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Cultural differences - German vs British Watch

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    Hello TSR,

    I've not OP-ed for a long time, so bear with me. I'm a British born black woman living in London, have quite a lot of experience with dating white British men, been out with a British Indian, Nepalese guy and also dated a Polish film student for a while. I am now dating a white German guy (early days, 2 mths).

    I have to say that I find his dating behaviour a bit unusual. I find his communication/talking manner rather cold and emotionless, a bit detatched and unengaged to the point that I'm finding it hard to gauge how into me he is.

    That said, he does the asking out for dates/dinner, is incredibly forward (too much for my taste) and passionate sexually and is almost smothering with his affection during the night (I cant sleep tightly gripped to his chest, but I do enjoy it for a time).

    He hardly ever compliments me or says anything about what he likes about me or how he feels towards me although we do chat about things in general. His eye contact is VERY sparing; it even seems that he finds it difficult to look at me. He also speaks very very quietly.

    Does anyone have any experience dating German people from a Brit perspective? Out of all of the different nationalities/backgrounds I've dated, I've never really had this problem with awkward communication style. Does this sound normal? Do you think it's down to the individual or more of a cultural thing?

    And general comments from everyone welcomed of course.
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    (Original post by Eveiebaby)
    a British Indian, Nepalese guy and also dated a Polish film student for a while.
    ^ a Polish film student dating a non-white ? Harrowing news, never heard of it.
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    (Original post by David Adler)
    ^ a Polish film student dating a non-white ? Harrowing news, never heard of it.
    Yep maybe he seems in the minority, but one of my girlfriends (also black) shacked up with a Polish guy in London. But she left him because he was "too homely". There's quite a pronounced hip-hop scene in Poland as well as a rock scene, so I guess some of those individuals are warmer towards dating black women. I see quite a few eastern european "Wigga" type people in London. Interesting.
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    Keep on pimping
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    (Original post by Eveiebaby)
    Yep maybe he seems in the minority, but one of my girlfriends (also black) shacked up with a Polish guy in London. But she left him because he was "too homely". There's quite a pronounced hip-hop scene in Poland as well as a rock scene, so I guess some of those individuals are warmer towards dating black women. I see quite a few eastern european "Wigga" type people in London. Interesting.
    Oh, one of those. Wigga phenomenon = )

    Sorry I was so shocked that I did not answer your original question, whilst actually having an answer in my head. German-British difference is mainly class based and what I mean by that is not some kind of individual morality class but an actual social class in the relationships of production in the commodity producing society.

    Why it is extraordinarily important in the case of British-German cultural differences is that you will realize how alike the so-called "middle" class British are with the German "middle" class. In the case of working class you can expect a lot more from a German individual as he is likely to have higher literacy levels, better ethical upbringing and generally more enlightened than our deprived masses. Toffs are the same everywhere (except from Germany and Poland actually - those guys like to duel).
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    (Original post by David Adler)
    ^ a Polish film student dating a non-white ? Harrowing news, never heard of it.
    I know of a polish guy dating a black girl, and i've known a couple others dating 'non-whites'.
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    (Original post by David Adler)
    Oh, one of those. Wigga phenomenon = )

    Sorry I was so shocked that I did not answer your original question, whilst actually having an answer in my head. German-British difference is mainly class based and what I mean by that is not some kind of individual morality class but an actual social class in the relationships of production in the commodity producing society.

    Why it is extraordinarily important in the case of British-German cultural differences is that you will realize how alike the so-called "middle" class British are with the German "middle" class. In the case of working class you can expect a lot more from a German individual as he is likely to have higher literacy levels, better ethical upbringing and generally more enlightened than our deprived masses. Toffs are the same everywhere (except from Germany and Poland actually - those guys like to duel).

    Right - So he's middle class - he's doing a PHD in imperial. I'm probably upper working class, lower middle at a push. I'm not really getting any extra understanding. All I get from your passage, is that I can't blame cultural differences (you suggest that they are negligible) and can probably assume his strange behaviour is just him being a weirdo...
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    Germans are an good people. Both British and German people love to drink at Inn/Pubs
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    He sounds like the ultimate German man stereotype
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    Right, I've never dated anyone, let alone a German guy, but being German and British, I hope I can shed some light on the issue.

    From my experience with my German family, they are more upfront about things. Sometimes, the way they put ideas across may appear as lacking tact, but basically, they don't sugarcoat things. They can be brutally honest, especially with matters such as finance. Of course, not everybody is like this, but I don't find there is this need to glaze over issues. If something needs to be sorted, it will be sorted. As for conversation, I agree, they sometimes appear a bit cold, but I think that is just the society in which they were brought up. There isn't that need to please people in the way that the British do with OTT niceties and falseness.

    As for the actual eye contact/verbal communication, I think that is a more personal thing. My family are all very high on the eye contact front, and they're all a bit loud Perhaps he is not that confident? Maybe because it is early days, he is not fully comfortable yet? Just a suggestion.
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    (Original post by Eveiebaby)
    Hello TSR,

    I've not OP-ed for a long time, so bear with me. I'm a British born black woman living in London, have quite a lot of experience with dating white British men, been out with a British Indian, Nepalese guy and also dated a Polish film student for a while. I am now dating a white German guy (early days, 2 mths).

    I have to say that I find his dating behaviour a bit unusual. I find his communication/talking manner rather cold and emotionless, a bit detatched and unengaged to the point that I'm finding it hard to gauge how into me he is.

    That said, he does the asking out for dates/dinner, is incredibly forward (too much for my taste) and passionate sexually and is almost smothering with his affection during the night (I cant sleep tightly gripped to his chest, but I do enjoy it for a time).

    He hardly ever compliments me or says anything about what he likes about me or how he feels towards me although we do chat about things in general. His eye contact is VERY sparing; it even seems that he finds it difficult to look at me. He also speaks very very quietly.

    Does anyone have any experience dating German people from a Brit perspective? Out of all of the different nationalities/backgrounds I've dated, I've never really had this problem with awkward communication style. Does this sound normal? Do you think it's down to the individual or more of a cultural thing?

    And general comments from everyone welcomed of course.
    Well, as someone who is German all I can say is, don't relate behaviour to nationality. I think it is true though that German mentality, generally speaking is maybe somewhat reserved but you should not exaggerate this because in the end, it is a stereotype. Just because you're born in a certain country does not mean you identify with stereotypes or are shaped by them! Good luck with your dating!


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    (Original post by Over The Rainbow X)
    Right, I've never dated anyone, let alone a German guy, but being German and British, I hope I can shed some light on the issue.

    From my experience with my German family, they are more upfront about things. Sometimes, the way they put ideas across may appear as lacking tact, but basically, they don't sugarcoat things. They can be brutally honest, especially with matters such as finance. Of course, not everybody is like this, but I don't find there is this need to glaze over issues. If something needs to be sorted, it will be sorted. As for conversation, I agree, they sometimes appear a bit cold, but I think that is just the society in which they were brought up. There isn't that need to please people in the way that the British do with OTT niceties and falseness.

    As for the actual eye contact/verbal communication, I think that is a more personal thing. My family are all very high on the eye contact front, and they're all a bit loud Perhaps he is not that confident? Maybe because it is early days, he is not fully comfortable yet? Just a suggestion.
    I think you may have a point there. I think that I need to give him some more time. I'm in general very chatty and feel that he is not at ease around me yet. I feel a bit bad y'know. I thought that it was destined to failure because perhaps we arent clicking the way we ought to and was considering ending it.
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    (Original post by Elizandra)
    Well, as someone who is German all I can say is, don't relate behaviour to nationality. I think it is true though that German mentality, generally speaking is maybe somewhat reserved but you should not exaggerate this because in the end, it is a stereotype. Just because you're born in a certain country does not mean you identify with stereotypes or are shaped by them! Good luck with your dating!


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    Sorry to offend you, just wanted to see if I was missing out on certain cultural cues, being stupid or what not. Thanks.
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    (Original post by Eveiebaby)
    Sorry to offend you, just wanted to see if I was missing out on certain cultural cues, being stupid or what not. Thanks.
    Don't worry, I'm not offended at all! I do see your point because I also find people in the UK or Ireland very different in behaviour from my German fellows and this was just the best reasoning I could figure out


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    (Original post by Eveiebaby)
    (I cant sleep tightly gripped to his chest, but I do enjoy it for a time).
    Isn't this normally a good thing?
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    (Original post by kka25)
    Isn't this normally a good thing?
    Call me boring but when I want to sleep it can be very difficult. When I do decide to sleep on the actual bed, his arm comes over and clutches me. And he's boiling. Men give out a loy of heat when they sleep. After sexy time I just want to cool down, have a mini snuggle and sleep apart but touching feet or something.
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