I think a guy I've slept with might be autistic. Watch

Anonymous #1
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Hey all,

Ok I'm 22 years old. In my sixth form there was a guy who I used to find quite attractive and he used to like me too. Nothing ever happened between us at school except for a bit of flirting. When we were 20 we met up, got drunk and did some sexual stuff. This summer we had sex once.

He's a good looking guy - half spanish, has nice dark exotic looks. Everyone used to comment on how good looking he was and wonder why he wasn't more confident or didn't talk much. He was always a bit of a strange guy who never really spoke much. Used to kind of just act strangely and hang with the quiet crowd.

I used to wonder about him too, why his personality was always a little bit odd. I did some reading up on autism a while back, and when I read some stuff, he came to mind suddenly. Especially when it came to how honest autistics can be. He's always been very honest, that even if he compliments you, he'll indirectly say something negative without even realising. He's just generally blunt with what he says.

Something that raised more suspicion was when I slept with him over the summer holidays. I remember before asking him how many people he had "slept with" and he replied with "seven". Then I asked him again the night we slept together and he said "three". When I said that before he had told me seven, he replied with "well, I've 'slept in a bed' with seven" - not seeing past literal meaning...

This is going to be a bit graphic... but he was a bit robotic when we had sex. We had some trouble getting it in... at the end, when it was over he commented "hmm, you have a small hole".

Ok I know this is an odd post. But I'm too embarrassed to talk about this with people I know. Do you guys think he's autistic, based on what I've told you?
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Birkenhead
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You've given a couple of anecdotes; even if we were medical professional qualified to make this judgement there wouldn't be enough information. The only way you can know for sure is by asking him directly and if he doesn't know then having him tested. If he's open, have him take the AQ test online. That may give a more certain picture than the unfounded opinions of a student forum can provide
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Tuerin)
You've given a couple of anecdotes; even if we were medical professional qualified to make this judgement there wouldn't be enough information. The only way you can know for sure is by asking him directly and if he doesn't know then having him tested. If he's open, have him take the AQ test online. That may give a more certain picture than the unfounded opinions of a student forum can provide
Ok, here's the second part of the story. I told one of his best friend, a guy who I'm good friends with too, my suspicions of autisim and he went and told him (the boy I slept with) what I had said.

He broke off contact with me because of what I'd said and said he found it "pretty degrading". And that he didn't need anyone telling him what "personality defect" he might have.
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jeery83
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You sound like you have a very limited understanding of what it means to be autistic. If he turned out to be on the autism spectrum, so what? :confused:
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ExWunderkind
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Ok, here's the second part of the story. I told one of his best friend, a guy who I'm good friends with too, my suspicions of autisim and he went and told him (the boy I slept with) what I had said.

He broke off contact with me because of what I'd said and said he found it "pretty degrading". And that he didn't need anyone telling him what "personality defect" he might have.
So what even if he has?

I mean seriously, you liked him and he liked you. Should he wear a badge informing you of any conditions he might have?

If it matters that much to you maybe you should have potential applicants to a liaison fill out a disclaimer.

Sarcasm aside, if he is indeed anywhere on the ASD he maybe quite high functioning, so much that he probably tries to blend in as much as he can, he doesn't feel the need to inform people of any condition he has. Let him, don't label him and draw attention to it.
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Michaelj
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Just because he's a good looking guy, shy and honest and lying about his sex life doesn't make him autistic, no. :rolleyes:

I'd be pissed off too if someone accused me of being autistic just because I was quiet/socially awkward.
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ExWunderkind
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(Original post by Mister Cery)
If someone was autistic it would be very apparent, not just being a bit anti social.

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No, not really.

Autism is a spectrum disorder meaning that you can be anywhere on it. People with autism have varying degrees of functionality. It isn't always as apparent as you think, especially with the declassification of Aspergers Syndrome as per the new DSM released later this year.
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Michaelj
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(Original post by ExWunderkind)
No, not really.

Autism is a spectrum disorder meaning that you can be anywhere on it. People with autism have varying degrees of functionality. It isn't always as apparent as you think, especially with the declassification of Aspergers Syndrome as per the new DSM released later this year.
It's still fairly obvious when someone has Aspergers...
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Anonymous #2
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This broke off contact with you after what you said to a friend, how do you think he'd feel if he knew you'd written about his sexual performance and social difficulties online? Autistic or not, it should make no difference. I really do not see why you needed to make a thread out of this.
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Tabzqt
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Aspergers is wildly over-diagnosed.

Chances are, if he's just a bit socially awkward, he's not autistic. Similarly, he doesn't seem that sexually experienced. Hence the "robotic" sex with him.
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ExWunderkind
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(Original post by Michaelj)
It's still fairly obvious when someone has Aspergers...
I wouldn't be so sure of that.

I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome when I was in my late teens, and I often surprise people if I tell them. They then give the "Ah ok, yeah that makes sense now" comment, but the majority of people might just presume I'm rude/blunt/unable to grasp sarcasm/doesn't shut up when talking about an interest etc.
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Michaelj
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(Original post by ExWunderkind)
I wouldn't be so sure of that.

I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome when I was in my late teens, and I often surprise people if I tell them. They then give the "Ah ok, yeah that makes sense now" comment, but the majority of people might just presume I'm rude/blunt/unable to grasp sarcasm/doesn't shut up when talking about an interest etc.
I work with autustic people so generally I got good knowledge of it all. People often always know Aspergers people are "off" and "different" they are just unsure of what they have (unless they know they are Aspergers). That's why a lot of Aspergers people wrongly get accused of having Narcisstic PD and other PDs (because they're similar in some ways).

Tell me, the traits you mentioned are pretty obvious traits of someone with Aspergers, what if people didn't know about Aspergers? (for example my rl friend whose 24 years old, thought all autistic adults were deformed physcially and had the mental age of toddlers). A lot of people are oblivious to the AS and uneducated to understand.
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Tiger Rag
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(Original post by Michaelj)
It's still fairly obvious when someone has Aspergers...
Not always. I can think of quite a few people I'm friends with who have it, and I only know because they told me. I can only think of one person where it's been obvious.
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Michaelj
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(Original post by OU Student)
Not always. I can think of quite a few people I'm friends with who have it, and I only know because they told me. I can only think of one person where it's been obvious.
Did you not sense anything about them? Were they diagnosed by doctors or self-diagnosed?
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ExWunderkind
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(Original post by Michaelj)
I work with autustic people so generally I got good knowledge of it all. People often always know Aspergers people are "off" and "different" they are just unsure of what they have (unless they know they are Aspergers). That's why a lot of Aspergers people wrongly get accused of having Narcisstic PD and other PDs (because they're similar in some ways).

Tell me, the traits you mentioned are pretty obvious traits of someone with Aspergers, what if people didn't know about Aspergers? (for example my rl friend whose 24 years old, thought all autistic adults were deformed physcially and had the mental age of toddlers). A lot of people are oblivious to the AS and uneducated to understand.
No I understand that, a lot of people genuinely do not know of Aspergers, and yes there is a very high amount of ignorance in general to autism itself.

I agree that the majority of the time it is noticeable, all I am trying to say is, as a high functioning person with autism: if I want to try and blend in, let me. And in turn, if the guy mentioned in the OP is, why should we try to 'out' him?

It is nice that sometimes I get mistaken for someone not on the ASD. I feel very fortunate for this, as some sufferers who are heavily debilitated by the condition will never get that luxury.

As someone who works with people with autism, I have no doubt you are highly attuned to their traits, even the uncommon ones, and thus after meeting me would probably have suspicions.
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Tiger Rag
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(Original post by Michaelj)
Did you not sense anything about them? Were they diagnosed by doctors or self-diagnosed?
They've been diagnosed and I didn't sense anything about them. One is just really quiet; but nothing that unusual. The one I worked out who has it, comes across as weird.
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Michaelj
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(Original post by ExWunderkind)
No I understand that, a lot of people genuinely do not know of Aspergers, and yes there is a very high amount of ignorance in general to autism itself.

I agree that the majority of the time it is noticeable, all I am trying to say is, as a high functioning person with autism: if I want to try and blend in, let me. And in turn, if the guy mentioned in the OP is, why should we try to 'out' him?

It is nice that sometimes I get mistaken for someone not on the ASD. I feel very fortunate for this, as some sufferers who are heavily debilitated by the condition will never get that luxury.

As someone who works with people with autism, I have no doubt you are highly attuned to their traits, even the uncommon ones, and thus after meeting me would probably have suspicions.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLJEsT9mY2Y

There's a video on Aspergers wrongly diagnosed as Narcissism. I imagine the Narcissist's, depending if they're full of pride will feel shame or if they want to escape jail, will throw in the Aspergers excuse, right away.

Yes, I work with autistic adults but the people I work with usually have the mental age of about 2-8 years old. Generally though they have the same traits to what normal mental age people would have. Such as social anxiety, obsession of subjects, obsession of dates, having things in the same place, pictures etc etc.
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ExWunderkind
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(Original post by Michaelj)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLJEsT9mY2Y

There's a video on Aspergers wrongly diagnosed as Narcissism. I imagine the Narcissist's, depending if they're full of pride will feel shame or if they want to escape jail, will throw in the Aspergers excuse, right away.

Yes, I work with autistic adults but the people I work with usually have the mental age of about 2-8 years old. Generally though they have the same traits to what normal mental age people would have. Such as social anxiety, obsession of subjects, obsession of dates, having things in the same place, pictures etc etc.
Anyway, as of May when the new DSM is released, it will be just autistic. No separate classification of Aspergers. Much to the chagrin of many sufferers, personally I don't care how I am labelled.
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Michaelj
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(Original post by ExWunderkind)
Anyway, as of May when the new DSM is released, it will be just autistic. No separate classification of Aspergers. Much to the chagrin of many sufferers, personally I don't care how I am labelled.
Really? Why's that?
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ExWunderkind
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(Original post by Michaelj)
Really? Why's that?
The APA decided that there was no need for a separate classification, and they have tried to reduce the actual number of conditions present due to the criticism of over medicalisation and over diagnosis.

http://www.care2.com/causes/the-end-...-syndrome.html
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