I found a copy of indy media's "Manchester Evening Newt" on the bus today. It's rather hilarious, thought I'd share a few of the articles.
"Drinking Frappawappas at Starbucks does not make you an american."
A disappointed would be holiday maker was rebuffed at JFK airport in New York when he found that his Frappawappa cup was not a valid travel document and did not bestown citizenship.
Housing Crisis in Manchester
1000 New Luxury Apartments Needed.
Manchester - Drawing attention to a problem often shunned aside byt the regular citizens of Manchester, the Yuppie Support Network (YSN) yesterday confirmed that the domicillary fates of thousands of the city's more affluent residents are at risk of becoming a crisis. Porcia Taylor-Smith, spokesperson for the organisation, said: "These are people who, if the council does not finally own up to its responsibility, will soon be forced to live in the streets, or even worse, in terrace houses in the suburbs. The Council cannot run away from this forever. We need luxury apartments, and we need them now."
Lawrence Chapman, 28, an advertising consultant and one of the many afflicted, confirmed the severity of the crisis: "I have been living in a 3-bedroom semi in Withington for over two years now. The conditions are horrific. I have to park my Jag on the street where it is prey to vandals, pigeons and falling arboreal matter, there is no bidet in the bathroom and I have to use a system of staircases to reach the various floors of my house. I am embarassed to invite anyone over for champers and beluga, I mean, when is this all going to end?"
Sally Clarke, spokesperson for the Manchester Council Housing Department, was unavailable for comment but issued a general statement: "We at the Manchester Council are currentyly doing everything we can to provide human housing facilities for these unfortunate people. We would like to draw attention to the success of the Deansgate One emergency housing project and hope that similar estates which are in construction on Medlock Street and Whitworth Street West will further help to alleviate the situation and make Manchester a more liveable place for the city's yuppies."
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"Drinking Frappawappas at Starbucks does not make you an american." watch
- Thread Starter
- 12-03-2004 18:48
- 12-03-2004 18:50
Maybe if he had used an empty can of coke....?
- Thread Starter
- 12-03-2004 18:55
DON'T STAND AND WATCH AS OUR CITY'S SOUL IS SOLD TO THE HIGHEST BIDDER. WHILE GREEDY DEVELOPERS AND THEIR RICH CLIENTS TURN OUR STREETS INTO BREEDING GROUNDS FOR OVERPRIVELIDGED YUPPIES AND OVERPAID CORPORATE CRIMINALS, ONCE VIBRANT COMMUNITIES ARE SQUEEZED OUT BY HUGE PROPERTY PRICES AND RENT HIKES. WHILST STREET WARDENS TRAWL THE CITY CENTRE, THE PRIVELIDGED HIDE BEHIND GATES AND GUARDS. NOW THE BEGGARS AND THE GRAFITTI ARE CLEANED AWAY. INSTEAD 4x4s FILL THE STREETS WITH THEIR FUMES. ALL THE NEW SHOPS ARE OVERPRICED AND THE BARS GUARDED BY NAZIS. THE ONLY TIME LOCAL FOLK GET IN IS TO CLEAN THE FLOORS. LET'S TAKE OUR CITY BACK. EVICT THE IVORY TOWERS, SWITCH OFF THE CCTV AND SQUAT THE DESIGNER SHOPS. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!