Falling in love with your bestfriend / close friend?

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If it is requited, it must be the best thing ever.
If not, can be quite bad.

In my experience:

a) I fell in love with my best friend. I told him, it made things transiently awkward, but I accepted the fact, dealt with it, and we are still best friends. (good ending)

b) One of my best friends fell in love with me, he never accepted properly that it was not requited and kept trying for more. After a very long time, the friendship just blew up and we no longer speak to each other (terrible ending).

c) Another one of my best friends said to me not long ago that he has fallen in love with me, though it seems that he accepts that this is not reciprocal, and so far everything seems to be fine.

If you are the person who might be rejected, then weigh up how you think you would react to rejection, and whether you could continue a friendship or not after being rejected (if you aren't, then you have a wonderful relationship ahead of you).

Reply 21

illusionz

Original post by Journeyzap

Even when the feelings are reciprocated, there can be other reasons preventing it (she's one of my best mate's ex's, yay).

Reply 22

ilem

I'm really struggling to understand why anyone who's seriously fallen for a good friend would choose to continue with a friendship after being rejected. You're unlikely to get over them while staying in contact and seeing them feels like torture. Especially if they decide to mention their new boy/girlfriend.

Reply 23

Journeyzap

Original post by illusionz

Even when the feelings are reciprocated, there can be other reasons preventing it (she's one of my best mate's ex's, yay).

If they were reciprocated, I think I would go out with the person.
Maybe speak to your best mate beforehand, but if two people do truly like each other, it makes no sense to stay unhappy for the sake of another person (particularly as nothing will happen with them again).

Also, if truly a good mate, he will probably be happy that a) you find someone you like and reciprocates the feeling b) that his ex has moved on.

?

Reply 24

Anonymous #4

As someone in this position, I can assure you it is very, very BAD.

All I seem to be able to think about is my best friend, and knowing that she doesn't feel the same way (I know for sure) is hurting both me and our friendship.

Reply 25

rooosy

Best thing ever :smile:

we've been together for a year and a bit now and he knew me inside out from the start, and we're still best friends as well as in a relationship.

This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

Reply 26

manty

always been bad for me!

Reply 27

Anonymous #5

Original post by ilem

It's not always possible to do that. What if said person is in your group of friends, or if you work together, or if you have classes or anything else which would mean seeing said person regularly? Besides, its not as simple as just stopping talking to someone who is a good friend. In my case we both just pretended nothing had happened. Somehow the girl has ended up as one of my best friends even though she knows I like her. I think I would have ended up feeling even worse if we'd stopped talking.

Reply 28

ilem

Original post by Anonymous

Obviously there are certain obstacles that would make completely cutting contact impossible but I'm more concerned with a situation where the two people involved have no common background other than the friendship.

Personally I just can't see how such denial from both sides could end in a good way. You're acutely aware of your feelings for the girl and yet you have to be content with being merely friends with her, even though you want so much more. For me, having such a constant reminder would just prolong the time it takes to move on. And it gets worse if/when they get a new partner.

I'm glad it worked out for you but I stil remain confident that you'd have moved on much quicker if you'd just cut her out and survived the withdrawal period.

Reply 29

Anonymous #6

Original post by nobody.

Ok so what about if you end up getting together because you feel the same? then what?
Do you think it ruins the friendship potentially after your relationship?

Posted from TSR Mobile

I told my best friend I was in love with him a while ago, but he was still with someone (probably shouldn't have done that!). They broke up about a year later and nothing happened except a bit of flirting for a while, until one day he turned to me and kissed me. We're now very nervous that it will ruin our friendship if we do break up, but we're so close that I have hope we could get through it. I can't imagine not being friends with him really!

Reply 30

EllaBella<3

Personally I think it's generally a bad situation. My best friend told me he liked me last year. I felt something for him but not enough to jeopardise our friendship. I told him this and the feelings passed, we're still really good friends; I guess that shows that he does really care. I think i'm one of the lucky ones here though! :smile:

Reply 31

Libtardian

Man and woman cannot be equal friends, one is either lower or higher social value than the other, it appears as a friendship because both sides accept this.

Any man/woman that accepts this form of "friendship" and is the lower social value half (generally the man) is not worthy of the other (higher socially valued) man/woman when it comes mating.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 32

Anonymous #3

Otester I really don't know what you mean?

Reply 33

Anonymous #3

In my situation I wouldn't be too worried about ruining the friendship because at the end of the day we will both be going to different sides of the country for uni and realistically will not see each other much.

Reply 34

Chillaxer

Original post by Anonymous

been going through this for months - bad bad BAD. You can't be happy for them when they get a new relationship, but you can't make a move on them because as much as the secret kills you, it'd kill you more to lose them all together.
Just not good.

How do you know they don;t feel the same? And might have the same reasons for being guarded? I personally think love can start from freindship, because it requires some effort and common ground.

Reply 35

Chillaxer

Original post by otester

Man and woman cannot be equal friends, one is either lower or higher value than the other, it appears as a friendship because both sides accept this.

Any man/woman that accepts this form of "friendship" and is the lower value half (generally the man) is not worthy of the other (higher value) man/woman when it comes mating.

Sounds like nonsense to me. Sometimes people just don;t start all heavy and are friends cos they have partners, or other priorities in life. There's no league aspect to it.

Reply 36

Anonymous #7

I know how you feel, a few months ago I grew really strong feelings for one of my closest friends and we needed up getting together at a party and started seeing each other. But the relationship between us changed and we no longer had our jokey friendship so it ended and now it's definitely not the same between us. So It is very risky!

Reply 37

Libtardian

Original post by Anonymous

Otester I really don't know what you mean?

Edited the comment to make it more clear.

Original post by Chillaxer

Sounds like nonsense to me. Sometimes people just don;t start all heavy and are friends cos they have partners, or other priorities in life. There's no league aspect to it.

I meant friends with no barriers.

Reply 38

Anonymous #1

OK. Confessed to best friend that i used to like him a couple days ago. He won't even look at me now. He didn't even give an indication of his feelings, he seems to be able to talk to everyone but me about it. DON'T DO IT.