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Drinking and relationships Watch

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    How big a part does drinking play in your relationship, or dating? Do you often get drunk with your partner? ... make love under the influence? Does it generally bring fun to the relationship, and ever any angst? Just wondering how I compare..
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    I don't think alcohol is a good idea when consumed in excess, at least initially. Sure a pint or two makes you less anxious and what not but becoming bladdered when you're trying to get to know someone has never been a good move.
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    My boyfriend doesn't handle his booze very well lol so I rarely drink with him. We might go out and have a glass of wine or 2/a pint but I wouldn't go binging with him. We don't mesh well when we're drunk anyway lol.


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    I find it very much a double edged sword. Occasionally it really adds to the fun but sometimes it leads to alcohol fuelled fall outs. Sex wise it slows me down which is good and leads to some very nice uninhibited kissing but overall it is better without.
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    me and my boyfriend have only ever drank together twice but that was before we had even got together. he goes out drinking with his friends usually ones or twice a week and I go out with mine probably about once a fortnight it doesn't really have any affect at all except the occasional drunk text that usually isn't even seen by the other person until the morning.
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    Drinking is fine as long as it doesn't drive negative behaviour. Once it starts doing that it damages the relationship.

    Drinking like other substances can end up making people quite selfish, everything becomes all about them. They will get drunk, get into fights/arguments/behave stupidly and embarrass their partner/get kicked out of clubs so their partner has to come out too and come home with them, it spoils the night out for their partner because it all comes around having to deal with the fallout of the drunken behaviour.

    Also some people will try to use it as a get out of jail free card "yes I know I groped/dirty danced/kissed/slept with someone else but it didn't mean anything, I was drunk".

    And also sometimes it can get to a situation where somebody chooses alcohol ahead of their partner. Your partner wants to do something but you "aren't drunk enough yet" so they have to sit while you get more and more hammered before you can go out, and then in the end say you're too smashed and tired so lets stay in. Or they arrange to do something and you don't turn up because you were out getting smashed with your mates and then you forgot because you were drunk.

    Within a relationship people will tolerate this sort of stuff to a point but what you have to remember is every little damaging action against your partner takes its toll and over time the losses mount. Everyone has their tolerance point, and also although you might not want to think about it, every time you do something which makes you seem a bit less of a perfect partner in their eyes, you increase the chances that they will find someone they prefer over you.

    I've seen the sorts of situations described above happen to some of my mates from uni and you could tell they were taking liberties with their partners for months before they got the boot....the problem was at the end of it they are always apologetic, begging to be taken back, promising to change etc, and none of them did get taken back...
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    (Original post by MagicNMedicine)
    Drinking is fine as long as it doesn't drive negative behaviour. Once it starts doing that it damages the relationship.

    Drinking like other substances can end up making people quite selfish, everything becomes all about them. They will get drunk, get into fights/arguments/behave stupidly and embarrass their partner/get kicked out of clubs so their partner has to come out too and come home with them, it spoils the night out for their partner because it all comes around having to deal with the fallout of the drunken behaviour.

    Also some people will try to use it as a get out of jail free card "yes I know I groped/dirty danced/kissed/slept with someone else but it didn't mean anything, I was drunk".

    And also sometimes it can get to a situation where somebody chooses alcohol ahead of their partner. Your partner wants to do something but you "aren't drunk enough yet" so they have to sit while you get more and more hammered before you can go out, and then in the end say you're too smashed and tired so lets stay in. Or they arrange to do something and you don't turn up because you were out getting smashed with your mates and then you forgot because you were drunk.

    Within a relationship people will tolerate this sort of stuff to a point but what you have to remember is every little damaging action against your partner takes its toll and over time the losses mount. Everyone has their tolerance point, and also although you might not want to think about it, every time you do something which makes you seem a bit less of a perfect partner in their eyes, you increase the chances that they will find someone they prefer over you.

    I've seen the sorts of situations described above happen to some of my mates from uni and you could tell they were taking liberties with their partners for months before they got the boot....the problem was at the end of it they are always apologetic, begging to be taken back, promising to change etc, and none of them did get taken back...
    I can really relate to the sentiments expressed in this post. The losses have mounted in my relationship to due to overconsumption of alcohol. After the death of a close friend, I avoided alcohol altogether - and only started drinking again after meeting my current bf because his family/he would drink a lot at social settings (and they are definitely not lightweights, like me!). Turns out I had not worked through my bereavement issues, and it all came tumbling out after a night drinking with my boyfriend - this leads to fights on at least three occasions.

    The next morning would be so horrible for both of us. And I've really reached a turning point now, and realised if I can't hold my drink it's not worth it. So we went to our first big party together since making a fresh start in the relationship the other week - I could tell at certain points the night he was 'observing' me! But I consciously took very little alcohol to the party, and made sure I was pacing myself. We had a great time Which I think is down to keeping an eye on the alcohol intake, AND making the relationship better so there is nothing to fight about. So, OP, it really depends on the people involved - if you are happy and healthy, you are probably less likely to fight. But I think alcohol can quite literally just have adverse reactions for some people.

    Others just seem to get drunk and happy together, however, so who knows!
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    (Original post by Zarek)
    How big a part does drinking play in your relationship, or dating? Do you often get drunk with your partner? ... make love under the influence? Does it generally bring fun to the relationship, and ever any angst? Just wondering how I compare..
    I get drunk all the time with my bf, generally it is really good fun but a couple of times it has caused issues. He suffers from anxiety related depression which is usually triggered by exams, we went out for my birthday a while before his resits and he became depressed and there was nothing I could do. I gave him my keys and told him to go back to mine but he wouldn't. My friends were there and it was obvious there was something wrong, he was being angry and grumpy. I found it really difficult and embarrassing and just spiralled into a place where I couldn't cope with it and ended up screaming at him saying I couldn't do it any more. 100% my bad but I was so upset about it being my birthday and people visiting me and ruining it for me and them. I struggle with having to give him attention in public which is bad because when he is like that he needs it, I have real issues with being seen to be prioritising my boyfriend over my friends which I know is bad.

    The second time he left the club without telling me, he was trying to be nice so I would stay with my friends and didn't feel I had to leave, but I thought maybe he was depressed again and panicked when I noticed him missing and rushed home. When I realised he was fine I was so angry and upset because I was smashed and he had really scared me. Ended up crying in the shower

    Both times the next day it's like oh alcohol, you make us so crazy! We laugh about it now Normally we have great fun and end up dancing and jumping around and hugging like crazies.
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    (Original post by redferry)
    I get drunk all the time with my bf, generally it is really good fun but a couple of times it has caused issues. He suffers from anxiety related depression which is usually triggered by exams, we went out for my birthday a while before his resits and he became depressed and there was nothing I could do. I gave him my keys and told him to go back to mine but he wouldn't. My friends were there and it was obvious there was something wrong, he was being angry and grumpy. I found it really difficult and embarrassing and just spiralled into a place where I couldn't cope with it and ended up screaming at him saying I couldn't do it any more. 100% my bad but I was so upset about it being my birthday and people visiting me and ruining it for me and them. I struggle with having to give him attention in public which is bad because when he is like that he needs it, I have real issues with being seen to be prioritising my boyfriend over my friends which I know is bad.

    The second time he left the club without telling me, he was trying to be nice so I would stay with my friends and didn't feel I had to leave, but I thought maybe he was depressed again and panicked when I noticed him missing and rushed home. When I realised he was fine I was so angry and upset because I was smashed and he had really scared me. Ended up crying in the shower

    Both times the next day it's like oh alcohol, you make us so crazy! We laugh about it now Normally we have great fun and end up dancing and jumping around and hugging like crazies.
    Yes, confirms my experiences. I hate embarrassment in public too..
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    (Original post by Zarek)
    Yes, confirms my experiences. I hate embarrassment in public too..
    I just don't want people to think he is a bad boyfriend, I'm always really paranoid about that. He isn't he is just upset but then that makes him look needy. He isn't like that the rest of the time at all though. It's difficult, just talking about it I feel bad for not being more understanding in those situations.

    I think it stems from my first boyfriend being very possessive and constantly throwing strops in from of my friends and/or parents.
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    Personally, I found alcohol to be quite damaging in my first relationship. I also have a feeling it was one of the main reasons he left me. My ex enjoyed drinking with his new flat,ates in a regular basis. He was never really interested in getting smashed until he became closer to them. I however don't really drink at all, mostly as I have an allergy, but also because I don't particularly enjoy the feeling of being drunk.
    as a result I guess he and his new friends saw me as being boring, he would blow me off to spend time drinking with them, and he would sometimes invite me out with them but ignore me all night UNTIL he needed me - as he was so drunk he was unable to walk properly, was on the verge of passing out and needed my shoulder to sleep on, or was about to vomit. Twice at formal occassions he got horrendusly drunk, none of his friends ever seemed to get quite as drunk somehow... on these occassions he passed out on me for ages before waking up and vomiting everywhere, the first time I had to literally drag him out of the formal dining hall whilst he spewed all over people and the Xmas tree, the second time he was sick on my feet, in a water jug and a wine glass. I told him off the second time and he just laughed, then couldn't understand for the life of him, why I was so angry after he had literally ignored me and every attempt I had made to spend time with him that night until he was so drunk he couldn't function and needed me to sit with him whilst he was unconscious for 3 hours whilst everyone else was dancing.

    Two weeks later he left me, apparently I was embarrassing and made HIM cringe.... Maybe next time I'll learn to stop loving people when they treat me like that, at least that way when they leave me for being boring and sober I'll not be as devastated and blame myself for 2 years.

    It was a shame because before all of this, he was such a gentleman, absolutely perfect in everyway... its just a shame he had to change
 
 
 
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