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If you've fallen for someone in a relationship, should you tell them?

:confused:

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No. What are you expecting to happen if you do?
Reply 2
Avatar for NWA
NWA
13
In most circumstances no. But each individual circumstance is obviously different.

What's the current situation?
Reply 3
Avatar for Peachz
Peachz
17
Yes, for all you know her boyfriend is a massive cock. What is the worse that will happen? She'll politely reject you and you'll get over it.
Reply 4
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nails9999
OP
2
Original post by desdemonata
No. What are you expecting to happen if you do?

It's not really about 'expecting' anything to happen, I just wanted to know peoples opinions on whether or not it's morally right to tell someone how you feel even if they're in a relationship, or to keep it bottled up.
Nope.

Infact just don't go around telling people how much you love them unless you think the feelings are reciprocated.

There is not a person on the planet that will love you just because you announce your infatuation with them.
Original post by nails9999
It's not really about 'expecting' anything to happen, I just wanted to know peoples opinions on whether or not it's morally right to tell someone how you feel even if they're in a relationship, or to keep it bottled up.


I don't think so. I can't really imagine any circumstances in which it's a good idea, though not really because of morals. If they're happy with their partner, it will probably just make things awkward/cause tension. If they're not happy, you don't really need/want to be the catalyst for breaking them up and are better off waiting until they break up.
Reply 7
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nails9999
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Original post by NWA
In most circumstances no. But each individual circumstance is obviously different.

What's the current situation?

We are friends. But I've started to have really strong feelings for him. I would never do anything if he was still in a relationship, but it's killing me keeping it to myself. I think he does like me too, though obviously I can't be sure.
If you want to be selfish.
In general, definitely not!
It doesn't make much of a difference. If they felt the same about you then they wouldn't be in a relationship with someone else. If they're in a bad relationship, you confessing your feelings will just complicate things and make it messy. And a seemingly best case scenario (they break up with there other half to be with you), it's not exactly the best start to a relationship. For all you know, they could be using you as a rebound, to make themselves feel good etc.

And also, how would you feel if someone told your boyfriend/girlfriend that they liked them. Not very nice, I imagine.
Original post by nails9999
We are friends. But I've started to have really strong feelings for him. I would never do anything if he was still in a relationship, but it's killing me keeping it to myself. I think he does like me too, though obviously I can't be sure.


Every time I have heard someone say this about someone else in a relationship, they have actually been hoping for something to happen. You're hoping he likes you back; you're hoping something happens because of that.
Reply 11
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nails9999
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Original post by desdemonata
Every time I have heard someone say this about someone else in a relationship, they have actually been hoping for something to happen. You're hoping he likes you back; you're hoping something happens because of that.

Well, that's slightly obvious, obviously if you have feelings for someone you want something to happen, but it doesn't mean you expect it to. Obviously you expect to be rejected, as they are in a relationship after all. But it's up to him ultimately what he does with his life.
Reply 12
Avatar for -SJ-
-SJ-
No, he's in a relationship so he's off the market. Try and distance yourself abit, so you get 'over him', because you don't want your feelings to grow stronger and stronger for him, you tell him and ruin a good friendship and/or may cause problems in his relationship. As your friends, let him be happy in his relationship, but if he ever becomes single then tell him if you still like him that way. While he's in a relationship though, no.
Original post by nails9999
Well, that's slightly obvious, obviously if you have feelings for someone you want something to happen, but it doesn't mean you expect it to. Obviously you expect to be rejected, as they are in a relationship after all. But it's up to him ultimately what he does with his life.


That makes it selfish to announce your feelings. If you expect to be rejected why do it; that will just be awkward and may possibly ruin your friendship.
Reply 14
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nails9999
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Original post by desdemonata
That makes it selfish to announce your feelings. If you expect to be rejected why do it; that will just be awkward and may possibly ruin your friendship.

How is it selfish to tell someone how you feel?
Original post by nails9999
How is it selfish to tell someone how you feel?


? Because you're hoping that they'll do something like break up with their current partner?

Is this guy happen with his girlfriend? Do they have obvious issues? If not, then hoping they will break up (particularly if it's so he can get with you) is selfish.
Reply 16
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nails9999
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Original post by desdemonata
? Because you're hoping that they'll do something like break up with their current partner?

Is this guy happen with his girlfriend? Do they have obvious issues? If not, then hoping they will break up (particularly if it's so he can get with you) is selfish.

If I was selfish I would have thrown myself at him. I'm only human, we can't help how we feel or who we fall for. But we can choose how we act upon it. If there isn't any problems in his relationship and he actually doesn't have feelings for me, then I'd be rejected and that's that. People fall out of love you know. And if he asked me outright if I have feelings for him, which I think he might do, do I lie to him and say I don't? Because it would be selfish of me to tell him the truth?
Original post by nails9999
It's not really about 'expecting' anything to happen, I just wanted to know peoples opinions on whether or not it's morally right to tell someone how you feel even if they're in a relationship, or to keep it bottled up.


Yeah it's right to tell them, if your feelings are sincere, and you think they may feel the same.
Original post by nails9999
If I was selfish I would have thrown myself at him. I'm only human, we can't help how we feel or who we fall for. But we can choose how we act upon it. If there isn't any problems in his relationship and he actually doesn't have feelings for me, then I'd be rejected and that's that. People fall out of love you know. And if he asked me outright if I have feelings for him, which I think he might do, do I lie to him and say I don't? Because it would be selfish of me to tell him the truth?


Exactly. So don't act upon it. It's not as bad as throwing yourself at him, but at the end of the day the intention is exactly the same "look at me, forget about her".

No, if he asks you, that is entirely different. That is him opening up that avenue of conversation.

If he had 0% feelings for you, wouldn't you just be disappointed? And what if it did ruin your friendship, would it have been worth it?
Reply 19
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nails9999
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Original post by desdemonata
Exactly. So don't act upon it. It's not as bad as throwing yourself at him, but at the end of the day the intention is exactly the same "look at me, forget about her".

No, if he asks you, that is entirely different. That is him opening up that avenue of conversation.

If he had 0% feelings for you, wouldn't you just be disappointed? And what if it did ruin your friendship, would it have been worth it?

I don't think telling someone how you feel is really 'acting' as it wouldn't have any effect on their relationship if it was a good one and he was happy. Yes of course I'd be disappointed, but I'd rather take the risk just incase he does feel the same. Friendships can be rebuilt

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