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What is Sexual Compatibility? Watch

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    OK, so I read about people stressing the need for 'sexual compatibility' in a relationship/marriage. But, forgive me, I am a bit confused about what is meant by this. Surely sexual compatibility doesn't exist in a vacuum from compatibility in the rest of the relationship? For those who don't wish to have sex with someone of the opposite sex before marriage, how on earth are they going to know how to measure sexual compatibility?

    Or is it that the media and society promote a kind of 'ideal' which all 'good' relationships are supposed to emulate?

    What does sexual compatibility mean to you?
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    I don't think sexual compatibility can be measured objectively at all. However, if I was a position with someone who I wanted a long-term relationship with, and I had sex with them, I'd want to tick boxes like "Did I enjoy myself", "Did they enjoy themselves", "Were any boundaries crossed?", "Am I bleeding from anything?".

    Broadly speaking, if the answers to those questions are: Yes, yes, no, no, you're good to go.
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    Well, if one of you likes it very conservative and vanilla, but the other's into hardcore BDSM, there's not a lot of sexual compatibility.
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    It's something people bring up a lot when discussing sex before marriage. Personally, I mostly disagree with the concept that you can only find out your "compatibility" by having sex, and that some people may be surprised to find they are "incompatible" and this could ruin an otherwise healthy/solid relationship.

    I think reasonable people with general/overall compatibility, who communicate with one another and work together can work out a good sex life under all but the most extreme circumstances. And whilst sexual compatibility exists - imo it is about having the same attitudes and priorities (and to some extent preferences), which ought to be determinable without actually needing to engage in sex - for example two people who want to wait until marriage are arguably "compatible" because they have similar beliefs/attitudes about sex.

    Note: I'm not an advocate of waiting until marriage and think it is a rather strange concept, but not because of concerns about potential "incompatibility".
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    (Original post by dendodge)
    Well, if one of you likes it very conservative and vanilla, but the other's into hardcore BDSM, there's not a lot of sexual compatibility.
    this. though an extreme example.
    I think it's basically making sure you can both enjoy certain ways of sex. if you were ALWAYS having to forgo your pleasure for your partner or visa versa that would be a problem.

    Also i'd say libido levels is a factor, like if one of you wanted to get it on every day but the other wanted it fortnightly...

    it's more important in a long term relationship than you'd think


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    Sexual compatibility =

    1. both sexually attracted to one another
    2. both enjoy the same kinds of sex
    3. both provide each other with sexual pleasure
    4. both want the same frequency of sex
    5. both get turned on by similar things/compatible things (you like being dominant, she likes being submissive etc.)
    6. both actively want and initiate sex with one another
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    OK, thanks guys. Forgive me for another slightly naive question, but does sexual attraction always mean getting an erection if you see someone you fancy, or indeed getting wet? Obviously as we get older, these things aren't automatic? I wonder how elderly people measure sexual attraction...
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    (Original post by hobbit_)
    OK, thanks guys. Forgive me for another slightly naive question, but does sexual attraction always mean getting an erection if you see someone you fancy, or indeed getting wet? Obviously as we get older, these things aren't automatic? I wonder how elderly people measure sexual attraction...
    Well, it's a decent indication. But you don't have to get turned on to know a person is attractive. I don't pop a boner every time I see a beautiful girl.
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    (Original post by hobbit_)
    OK, thanks guys. Forgive me for another slightly naive question, but does sexual attraction always mean getting an erection if you see someone you fancy, or indeed getting wet? Obviously as we get older, these things aren't automatic? I wonder how elderly people measure sexual attraction...
    I don't think so no. For instance you might not be in the mood or be busy or whatever, but it'll kind of register. In the case described, getting older means that your body doesn't function in the same way that it used to, which could either mean that you have less sexual impulses or that your body hinders you from acting on them.

    IMO sexual attraction means that you are drawn to a person sexually; you think about having sex with them, you want to have sex with them, they turn you on. I think the body has a pretty good idea of anticipating actual sex to just sexual attraction.
 
 
 
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