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Boyfriend Very Distant Watch

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    Hi TSR.

    Anon/delete mods, thanks.

    Recently (in the past 2 weeks or so) my 3 year (almost) boyfriend is being extremely distant, we're barely talking. It doesn't help he's been working full time for the last 2 weeks as we've had a holiday off uni so I barely saw him (2 times a week even though we were off - I usually see him this much in a normal week).

    When he comes over it's usually after work/football/after doing uni work at home (he lives at home), which he usually leaves til the week before. I am extremely organised and try and get my work out of the way so I can see him whenever he is available as I live away from home and I don't tend to go back a lot to his because if I do go home I see my family.

    Sometimes he says sweet, romantic things - and it's lovely, I really appreciate it, but he barely does it, and I'm usually the first to say I love you/start conversations over text etc. I always make dinner for him coming over, which is sometimes 9pm, so it means i'm waiting around.

    When he's over I feel we've got into a rut of watching a movie/tv episodes we follow together and do 'things' then go to bed because he comes over too late to do anything else. When I asked him if we could have a full day together in Easter, he told me to stop being so needy. I know I am quite a needy person (I have been to counselling for jealousy etc.) but I was quite hurt by it. Sometimes i feel i'm treading on eggshells and it's quite annoying.

    Needless to say I love him, I just wish he's buck up his bloody ideas and do something nice for me or something.

    Help anyone? Sorry for long post.

    TL;DR: I feel boyfriend is distant and i'm doing nearly all of the work. Help/advice needed.

    Thanks guys.
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    Not sure what it is that we can do to help? I'd give you the truth but I'm not sure you'd thank me for it.. plus it's too easy to give off the cuff advice to an anonymous stranger online vs. the real worldly implications of your 3 year relationship hanging in the balance

    Perhaps ask yourself what advice you'd give yourself, were you a close friend who had witnessed the things you have and been asked to advise you..
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    • Thread Starter
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    Not sure what it is that we can do to help? I'd give you the truth but I'm not sure you'd thank me for it.. plus it's too easy to give off the cuff advice to an anonymous stranger online vs. the real worldly implications of your 3 year relationship hanging in the balance

    Perhaps ask yourself what advice you'd give yourself, were you a close friend who had witnessed the things you have and been asked to advise you..
    Just give me the truth...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    Needless to say I love him, I just wish he's buck up his bloody ideas and do something nice for me or something.

    Help anyone? Sorry for long post.

    TL;DR: I feel boyfriend is distant and i'm doing nearly all of the work. Help/advice needed.

    Thanks guys.
    Personally... I would suggest he has alot on his mind and it is possible that it partly involves you.... maybe he doesnt know where it is going or maybe hes struggling to balance uni and personal life...if that is the case then i imagine that distancing himself from you will be a way not to be reminded of these worries and so perhaps hes trying to make sense of things or (more likely) avoid them and your presence reminds him of them (either because he loves you and is scared or hes confused about his future and doesnt know where you fit or hes confused about you)...

    There can be so many reasons why he's acting this way but I cant say enough that communication is fundamental and honestly, if its upsetting you, you have to ask x

    Good luck x
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Just give me the truth...
    Ask yourself whether you want balance in your relationship (can you be happy without it), and, if so, what level of balance? Ask yourself, are things balanced? Ask yourself, have they ever been balanced? If the answer is yes, then how long has it been since it felt like there was balance?

    I don't know your boyfriend, nor the specifics of your relationship, so far be it from me to second guess the guy, but I wouldn't be surprised if we were talking spark has died/he's not in love with you. I'm not keen on manipulation, nor do I wish to encourage it, but short of the nuclear option, you might try talking to him, or - if you feel that you've tried that/like he'll just say what you want to hear - to test the waters somewhat by reducing contact/the effort you make and seeing how he responds
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi TSR.


    I'm usually the first to say I love you/start conversations over text etc.

    When I asked him if we could have a full day together in Easter, he told me to stop being so needy.


    Thanks guys.

    These two comments are very alarming considering you've been together 3 years!!

    Do you not normally spend days together? Have you ever been on holiday together or anything? It is not needy of you to want to spend time with him! That's crazy!!! Have you guys spoken about the future? It could be that sadly you want different things. And if he's not ready to commit after 3 years, then is it worth your time??

    You should be with some one who values you as much as you value them, maybe test him by not contacting him for a while.. e.g. a week or two, and see how he reacts??

    All the best!!
 
 
 
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