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I think attachment is too painful, I'll be let down Watch

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    People expect me to have a relationship, they assume there is something wrong with me, and they have no understanding seemingly of how impossible it is. It's not like I'm a vile or hideously unnatractive person.
    But circumstances turn against me. People do. I can love and want someone so much but you only ever get your feelings written off as wrong, or unrealistic. I want to love, and can feel the beginnings of it for a few girls,
    because I'm not into pretense and games, I believe in genuine feelings and instinct, but again this is bad to some people. But the problem is, I just can't take the pain of wanting someone, wanting that intimacy, sharing and bond, and it being taken away, someone turning against me, everything going wrong. How do I control my emotions with the people who are special to me, and how do I get someone to not miscontrue, someone to trust me? How do I develop it in the way I've dreamed of, something meaningful. I've got the mutual positive feelings, and attraction, affection to begin with, but then it all goes wrong with my life issues. Maybe subconsciously I learnt not to hope, learnt from being betrayed so much.
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    People just bascially always get me wrong on the surface judgements, whether it's that I don't try and should have a relationship, I'm rejecting people, whether it's that I'm pulling away, none of these are true. I've had flings but clearly they are utterly meaningless and of late have met some girls, and am at an age where, I think something could be really special. And I can't wait for ever, not young as many posters. I feel how much I could love and but then maybe they go aloof, or I'm bad at getting it developed, or I just chronically fear that they will again mis understand me, I'll be isolated and they will trun against me, not trust me etc, even though the chemistry is there. It'sl ike being torn between feelings.
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    If you fall in love with someone you should be open and honest with your feelings, especially if you want it to blossom into more than just dating, there will be no transition between those phases unless you let your partner know that it is what you want and what you are ready for.

    you don't have to let your feeling burst out straight away... but introduce certain words or hints that the person you are ready to move on and when this happens, don't lose hope if they don't catch on straight away... be persistent.

    you have to want something for it to happen, and you have to make it happen. It doesn't always just fall into place. your feelings aren't wrong if you feel that way... and if you want to love... find the right person and make it happen.

    If it goes wrong then start again. Don't give up, because then there is no chance... and one day, after all the effort you have put in it should all just click

    keep your hopes up.
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    But, at the same time, obviosuly, I am longing for it. I seen, glimpses, the rare time, when someone is so special and I see what it could be, and then I have to try and keep it in check but I can't, my life isn't much anymore without the beauty of love.
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    (Original post by kendy)
    If you fall in love with someone you should be open and honest with your feelings, especially if you want it to blossom into more than just dating, there will be no transition between those phases unless you let your partner know that it is what you want and what you are ready for.

    you don't have to let your feeling burst out straight away... but introduce certain words or hints that the person you are ready to move on and when this happens, don't lose hope if they don't catch on straight away... be persistent.

    you have to want something for it to happen, and you have to make it happen. It doesn't always just fall into place. your feelings aren't wrong if you feel that way... and if you want to love... find the right person and make it happen.

    If it goes wrong then start again. Don't give up, because then there is no chance... and one day, after all the effort you have put in it should all just click

    keep your hopes up.
    I fall in love earlier than that, am hopelessly romantic and maybe shy, can come off as aloof or pissed of with life too. But have been told I'm attractive, that's why I get people, sepcially older women, failing to get why I don;have a relationship. These emotions actually impact my ability to be motivated, do chores etc, because i've gotten to the stage of meeting special people and realising life is short, and how special it could be, and i;'ve been denied to long, misunderstood too long, and I want someone I care for to just give me the chance,but even they will have preconceptions, you want any old girl, you play around, because you are attractive must be desperate to fancy me etc. Thats how I think it's being not got. I got better life chance for it now and I haven't got my whole life.
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    I should add maybe it's easy to be not got, I should have girlfriends, have troubles in my head though, am in my 30's and attractive and have never once shared anything close or meaningful with a woman.
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    I just get this horrible feeling like they are going to go off or pick up signs they are pissed of, and then I dread having sullied someone I care for when I had instincts on would could be. I am also seeking advice on why shes blows cold suddenly and what it means, does it mean shes really pissed off with me, or is she shy and acting different, or dealing with the fact she doesn;t expect to see me again by detaching?
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    I'd really be grateful for advice on this because I'm not far off a good relationship and missing something. I just need to be able to get closer. I need to be less shy but not turn them off, but I am acted on good initial signs, so it might be their preconceptions or that I seem aloof or go off.
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    I've been there. And in a way still am, but seriously you can't change these feelings over night. They are a part of who you are. It's ingrained in you, it's you everyday. That constant ****ing battle if everything you described is on all the time.

    I said you can't change over night. To be honest i think these things can't be changed at all. Because its stuff you're holding onto. These feelings, you have grabbed them and made them yours. So it must let go of. It's slow it's bittersweet but its worth it. That girl whoever it is will come along and see through everything you've described and she won't see it as something to fix, or change in you. She will recognise it, and be there as you let it go. She won't back off when you relapse Into it. She'll be there. Cause really you're looking to heal.

    Good luck.

    Sorry If I've rambled.
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    (Original post by *#147#)
    I've been there. And in a way still am, but seriously you can't change these feelings over night. They are a part of who you are. It's ingrained in you, it's you everyday. That constant ****ing battle if everything you described is on all the time.

    I said you can't change over night. To be honest i think these things can't be changed at all. Because its stuff you're holding onto. These feelings, you have grabbed them and made them yours. So it must let go of. It's slow it's bittersweet but its worth it. That girl whoever it is will come along and see through everything you've described and she won't see it as something to fix, or change in you. She will recognise it, and be there as you let it go. She won't back off when you relapse Into it. She'll be there. Cause really you're looking to heal.

    Good luck.

    Sorry If I've rambled.
    It's not normal, it's because I've had some people against me in life, know that sounds weird, but stuff stacked against me. Thats why I fear people having the wrong impression before they give me a chance, which is painful if you make an initial connection which means something. Thats' beautiful
    what you said btw. I just need to get past the initial apprehension and let her see who I am, maybe I overestimate when shes cold/aloof that she hates me, might just be her, or self protection, or shyness, cos know I felt something first of all.
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    I know it's not right to some, but just get initial hopes, go on instincts, unconditional feelings et al. And maybe i'm shy and don;t talk much. So, it's very hard to break down all barriers and establish the connection-maybe easy when it's a cheap thing, but not when it means something. And don;t want to be cold, aloof, so she gets hurt and gives up, don;t want to be too intense, but want to touch her feelings. I just want to get so I can talk more with no pressure.
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    And tbh, my impression is I'm feeling this at an earlier stage, and then it isn;t working or she senses my differentness or trouble, and then mkayeb I come off colder than I mean and she does, even though I don't show much, it's as though people want you to be more cold and pragmatic, but I know my priorities. I've got the sexual experience and it doesn't stay in my head because it is meaningless and i've never been with someone i loved.
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    (Original post by *#147#)
    I've been there. And in a way still am, but seriously you can't change these feelings over night. They are a part of who you are. It's ingrained in you, it's you everyday. That constant ****ing battle if everything you described is on all the time.

    I said you can't change over night. To be honest i think these things can't be changed at all. Because its stuff you're holding onto. These feelings, you have grabbed them and made them yours. So it must let go of. It's slow it's bittersweet but its worth it. That girl whoever it is will come along and see through everything you've described and she won't see it as something to fix, or change in you. She will recognise it, and be there as you let it go. She won't back off when you relapse Into it. She'll be there. Cause really you're looking to heal.

    Good luck.

    Sorry If I've rambled.
    Tbh your further comment would help.
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    Does anyone relate to this, this being so close to things but not being able to be emotionally right, to connect in the right way? And how did you overcome?
 
 
 
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