Anon please, my BF knows my username.
I've been with my BF for a fair amount of time - nearly 3 years. For all of that due to uni we've been long distance, seeing each other once a month on average. Through our time together we've had our ups and downs and circumstances have switched around but now it's apparent that he is incredibly unhappy with his life...
A lot of our conversations seem to centre around how bored and sad he is now. I've suffered from depression as a teen so I know the signs of it - and he's displaying a lot of them. He said he was feeling suicidal the other day and he told me last night that he hasn't showered in a week He lives alone in a one bed room house and doesn't have many friends. He works part time but hates his job.
If I try and tell him to go to the doctor, he gets very upset with me and it ends in an argument. I can't do anything really because I'm so far away - all I can do is try and talk to him, and half the time he gets even more upset and refuses to speak to me about it. Most of the time he refuses to say what is *actually* wrong, telling me that he doesn't want to talk to me and he'll only speak when he's ready. I've suggested the doctors, I've suggested getting a hobby, I've suggested trying to see his friends more often. Each suggestions just leads to a teenage style 'YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT WHAT I'M SAYING!' drama argument
I don't know how to help him. What can I do?
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BF with depression? watch
- Thread Starter
- 06-03-2013 02:33
- 07-03-2013 20:57
If he feel he isnt ready to discuss it, i guess the best thing is to leave it be , especially if you dont have any clue about what might had happen ( as in it is a long distance relationship , you wouldn't be able to find out things as easily as if you two live in the same area ) Try to let him know you are there if he want to talk , but there's no need to constantly remind him that as well as he might get the wrong idea and think you are being 'pushy' as he might be quite sensitive at the moment.
Try to avoid arguing with him, it might be hard when he is trying to start one , but if you think you are going to get angry or hard to control your emotion as well ,maybe simply tell him you understand it is very hard for him , but to avoid making it worse, let chat in an hour or so ( or a certain amount of time you feel is efficient for both of you to calm down ) Make sure he know you are not doing it because you are pissed off or think he is annoying but for his own good and make sure that he will be safe during the time you are off the phone/conversation .
As important as it is to give him space to speak about stuff that made him sad or other ,try to make sure you do talk about different thing. Ask him stuff if he doesnt talk about it himself ,something that he cant just said 'yes or no' and something that he cant link back to how negative his life is . simply question like 'what did you have for lunch today ?' or talk about old happy thing like 'Remember the time when we were in / remember the time we does this ?' and even suggest doing them again .
Instead of suggesting hobby or seeing his friend , it might also be a good idea if you can pay him some visit (if you are free and capable of ) then plan something for the day , maybe something he /you used to enjoy . maybe just a meal out , maybe a romantic date. try to set something for him to look forward to. Maybe start something with him where he can then do on his own , for example , maybe you can accompany him to register for volunteer or activity group and go to the first few session with him and see how he get along with others people and make new friends . or maybe if he is too socially withdrawl , set up a puzzle where you 2 started it and he can finish and you can hang it up later on , or get him to paint , craft .(you get the idea)
he sounded like he is not coping very well on a day to day function . Try to find out why he doesn't want to see a health professional and work on that with the pace you are both comfortable with. however , If he is getting increasingly suicidal i would suggest seeing professional asap, even if he is reluctant to do so . In the mean time , he made clear plan or are at severe risk to himself or other , DO NOT hesitated and call the authority , it is better for him to get upset at you for a short period of time than you regretting 'respect' his will to suicide.
Try to make sure he know you love him and he can have his own space with whatever troubling him if he want ,but you are concern with his health and you wanted to help ,that you love him and you care about the relationship and him .
sorry for being a bit too long .....best of luck