Feel like I make all the effort... Watch

goodkidbadcity
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Been with my current girlfriend for 8 months or so. And for the past 4/5 months or so ive been the only person to arrange stuff. I pretty much always text her first and if I dont text her nothing will get arranged. Sometimes she says she will let me know about certain days but she never gets back to me and I always have to ask her.

What should I do? Some of my friends have advised me to not bother to text her and see how she acts.
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JayPlays
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I had this exact same problem. Back off, let her do some chasing, I know it's hard, but you need to try. If she doesn't make the effort, it might be time to move on. I had to :'(
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Blair Waldorf
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Tell her how she makes you feel.


It's that easy...
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PsychadelicScarf
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(Original post by JayPlays)
I had this exact same problem. Back off, let her do some chasing, I know it's hard, but you need to try. If she doesn't make the effort, it might be time to move on. I had to :'(

I'm sorry to hear that.

BUUUT...

She could have bad experience in the past where she was the only one doing any of the work for the relationship. I think you should talk to her about it, she could just be trying to appeare to be not needy.

If you talk to her, you can see why, and you may have to let the relationship go, or you could save it and make it stronger.
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snapper1
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She probably takes for granted that you'll initiate everything. So follow your friends advice, that way it should become clearer if she really cares about you but just waits for your texts etc first now because she expects it, or she may just not be as keen as you are, in which case you'll have to decide on what to do next!
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Future African game vet
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(Original post by snapper1)
She probably takes for granted that you'll initiate everything. So follow your friends advice, that way it should become clearer if she really cares about you but just waits for your texts etc first now because she expects it, or she may just not be as keen as you are, in which case you'll have to decide on what to do next!
yes, sometimes people get too comfortable, and dont realize they are doing it - though im my experience, when people stop initiating things it usually means they are not as into it anymore... don't badger her too much but maybe talk to her and ask why this is happening?

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JayPlays
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(Original post by PsychadelicScarf)
I'm sorry to hear that.

BUUUT...

She could have bad experience in the past where she was the only one doing any of the work for the relationship. I think you should talk to her about it, she could just be trying to appeare to be not needy.

If you talk to her, you can see why, and you may have to let the relationship go, or you could save it and make it stronger.
We broke up a few days ago. She had no relationship experience prior to me, so to an outsider it could be put down to inexperience; but after a few things that happened in our relationship, I've come to the conclusion that she was just a cold person
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goodkidbadcity
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Maybe she is comfortable... I ask her if shes happy or theres anything she wants to change she says no. I know its her second proper relationship and the last one ended after 9 months, and he was the ome who ended it.

I dunno. Makes me confused sometimes as I dont want to get hurt. I havent spoke to her since I last saw her on Wednesday.
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Mistee M
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Perhaps her first one didnt treat her right and she may expect the same again? You should reassure her?Maybe she's not been with a proper partner before so she's more like the follower? I know i am and my boyfriend does make most decisions which i know is bad but talking bout it really helped and im starting to come up with things to do too. Although in my case it was because I've always been told what to do by family and not had much freedom at all, it might be the same case? But the fact she doesnt text you first is showing there is something definitely wrong and you both deffo need to talk about it, just make sure you are talking not shouting or in a bad tone! Send alot of kisses or whatever if over text so she's assured you're not mad at her and so it wont really lead to an argument or a break up.
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goodkidbadcity
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(Original post by Mistee M)
Perhaps her first one didnt treat her right and she may expect the same again? You should reassure her?Maybe she's not been with a proper partner before so she's more like the follower? I know i am and my boyfriend does make most decisions which i know is bad but talking bout it really helped and im starting to come up with things to do too. Although in my case it was because I've always been told what to do by family and not had much freedom at all, it might be the same case? But the fact she doesnt text you first is showing there is something definitely wrong and you both deffo need to talk about it, just make sure you are talking not shouting or in a bad tone! Send alot of kisses or whatever if over text so she's assured you're not mad at her and so it wont really lead to an argument or a break up.
Yeah I think she is a follower especially in this relationship and I think sometimes shes a bit insensitve to my feelings. I find it hard to talk to her about stuff like this and she usually brushes it off. Ibdont even know how/ where to start a conversation about the above...
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WildBerrySpirit
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Talk to her and tell her how you feel. Don't ignore her.

Is she the shy or reserved type of girl?
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goodkidbadcity
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(Original post by WildBerrySpirit)
Talk to her and tell her how you feel. Don't ignore her.

Is she the shy or reserved type of girl?
Yeah she really is. Its hard to talk to her about stuff like this...
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WildBerrySpirit
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(Original post by goodkidbadcity)
Yeah she really is. Its hard to talk to her about stuff like this...
In that case you probably just need to make her feel more at ease. Try spending more time with her, hopefully she'll begin to feel comfortable enough to trust and open up to you.
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goodkidbadcity
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(Original post by WildBerrySpirit)
In that case you probably just need to make her feel more at ease. Try spending more time with her, hopefully she'll begin to feel comfortable enough to trust and open up to you.
I try. We see each other once a week but whenever I suggest spending more time together, invite her to birthdays, drinks with friends or spending weeknds together she either doesnt reply or says shes busy. So its hard to try and spend more time together
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Kabloomybuzz
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Maybe you need to be more firm with her. Tell her how she is making you feel and that she needs to put a bit more effort in if she wants the relationship to work. She needs to stop taking you for granted. If she's not prepared to do that, you have to consider whether or not you have a future with her.
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goodkidbadcity
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(Original post by Kabloomybuzz)
Maybe you need to be more firm with her. Tell her how she is making you feel and that she needs to put a bit more effort in if she wants the relationship to work. She needs to stop taking you for granted. If she's not prepared to do that, you have to consider whether or not you have a future with her.
Yeah I do really want to tell her how it makes me feel. As I do really like her but this behaviour is making me confused and putting me off. But how do I even get the conversation started. With her being the shy reserved type, whenever I try she dismisses it and doesnt like talking about feelings...

Obviously I want to make it work but guess I need co operation.
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thinktoomuch610
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(Original post by goodkidbadcity)
Yeah I do really want to tell her how it makes me feel. As I do really like her but this behaviour is making me confused and putting me off. But how do I even get the conversation started. With her being the shy reserved type, whenever I try she dismisses it and doesnt like talking about feelings...

Obviously I want to make it work but guess I need co operation.
It would bother me so much if I felt like I was making all the effort.

Hmm, my advice? Well you're gonna have a fight over it, no avoiding that. Just be like, hey, I'm feeling a bit upset. She'll ask why and you'll talk about it


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Kabloomybuzz
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Start out by telling her to listen and not be dismissive of your feelings because they are real and her behaviour is causing it.
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goodkidbadcity
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(Original post by thinktoomuch610)
It would bother me so much if I felt like I was making all the effort.

Hmm, my advice? Well you're gonna have a fight over it, no avoiding that. Just be like, hey, I'm feeling a bit upset. She'll ask why and you'll talk about it

Its starting to bother me a lot.
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(Original post by Kabloomybuzz)
Start out by telling her to listen and not be dismissive of your feelings because they are real and her behaviour is causing it.
I may have too. But last time I told her my feelings she just looked at my blankly and didnt say anything, which annoys me just as much.
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Kabloomybuzz
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(Original post by goodkidbadcity)
I may have too. But last time I told her my feelings she just looked at my blankly and didnt say anything, which annoys me just as much.
Well if she cares so little maybe you should think about whether the relationship is worth it...
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