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Promiscuity: Give it up or play along Watch

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    Live life how you want to live life. There is not a right way or wrong way.

    Am I personally into promiscuity? No

    I remember someone I once knew who said they once entered a pub and realised that they had slept with every guy that was in there,. Obviously this was in a small town, but to me that would be a nightmare.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Another question: To those so against casual relationships and such, can I just get your answers as to why?

    Just something i've always wanted to know
    i think for me. for whatever the reasonn is. i link sex with trust. i like that i've earned that trust, and i don't trust a person who's goes round trusting everyone.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's never really been like that for me. Do you think this is because I just haven't met the right person yet or ever been in love?
    I think it has more to do with your personality. I thought like that before I even started dating. In fact, I "turned down" my now almost 4-year girlfriend 3 years before we started dating because I felt I couldn't be that intimate with her without knowing her much better.
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    #4

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I didn't think I'd get hurt tbh. But the last one won't leave my mind. He was a friend of a friends who I've been wanting to meet for a while. We ended up sleeping together that night and now I regret it because I really wanted to be friends with him because he's really fun to be around. We spoke a lot before hand and a few times afterwards but now he doesn't speak to me anymore which makes me regret doing it.

    I've decided to chuck the lifestyle to avoid getting seriously hurt and the anxiety is killing me.
    Thanks for all your help guys
    You've made the right choice honestly, i'm a girl who's slept around alot got hurt, and i look back and i want to punch myself.
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    (Original post by redferry)
    Its generally pretty obvious, if he is at your beck and call and tries to tend to your emotional needs, puts in that extra effort compared to your other friends, then he likes you.
    And you proceed to stick them in the friend zone
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    (Original post by Classical Liberal)
    And you proceed to stick them in the friend zone
    To be honest if I ever see any of my mates in the friendzone I'll slap them upside the head and say "no friend is worth that much attention don't be a mug".

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    (Original post by Classical Liberal)
    And you proceed to stick them in the friend zone
    If you want to cultivate good cross gender friendships you need to place firm friendzone boundaries and behaviours that limit people falling for you and work as damage limitation if they do.

    There is nothing wrong with having a friend zone.
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    It's absolute rubbish that "the right guy won't care".

    Fact is, you may meet an amazing guy in the future, who won't want to be with you because of your past. You may also meet an amazing guy who doesn't give a ****.

    It's up to you what you do with your life, but just be sure that what you're doing is actually going to bring you happiness. IMHO i don't think it will in the end, and i believe there is a high chance you will regret you're actions later in life, but what do i know.
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    (Original post by redferry)
    If you want to cultivate good cross gender friendships you need to place firm friendzone boundaries and behaviours that limit people falling for you and work as damage limitation if they do.

    There is nothing wrong with having a friend zone.
    Yes there is. Imo, there's always an element of "Ha! Got you now!" with friendzone situations. Last time I was put there, I deliberately stopped speaking to the girl and just gradually phased her out. She called me selfish for doing this. I'm sure people who play these games think of other people as just there to satisfy their own ego.

    And OP you aren't a slut. Although it has to be said that wanton promiscuity is a response to being unable to decide what you look for and need from a man.
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    (Original post by Dark Horse)
    Yes there is. Imo, there's always an element of "Ha! Got you now!" with friendzone situations. Last time I was put there, I deliberately stopped speaking to the girl and just gradually phased her out. She called me selfish for doing this. I'm sure people who play these games think of other people as just there to satisfy their own ego.

    And OP you aren't a slut. Although it has to be said that wanton promiscuity is a response to being unable to decide what you look for and need from a man.
    Well if someone is only interested in you on a romantic level they aren't your friend so there is no point in putting them in the friendzone. Actual friends go in the friendzone, and no there is no way out of it. I have clear friend relationship boundaries and I have never so much as kissed a friend.

    I don't play any games, I just have a lot of male friends and fell I need to be clear that that is all they are, friends, in order not to lead anyone on.
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    #1

    (Original post by Spetznaaz)
    It's absolute rubbish that "the right guy won't care".

    Fact is, you may meet an amazing guy in the future, who won't want to be with you because of your past. You may also meet an amazing guy who doesn't give a ****.

    It's up to you what you do with your life, but just be sure that what you're doing is actually going to bring you happiness. IMHO i don't think it will in the end, and i believe there is a high chance you will regret you're actions later in life, but what do i know.
    I completely agree with the first part. I've spoken to a lot of my guy friends and we started a big debate. Some don't care and it bothers others but I think if you really love them you'd be able to overlook it. The number of guys i've slept with isn't that high at all tbh.

    I don't let things dwell on me too much but you're right it's starting to make me feel a bit weird. I'm torn between wanting to calm down and settle down or enjoying the single life. I'm only 19 and a fresher but I think I want to be a lot more sensible with things. Many thanks, your reply was very useful
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    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You've made the right choice honestly, i'm a girl who's slept around alot got hurt, and i look back and i want to punch myself.
    Feeling that way now tbh. I'm not the type of person to dwell on things but the last guy really made me realise I need to stop.
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    #5

    (Original post by abhiksetia)
    Jealousy. :rolleyes:

    Don't worry about what other people think.
    How is it jealousy that leads people to disapprove of casual sex? I'm in a happy relationship and enjoy frequent, passionate sex with someone who loves me and who knows exactly what I like. Why would I be jealous of someone who has had four one night stands with random men since last September?

    I agree that she shouldn't worry about what other people think; if it's safe, consensual sex then it's nobody else's business, but I don't understand the assertion that what she's doing makes her enviable.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How is it jealousy that leads people to disapprove of casual sex? I'm in a happy relationship and enjoy frequent, passionate sex with someone who loves me and who knows exactly what I like. Why would I be jealous of someone who has had four one night stands with random men since last September?

    I agree that she shouldn't worry about what other people think; if it's safe, consensual sex then it's nobody else's business, but I don't understand the assertion that what she's doing makes her enviable.
    I think they meant someone who was single and wasn't get much/any sex at all. To be honest if someone else was doing what I was doing I wouldn't envy them now that I know what it's actually like. I'm quite a strong person but for someone who wasn't I can imagine this type of thing being pretty horrific.

    I'd much rather be in a happy relationship tbh, hope things are going well for you and your partner
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    (Original post by redferry)
    Well if someone is only interested in you on a romantic level they aren't your friend so there is no point in putting them in the friendzone. Actual friends go in the friendzone, and no there is no way out of it. I have clear friend relationship boundaries and I have never so much as kissed a friend.

    I don't play any games, I just have a lot of male friends and fell I need to be clear that that is all they are, friends, in order not to lead anyone on.
    Don't think you got it.

    People who get friendzoned and decide to discontinue the friendship due to wanting to move on have made a good move. You can't expect people to pine for you and massage your ego by sticking around in your "friendzone". The person who did the friendzoning almost always gets butthurt over it though.

    What's incredible, though, is the person who did the friendzoning usually feels alot of jealousy when their "friend" does indeed find someone else.

    Seems to be the rule tbh. Insecure people always ask for more than what can be given.
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    (Original post by ZRO)
    end of the day. .
    comes night
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm a 19 year old fresher who is naturally very outgoing and flirty. Since coming to university I've noticed I get hit on a lot and I flirt back. It never usually results to anything but some nights it does. This doesn't happen often (4 in total) and to me it's just a bit of fun. All the guys I do know pretty well and it's never awkward afterwards. I still talk to them on a daily basis. I only ever feel guilty afterwards when I know people are talking and gossiping about it (more anxious and paranoid) but I forget about it quickly.

    I'm not looking for a serious relationship or anything but how do most people think this might affect any long term relationship I might get into later in life? Thoughts/opinions or am I just being too paranoid?

    I know that when I do find someone i'd settle with that I would definitely stop but for now I enjoy the single life

    Does this lifestyle need to come to an end? If not when is a good time to give it up? Does anyone else feel the same way ?


    Many thanks

    ps- I know i'll get negs and called every S word under the sun but I'd really appreciate it if you didn't. I'm really not and I'm actually quite sensible when it comes to it.
    Everyone has baggage when they're in a relationship. If the person isn't willing to be with you as a result, are they someone you want to be with?
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    (Original post by ssupernova)
    comes night
    I see what you did there
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    (Original post by redferry)
    You'll be fine, if a guy likes you enough it wont bother him.
    It won't bother a guy if the girl has been with a load of guys? it does bother the guy, even if he himself has been with a lot of women. You don't seem to understand men in this regard at all, while yes some won't mind, I know a fair few that do mind and I have heard of a few more that do too, those that don't mind tend to be using the girl.
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    #6

    I was the same as you as a fresher, except I wasn't out-going, I was shy and needed a self-esteem boost and I used drink and boys to do that.
    Enjoy single life but please make sure you are not mistaking it for something deeper, like low self-esteem.
    I have slept with so many people, everyday I think of what a mess I've made of my life, I have pretty much destroyed any chance of a proper relationship I have in the future, or so I think.

    Sorry I have been really morbid, but seriously enjoy life and enjoy sex, but keep being sensible and don't go mad, think about the consequences and think about why you want to sleep with a particular person.

    This probably hasn't been much help,
    Best wishes.
 
 
 
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