should i be worried that my bf masturbates to other girls Watch

Anonymous #1
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my boyfriend of two years (we are both 21) masturbates to girls on his facebook page - he doesn't really know these people - they are random girls who he has added from lectures or from his old school that he never really spoke to. i found out about a year ago, and confronted him about it. since then i have decided to try to forget about it, as i suppose these are his fantasies only. but sometimes i think he is unable to "get off" whilst thinking about me. it's just made me reallyy jealous of all those girls in real life who are hotter and prettier than me, which i'm really not proud of.

but when we see each other, everything is really good.

do you think i should be worried about this? it does upset me sometimes. i have no problem with guys masturbating to porn stars or celebrities, but i've always thought fantasizing about girls in real life is crossing the line. but then, i'm not sure whether it's just a guy thing, and i should just try to forget about it, cos he doesn't really know those girls.

i'd be really grateful for some mature responses, thanks.
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dancingstars
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I want to say something comforting to you, but as I too get really upset over this, I'm not sure what I can offer.

The best that I can think to say is that you don't know that he doesn't ever think about you like that - possibly he thinks about you 95% of the time, and only other girls to give him a bit of variety every now and then. Most people will tell you that it's just fantasy, which I find both comforting and not so much. Try and find something that you can relate to to compare it to. I think of it like shopping. Just because I go browsing for new clothes doesn't mean that I want to swap them for my favourite dress in my wardrobe at home, for example.

Oh and also, yes, it's normal, so you have nothing to be worried about him cheating on you or anything like that. Doesn't make it any more pleasant to think about though, I agree.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Lala_1234)
I think I am ridiculously lucky in how understanding my boyfriend can be... We have been together for 3 years now, and about 2 years ago he promised me that he would never ****...
Not because he did it over people he knew or anything like that. We just somehow had a conversation about it and I said how for me, if he could withhold from having a ****, then I would feel like I pleasure him enough, it also means that because he hasn't pleasured himself, the sex is that bit more better.

If I found out my BF was pleasuring himself over people he knew/had met, then I would feel weird about it, but I am a crazy jealous person... If I were you just talk to him about it. Does he have any sexy pictures of you? You could even make a sex tape for him to pleasure himself over Just an idea!
I hate to say it but the chances are your boyfriend is lying.

I already know that your mental response to this will be to think that I don't know you or your relationship, and only you can understand the trust you have with your boyfriend, etc. etc. This is because I used to have that kind of relationship, where I thought I had 100% honesty and trust with my boyfriend. He told me he didn't watch porn. I'd never even asked him not to, he just told me he hadn't, and didn't. I used to see people on TSR saying that men who say they don't watch it are lying, but I thought my relationship wasn't like that. We were together for four and a half years, and he kept up the lie. I found out by accident once and was absolutely staggered that he'd been lying for so long.

Not that there's anything wrong with a man masturbating. If you had a higher sex drive, I think you would struggle not to while he wasn't around. Let me ask you something - given that 99.9% of men who are in relationships still masturbate, do you think that none of their women pleasure them enough, and that it's their "fault"? Your stance is really illogical.
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Lala_1234
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I hate to say it but the chances are your boyfriend is lying.

I already know that your mental response to this will be to think that I don't know you or your relationship, and only you can understand the trust you have with your boyfriend, etc. etc. This is because I used to have that kind of relationship, where I thought I had 100% honesty and trust with my boyfriend. He told me he didn't watch porn. I'd never even asked him not to, he just told me he hadn't, and didn't. I used to see people on TSR saying that men who say they don't watch it are lying, but I thought my relationship wasn't like that. We were together for four and a half years, and he kept up the lie. I found out by accident once and was absolutely staggered that he'd been lying for so long.

Not that there's anything wrong with a man masturbating. If you had a higher sex drive, I think you would struggle not to while he wasn't around. Let me ask you something - given that 99.9% of men who are in relationships still masturbate, do you think that none of their women pleasure them enough, and that it's their "fault"? Your stance is really illogical.
I kneeewww the first reply someone would have to this is "he is lying" because yeah, sometimes I think he is too... but, just to get this straight... I didn't ask my boyfriend not to ****... He was the one who suggested it. And I have said to him since that I don't care if he does, I just wouldn't want him to lie to me and say he didn't if he does, cos it's a really stupid thing to lie about.
So no matter what you think, I do trust him. And I do believe that he doesn't.
Me and my boyfriend have sex quite alot... So yeah to me I would feel like I wasn't pleasuring him enough if he still had to have a **** after we had already had sex that day. I'm not saying if he does have a **** I'm gunna break down and be like "OH GOD I AM OBVIOUSLY RUBBISH AND DON'T SATISFY YOU..." because as crazy as I am... I'm not that crazy :cool:
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Mullah.S
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how on earth are you finding this out?

and also are you preferring if he is going having actual sex with them instead?
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Lala_1234
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(Original post by abhiksetia)
Why would any guy prefer masturbate to anything when you can have sex/get a bj ?
I've been dating someone for 3+ years and to be honest the only time I've ever masturbated is when we haven't seen each other in a while cause of travelling/being in different places.

Obviously I'm attracted to other girls too, and though I think my gf is pretty and I love her, there definitely are other pretty and more attractive girls out there. Sorry to say, but from my perspective at least, what your bf is doing is a bit weird.
Yes! Proof that not all guys are crazy ****ing machines! Haha
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Sulphur
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Nothing wrong with masturbating, however having said that, I find it somewhat weird that your bf does so to facebook pictures, it just comes off as creepy...real creepy.

PS: Have you considered giving him a "hand" while he's doing it on facebook, maybe you can be the one to pick the pictures this time...Would that help?
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McMurdo
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(Original post by Anonymous)
my boyfriend of two years (we are both 21) masturbates to girls on his facebook page - he doesn't really know these people - they are random girls who he has added from lectures or from his old school that he never really spoke to. i found out about a year ago, and confronted him about it. since then i have decided to try to forget about it, as i suppose these are his fantasies only. but sometimes i think he is unable to "get off" whilst thinking about me. it's just made me reallyy jealous of all those girls in real life who are hotter and prettier than me, which i'm really not proud of.

but when we see each other, everything is really good.

do you think i should be worried about this? it does upset me sometimes. i have no problem with guys masturbating to porn stars or celebrities, but i've always thought fantasizing about girls in real life is crossing the line. but then, i'm not sure whether it's just a guy thing, and i should just try to forget about it, cos he doesn't really know those girls.

i'd be really grateful for some mature responses, thanks.
Even if they are "just fantasies", it's still a bad sign. For one, he shouldn't still be doing it! Especially as it is demonstrably upsetting you; so that shows he is insensitive. Secondly, he shouldn't WANT to do it anyway.
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Kittiara
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I'd wonder why he does it. Have you asked him? I'd feel the same as you. Porn, celebs, all that is fine, but not people on a Facebook page because that somehow seems more personal. Like, these are actual people he's added and who he could talk with if he wanted to. It just seems to cross that line from random stimulation into something that's a bit too close to home...

So why does he do it? Who not some random glamour model or something? Is it because he can remember what they were like in manners, speech etc, so that the fantasy is more vivid? Is it because of the thought of "I could if I wanted to"? That's what I'd want to find out.

I don't think you need to worry as such. He's with you, after all, not with them, and you have been together for two years. But it's definitely something to talk about. After all, communication is key in any relationship and you should be able to share those things with the other. If it's something you're not comfortable with, you can work on it together. But his reason may well be completely harmless, and then you won't have to worry about it anymore .
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McMurdo
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(Original post by Sulphur)
Nothing wrong with masturbating, however having said that, I find it somewhat weird that your bf does so to facebook pictures, it just comes off as creepy...real creepy.

PS: Have you considered giving him a "hand" while he's doing it on facebook, maybe you can be the one to pick the pictures this time...Would that help?
THAT is creepy, lol ... It's a bad sign when a girlfriend is giving the boyfriend 'a hand' while he gets off to images of OTHER women. She should be adequate stimulation for him - if not, then clearly it's not working.
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theguv92
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Thats weird... To randoms who you have absolutely no connection to yes, but not to people that you have on Facebook. Unacceptable if you ask me, and I'm a guy.
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McMurdo
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(Original post by Kittiara)
I'd wonder why he does it. Have you asked him? I'd feel the same as you. Porn, celebs, all that is fine, but not people on a Facebook page because that somehow seems more personal. Like, these are actual people he's added and who he could talk with if he wanted to. It just seems to cross that line from random stimulation into something that's a bit too close to home...

So why does he do it? Who not some random glamour model or something? Is it because he can remember what they were like in manners, speech etc, so that the fantasy is more vivid? Is it because of the thought of "I could if I wanted to"? That's what I'd want to find out.

I don't think you need to worry as such. He's with you, after all, not with them, and you have been together for two years. But it's definitely something to talk about. After all, communication is key in any relationship and you should be able to share those things with the other. If it's something you're not comfortable with, you can work on it together. But his reason may well be completely harmless, and then you won't have to worry about it anymore .
Personally, I think even watching porn while with someone is...disrespectful and a bad sign. I know I'm in a minority who think that, but I can't imagine how crappy a partner of mine would feel if they knew I was spending as much time getting off to the idea of other women as I do to her. If you have a partner, then even if you're not physically with them, the idea of that person should be sufficient stimulation. In the same way, I'd feel like crap if I found out any partner of mine spent each evening watching videos of other guys. I'd feel as though 1. I'm not enough for her, as she's resorting toother forms of stimulation and 2. like she was getting something from it that I couldn't provide.
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Lala_1234
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(Original post by McMurdo)
Personally, I think even watching porn while with someone is...disrespectful and a bad sign. I know I'm in a minority who think that, but I can't imagine how crappy a partner of mine would feel if they knew I was spending as much time getting off to the idea of other women as I do to her. If you have a partner, then even if you're not physically with them, the idea of that person should be sufficient stimulation. In the same way, I'd feel like crap if I found out any partner of mine spent each evening watching videos of other guys. I'd feel as though 1. I'm not enough for her, as she's resorting toother forms of stimulation and 2. like she was getting something from it that I couldn't provide.
I completely agree. We can be in the minority together
I think couples who have sex while watching porn is a little odd, it makes me think that they can't turn each other on kinda thing?
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Lala_1234
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(Original post by abhiksetia)
I've heard of people watching porn together to get more in the mood but people don't really have sex while watching porn do they. If so, weird.

Also,McMurdo, that's a very well put post, I agree with that fully.
Well, I don't actually know... Cos I don't do it! Haha
But my best friend says she watches porn with her boyfriend... I didn't really ask for details tho :L
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Anonymous #3
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Most (essentially all) males in relationships masturbate.

I can understand you being a bit creeped out by it being other girls on Facebook, but really, I don't think it's anything terribly unusual, and given that he's in a relationship actually having sex with you, then he obviously likes you, and I don't think there's anything malicious in his actions.
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Sulphur
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Why can't it be considered bonding? If both are into porn then why not enjoy it together?
It's quite common for one partner to have a higher sex drive than the other and in those situations it can unreasonable for the former to ask the latter for more sex. Sex when you're not really into it is not enjoyable, at least in my experience :d
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Kittiara
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(Original post by McMurdo)
Personally, I think even watching porn while with someone is...disrespectful and a bad sign. I know I'm in a minority who think that, but I can't imagine how crappy a partner of mine would feel if they knew I was spending as much time getting off to the idea of other women as I do to her. If you have a partner, then even if you're not physically with them, the idea of that person should be sufficient stimulation. In the same way, I'd feel like crap if I found out any partner of mine spent each evening watching videos of other guys. I'd feel as though 1. I'm not enough for her, as she's resorting toother forms of stimulation and 2. like she was getting something from it that I couldn't provide.
I do understand. I used to feel that way, too. I'm a bit easier on it now, though my boyfriend did watch some porn from time to time in the past, but he's not bothered with it nowadays.

But I think it can be a fun way to get some new ideas. I've peeked at some sites every now and then out of curiosity and there were times when I thought "that looks interesting", and figured we could try it out. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't, but it was fun nonetheless.

I guess that is different than having fantasies about the people in those videos or in those pictures, or actually getting off at the time. But the way I see it in general is that some people like that sort of stimulation, even within a relationship. And that does not mean that they don't love or fancy their partners, or that they're unsatisfied, but they may want to watch things that tickle their fancy, but that they wouldn't actually want/dare try out in real life. It can be that someone's fantasies can get rather extreme, but that what they want with their partner is a lot more tender, because they love their partner and would not want to subject him/her/anyone to that.

I don't know. Everyone works in different ways. I don't think there is a wrong or right there. So long as both people are happy and respect the other, of course.
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Flibble22
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I'm not sure what to say to be honest. I do sympathize however.

I mean if my (hypothetical) gf was around most of the time then I'd have little reason to do the hairy palm routine, but there would be times when she's not and well, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Unless he has "stuff" of you, then there's little other choice.

To be perfectly honest, if I had the girl I really want (****ed it all up with her months ago) I'd never need to look elsewhere. Man, I'm getting hot under the collar just thinking about her. :sexface:

If your guy doesn't think the same way about you, then see what you can do to change that.
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McMurdo
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(Original post by Kittiara)
I do understand. I used to feel that way, too. I'm a bit easier on it now, though my boyfriend did watch some porn from time to time in the past, but he's not bothered with it nowadays.

But I think it can be a fun way to get some new ideas. I've peeked at some sites every now and then out of curiosity and there were times when I thought "that looks interesting", and figured we could try it out. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't, but it was fun nonetheless.

I guess that is different than having fantasies about the people in those videos or in those pictures, or actually getting off at the time. But the way I see it in general is that some people like that sort of stimulation, even within a relationship. And that does not mean that they don't love or fancy their partners, or that they're unsatisfied, but they may want to watch things that tickle their fancy, but that they wouldn't actually want/dare try out in real life. It can be that someone's fantasies can get rather extreme, but that what they want with their partner is a lot more tender, because they love their partner and would not want to subject him/her/anyone to that.

I don't know. Everyone works in different ways. I don't think there is a wrong or right there. So long as both people are happy and respect the other, of course.
I do understand your point about the difference between fantasies and what one might actually want to do. However, at least in my view, it would be an indication that I wasn't providing enough for my other half, because, if I was , she would not need to turn to anything else. Perhaps I'm just very insecure/clingy/whatever people term it :P But even if I knew any partner of mine even just 'glanced at porn' from time to time, I'd feel...as though the sexual side of the relationship had been attenuated. As I said: I'm part of a minority.
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edwinemanuelposse
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Its in the human nature of males to have sex evry single day with as much possible womans , thats behaviour dates from the stone age where it was good to have as many ofspring as possible, to fight the agresive neighbour villages and all the wild animals like wild wolves..... and in terms of history males DNA is only 10 minutes old in a timelapse from the stoneage till now...

OR

u provide him with enough daily sex, or his DNA will tell him to go search elsewhere...males are enslaved to what their bioligy tells them to do...

Or

Try mariage counceling... that also helps for men to hate themselves for their urges that are given by nature....
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