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Guys. Would you want to know? Would you ever be able to forgive me? Watch

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    Last weekend me and my boyfriend of 3 months, although weve been dating nearly a year, had a huge fight. Its my first serious relationship and our first fight and i guess i overreacted. Either way i dealt with it in the most immature way possible by going out and getting ridiculously drunk. My female friend and i ended up going back with two guys we know. One of these i have previously given head to but that was a long time before i was with my boyfriend. However we have hung out alone since many times and nothing has ever happened. He has occasionally hit on me but it always seemed jokey so i assumed it was a one off for both of us. My boyfriend knows about this.

    However this night i was drunk angry and upset and asked if i could go sleep it off in his bed. I have slept in his bed, and drunk, before which again my boyfriend kniws about. He wasnt happy but he always appreciated the fact i didnt want to leave my friend on her own with two men. Again nothing has ever happened.

    This time at some point he came and woke me up getting into bed. He started trying it on with me. He tried to have sex i said no. He kissed me and i pushed him off. I told hin i didnt want him to make me a cheat. He got weird and pissed off i didnt want to do anything but then apologised. I made the biggest mistake and got back into bed. He started gettinf himself off next to me and then, it all happened quite quickly, he was on top of me and in my mouth for about 5 seconds before he finished in me. I did nothig to stop.it. My memory is blurry because of tiredness/drunken but i cant honestly say i did anything to stop him. I dont know why. Ive been drunk before. Ive been angry before.i know neither are an excuse.

    I have no feelings for this man. I never want to see him again and i will never speak to hin again. I hate myself for hurting my boyfriend. Hes the most amazing person i have ever met and i love him so much. I have never done anything like this before and i never wi again. My boyfriend was also my first. I have always told him the truth because i hate lying. Sone people say that it is best to not tell him and hurt his feelinngs over a one time thing like this and that he would not want to know. Is that really true? Is telling him selfish just to make my guilt go away because i hate lying? Im so confusef. I never thought i could be a cheat and i have no idea how to deal with the guilt because ive never really done anything 'bad' before? How do i tell him if that still is the right thing to do? Woukd he ever be able to care about me again?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Last weekend me and my boyfriend of 3 months, although weve been dating nearly a year, had a huge fight. Its my first serious relationship and our first fight and i guess i overreacted. Either way i dealt with it in the most immature way possible by going out and getting ridiculously drunk. My female friend and i ended up going back with two guys we know. One of these i have previously given head to but that was a long time before i was with my boyfriend. However we have hung out alone since many times and nothing has ever happened. He has occasionally hit on me but it always seemed jokey so i assumed it was a one off for both of us. My boyfriend knows about this.

    However this night i was drunk angry and upset and asked if i could go sleep it off in his bed. I have slept in his bed, and drunk, before which again my boyfriend kniws about. He wasnt happy but he always appreciated the fact i didnt want to leave my friend on her own with two men. Again nothing has ever happened.

    This time at some point he came and woke me up getting into bed. He started trying it on with me. He tried to have sex i said no. He kissed me and i pushed him off. I told hin i didnt want him to make me a cheat. He got weird and pissed off i didnt want to do anything but then apologised. I made the biggest mistake and got back into bed. He started gettinf himself off next to me and then, it all happened quite quickly, he was on top of me and in my mouth for about 5 seconds before he finished in me. I did nothig to stop.it. My memory is blurry because of tiredness/drunken but i cant honestly say i did anything to stop him. I dont know why. Ive been drunk before. Ive been angry before.i know neither are an excuse.

    I have no feelings for this man. I never want to see him again and i will never speak to hin again. I hate myself for hurting my boyfriend. Hes the most amazing person i have ever met and i love him so much. I have never done anything like this before and i never wi again. My boyfriend was also my first. I have always told him the truth because i hate lying. Sone people say that it is best to not tell him and hurt his feelinngs over a one time thing like this and that he would not want to know. Is that really true? Is telling him selfish just to make my guilt go away because i hate lying? Im so confusef. I never thought i could be a cheat and i have no idea how to deal with the guilt because ive never really done anything 'bad' before? How do i tell him if that still is the right thing to do? Woukd he ever be able to care about me again?
    Good, because he sounds like a ****. (er. This isn't being censured )

    Well, could you live with yourself if you didn't tell him? What if he finds out from someone else? What if you keep it quiet and then end up blurting it out because you feel guilty?

    It sounds like you wouldn't be able to not tell him, so I'd be honest.
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    Drunk or not, you did cheat unfortunately. And it was a pretty bad one as well.

    Well you have two clear options: Don't tell him and the guilt will eventually get the better of you/the relationship or tell him and potentially face him breaking up with you.

    Personally, I'd break up because having someone else's genitalia in your mouth is a pretty serious affair.
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    Wait, this isnt cheating. He ****ed your mouth when you were asleep having told him not to. That's rape. If your boyfriend is angry with you because you got raped then **** him.
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    (Original post by The_Duck)
    Wait, this isnt cheating. He ****ed your mouth when you were asleep having told him not to. That's rape. If your boyfriend is angry with you because you got raped then **** him.
    <br />
    <br />

    I was awake at the time. I cant deny that. It was more just a lack of reaction because i was tired/angry/upset/confused.. :-(
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    you didnt stop him? thats worse than cheating and getting with somebody ew
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    He finished in your mouth or your vajay?
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    Honest opinion if it was me.... i'd wanna know.... but i wouldn't wanna know you after! Some can forgive, some cannot...
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    I hope now you see why a guy doesn't like his girlfriend sleeping in another guy's bed, regardless of how "good" a person he may be, how "well" you know him etc. To those who have said before on other threads that nothing will come of it, this story is enough evidence to show that we're all human, a guy will obviously try it on in a situation like this and it only takes a few minutes to cheat.

    Irrespective of how drunk/tired/angry you were, the way you structured your post OP should be enough to tell you that you have cheated - you gave all the lead-up/excuse before saying what happened. It's best he hears the truth from you rather than find out from some one in a version that makes you sound worse. If it ends your relationship, that's unfortunate. You'll have to face up to that I'm afraid. Well that would be the sensible thing to do so that you don't hurt him even more.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Last weekend me and my boyfriend of 3 months, although weve been dating nearly a year, had a huge fight. Its my first serious relationship and our first fight and i guess i overreacted. Either way i dealt with it in the most immature way possible by going out and getting ridiculously drunk. My female friend and i ended up going back with two guys we know. One of these i have previously given head to but that was a long time before i was with my boyfriend. However we have hung out alone since many times and nothing has ever happened. He has occasionally hit on me but it always seemed jokey so i assumed it was a one off for both of us. My boyfriend knows about this.

    However this night i was drunk angry and upset and asked if i could go sleep it off in his bed. I have slept in his bed, and drunk, before which again my boyfriend kniws about. He wasnt happy but he always appreciated the fact i didnt want to leave my friend on her own with two men. Again nothing has ever happened.

    This time at some point he came and woke me up getting into bed. He started trying it on with me. He tried to have sex i said no. He kissed me and i pushed him off. I told hin i didnt want him to make me a cheat. He got weird and pissed off i didnt want to do anything but then apologised. I made the biggest mistake and got back into bed. He started gettinf himself off next to me and then, it all happened quite quickly, he was on top of me and in my mouth for about 5 seconds before he finished in me. I did nothig to stop.it. My memory is blurry because of tiredness/drunken but i cant honestly say i did anything to stop him. I dont know why. Ive been drunk before. Ive been angry before.i know neither are an excuse.

    I have no feelings for this man. I never want to see him again and i will never speak to hin again. I hate myself for hurting my boyfriend. Hes the most amazing person i have ever met and i love him so much. I have never done anything like this before and i never wi again. My boyfriend was also my first. I have always told him the truth because i hate lying. Sone people say that it is best to not tell him and hurt his feelinngs over a one time thing like this and that he would not want to know. Is that really true? Is telling him selfish just to make my guilt go away because i hate lying? Im so confusef. I never thought i could be a cheat and i have no idea how to deal with the guilt because ive never really done anything 'bad' before? How do i tell him if that still is the right thing to do? Woukd he ever be able to care about me again?

    I did not read all of this, all I read was that nothing happened? So... Tell your boyfriend that nothing happened just you wanted to let him know incase he found out sometime in the future and thought you were hiding it from him
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    I'd say definitely tell him, it will almost definitely come out at some point and it's better sooner rather than later, and even if it doesn't then keeping the secret will damage your relationship. If someone had taken advantage of him like that wouldn't you rather know? You won't be able to maintain your relationship if there's no trust so yeah, tell him in the best way possible as soon as you can.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Last weekend me and my boyfriend of 3 months, although weve been dating nearly a year, had a huge fight. Its my first serious relationship and our first fight and i guess i overreacted. Either way i dealt with it in the most immature way possible by going out and getting ridiculously drunk. My female friend and i ended up going back with two guys we know. One of these i have previously given head to but that was a long time before i was with my boyfriend. However we have hung out alone since many times and nothing has ever happened. He has occasionally hit on me but it always seemed jokey so i assumed it was a one off for both of us. My boyfriend knows about this.

    However this night i was drunk angry and upset and asked if i could go sleep it off in his bed. I have slept in his bed, and drunk, before which again my boyfriend kniws about. He wasnt happy but he always appreciated the fact i didnt want to leave my friend on her own with two men. Again nothing has ever happened.

    This time at some point he came and woke me up getting into bed. He started trying it on with me. He tried to have sex i said no. He kissed me and i pushed him off. I told hin i didnt want him to make me a cheat. He got weird and pissed off i didnt want to do anything but then apologised. I made the biggest mistake and got back into bed. He started gettinf himself off next to me and then, it all happened quite quickly, he was on top of me and in my mouth for about 5 seconds before he finished in me. I did nothig to stop.it. My memory is blurry because of tiredness/drunken but i cant honestly say i did anything to stop him. I dont know why. Ive been drunk before. Ive been angry before.i know neither are an excuse.

    I have no feelings for this man. I never want to see him again and i will never speak to hin again. I hate myself for hurting my boyfriend. Hes the most amazing person i have ever met and i love him so much. I have never done anything like this before and i never wi again. My boyfriend was also my first. I have always told him the truth because i hate lying. Sone people say that it is best to not tell him and hurt his feelinngs over a one time thing like this and that he would not want to know. Is that really true? Is telling him selfish just to make my guilt go away because i hate lying? Im so confusef. I never thought i could be a cheat and i have no idea how to deal with the guilt because ive never really done anything 'bad' before? How do i tell him if that still is the right thing to do? Woukd he ever be able to care about me again?
    I just read this a bit more properly... The guy kinda sexually assaulted you? You could get him arrested easily. You may not have done anything to stop it. But you had said no to sex and pushed him off when he tried to kiss you


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    This sounds far more like rape than consensual cheating. You never said that he could do anything like that, and while you didn't explicitly say no the second time, it sounds to me like he knew. The fact that you were drunk also means that you can't really consent to sexual activity, so it definitely sounds like rape/sexual assault than cheating. Tell your boyfriend, and report the guy to the police. If I were your boyfriend I'd be angry at the guy, not you. Anyone who breaks up with you because you were raped is clearly a terrible person.
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    You blatently told him no, pushed him away several times and he still forced himself onto you. You were unconsenting and this is definitely sexual assault. A guy I know is in the police and confirmed this for me.
    Unconsented sexual acts are classed as sexual assault or rape. Tell your boyfriend and if you want to take it further, report him and warn your friend too.
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    This is rape You didn't cheat, you were assualted. I mean, I absolutely despise women who cheat on their BFs and then claim later that it was rape but this genuinely is, you didn't consent and you made it quite clear that you didn't want this. Whatever your course of action, you haven't done anything particularly wrong, sleeping in his bed was a little dodgy but that isn't the issue here. I'd think about the police.
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    You have been sexually assaulted! You should in no way feel guilty about that! As you have said, you repeatedly refused him yet he forced himself upon you?! This is not cheating, you are the victim here. As others have said, warn your friends and report him. What he's done to you is disgusting. I hope you're ok x

    Edit: I can't believe people here are confusing cheating and sexual assault..
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Last weekend me and my boyfriend of 3 months, although weve been dating nearly a year, had a huge fight. Its my first serious relationship and our first fight and i guess i overreacted. Either way i dealt with it in the most immature way possible by going out and getting ridiculously drunk. My female friend and i ended up going back with two guys we know. One of these i have previously given head to but that was a long time before i was with my boyfriend. However we have hung out alone since many times and nothing has ever happened. He has occasionally hit on me but it always seemed jokey so i assumed it was a one off for both of us. My boyfriend knows about this.

    However this night i was drunk angry and upset and asked if i could go sleep it off in his bed. I have slept in his bed, and drunk, before which again my boyfriend kniws about. He wasnt happy but he always appreciated the fact i didnt want to leave my friend on her own with two men. Again nothing has ever happened.

    This time at some point he came and woke me up getting into bed. He started trying it on with me. He tried to have sex i said no. He kissed me and i pushed him off. I told hin i didnt want him to make me a cheat. He got weird and pissed off i didnt want to do anything but then apologised. I made the biggest mistake and got back into bed. He started gettinf himself off next to me and then, it all happened quite quickly, he was on top of me and in my mouth for about 5 seconds before he finished in me. I did nothig to stop.it. My memory is blurry because of tiredness/drunken but i cant honestly say i did anything to stop him. I dont know why. Ive been drunk before. Ive been angry before.i know neither are an excuse.

    I have no feelings for this man. I never want to see him again and i will never speak to hin again. I hate myself for hurting my boyfriend. Hes the most amazing person i have ever met and i love him so much. I have never done anything like this before and i never wi again. My boyfriend was also my first. I have always told him the truth because i hate lying. Sone people say that it is best to not tell him and hurt his feelinngs over a one time thing like this and that he would not want to know. Is that really true? Is telling him selfish just to make my guilt go away because i hate lying? Im so confusef. I never thought i could be a cheat and i have no idea how to deal with the guilt because ive never really done anything 'bad' before? How do i tell him if that still is the right thing to do? Woukd he ever be able to care about me again?
    So basically you pushed him away but he still pushed you into the bed, took his clothes off and forced himself inside you?
    That's rape.
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    To me, it sounds like you've been sexually assaulted and are blaming yourself for it, which is quite a common reaction to sexual trauma like that. Don't blame yourself for letting it happen - the impetus is not on you to stop someone putting their penis in your mouth - it is on them to not put their genitalia anywhere near you without consent. You being drunk and tired does not make it fair game for him.

    Firstly, you need to seek help from your university welfare team or a counsellor (depending on whether you're at uni). You have undergone something traumatic, and this could present with psychological and physical symptoms as it sinks in. You are currently in a vulnerable position, and clearly not thinking straight, as you're blaming yourself for getting raped.

    Secondly, once you are feeling safer, more comfortable with yourself and your surroundings, you should report this incident to the police. He has broken the law and violated your body, and he should really be incarcerated for the good of the people around him.

    Good luck, and take care.
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    Why are none of the 'naughty' words in this thread censored?

    Tbh, your bf probably isn't going to see it as cheating, considering he's 'okay' with you sleeping in another guy's bed (wtf?). He seems amazingly trusting of you (sleeping in the same bed as a guy who openly flirts with you?), so I suppose the right thing to do is to fulfill that trust by telling him. If you are serious about never talking to or seeing that guy again, then that'll shore up his trust if your admission somehow dents it. On the other hand, if you are serious and don't tell your bf, he'll probably end up asking you what happened anyway after a period of suspicion, which isn't ideal.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Last weekend me and my boyfriend of 3 months, although weve been dating nearly a year, had a huge fight. Its my first serious relationship and our first fight and i guess i overreacted. Either way i dealt with it in the most immature way possible by going out and getting ridiculously drunk. My female friend and i ended up going back with two guys we know. One of these i have previously given head to but that was a long time before i was with my boyfriend. However we have hung out alone since many times and nothing has ever happened. He has occasionally hit on me but it always seemed jokey so i assumed it was a one off for both of us. My boyfriend knows about this.

    However this night i was drunk angry and upset and asked if i could go sleep it off in his bed. I have slept in his bed, and drunk, before which again my boyfriend kniws about. He wasnt happy but he always appreciated the fact i didnt want to leave my friend on her own with two men. Again nothing has ever happened.

    This time at some point he came and woke me up getting into bed. He started trying it on with me. He tried to have sex i said no. He kissed me and i pushed him off. I told hin i didnt want him to make me a cheat. He got weird and pissed off i didnt want to do anything but then apologised. I made the biggest mistake and got back into bed. He started gettinf himself off next to me and then, it all happened quite quickly, he was on top of me and in my mouth for about 5 seconds before he finished in me. I did nothig to stop.it. My memory is blurry because of tiredness/drunken but i cant honestly say i did anything to stop him. I dont know why. Ive been drunk before. Ive been angry before.i know neither are an excuse.

    I have no feelings for this man. I never want to see him again and i will never speak to hin again. I hate myself for hurting my boyfriend. Hes the most amazing person i have ever met and i love him so much. I have never done anything like this before and i never wi again. My boyfriend was also my first. I have always told him the truth because i hate lying. Sone people say that it is best to not tell him and hurt his feelinngs over a one time thing like this and that he would not want to know. Is that really true? Is telling him selfish just to make my guilt go away because i hate lying? Im so confusef. I never thought i could be a cheat and i have no idea how to deal with the guilt because ive never really done anything 'bad' before? How do i tell him if that still is the right thing to do? Woukd he ever be able to care about me again?
    Frankly, I don't believe you. You were drunk in a guy's bed, after having a bad time with your boy friend.

    I think you wrote this because its what your going to tell your boyfriend, and you wanted to test out on us whether or not it would fly.
 
 
 
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