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Guys. Would you want to know? Would you ever be able to forgive me? Watch

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    (Original post by Theflyingbarney)
    Never mind what your boyfriend thinks, the other guy has definitely committed assault by penetration. Report him to the police, get it sorted, and if your boyfriend still thinks you were in the wrong get rid of him.
    So you'd have no problem whatsoever with your girlfriend getting into a bed with another guy? Honestly?

    As far as I can read this situation, both OP and the guy in the bed are to blame. I don't really see how you could view one of them as "not in the wrong", seems pretty clear that they both were.
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    (Original post by Chief Wiggum)
    So you'd have no problem whatsoever with your girlfriend getting into a bed with another guy? Honestly?

    As far as I can read this situation, both OP and the guy in the bed are to blame. I don't really see how you could view one of them as "not in the wrong", seems pretty clear that they both were.
    Admittedly yes, but given the circumstances he'd surely have to have some understanding, and I think in such a situation such as this the traumatic experience the OP has been through should take precedence.
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    I'm sorry this happened to you.
    This wasn't cheating, this person forced himself onto you, despite you saying NO. I'm not sure the legal term but I know what happened isn't right.
    I'd tell those you're comfortable telling e.g. boyfriend, mother etc what happened, and consider whether you wish to pursue the person. (legally)
    Again I'm sorry this happened, take care.

    * I don't think this is cheating *
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    (Original post by Theflyingbarney)
    Admittedly yes, but given the circumstances he'd surely have to have some understanding, and I think in such a situation such as this the traumatic experience the OP has been through should take precedence.
    Well given the alleged sexual assault happened after she'd got back into bed with him, I don't really see the logic there. It's not like that could have traumatised her into doing something she normally wouldn't have done, given that she voluntarily got into bed with another guy before the alleged assault.

    Although the only weird thing is that the OP makes it sound as if her boyfriend doesn't care if she sleeps in another guy's bed...
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    (Original post by Classical Liberal)
    That is one of the fundamental principles behind the modern feminist way of thought, the woman is always assumed the victim.
    100000% agree with you here if it was a guy that a girl had touched up or something everybody be saying lad get over it etc

    also its very easy and im probably going to get slated for supporting the guys more but if a girl says he forced me or he tried it on everybody automatically thinks the man is this vile thing he gets the blame the guy always comes out the bad one hence why they have been all thos rape trials when the men actually hadnt done anything but because the woman plays the victim the guy has to suffer
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    You did nothing "wrong". You did nothing "bad". You DID NOT cheat. This guy RAPED you. Unfortunately, our society's perception of rape is very wrong. Everyone thinks that rape is only committed by a stranger in dark alley, or if you are fighting back. This is RAPE. You MUST report this guy. Our society also blames women for being raped. We say things like, "well, it is cheating", or "well you shouldn't have been drinking", or "you were in his bed so what do you expect"? NOTHING is a reason for someone to do what he did to you. There is absolutely NOTHING you did to "encourage" this guy. He tried to have sex with you, you said NO, he then raped you. It is a crime and this guy deserves to be reported. Go online and do some research on "rape culture". After this happened to me, I felt the same as you did and even felt guilt about "cheating". Then I started reading and researching rape and rape culture. I suddenly realised that I had been raped, and that was why I felt so shi*ty about everything, but hadn't realised why. Please, check out "Shakesville" for some really good articles about rape culture and "date rape":
    http://www.shakesville.com/2009/07/l...e-culture.html
    and you will begin to realise that you should NEVER be blamed for what happened here. I would recommend you also go and see a sexual assualt specialist therapist. I would discuss this with your boyfriend and if he does not support you, blames you in any way, thinks you cheated etc then I would leave him. Please everyone, see this for what it is. RAPE. Our rape culture must end, but it can only end by people being educated about what RAPE really is.
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    I wasn't trying to make him jealous. I can understand why you all think i wanted to and with hindsight theries if decisions i made were really really bad and hurtful. But ive stayed there beforr and nothing has happened. I genuinely thought we were friends.

    My boyfriend already knows i slept there, in his bed, that night and wasnt angry about it at all. Hes not happy in that he doesnt like the idea of it but he understood i only thought of him as a friend. It wasnt a spontaneous hing either to make him jealous. My female friend fancies the other guy and me and my bf had joked before our fight how she would probably drag me back there. I was so upaet on the night that i actually wanted to go home but she didnt want to be left because she doesnt know them as ell. (well she knows the one that this happened with). Obviously now i know that was wrong but when youve done somethng before and been safe you assume you will be again. Its only looking at it now with hindsigt i realise how wrong and stupid i was.

    I know now i should have slept on the couch but they were all in there chatting and i had to go to sleep i was so tired and exhausted from crying. I went to bed alone. But yes i have no excuse for getting back in. He apologised and i was too tired i just climbed back in. I was a total idiot.

    I spoke to the sexual assault clinic. Apparently theyre specially connected to specially trained police officers. So i might try and speak to one of those these week. Now i look back on the situation i have so many regrets. I was so naive. And i can see why all of you dont believe me. I did so many wrong things here. I think that many of you are right and therea a high chance hell end it because of my stulidity and drunkeness alone. The thought of losing kills me but i cant hide this much longer. Thabks fir your answers.
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    PLEASE! Our society makes women feel as though they should be blamed for their rapes (I put myself in this situation, I had been drinking, we had had previous sexual contact, I didn't say NO again, I wasn't biting him or fighting him off). What he did to you was rape. You have no responsibility for being raped. He, the rapist is responsible for raping. You made it clear that you did not want to have sex with him, and you were intoxicated which legally means that you were not in a state to be giving consent. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE...if you do nothing else, then at least write your post again and say what happened on the private forum here "sexual health". Your post will be read and replied to by a professional trained therapist who is legally and professionally trained to tell you what happened and how to deal with it. Our society has something called "rape culture" which encourages women and men to blame women for being raped. This is exactly what is happening here. PLEASE write your post on the sexual health section and see what she says. She is a professional and hopefully you will believe her, if not all the other people who have replied to you saying that they KNOW that legally, technically and everything else, that this was rape.




    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm the OP. I know what i did here was stupid. And while i do think ths man destroyed our friendship and pushed the limits of what a nice guy would do, i dont think i ccan try and claim sexual assault. I put myself in the situation and even if i said no to sex, i let that final act happen. I guess therefore to him it could have appeared like it wanted to. Drunk girls give mixed signals and as have many have said i am guilty of this with the fact that we had a prior sexual history and that i went to sleep in his bed, even if it was on my own. I didnt scream and i didnt bite him. I accept responsibility for the fact tjat due the circumstances i put myself in i have hurt the person i love the most. I was merely giving background so tjat people would be able to judge whether he would want to know seeing as i have never regretted anything more in my life, it will never happen again and i have learnt my lesson never to trust someone like that again and to stay away from alcohol in such quantities seeing as it clearly impairs my judgement and reactions. I think you all think i should tell him, even if it hurts him? How much detail do i give him? Lastlty, my boyfriend and this man ( and me until now) often are on the same night out. So my boyfriens will have to face him. Do i tell him who it is or spare him that and try and find a way to tell him the act even if it makes me sound worse? Although i highly doubt this guy is going to confirm how persistant he was so i guess it wont matter whether he is able to forgive me for this annyway seeig as he will have no reason to believe a word i say after ive treated him like this. Thanks for all your help everyone. I had no one else to talk to...
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    I would like to point out that the stories I have used in this thread have been deliberately twisted to make a point. I am not rapey. And my girlfriend is not a whore.

    PS: I got a *******ing.
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    (Original post by paris111)
    PLEASE! Our society makes women feel as though they should be blamed for their rapes (I put myself in this situation, I had been drinking, we had had previous sexual contact, I didn't say NO again, I wasn't biting him or fighting him off)
    So you didn't resist. You sort of went along with it?

    If so, that is not rape. Unwanted sex is not the same as rape.

    How dare you accuse somebody of being a rapist if that is the case.

    Actus reus, sometimes called the external element or the objective element of a crime, is the Latin term for the “guilty act” which, when proved beyond a reasonable doubt in combination with the mens rea, “guilty mind”, produces criminal liability in the common law-based criminal law jurisdictions of Canada, Australia, India, Pakistan, New Zealand, England, Ireland and the United States.

    Mens rea is Latin for “guilty mind”. In criminal law, it is viewed as one of the necessary elements of a crime. The standard common law test of criminal liability is usually expressed in the Latin phrase, actus non facit reum nisi mens sit rea, which means “the act does not make a person guilty unless the mind be also guilty”.
    Suppose I drove my car into somebody by accident and killed them because I was on my phone. That would be manslaughter. That is actus rea. Suppose I deliberately drove my car into somebody and killed them. That would be homicide. That is mens rea.

    Suppose I had sex with somebody who didn't actually want to, but did not show that they did not want to or had no reasonable reason to think they would not. That is not rape. That is actus rea. Suppose I deliberately had sex with somebody who said no and was resisting me. That is rape. That is mens rea.
 
 
 
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