if girl took morning after pill..

If your girlfriend took the morning after (emergency contraception) pill, would you want her to tell you she did? (Or should she take care of everything herself, pregnancy scare etc without telling him?)

Reply 1

ebduff

I've had to do this before and I let the guy know, he was understanding and realised we'd probably made a mistake in not using protection and just said he supported me in taking it. Also, why don't you look at some contraception? You don't want to be relying on the morning after pill!

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

I took it today, worst most humiliating experience of my life.
and no I wont tell him. He just put it in without giving me time to tell him I needed to get a condom; I'm assuming he either assumed I was in the pill or simply didn't care.

Reply 3

Kabloomybuzz

Original post by Anonymous

That's basically rape. I'm hoping this wasn't a boyfriend...

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by Kabloomybuzz

That's basically rape. I'm hoping this wasn't a boyfriend...

No, I hardly know they guy, hes a friend of a friend.
we were both drunk and I told him I didn't want to do anything as he has a girlfriend so he left me alone until I woke up a couple hours later and he was tearing my trousers down..
I don't know if he would have stopped if I had asked him to.. but it's done now I can't worry about it

Reply 5

Babbits

Well depends who it was that had unprotected sex with me if I'm honest. If it was a boyfriend then yes I guess I would

Reply 6

Kabloomybuzz

Original post by Anonymous

Really? You don't think it would be a good idea to report it and prevent it happening to others? Prevent him hurtin people? What about his gf?

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by Kabloomybuzz

Really? You don't think it would be a good idea to report it and prevent it happening to others? Prevent him hurtin people? What about his gf?

It wasn't like that at all, I cant just start running around making accusations. he has a reputation for being a snake, I should have know better.
And I cant tell his girlfriend, not because I need to save my own back but because my best friend is very close with this guy and.. it would break her to know that we had done such a stupid thing together.

Reply 8

Tom_Anderson

Original post by Kabloomybuzz

That's basically rape. I'm hoping this wasn't a boyfriend...

No. Rapes where you scream NO! NO! STOP! And they carry on. It's not where you lie there thinking I shouldnt be doing this.

Reply 9

Kabloomybuzz

Original post by Tom_Anderson

No. Rapes where you scream NO! NO! STOP! And they carry on. It's not where you lie there thinking I shouldnt be doing this.

No, rape, legally and practically, is when consent from a participating adult is not given. You can't say it isn't rape if someone doesn't, or can't say no out of fear, because of threats or unconsciousness. In this instance, he didn't have consent to penetrate without protection, and he didn't give her the chance to protest. Yes, perhaps she should have said something earlier, but as established, there are reasons that people do not do this.

Reply 10

unprinted

Original post by Kabloomybuzz

I'm with you on it being rape, but the law doesn't distinguish between 'yes, you can stick your penis in me only if you use a condom' and 'yes, you can stick your penis in me'. If someone is sticking their penis in you, and you care about whether or not it has a condom on, you need to check that it does. If not, you can say 'stop' and if it doesn't, it's rape.

Reply 11

pinkangelgirl

Original post by Kabloomybuzz

the law states the threat must be reasonable.

OP doesnt mention anywhere that she felt physically or psychologically threatened by him.

Just because you regret it afterwards that would be no basis for rape.

Reply 12

Kabloomybuzz

Original post by pinkangelgirl

Show me the legal text where it states this

Someone might rape their partner, they may not feel threatened, they may not protest. They might feel that, because it is their partner, they can't do anything about it. Similarly somone might be raped when asleep or unconscious. In this instance, they wouldn't feel threatened or afraid and they wouldn't be able to say anything. This is still rape in the eyes of the law.

In this instance, she was not given the chance to give informed consent. He did not inform her he would not use a condom and did it anyway. In the eyes of the law, this constitutes as rape.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 13

pinkangelgirl

Original post by Kabloomybuzz

Yes but I was referring to the specific points that the poster had made. Tht in that case the psychological coercion does not seem sufficient enough for rape.

Other things can invalidate the consent, like you say, such as unconsciousness, intoxication, coercion...but in this scenario, it does not look like any of these have occured.

And you will find that most law is case law, particularly with things like rape where there is the legal definition and then all the areas surround what 'consent' is are built off cases.

(I have just had to write a Uni essay on what it means by rape and consent.)

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 14

Kabloomybuzz

Original post by pinkangelgirl

She did not give fully informed consent. He did not inform her that he would not use protection and did it anyway. Informed consent is very important regarding rape and the law.

Reply 15

unprinted

Original post by pinkangelgirl

(I have just had to write a Uni essay on what it means by rape and consent.)

It will be interesting to know what mark it gets.

I'm still saying 'rape', because of the Sexual Offences Act 2003 s1:

Rape (1) A person (A) commits an offence if—
(a) he intentionally penetrates the vagina, anus or mouth of another person (B) with his penis,
(b) B does not consent to the penetration, and
(c) A does not reasonably believe that B consents.

The word 'reasonable' was new to this Act. Prior to that, there was case law to say that a genuine belief in consent, no matter how unreasonable, was enough. Now it's not.

What he's reported as doing is waking up someone - who has previously said, recently and clearly, that they do not want intercourse with him - by removing their lower clothing and not getting their assent to intercourse prior to sticking his penis in them.

If it ever came to trial, his defence would doubtless be that he believed she was consenting because she didn't start screaming 'NOOO', but given her prior behaviour (as well as good sexual manners) were I on the jury, I would not see it as a reasonable belief. Doubly so because of the failure to use a condom.

Will it get that far? I suspect sadly not, unless other women he's done this to - and there will be some - report it.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 16

unprinted

I don't usually go back to posts that have fallen off the first page, but the Court of Appeal has recently had a case involving rape, which confirms my view here: B v R. [2013] EWCA Crim 3 (31 January 2013).

B, who was suffering from a mental illness at the time, was charged with several rapes of his partner and convicted of, amongst other things, two of them. In both cases, the partner acknowledged that she had removed her clothing herself before submitting to sex, and B claimed he believed the sex was consensual.

However the court ruled that even if he had a delusional belief in her consent, "delusional beliefs cannot in law render reasonable a belief that his partner was consenting when in fact she was not". Belief in consent "must not only be genuinely held; it must also be reasonable in all the circumstances" and not looked at purely from the subjective point of view of the accused.

Reply 17

Tom_Anderson

Well lets look at some real stats. 15,670 criminal offences of rape are recorded by the police. Of that number almost 3000 go to court. Of those 3000 only 1000 are found guilty and are convicted of rape.

So out of every 16 people who thought they were raped, the crown prosecution service agreed with only 3. Of those 3 the jury agreed with only 1. What does this tell you?