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Unsure about my girlfriends views on casual sex ? Watch

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    Anon or delete.

    I'm in my early twenties and more traditional in my views. Not religious in the slightest but I don't like casual sex because there's a huge emotional component involved for me - I tried it a few times after my last breakup as an ego boost but it just felt wrong. I've only had one previous relationship which was a long term one.

    Before we met about a year back, she'd had alot of casual sex whilst growing up during her teenage years and being single with Uni etc.

    Her past doesn't bother me so much, I mean obviously I dislike the thought of her with anyone else, but it's none of my business and that's not the issue.

    What unsettles me is that she doesn't get as much emotionally out of sex as I do. For example (and sorry for being graphic) I'm more relaxed and loving in bed. I'm more the go slow and appreciate type, whereas she's more about getting pounded for pure sexual satisfaction - something which obviously has correlation with our previously different kind of sexual encounters (Put simply , imagine the stereotype of what a guy and girl wants from sex and then flip it around). She'll even admit that it's more an emotional act for me herself but can't appreciate it being an issue.

    If anything were to happen and we broke up I doubt it would take very long for her to jump back in the sack. Where this once again would be none of my business.. it still suggests to me that sex isn't such an emotional big deal for her and that bothers me.

    Can anyone relate and give me some advice on how I can get over this ?
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    Anyone ?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anon or delete.

    I'm in my early twenties and more traditional in my views. Not religious in the slightest but I don't like casual sex because there's a huge emotional component involved for me - I tried it a few times after my last breakup as an ego boost but it just felt wrong. I've only had one previous relationship which was a long term one.

    Before we met about a year back, she'd had alot of casual sex whilst growing up during her teenage years and being single with Uni etc.

    Her past doesn't bother me so much, I mean obviously I dislike the thought of her with anyone else, but it's none of my business and that's not the issue.

    What unsettles me is that she doesn't get as much emotionally out of sex as I do. For example (and sorry for being graphic) I'm more relaxed and loving in bed. I'm more the go slow and appreciate type, whereas she's more about getting pounded for pure sexual satisfaction - something which obviously has correlation with our previously different kind of sexual encounters (Put simply , imagine the stereotype of what a guy and girl wants from sex and then flip it around). She'll even admit that it's more an emotional act for me herself but can't appreciate it being an issue.

    If anything were to happen and we broke up I doubt it would take very long for her to jump back in the sack. Where this once again would be none of my business.. it still suggests to me that sex isn't such an emotional big deal for her and that bothers me.

    Can anyone relate and give me some advice on how I can get over this ?

    How long have you been together?
    All I can suggest is that the longer you are together, the more she may see sex as an emotional attachment.
    In the meantime, express how you enjoy sex (slow etc.) and try to have a equal amount of sex which she enjoys, and what you enjoy. If that makes sense?
    Also, if you manage to make her orgasm in the way that you enjoy sex, it might make her realise how much she does enjoy your way
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    (Original post by Lala_1234)
    How long have you been together?
    All I can suggest is that the longer you are together, the more she may see sex as an emotional attachment.
    In the meantime, express how you enjoy sex (slow etc.) and try to have a equal amount of sex which she enjoys, and what you enjoy. If that makes sense?
    Also, if you manage to make her orgasm in the way that you enjoy sex, it might make her realise how much she does enjoy your way
    Hey thanks for the reply. We've been together for almost a year now.

    The problem is that because its been a year its come to a point where it just is the way its going to be. She always orgasms the way i do it and there is definitely an emotional element for her. There's just an insecurity on my part because I fail to believe if once can indulge in casual sex, then they are able to get as much out of it emotionally.

    I cant seem to find any threads online similar to my issue. Only threads about a partners past which is not the issue here, its her morals that are the issue.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey thanks for the reply. We've been together for almost a year now.

    The problem is that because its been a year its come to a point where it just is the way its going to be. She always orgasms the way i do it and there is definitely an emotional element for her. There's just an insecurity on my part because I fail to believe if once can indulge in casual sex, then they are able to get as much out of it emotionally.

    I cant seem to find any threads online similar to my issue. Only threads about a partners past which is not the issue here, its her morals that are the issue.

    I guess it just depends on the person. Everyone likes different things, just because she doesnt see sex as such a big emotional attachment, it doesn't mean she will go off and cheat on you, or that she doesn't enjoy it at much.
    I would try not to worry about it so much and just make sure you both get your fair share of how you like sex.
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    Perhaps it isn't as black and white as you're laying it out.

    For starters, just because she likes it rough, doesn't mean she finds no emotional connection in it.

    Secondly, while she may find gratification with casual sex, again it doesn't mean she doesn't find it with you. Maybe she enjoys sex with you more than casual sex, or has a different connection with you.

    Personally, ONS and casual sex are not something I enjoy, but if a boyfriend did then I wouldn't assume that he has no emotional connection with me because of it.
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    This sounds exactly like me with my boyfriend.

    I honestly wouldn't worry about it - just because someone enjoys casual sex, doesn't mean that it's the only way they like it, and it's not a reflection of how she feels about you.
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    Find a virgin girl who has similar views as yourself.
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    Rough sex is just better than slow sex for some people, she cant help it if thats what feels better for her. Maybe you could both alternate so you both get what you prefer?
    I prefer rough sex but i am still very much emotionally there with my bf while it happens, and because he prefers slow sex we alternate.
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    Uhmm.. wtf? Why did my post get a thumbs down?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hey thanks for the reply. We've been together for almost a year now.

    The problem is that because its been a year its come to a point where it just is the way its going to be. She always orgasms the way i do it and there is definitely an emotional element for her. There's just an insecurity on my part because I fail to believe if once can indulge in casual sex, then they are able to get as much out of it emotionally.

    I cant seem to find any threads online similar to my issue. Only threads about a partners past which is not the issue here, its her morals that are the issue.
    I think you've made more of a big deal out of it than it is. Do you do it her way as well as yours? Sex doesn't always have to be about sharing your love. even within a couple it can just be for gratification. And then other times it will be more special. Tbh.. i think your girlfriends 'morals' are not a problem, if that were the case she would have dumped you to find someone who likes it her way, she hasn't therefore its clear her emotional attatchment to you is greater than you think. And sex means more to her than you think.
 
 
 
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