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My boyfriend wants me to talk 'dirty' I dont know what to do help? Watch

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    My boyfriends gone away on holiday for a month we usually see each other every other weekend but we wont be seeing each other for nearly 6 weeks. Im 20 but I suppose in the sex deparment im very naive my boyfriend is my first and I had never done anything beyond kissing a boy before I met him. Hes 25 and had alot of partners one night stands casual fwbs and girlfriends his number is into double figures.

    Without sounding arragont my friends etc refer to me as cute ive never been called sexy or hot or fit so if that makes sense im not the sort of girl who can look sexy or act sexily easily. I do try to please my boyfriend but if im honest im really struggling with being sexy and pleasing him I know the women he's been with before were very experienced and confident and had no issue with doing things like naked photos graphic messages or having sex in public places blah blah but I cant bring myself to be like that its not natural for me.

    He's asked me to send him a dirty text, ive tried but I cant do it its not me its forcedc and uncomfortble I dont want to speak or write like that Im from a catholic family so although im not relgious even if I knew how to or wanted to speak like that id feel guilty. I told him I felt uncomfortble doing it and that I dont know what he wants and expects and all he's said is to grow up and act 20 andf to stop being a baby.

    I feel like im failing him as a girlfriend and should just get over it and do it but I cant i dont know why but I cant and he doesnt seem to understand is it wrong I dont want to send him graphic text messages?, if I dont will he go get it from somebody else?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My boyfriends gone away on holiday for a month we usually see each other every other weekend but we wont be seeing each other for nearly 6 weeks. Im 20 but I suppose in the sex deparment im very naive my boyfriend is my first and I had never done anything beyond kissing a boy before I met him. Hes 25 and had alot of partners one night stands casual fwbs and girlfriends his number is into double figures.

    Without sounding arragont my friends etc refer to me as cute ive never been called sexy or hot or fit so if that makes sense im not the sort of girl who can look sexy or act sexily easily. I do try to please my boyfriend but if im honest im really struggling with being sexy and pleasing him I know the women he's been with before were very experienced and confident and had no issue with doing things like naked photos graphic messages or having sex in public places blah blah but I cant bring myself to be like that its not natural for me.

    He's asked me to send him a dirty text, ive tried but I cant do it its not me its forcedc and uncomfortble I dont want to speak or write like that Im from a catholic family so although im not relgious even if I knew how to or wanted to speak like that id feel guilty. I told him I felt uncomfortble doing it and that I dont know what he wants and expects and all he's said is to grow up and act 20 andf to stop being a baby.

    I feel like im failing him as a girlfriend and should just get over it and do it but I cant i dont know why but I cant and he doesnt seem to understand is it wrong I dont want to send him graphic text messages?, if I dont will he go get it from somebody else?
    You are not failing him as a girlfriend. He needs to respect what you are and are not comfortable with. The bit in bold is not on; he can't be so rude about something entirely reasonable. You'd expect a guy of 25 to be a smidgen more understanding, but perhaps not.

    It's not wrong you don't want to send him any. Everyone has their boundaries. If he were to leave you just because you wouldn't do this, he really wouldn't be worth your time, and I mean that dead seriously, because that would mean he was only using you for sex/only really cares about sexual gratification (which is not ideal in a serious partner). Try and explain to him that this is outside your comfort zone and that just being mean to you won't get him what he wants. Don't feel intimated about his history "oh, other girls must have, so I have to do it too!", nope, you don't have to do anything you don't want to, and a decent person will respect that.
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    I don't want to be harsh, but it's odd to me you'd have sex with someone, but not text about it.

    How about a compromise, text him something like "feeling so lonely in bed on my own, really wish you were here with me, just thinking of all the fun we could have" (ok, I never said I was an expert).

    He sounds like a bit of a bully though, my girlfriend is less experienced and confident than me and I wouldn't speak to her like that. You speak a lot about your differences, but don't say much positive- do you really like him that much?
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    I understand your position, having come from a very religious family myself I would also find doing these things very uncomfortable.

    You don't have to feel "childish" for not doing things that he considers "mature" people do. It sounds like stupid peer pressure in high school "haha you don't smoke cigarettes therefore you're a baby!".

    Not all adults smoke, and not all adults talk dirty in bed. If he can't get over it then he's with the wrong person (unless you're willing to change, but I see that as unlikely because it doesn't seem to be part of your personality at all).
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    I think you two should have a long deep conversation. And what I feel is that there is true issues as well. Sex is about pleasure and well true love is completely different to that. People confuse sex over love and well if that happens you lose track of the real love thingy. The best thing to do is just say that you feel uncomfortable and once you feel comfortable you would screw him so till then till him to keep his penis inside his trousers.
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    I dont like dirty sex talk, yet I'm very experienced as a lover despite this. I'm a do-er rather than a talker. I think dirty talk is just cheap, cheesy and cringeworthy. Just a load of swearing and not at all sexy. Nothing wrong with that if that's not your bag. Why don't you do a little bit of research and say, "Y'know, this dirty talk just doesnt turn me on. In fact, it makes me less in the mood. But I've had a little thought about this and I think XXXX would REALLY get me going".
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My boyfriends gone away on holiday for a month we usually see each other every other weekend but we wont be seeing each other for nearly 6 weeks. Im 20 but I suppose in the sex deparment im very naive my boyfriend is my first and I had never done anything beyond kissing a boy before I met him. Hes 25 and had alot of partners one night stands casual fwbs and girlfriends his number is into double figures.

    Without sounding arragont my friends etc refer to me as cute ive never been called sexy or hot or fit so if that makes sense im not the sort of girl who can look sexy or act sexily easily. I do try to please my boyfriend but if im honest im really struggling with being sexy and pleasing him I know the women he's been with before were very experienced and confident and had no issue with doing things like naked photos graphic messages or having sex in public places blah blah but I cant bring myself to be like that its not natural for me.

    He's asked me to send him a dirty text, ive tried but I cant do it its not me its forcedc and uncomfortble I dont want to speak or write like that Im from a catholic family so although im not relgious even if I knew how to or wanted to speak like that id feel guilty. I told him I felt uncomfortble doing it and that I dont know what he wants and expects and all he's said is to grow up and act 20 andf to stop being a baby.

    I feel like im failing him as a girlfriend and should just get over it and do it but I cant i dont know why but I cant and he doesnt seem to understand is it wrong I dont want to send him graphic text messages?, if I dont will he go get it from somebody else?

    I might be wrong but he wants Lust more than Love.
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    Tell him this. You are not failing him as a girlfriend whatsoever, so please don't ever think that. If you're up for trying it out, you could try explaining that you're not very comfortable/experienced in the whole sex department, and if he could tell you the kind of stuff he likes, etc, that could start you off with getting more comfortable doing it. If he doesn't understand that or is unwilling to give you guidance then to be quite honest, he's probably not worth your time.
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    To your own self be true.

    You are not comfortable with it, so don't force yourself to do it. Simples. If he does not respect that then that is his problem not yours.

    It's clearly not fun for you and it just feeds his fragile ego. By indulging him you are being a doormat and handing over control of yourself to him. That is something you will live to seriously regret as his demands become ever more insatiable. Where does it end?

    It does sound like he is using you for his own gratification and your attitude irks him.

    I really am afraid the writing is on the wall.

    If he cannot see your point of view nor respect you, continues undermining you by his puerile comments then he clearly does not love you nor respect you for who you are. In short, he is trying to manipulate / change you.

    Tell him you will not change to please anyone. Assert yourself.

    As hard as it is to hear, my advice: dump him before you seriously get hurt. Stay single for a while, develop your own personality and work out what it is that will make YOU happy in a relationship. In short find yourself first. Then you can find someone who truly respects you and will give you space to be that person without demands. There are plenty of people out there who fit that bill and I'm sure there won't be any shortage of takers.

    Don't wait until he saps your confidence and destroys your self esteem. I've seen it all too often. You deserve far, far, better!
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    Next time he asks you to talk 'dirty' just send him a txt saying somet like:

    "I've been hard at it outside, gardening, working up a real sweat, getting really, really dirty.. now I'm gonna take my clothes off, slip into the shower and mmm get all clean "

    I was big into dirty talk cyber/phone sex etc when I was 14/15, then I grew up :rolleyes: A little flirty chat is perfectly respectable but to expect/demand a girl to go beyond a level at which she's comfortable, and then to berate her for failing to capitulate/be someone she's not, is frankly infantile; ergo, he's the baby
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    Mud.
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    Talking sexy is boring and for the lazy/selfish folk. I'd rather talk intelligent
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    lol at anyone who thinks sexting is a sign of maturity :rofl: god I've heard ridiculous things from people before about sex but I mean seriously. That was pre-sixthform for me.

    Being older than you or having more sexual experience doesn't give him the right to dictate your sexuality to you. If you aren't comfortable with something, don't do it. End of.
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    Tell him you don't feel comfortable with it right now. If he does not respect that, then he is a prick and you would be good to be rid of him. And if it really is a big deal to him that you will not satisfy this particular request then you are not compatible with him.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My boyfriends gone away on holiday for a month we usually see each other every other weekend but we wont be seeing each other for nearly 6 weeks. Im 20 but I suppose in the sex deparment im very naive my boyfriend is my first and I had never done anything beyond kissing a boy before I met him. Hes 25 and had alot of partners one night stands casual fwbs and girlfriends his number is into double figures.

    Without sounding arragont my friends etc refer to me as cute ive never been called sexy or hot or fit so if that makes sense im not the sort of girl who can look sexy or act sexily easily. I do try to please my boyfriend but if im honest im really struggling with being sexy and pleasing him I know the women he's been with before were very experienced and confident and had no issue with doing things like naked photos graphic messages or having sex in public places blah blah but I cant bring myself to be like that its not natural for me.

    He's asked me to send him a dirty text, ive tried but I cant do it its not me its forcedc and uncomfortble I dont want to speak or write like that Im from a catholic family so although im not relgious even if I knew how to or wanted to speak like that id feel guilty. I told him I felt uncomfortble doing it and that I dont know what he wants and expects and all he's said is to grow up and act 20 andf to stop being a baby.

    I feel like im failing him as a girlfriend and should just get over it and do it but I cant i dont know why but I cant and he doesnt seem to understand is it wrong I dont want to send him graphic text messages?, if I dont will he go get it from somebody else?
    That's horrible, my boyfriend would never say that to me. I'm the same as you and I'm 26. It's got nothing to do with how much experience you've had. I've had plenty and I'm still not into talking dirty or send explicit messages, but my boyfriend understands that if I'm not comfortable with something it's not going to happen. If he wasn't to blab away during sex that's up to him, I am neither listening nor replying, half the time I will kiss him just to shut him up.

    Your boyfriend should not be speaking to you like that and if he is going to continue forcing you to do stuff that you are not comfortable with he is a **** boyfriend and totally not worth it.
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    It doesn't sound at all like you two are compatible. My philosophy is that there's absolutely no point staying in an incompatible relationship and having to compromise on things like this when you can just be free and wait it out for someone you can really connect with. My advice is to dump him. This post will be met with negs but I don't care. I would never stay in a relationship with someone who's had so many more sexual partners to me and wants me to behave in a away which contradicts my natural temperament.
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    (Original post by thatrollingstone)
    It doesn't sound at all like you two are compatible. My philosophy is that there's absolutely no point staying in an incompatible relationship and having to compromise on things like this when you can just be free and wait it out for someone you can really connect with. My advice is to dump him. This post will be met with negs but I don't care. I would never stay in a relationship with someone who's had so many more sexual partners to me and wants me to behave in a away which contradicts my natural temperament.
    Oh come of it, who is going to neg that? Why choose your partner because of personality or looks or how happy you are together or mutual interests when you could base it on the amount of sexual partners they've had?
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    You're boyfriend certainly does not deserve you. He needs to take your feelings in consideration and accept the fact that you are not comfortable sending dirty text messages and leave you alone. Him calling you a child over it just shows that he wants you to do so much more than your comfortable with, and as a 25 year old man that has had various sex partners, thats understandable. However, if you feel like you are failing him as a girlfriend because you are not sending him nudes or naked pictures, then i don't think he deserves you. Any man that loves his girl would not shun them for not doing something they are not comfortable with.


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    (Original post by Mankytoes)
    Oh come of it, who is going to neg that? Why choose your partner because of personality or looks or how happy you are together or mutual interests when you could base it on the amount of sexual partners they've had?
    ??? Don't really understand whether you're for or against my post.
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    You are not a failure of a girlfriend at all!
    You are just being you! You have standards and have boundaries. Nothing wrong with that!
    If he can't accept that and want's it 'his' way, then he really needs to take a hike. People like that aren't worth your time. Will seem painful but it looks like he's just using you. Don't take any of that nonsense!

    I'm like you.
    I don't tend to be 'sexy' or try to act 'sexy' because that's just the way I am. It's not my cup of tea but my boyfriend knows that and loves me for me. If he loved/respected you, he would do the same.

    Trust me, there are better guys out there than scum like him.
 
 
 
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