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Talking about the future with your boyfriend.. Is this normal? Watch

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    I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months (much of this long-distance) and we've already discussed getting married and having children and he says that he never wants to be with anyone else and that if I break up with him he will never find another girl who he loves as much as me and will spend his life looking for a replacement for me.

    I love him a lot and don't not imagine myself spending my life with him but I perhaps don't feel as strongly about it as he does. Is it normal to speak about things like this so soon into a relationship or is it damaging?

    I'm also concerned that we speak too much when I'm away; we sometimes skype for three hours a day and when I speak to him that much he starts to annoy me and it frustrates me that we can't do anything other than speak to one another for hours, we can't do anything together. It also annoys me as he gets horny and is always telling me how much he wants me but I get bored of this because there's nothing I can do to help him with it and it gets so repetitive.

    I also go through stages of being so in love with him when I see him in person and when we haven't spoken for a day or so to being apathetic and irritable when we haven't seen each other for a couple of weeks. He also spends a lot of money on me which makes me feel guilty as I feel that he can't afford it.

    Having said this, I can't imagine my life without him as he is my best friend and the most amazing person, I really do love him more than anyone. I just want to know if what I'm feeling is normal in a long-distance relationship or if it's a sign that we should break up. I don't feel unhappy in the relationship, but I feel irritated and just a sense of nothingness at the moment, I just want to see him and not have to spend hours in front of a computer to speak to him every night. It's no fun at all. Is it ok for things about your boyfriend to irritate you or is this not normal?

    Please let me know your thoughts on this..
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    I was in a very similar situation to this but we would spend much more than three hours a day skyping. It can become addictive and take over your life because you want all of their time and want to give them all of yours. It sounds to me like you're going through the typical anxieties of a long-term relationship. It has been 8 months and both of you deep down are probably getting a bit bored. If I were you I'd give it a chance and let him know how you're feeling. Communication is the important thing here. If he really does love you as much as he says he does he'll change the things that are bothering you, but you should also be willing to do the same for him if you love him and if you don't you should end the relationship.
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    I think long distance is always hard. I think I'm a little like you in that I really don't get much out of phone calls. I'm very sociable face to face, but I can't really be bothered texting and facebooking my mates. It's how you are together that really matters.

    I don't think the future stuff really matters, I'm someone who doesn't like excessively planning their future. Just take it as it goes, if you reach the point of marriage that's great. I could definitely see myself marrying my girlfriend, but the idea freaks me out a bit for now. There's no point in saying "we'll definitely get married"- I know I'm in love, but I also know many loving couples break up at some point. Planning your life is fairly pointless as there are too many variables.
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    Me and my girlfriend discuss the future all the time, marriage, kids, holidays the lot! We both love each other very much, and although we are young I don't see no harm in it. Yes it may hurt more if anything should happen, but its good to have deep conversations as you learn a lot about each other.


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    I would be running Mo Farah style in the other direction if someone started discussing marriage and babies with me after eight months.

    Long distance is a difficult thing, and the amount of effort it requires can be pretty draining. Your feelings are valid and normal; everyone I know in a long distance relationship has their ups and downs of wanting to talk to their other half. One of my mates sometimes even makes up excuses so he doesn't have to. I'm not sure, but I think if I were you I'd lay my cards on the table and just say how you're feeling - things are always better out in the open than left to fester.
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    I think you're probably speaking too much. If you were together in person, you wouldn't spend a 3 hour slot each day just talking. Conversation isn't going to flow when it's regimented, but in an LDR it can feel like there's no alternative.

    I think you need to get busier so that you actually have a bit less time for each other, and do more things to talk about - contact your boyfriend spontaneously when there's actually something you really want to share with him, and don't force conversation or feel guilty if there just isn't much to say.

    Also, occasional apathy and occasional "omg amazing so in love" moments are normal in any relationship, especially earlier on (eg: 8 months). Your bf isn't able to restrain his thoughts and feelings when he's having an "omg amazing so in love" moment, you just have a slightly more realistic way of viewing and expressing yourself. Imo, neither is wrong, or all that meaningful. The truth is, he probably has moments of doubt or hesitancy about you too. You're just starting out, see how it goes.
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    I was in a very similar situation with my boyfriend as we used to Skype all the time and then ended up getting really irritated with each other, so we cut that down which I didn't appreciate at the time, however, it's been 2 and a half years now and we barely Skype, but text instead, mainly in the evening. I think it's a case of time that changes a lot, you'll still be in the incredibly close/tiny bit clingy stage. I'm sure it'll all work out Just get on with your day to day business and your relationship will become a natural added part of that.
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    (Original post by cheboludo)
    I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months (much of this long-distance) and we've already discussed getting married and having children and he says that he never wants to be with anyone else and that if I break up with him he will never find another girl who he loves as much as me and will spend his life looking for a replacement for me.

    I love him a lot and don't not imagine myself spending my life with him but I perhaps don't feel as strongly about it as he does. Is it normal to speak about things like this so soon into a relationship or is it damaging?

    I'm also concerned that we speak too much when I'm away; we sometimes skype for three hours a day and when I speak to him that much he starts to annoy me and it frustrates me that we can't do anything other than speak to one another for hours, we can't do anything together. It also annoys me as he gets horny and is always telling me how much he wants me but I get bored of this because there's nothing I can do to help him with it and it gets so repetitive.

    I also go through stages of being so in love with him when I see him in person and when we haven't spoken for a day or so to being apathetic and irritable when we haven't seen each other for a couple of weeks. He also spends a lot of money on me which makes me feel guilty as I feel that he can't afford it.

    Having said this, I can't imagine my life without him as he is my best friend and the most amazing person, I really do love him more than anyone. I just want to know if what I'm feeling is normal in a long-distance relationship or if it's a sign that we should break up. I don't feel unhappy in the relationship, but I feel irritated and just a sense of nothingness at the moment, I just want to see him and not have to spend hours in front of a computer to speak to him every night. It's no fun at all. Is it ok for things about your boyfriend to irritate you or is this not normal?

    Please let me know your thoughts on this..
    Just be as honest as you can, don't deny stuff just express what you have here, and he'll appreciate it. Also, it will best for both of you long term when things are in the open, it will not harm things; rather improve them.
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    Omg thanks so much for all the answers! i feel a lot better now and i've talked to him today which i think went ok. i think skyping less is definitely the key and he's coming to visit on thursday so i'm sure it'll be back to how it was before.
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    Also it's natural to get bored of skyping for three hours, with anyone. You are probably being too hard on yourself in terms of relationship expectations, you can't want someones company all the time and it be amazing. It's society that cause these hyped expectations. To be being honest about feelings, and not pretedning how much you think someones great all the time, honestly, saying you want less time with him even, and explaining it all willl only help. I think it's just a case of lower and realistic expectations can make you more in love and seeing each other less can.
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    Sounds a bit full on to me, how old are you both?
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    I'm in the exact same situation! All of what you put is almost identical to my relationship, it's crazy. I've been with my bf slightly longer (nearly a year and a half) but right now I'm wondering whether it's time to end it. It hasn't gotten any better, just worse
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    My first boyfriend and I always discussed being together forever, getting married, having children, not being able to live without each other. We were together for 2 years and this talk came within the second year. We broke up and I realised that despite how much I thought it, he was not the most important thing in my life, he wasn't the only thing that could make me happy and I will be with other people than him. It's very hard at a young age to know where you'll be in 5-20 years. People change a lot with age, including personality, drastically.

    Since breaking up with my first boyfriend, I've decided to never promise forever to someone if I can't back it up with giving them forever. I think I'll only know when I'm going to be with someone forever when I say yes to marriage or live with them, because personally I wouldn't live with/marry someone I didn't want to spend forever with.

    In your situation, it's difficult - I think it's probably just a little differentiation in personality. Your partner is more affectionate and vocal about that, where as you're less inclined to do so. Perhaps you could talk to him about being too forward, if that's how you feel?

    In any case, good luck
 
 
 
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