Scared of having a boyfriend...decisions... Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 6 years ago
#1
I'm a 17 year old girl and I've never had a relationship because I'm scared that things will go wrong - that I will choose the wrong person and will make a mess of my life.
I don't want to have loads of different boyfriends, rather just find one person and have a long term relationship.

However, because I'm in sixth form now I'm not
even sure if there is any point in having a relationship as it will probably end when I finish my A levels...

I don't want to be alone all my life, but I have seen so many people have relationships that mess them up...
Help!
0
reply
joker12345
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#2
Report 6 years ago
#2
I'm 18 and I feel exactly the same - I don't just want to go out with lots of people, it just seems pointless to me, I'd rather invest myself emotionally in the 'right' person as it were. I'm just waiting for that person to come along
4
reply
LeeForShort
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#3
Report 6 years ago
#3
Its better to go out with someone to find out whats your type.
2
reply
Anonymous #1
#4
Report Thread starter 6 years ago
#4
(Original post by joker12345)
I'm 18 and I feel exactly the same - I don't just want to go out with lots of people, it just seems pointless to me, I'd rather invest myself emotionally in the 'right' person as it were. I'm just waiting for that person to come along
But how do you know if they are the 'right person'?
0
reply
Daniel George
Badges: 11
Rep:
?
#5
Report 6 years ago
#5
how will choosing the wrong person mess up your life? you don't have to be with them forever ?

and if you worry and expect things to wrong you will end up ruining the relationship with your pessimistic view in life anyway.
3
reply
Anonymous #1
#6
Report Thread starter 6 years ago
#6
(Original post by Daniel George)
how will choosing the wrong person mess up your life? you don't have to be with them forever ?

and if you worry and expect things to wrong you will end up ruining the relationship with your pessimistic view in life anyway.
I've just seen people get really hurt in relationships...and it messes them up
0
reply
NerdGlasses
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#7
Report 6 years ago
#7
You have to be prepared to go for it and hope it will work out.
My relationship I thought would probably last a couple of weeks at the most, and 11 months later I'm still with him knowing that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. No one knows what the future is going to be like, but if you don't give it a shot. You will never know.


Posted from TSR Mobile
1
reply
sinfonietta
Badges: 22
Rep:
?
#8
Report 6 years ago
#8
Unfortunately (for the majority of us) life isn't as simple as finding that one special person straightaway and living happily ever after.

I was with my ex for 2-3 years and everyone was so certain we were going to get married and be together forever -- even us -- but then life happened. And I don't regret spending those years on him or our break-up. It all worked out in the end. That relationship was followed by nine months with an amazing man that, once again, I don't regret. That one was followed with an abusive relationship that led to me needing to get some higher ups involved. Now that I've realised it's not my fault things went the way they did I've learned to mostly not regret that relationship too.

I suppose I didn't give the best example with that last one. But if you're too afraid to date anyone then how can you expect to find "the one"? Dating gives you good and bad experiences - but you learn some good lessons along the way. Even if it's simply what (not) to do/say and honing your "skills".
1
reply
Daniel George
Badges: 11
Rep:
?
#9
Report 6 years ago
#9
(Original post by Anonymous)
I've just seen people get really hurt in relationships...and it messes them up

sorry thats life.

everyone is hurt when a relationship ends - THINK OF THE POSITIVES!!!!
0
reply
Birkenhead
Badges: 3
Rep:
?
#10
Report 6 years ago
#10
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm a 17 year old girl and I've never had a relationship because I'm scared that things will go wrong - that I will choose the wrong person and will make a mess of my life...I don't want to be alone all my life, but I have seen so many people have relationships that mess them up...Help!
Watch 1:15 - 2:00. That should show you how ridiculous your current mindset is.

0
reply
Anonymous #1
#11
Report Thread starter 6 years ago
#11
(Original post by sinfonietta)
Unfortunately (for the majority of us) life isn't as simple as finding that one special person straightaway and living happily ever after.

I was with my ex for 2-3 years and everyone was so certain we were going to get married and be together forever -- even us -- but then life happened. And I don't regret spending those years on him or our break-up. It all worked out in the end. That relationship was followed by nine months with an amazing man that, once again, I don't regret. That one was followed with an abusive relationship that led to me needing to get some higher ups involved. Now that I've realised it's not my fault things went the way they did I've learned to mostly not regret that relationship too.

I suppose I didn't give the best example with that last one. But if you're too afraid to date anyone then how can you expect to find "the one"? Dating gives you good and bad experiences - but you learn some good lessons along the way. Even if it's simply what (not) to do/say and honing your "skills".
Is there any point having a relationship if you know it will most probably end in a year or two?
0
reply
thinktoomuch610
Badges: 2
Rep:
?
#12
Report 6 years ago
#12
Honey, this is the real world, you are going to get hurt. That doesn't make stupid decisions though!

But you'll never experience anything if you're too scared of getting hurt


Posted from TSR Mobile
0
reply
Ed3003
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#13
Report 6 years ago
#13
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm a 17 year old girl and I've never had a relationship because I'm scared that things will go wrong - that I will choose the wrong person and will make a mess of my life.
I don't want to have loads of different boyfriends, rather just find one person and have a long term relationship.

However, because I'm in sixth form now I'm not
even sure if there is any point in having a relationship as it will probably end when I finish my A levels...

I don't want to be alone all my life, but I have seen so many people have relationships that mess them up...
Help!
You're only 17, this isn't something you should worry about yet, even if all your friends are... enjoy being relationship worry free! I was terrified of relationships/ being with guys before I actually met someone, of course it hurts if it ends but there's no point in not trying a relationship just because you're scared. Wait until you find someone that it feels really right with, then as cheesy as it sounds, it'll feel worth the risk.
0
reply
CasualSoul
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#14
Report 6 years ago
#14
Hey don't base your decisions on what could. No one wants to get hurt but sometimes you got to let your guard down and allow yourself to be loved by someone. It may not work out and yeah you might get hurt but there's also a chance it will. Just don't rush into things and take time to form a friendship before you rush into relationships. That is all.
0
reply
joker12345
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#15
Report 6 years ago
#15
(Original post by Anonymous)
But how do you know if they are the 'right person'?
I'm hoping that I'll be able to tell and have that connection with them by getting to know them and becoming close (ie friendship first), THEN going out with them, when I'm (and they, hopefully) are pretty convinced. Not many people who get into relationships before uni stay together so I wouldn't worry that you haven't found anyone yet.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#16
Report Thread starter 6 years ago
#16
(Original post by joker12345)
I'm hoping that I'll be able to tell and have that connection with them by getting to know them and becoming close (ie friendship first), THEN going out with them, when I'm (and they, hopefully) are pretty convinced. Not many people who get into relationships before uni stay together so I wouldn't worry that you haven't found anyone yet.
So there's not much point having a relationship until uni?
0
reply
joker12345
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#17
Report 6 years ago
#17
(Original post by NerdGlasses)
You have to be prepared to go for it and hope it will work out.
My relationship I thought would probably last a couple of weeks at the most, and 11 months later I'm still with him knowing that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. No one knows what the future is going to be like, but if you don't give it a shot. You will never know.


Posted from TSR Mobile
Why did you not think it would last? I understand what you're saying, and it's fine if that's the way you want things - I personally think it would be better to get to know a person and at least feel you want a future with them before entering into a relationship.
0
reply
ChocoCoatedLemons
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#18
Report 6 years ago
#18
You're only 17, why are you even worrying about this? Very few people marry their first partner and stay with them for the rest of their lives. It's not very plausible.
0
reply
NerdGlasses
Badges: 0
Rep:
?
#19
Report 6 years ago
#19
(Original post by joker12345)
Why did you not think it would last? I understand what you're saying, and it's fine if that's the way you want things - I personally think it would be better to get to know a person and at least feel you want a future with them before entering into a relationship.
I got close to my boyfriend on a school trip. Never before really spoke to him, and so when we got close, I just thought he was going to be like a close friend, nothing serious. It's more that I only really got to know him after a week, which is why I didn't think it would work. I understand that you would want to feel like you would want to spend your future with them, but I find my feelings toward my boyfriend get stronger each day. The fact it was a sort of spur-of-the-moment relationship makes me think that might be why it worked out, as all of my previous crap relationships, I worked up towards, liking the boy more and more, and each time, I waited to make sure 'he was the one' and each time, they ended after around 2 weeks. Personally from my experience, going into a relationship with a bit of friendly flirting and not really expecting it to happen, is better than waiting months and months for one boy, who will only break your heart.
0
reply
sinfonietta
Badges: 22
Rep:
?
#20
Report 6 years ago
#20
(Original post by Anonymous)
Is there any point having a relationship if you know it will most probably end in a year or two?
Of course there is. Not every relationship needs to be serious. Don't go into a relationship with the mindset that this is the person you're going to be with forever - just have some fun and enjoy spending what time you have with them. It doesn't even need to be sexual if that's not what you want.
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

How has the start of this academic year been for you?

Loving it - gonna be a great year (139)
17.77%
It's just nice to be back! (211)
26.98%
Not great so far... (281)
35.93%
I want to drop out! (151)
19.31%

Watched Threads

View All