You don't need lots of money to go to university. You can apply for finance help and once you are finished with uni you can get a job and be independent. If your parents loved you how they should then they wouldn't be doing this to you. It sounds to me like they're more worried about their reputation. What they're doing is wrong. If I were you, I would leave and never look back, no matter how much I loved them. Maybe one day they will forgive you. If they don't, it's their loss. I mean, come on, this is the 21st century!
You only get one life, and no one can tell you what to do with it.


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OP, It's hard, but you're gonna have to take a stand. With yourself first, to realise you're strong enough not to go through with this, and then your family. You have to make that decision first though. Just don't do anything brash/dangerous. Talk to actua people who deal with things like this for their job, and have the training and expertise to help you. Maybe see your doctor, you sound like you're going through a very hard time emotionally. Maybe they could suggest something. But take anything anyone says on this website with a pinch of salt, this is a STUDENT forum after all. I'll keep you in my prayers.

thanks but my doctor is a family doctor and my mum would think something is weird if i go to a different doctor but thanks

You can go to your family doctor, it's all confidential.

thanks for all of you advices but the thing is all my girl cousins have had arranged marriages and even the guy who were sleeping around are saying they don't mind of getting one

i don't know why, that's one thing i want to do and since i'm not agreeing it's causing everyone to spread rumours about me... such as apparently i'm a slut, i got on chat websites and get naked on webcams and such! it really hurts because i haven't even kissed a guy to respect my mum's wish and most of my cousins (including girls) had boyfriends behind their parents' back and done some other stuff

i know i'm being pathetic but i want to find my guy, i know he exist somewhere