Year 12s: what will be the first way you research your future options? >>

Going to Uni in a relationship.

Yay or nay? Why?

This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

Scroll to see replies

You know those really huge cargo ships that carry thousands of containers from China to Europe?

You'll be able to fill one of those with your regrets.

Reply 2

Yawn11

Depends how discreet both of you are with your infidelity.

Reply 3

franki91

Depends on you and your relationship. If you're serious about your relationship and really want to be with that person, it could work. Otherwise there's not much point. Also depends on what you want from uni.

Reply 4

katiemcatackney

My ex boyfriend went off to uni last year while i stayed at home. He promised me he would always love me and he would try and make 'us' work.
A few weeks later i found out he slept with another girl, and felt to guilty to lie to me. So he dumped me in the end.
He changed a lot when we started university- he used to be shy, and quite sensitive around girls now suddenly he is confident and cocky.

I guess it depends on your relationship and who you are as a person. And of course the distance. But i wouldn't recommend it to anyone mainly down to personal experience.

This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

Reply 5

theguv92

Less than one hour travel, fine. More than that not fine.

Reply 6

Katie_p

I'm in an LDR, Warwick and Manchester. 3hours on Megabus.
It's working fine, been together 32 months, and been at Uni for 18months.
I'm abroad next year and he's still here, and we're both nervous about it, but we trust each other completely. We have no reason to cheat, so we don't worry that it will happen.

But I would say you need to make sure that you make time for each other over the phone or Skype or something similar, so you can keep up-to-date on each others lives, discuss any problems you have and all that sort of stuff that happens naturally when you see each other regularly.

Reply 7

katehlouise

It totally depends.

If you're in a relationship, I don't see why you should break up just because you're going to uni - but then that depends on how long you've been together and how serious it is.
I had been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years when I started uni in September... We celebrated our 3 years in January. It can be difficult at times, but it can work if you both try. I don't feel like I've missed out on anything in the 'uni experience'. I mean, I'm not the sort of person to go out kissing random guys/sleeping with random guys anyway, and that's what people seem to expect university to be all about. (It really isn't like that... or it isn't at my uni aha) He works and I have uni stuff to do so we can just get on with our own lives for a bit, and then talk about it in the evenings and have short visits...

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

I was with my boyfriend of 4 years when I went to uni. Never doubted that I would want to be with him forever, and I still don't doubt it. Yet I still couldn't handle it. I ended up cheating on him and he was just crazy enough to forgive me. Would never do it again after the turmoil it caused between us.

Some people are built better than others to handle pressure etc etc... If you think you are one of those people then it's fine.

Reply 9

Pigling

I have been in a uni LDR for 4 years, with around 3 hours travel distance. We had been going out for around 6 months.

Whilst I'd obviously rather be able to spend more time together, I really love my boyfriend and get a lot out of the relationship. Aside from travel expense, there haven't been any problems/disadvantages at all as far as I'm concerned.

EDIT: When you consider the average number of partners people have, it's obvious that most of all relationships run their course and end. But that's not a reason to never get into a relationship because "it probably won't work". I don't understand why this mentality is therefore applied to uni relationships / first relationships / young relationships / etc - especially as I'm really not convinced they are especially less likely to work than any relationship.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 10

MormonMonster

Original post by theguv92

Less than one hour travel, fine. More than that not fine.

I'd say this as a rule of thumb.

Reply 11

Laura120792

I went to uni with my boyfriend, we had only been going out for a year but we're still together in our 3rd years, so its possible :smile:

I dont know if it would work as well if you lived a while away from each other though.

Reply 12

sabian92

I'm going to uni without my fiancee in September. I'm living at home though.

I don't see the problem in it, if you cheat on her/him at uni you'd have probably have done it anyway. Being at uni isn't a free pass to cheat and use it as an excuse.

Reply 13

Future African game vet

I went to uni WITH my (ex)boyfriend - even though we had gone to the same uni and were on the same course it still didn't work out. Sometimes, People change- they meet new people and their priorities and personality / how they act changes dramatically.

If you want any relationship to work you need good communication, trust and actually be devoted to staying with the other person. If you think you have all of thoe, I guess you could go for it... but from what I can see relationships between the ages of 17-24 generally don't really work out due to the changes people go through.

Good luck x

Reply 14

nobody.

If you love her and she loves you, and you both trust each other equally and you both want it to work then i see no reason why it shouldn't!
You don't know until you try!

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 15

ironandwine

Nahhh, too much fun to be had and you don't realise how much you change.

On the other hand, I know a couple who are about 4 hours away from each other and they've made it last for over two years; though that said I don't know if there's been any cheating, etc. Most people in "relationships" I met at the beginning of university cheated within the first week.

Reply 16

theguv92

Original post by sabian92

I think the problem is people that go to uni in relationships aren't necessarily at the stage where you have total unconditional commitment. IMO this takes years to get to this stage, and unfortunately even functional relationships aren't all born equal. Sometimes the glue holding a relationship together is the physical proximity, and when you lose this it can seem less worthwhile.

Reply 17

sabian92

Original post by theguv92

Eh, I see your point although maybe because me and my fiancee have been a couple for 3 years next month and engaged for over 12 months I don't see it as quite so black and white. We see each other every day (and barring 4 days last July) we've seen each other every day since 2009.

I think if you cheat at uni then you probably should have done the decent thing and finished with your boy/girlfriend before going to save them the indignity of being cheated on. Nothing worse than that.

Reply 18

pinkbullets

Yes, I don't see why uni relationships are seen as such a bad thing to be honest. You're not missing out on anything by having a partner other than sleeping with other people and you're probably going to get more regular sex by having a partner rather than relying on one night stands anyway. You can still have a social life and a partner.

Yes, lots of them don't work. But lots of non LDRs don't work too. That doesn't mean you are never going to get into a relationship because it probably won't work.

I'm in a LDR (I'm in my 1st year at uni, he's got a full time job in my hometown, 12 hours away by coach) and I don't feel like I've missed out on anything. The only disadvantage is travel costs.

Reply 19

nicatre

Ignore those talking about infidelity, uni is not about going out and sleeping with randomers.

I only know one or two people who entered university in a relationship and maintained it through their degree. It's not a reflection on the individuals it's just a case of being a large change in your life through which it's likely the relationship won't survive. A lot of things happen and you become more of the person you will end up. It's unfortunate but true.

Don't take this to mean you shouldn't try and thus should just break up now. Just be prepared that it could get difficult.