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Very insecure and fearful in relationship Watch

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    I am dating a very attractive and charming guy, and I have a fear of being left when he meets someone 'better'. We have been together for almost 11 months, and while he is a very loving boyfriend, I am insecure about whether I am enough.
    He always has girls interested in him, just before we were dating there were at least 4, and since we have been together there were one or two.
    On the other hand, I very rarely receive any kind of attention, I had a creepy perv who went around every single girl in my friendship group coming onto me after everyone else said no, and 50 year-old men in vans, but that's all.
    Before we were together, he liked the same girl for years. They never dated, but he said he always felt something for her. They were good friends but they don't really speak these days, though they were close for the first few months of our relationship, but apparently she liked him too recently. That made me feel as if I had stopped them being together or something, since he wanted her for so long.
    He told me about a certain 'look' he likes on a girl, and told me how hot it was. I don't really fit the description, and it makes me insecure that he will meet someone like that and be more attracted to her, despite him telling me I am beautiful and such.
    He has said in the past he wouldn't leave me, and he has said it would be quite hard to find someone better than me, and he isn't exactly looking, but still..
    I am always trying my best to look good for him, to try and be interesting and funny and impress him. I am just sick of feeling like this, and dreading the day when he breaks up with me. Please could anyone offer any advice to stop feeling this way? I would be really grateful, thanks in advance.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am dating a very attractive and charming guy, and I have a fear of being left when he meets someone 'better'. We have been together for almost 11 months, and while he is a very loving boyfriend, I am insecure about whether I am enough.
    He always has girls interested in him, just before we were dating there were at least 4, and since we have been together there were one or two.
    On the other hand, I very rarely receive any kind of attention, I had a creepy perv who went around every single girl in my friendship group coming onto me after everyone else said no, and 50 year-old men in vans, but that's all.
    Before we were together, he liked the same girl for years. They never dated, but he said he always felt something for her. They were good friends but they don't really speak these days, though they were close for the first few months of our relationship, but apparently she liked him too recently. That made me feel as if I had stopped them being together or something, since he wanted her for so long.
    He told me about a certain 'look' he likes on a girl, and told me how hot it was. I don't really fit the description, and it makes me insecure that he will meet someone like that and be more attracted to her, despite him telling me I am beautiful and such.
    He has said in the past he wouldn't leave me, and he has said it would be quite hard to find someone better than me, and he isn't exactly looking, but still..
    I am always trying my best to look good for him, to try and be interesting and funny and impress him. I am just sick of feeling like this, and dreading the day when he breaks up with me. Please could anyone offer any advice to stop feeling this way? I would be really grateful, thanks in advance.
    He's been with you for 11 months, that's got to count for something Even if you don't think you match his description of what he finds hot, there must be something about you, say your personality, which he may find more important and adores you for it
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    Hi there,
    I totally understand what you mean. I had a similar problem myself some time ago and I know it can be hard for you!
    But don't worry so much! Look, he really does like you. Otherwise he wouldn't be with you for so long. You've been together for 11 months and that's a pretty long time.
    It's normal you try to look good for him and it also shows that you care a lot, but never change the way you are for him! He's interested in YOU and not someone else.
    Don't be afraid he'll break up with you, because this thought can only hold you back and make you lose the best moments of your current relationship!

    Last piece of advice, don't try too hard because he'll notice you're acting weird. If this situation still bothers you, try to talk to him and be open about your feelings and fears. Let him assure you everything is fine and maybe when he realises you're feeling insecure he'll change! :-)
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    (Original post by LadyHaha)
    He's been with you for 11 months, that's got to count for something Even if you don't think you match his description of what he finds hot, there must be something about you, say your personality, which he may find more important and adores you for it
    Thanks for the advice Yeah you are right about that.. I am just scared because there are a lot of this kind of girl around, and I am scared he will meet one, find that they have a lot in common, and they get on well, and he will feel like he prefers her.
    Sometimes I really think I am too boring. I am always nice to him and am always available, honest, and upfront. I am not the sort of girl who plays mind games, plays hard-to-get etc. I am no kind of challenge for him and maybe he finds me too boring and reliable. I have no idea....
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    (Original post by gemini7)
    Hi there,
    I totally understand what you mean. I had a similar problem myself some time ago and I know it can be hard for you!
    But don't worry so much! Look, he really does like you. Otherwise he wouldn't be with you for so long. You've been together for 11 months and that's a pretty long time.
    It's normal you try to look good for him and it also shows that you care a lot, but never change the way you are for him! He's interested in YOU and not someone else.
    Don't be afraid he'll break up with you, because this thought can only hold you back and make you lose the best moments of your current relationship!

    Last piece of advice, don't try too hard because he'll notice you're acting weird. If this situation still bothers you, try to talk to him and be open about your feelings and fears. Let him assure you everything is fine and maybe when he realises you're feeling insecure he'll change! :-)
    Thanks for the advice
    Yeah, you are right in that he has been with me for that length of time. I have got a bit upset about this in the past and he has told me he does not want anyone else. Recently he pretended that a girl he used to like/she liked him started texting him again, he told me they were texting every day and he might see her. Of course I was jealous about this, and he saw that. Then he told me he was just joking and of course that did not happen. I told him I would not mind if it was just friendly, i.e. she was not into him any more, but then I knew I had looked like an idiot for being jealous.
    I have one male friend that I actually hang out with, but that is all. Guys do not even want to be my friend. They are always polite to me but they never want to know me.
    On the other hand, girls are always swarming around him, but there is absolutely nothing at all for him to be jealous of, so it is always me looking like the ¨jealous and insecure¨ one.
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    You just have to trust he likes you to be honest. Have a talk with him, seriously, and tell him how you feel insecure and how you feel he'll wonder off with another girl. Total honesty is always the best way forward in a relationship.
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    (Original post by JediArron)
    You just have to trust he likes you to be honest. Have a talk with him, seriously, and tell him how you feel insecure and how you feel he'll wonder off with another girl. Total honesty is always the best way forward in a relationship.
    Thanks for the advice We did talk about this in the past and that made me feel better, so I do not know what it is that made me feel this way.
    The girl he liked for a long time said one or two things which were not nice about me, and was saying stuff like she was thinking about him, texting him during the early hours, etc. so it seemed obvious she liked him. I never met her, but I found it difficult to know he liked her for years, there must have been so much about her. I found myself analysing the way he spoke to her on facebook etc. (from what I could see) and deciding if it was flirty or not. But, he said they have drifted apart/she ignored him etc., so now they are not really friends.
    He is friends with other girls (even one he dated a while ago) and I really have never felt the slightest bit jealous or had any problem.
    I feel like an idiot, I am scared to push him away, I just need to know that these other girls do not possess lots of qualities which I do not. I just need to try more... thanks for the help x
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for the advice We did talk about this in the past and that made me feel better, so I do not know what it is that made me feel this way.
    The girl he liked for a long time said one or two things which were not nice about me, and was saying stuff like she was thinking about him, texting him during the early hours, etc. so it seemed obvious she liked him. I never met her, but I found it difficult to know he liked her for years, there must have been so much about her. I found myself analysing the way he spoke to her on facebook etc. (from what I could see) and deciding if it was flirty or not. But, he said they have drifted apart/she ignored him etc., so now they are not really friends.
    He is friends with other girls (even one he dated a while ago) and I really have never felt the slightest bit jealous or had any problem.
    I feel like an idiot, I am scared to push him away, I just need to know that these other girls do not possess lots of qualities which I do not. I just need to try more... thanks for the help x

    I suggest, in ignorance to a relationship, personally, that you set some boundaries, and say that they will help you recover and better your mental state. I'm not suggesting that you are by a large degree mentally unstable, but if it helps maybe telling him to cut down on texting to girls that have a crush on him, or make him say to them he's not interested in being anything more than friends.
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    (Original post by JediArron)
    I suggest, in ignorance to a relationship, personally, that you set some boundaries, and say that they will help you recover and better your mental state. I'm not suggesting that you are by a large degree mentally unstable, but if it helps maybe telling him to cut down on texting to girls that have a crush on him, or make him say to them he's not interested in being anything more than friends.
    Yeah, I feel like I do not have a right to . I honestly would never have any problem with him chatting with girls and meeting up, I think to tell him to not would be very possessive and controlling.
    The girls knew he was with me, but sadly I have encountered people in my life who do not respect the fact that someone is in a relationship.
    He is a very friendly and charming guy by nature, and it sounds silly but sometimes I wish he would feel jealous about something, just to stop me feeling like a freak. But, I would never do anything to try and make him jealous, I do not agree with that.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Yeah, I feel like I do not have a right to . I honestly would never have any problem with him chatting with girls and meeting up, I think to tell him to not would be very possessive and controlling.
    The girls knew he was with me, but sadly I have encountered people in my life who do not respect the fact that someone is in a relationship.
    He is a very friendly and charming guy by nature, and it sounds silly but sometimes I wish he would feel jealous about something, just to stop me feeling like a freak. But, I would never do anything to try and make him jealous, I do not agree with that.
    AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW... that's so cute 'I wish he would feel jealous about something', it probably stems from you being a more emotionally dependent person (more so than other females). But if he is romantic with you and calls you beautiful and says his feelings for you, how do you not get the feeling of 'being wanted'
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    I used to feel like this in my most previous relationship - I used to fear that my girlfriend would break up with me because she found someone better. I liked the whole 'emotional' side to the relationship whereas she was like stone - hated most things romantic and rarely showed emotion.

    She knew I felt really insecure about the relationship and I couldn't hide it. It got to the point where I'd get overprotective about the clothes she was wearing -.- yeah I hated myself for being wayyyyyy too insecure during the relationship - it was as if in my mind I couldn't trust her even though 1) she'd never cheated on me and 2) we'd been going out for 18 months.

    After 18 months we broke up. She couldn't go through with it anymore for many a reason, but me being insecure (I can tell) being one of them. I am reeling with anger because I feel responsible for about 90% of the problems in the relationship and I'm afraid of committing to another relationship incase I mess that one up as well (and due to my looks it's hard for me to find a girl who likes me in that way back).

    My advice to you is to try your darned hardest, don't be insecure! if he says anything nice to compliment you on your looks or your personality then type it up on a word document (or somewhere you always look) and everytime you feel insecure look at it and remind yourself of why he loves you and why he's been with you for 11 months! Don't let your insecurities get in the way of your relationship as if you do break up, you (like I am now) may start to really regret it.
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    He's been with you for 11 months, so he clearly wants to be with you and not anyone else, worse thing to be is jealous, best thing to do is just go with the flow
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    Love him so much, be so nice and comforting that he wouldn't want to lose you.

    It's good to be frank and open about your insecurity to him. But more important than asking people to not leave you is doing things that will make them want to stay.

    Bonus is you will improve your self-confidence too.
 
 
 
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