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Struggling with long distance (again) Watch

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    I posted a thread a while ago about how I'd been developing feelings for another guy at uni, after having to go a month at a time without seeing my boyfriend.

    I (think) I love my boyfriend but it's almost starting to feel like he's my best friend who I have sex with. (Is this what relationships are meant to turn into??) I feel a bit... bored. I'd break his heart if I broke up with him because we've been together nearly a year and he's always talking about our future together and how he can't imagine ever being with anyone else, which freaks me out quite a lot. I think things would be okay though if I didn't have this weird obsession with this guy at uni.

    The thing is, this guy doesn't even like me. I'm pretty sure he dislikes me as a person although I can't understand why, because I'm a friendly person and I tend to get on with pretty much everyone (I realise that sounds really up myself, of course there's always going to be people who don't get on with me, it just confuses me that he seems to really dislike me for no reason )

    Buuut I can't help wondering where things would go if I wasn't with my boyfriend and it's making me feel terrible.

    What should I do TSR? Do I morally need to break up with him or do I just hope this phase will pass?
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    I should point out that we're only 18 if that helps, it's not like I need to start thinking about settling down in any way, shape or form
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    Anyone? I really need to sort my life out before I go home for Easter and end up seeing him again every day :s
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    I dont know how to help you exactly, but I'm worried the same thing will happen to me and my boyfriend when we go to university this year and I will only be able to see him at christmas and summer. Can I ask how you guys stay in contact and how much you speak to each other?

    I guess all I can really say is that if you really are unsure about your relationship anymore talk to him and tell him you're worried about it. Maybe when you have your worries off your chest you'll realise how much you really want to be with him.

    I hope it all works out okay for you, whatever happens it will be for the best
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    (Original post by amabella)
    I dont know how to help you exactly, but I'm worried the same thing will happen to me and my boyfriend when we go to university this year and I will only be able to see him at christmas and summer. Can I ask how you guys stay in contact and how much you speak to each other?

    I guess all I can really say is that if you really are unsure about your relationship anymore talk to him and tell him you're worried about it. Maybe when you have your worries off your chest you'll realise how much you really want to be with him.

    I hope it all works out okay for you, whatever happens it will be for the best
    I'd say it's difficult but not impossible, I know plenty of couples that are doing fine, so you should judge on on how you feel and not how other people are managing I see him twice a term (+holidays) and skype about once a week and text every day.

    I don't really like talking to him though, he's convinced everything's perfect and every time I suggest otherwise he gets very needy Just trying to sort my head out before I get to the point of having to talk to him.
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    I am also terrified of this happening to me! My boyfriend has decided to go to Cardiff uni this year -- I don't know if I want to go or not yet, but if I did it would be Winchester uni (I think). We have been together for three years - four by the time uni comes along - I don't think I could cope with only seeing him twice a term. I am scared of loosing him, also I'm worried about how much all of this travelling back and forth is going to cost us both.
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    As far as I'm concerned, the issue here is not the long distance relationship. I am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend and I whilst I obviously miss him, our relationship is as strong as it would be if we saw each other every day.

    The fact that you're developing feelings for this new guy shows that you are not happy in your relationship and that is the problem. You're clearly not comfortable with your boyfriend's big dreams for your future and the obsession with the guy at uni is probably a symptom of your problems; not the cause.

    Staying with someone because "I'd break his heart if I broke up with him" is NOT a good idea. It won't make him happy to be with you when you're obsessing about someone else and you need to take a long hard look at what you really want because the current situation is obviously unsustainable.
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    From experience, it is best if you tell him your worries now rather than waiting to solve things in your head.

    You can work on the problem together and take it from there. It takes maturity and willpower, but I guess that will test if you are both made of what it takes to keep the relationship going.
    Additionally, if you find him to be too needy, let him know - work on the insecurities you both have in the relationship.
    A relationship takes 2 people to make it work, so whilst you are worrying on your own, you are not doing favours for either of you, so, as counterintuitive as it seems, communication and communicating the problem is the best solution.

    Of course he won't like it, but I can guarantee that he will like it even less if you come out when you've just "made the decision" and he will think you are some sort of female dog who has dumped in and moved on in one day because you have kept the truth from him for however long it has taken for you to admit the truth. Anyway, by telling him, you will give him the chance to weigh up what might be going wrong, to make changes, improve certain aspects - and maybe even give you some security as if your eyes are wondering, it is probably for a reason.
 
 
 
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