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    Hi guys,

    I was told by a close friend a week ago that he had cheated on his girlfriend of two months by losing his virginity to a friend at his university. The girlfriend had initially asked him to tell her where they stood whilst they were in bed together, and he says he felt emotionally pressured to say that they should be in a relationship. He had spent months flirting with her and leading her on, but knew he didn't want a relationship, but when they eventually ended up in one he kept texting me and other people saying that he wasn't happy because he wasn't attracted to her.

    Then, when he texted me to say that he had slept with this other girl, I originally flipped out. The girlfriend whom he cheated on is a lovely, sweet and innocent girl. Even though he made no attempt to justify his actions, he did say that he didn't feel guilty as opposed to sad that the situation ended up like this. He felt it was the wrong idea to get into a situation like this in the first place and that he felt bad for everyone concerned.

    After I told him that she deserved so much more than he had treated her and that he should break up with her as soon as decently possible and also basically started judging him openly, he flipped out and said that I shouldn't judge him when I didn't know the whole relationship. I then realised that I had been too overtly judgemental. I tried to put myself in his shoes, and ended up sympathising with him. I'm still incredibly angry with the fact that he doesn't feel guilty, though, because in his eyes the relationship was already doomed and he had realised early on that the girlfriend just wasn't what he was looking for.

    The question is: how would anyone else react towards him, if they were a close friend? Was I too judgemental?
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    No I think what you have said is fine. You have simply told him the truth


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    In a situation like that being really judgemental doesn't help, you've got to try and support them whilst heling them to do the right thing, or at least the least wrong thing.
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    I dont think you have have judged him harshly. That's not how you treat a lady. He shouldnt have gotten into that situation of leading someone on in the first place. He just sounds like he's too immature to take responsibility for his actions and behaving completely irresponsibly. Why are you feeling sorry for him when he doesnt feel guilty that he's made a commitment (even if he didnt want to) to another human being?

    He sounds like he's around 12 to be honest.
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    (Original post by Steevee)
    In a situation like that being really judgemental doesn't help, you've got to try and support them whilst heling them to do the right thing, or at least the least wrong thing.
    The thing is that I didn't want to pretend everything was fine and as I am kinda friends with his girlfriend tried to put myself in her shoes. How can you be supportive whilst feeling that the girl is so much better off without him?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    The thing is that I didn't want to pretend everything was fine and as I am kinda friends with his girlfriend tried to put myself in her shoes. How can you be supportive whilst feeling that the girl is so much better off without him?
    I've been in a similar situation, as I said, the best thing you can do is damage control. If he doesn't care, you wont make him care, if he's already beating himself up about it, he doesn't need you to add to that. You can make sure he knows you dissaprove, without being overly judgemental, equally make sure he knows he's putting you in a horrible position because you're friends with him and his GF etc.
 
 
 
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