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Guys. Would you want to know? Would you ever be able to forgive me? Watch

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    if this is all true, you've been sexually assaulted. That's not cheating, you're not at fault here. Tell your boyfriend and go to the police.
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    I've slept in my friends beds after a night out .. I don't want to sleep with them and I would not see it acceptable if they, having been refused, jumped on top of me!
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    He may be more pissed with the guy! All the same sleeping in someone else's bed isn't a great idea - but hey when drunk a lot of things seem like ok ideas!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Last weekend me and my boyfriend of 3 months, although weve been dating nearly a year, had a huge fight. Its my first serious relationship and our first fight and i guess i overreacted. Either way i dealt with it in the most immature way possible by going out and getting ridiculously drunk. My female friend and i ended up going back with two guys we know. One of these i have previously given head to but that was a long time before i was with my boyfriend. However we have hung out alone since many times and nothing has ever happened. He has occasionally hit on me but it always seemed jokey so i assumed it was a one off for both of us. My boyfriend knows about this.

    However this night i was drunk angry and upset and asked if i could go sleep it off in his bed. I have slept in his bed, and drunk, before which again my boyfriend kniws about. He wasnt happy but he always appreciated the fact i didnt want to leave my friend on her own with two men. Again nothing has ever happened.

    This time at some point he came and woke me up getting into bed. He started trying it on with me. He tried to have sex i said no. He kissed me and i pushed him off. I told hin i didnt want him to make me a cheat. He got weird and pissed off i didnt want to do anything but then apologised. I made the biggest mistake and got back into bed. He started gettinf himself off next to me and then, it all happened quite quickly, he was on top of me and in my mouth for about 5 seconds before he finished in me. I did nothig to stop.it. My memory is blurry because of tiredness/drunken but i cant honestly say i did anything to stop him. I dont know why. Ive been drunk before. Ive been angry before.i know neither are an excuse.

    I have no feelings for this man. I never want to see him again and i will never speak to hin again. I hate myself for hurting my boyfriend. Hes the most amazing person i have ever met and i love him so much. I have never done anything like this before and i never wi again. My boyfriend was also my first. I have always told him the truth because i hate lying. Sone people say that it is best to not tell him and hurt his feelinngs over a one time thing like this and that he would not want to know. Is that really true? Is telling him selfish just to make my guilt go away because i hate lying? Im so confusef. I never thought i could be a cheat and i have no idea how to deal with the guilt because ive never really done anything 'bad' before? How do i tell him if that still is the right thing to do? Woukd he ever be able to care about me again?
    Well the thing is your boyfriend doesn't have to know!
    You don't have to tell him, you don't have to be some goody character from a film who must tell the boyfriend that she cheated on him!
    Just stay quiet and it'll be ok
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    as others have said, it sounds more like sexual assault. It was foolish of you to go get drunk and go back with some guys but it sounds as if you clearly told him no then he basically shoved his **** in your mouth on the point of climax.

    I wouldn't say you cheated, it might make you feel better to tell your boyfriend but I wouldn't say you should feel a sense of extreme guilt over this.

    Oh and for next time, unwanted penis in your mouth? Bite down hard then tear by turning head violently, that penis won't go in your mouth again.
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    If you really didn't want it and categorically told him no then you got orally raped. Or are you sugarcoating your own role in all this making you seem innocent? We cannot know. See, people, this is how things like false rape allegations happen, woman ashamed that she cheated, blah blah, and it's also how people don't come forward for rape, blaming themselves all the time.

    I would just forget about it and make sure to deal with your next argument in a more mature, less personally endangering way. Don't tell him, whatever you do, this isn't an episode of "Friends". Just brush it under the carpet and pretend it never happened, we're British for heaven's sake.
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    Sexual assault =/= cheating.

    She slept in his bed and that isn't cheating.
    He tried it on with her, she said no, that isn't cheating.

    He then proceeded to use the state she was in to show his **** into her mouth and quickly finish.

    You were assaulted, but that doesn't mean you are cheating.
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    Sleeping in a bed does not automatically mean consent for sex.
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    This doesn't sound like cheating to me. While you were in an least fairly straight state of mind, you made it clear that you were not prepared to do anything sexual with this guy. Legally, he has now committed rape, and you should seriously consider reporting this guy. You may choose whether or not to let your boyfriend know, but this was by no means any fault of your own.
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    Okay some people on here are crazy for implying you cheated. You didn't, you were raped. You said no to his advances and then he orally penetrated you. If this is a genuine story that is a textbook example of rape. Go to the police, and tell your boyfriend.

    If he dumps you he is not worth your time.
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    wouldn't want to know
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    Legality of his behaviour aside, you need to ask yourself some serious questions:

    - Why is your reflex to an argument to get belligerently drunk?
    - Why is the person you choose to go home with someone you have a sexual history with?
    - Why, when you know your boyfriend has a problem with it, do you ASK to go be in this guy's bed?

    This may simply be my own bitter experience showing, but I don't think there's any way you could be that invested in your boyfriend and still pursue such a situation. I would speculate that whatever you were arguing over was actually not that big of a deal. I would speculate that before you started dating your boyfriend you really loved going out/drinking, and you drank much less when you were with him.

    My recommendation is not only that you tell him, but that you should also break up with him. It sounds like you need to figure out what you really want from a relationship, since you apparently aren't satisfied at all with this one.
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    Erm, this is sexual assault surely? You told him you didn't want to do anything with him, you were tired and drunk, and then he shoved his penis in your mouth? You didn't cheat on your boyfriend, some ******** assaulted you. You were an idiot for sleeping in his bed, though. But still, this wasn't cheating, it was a massive act of ********ness by this other guy.
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    (Original post by SillyMilly)
    you didnt stop him? thats worse than cheating and getting with somebody ew
    oh and didnt mean it as in worse than cheating just that its part of cheating
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    I would definitely tell him, then allow him to decide whether or not he wants to be with you. It will probably cause much larger problems down the line if you don't admit to it now. I know if my boyfriend cheated I'd want to know.

    Also cut off contact with this other guy, especially if your boyfriend decides to stay with you. It's not fair on your boyfriend at all staying in contact with this guy.

    I hope it all works out well for you :-)


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    So you got wasted, hung out with a guy you have given head to before and then got in his bed, how exactly did you expect that was going to go?
    Personally I'd have had a problem at you simply getting wasted and in a dudes bed, because you just know how these things end..
    It's always the same ****, then they say it was 'cus' I was drunk - essentially turning into Jamie Foxx and blaming it on the alcahol.

    I'd be pretty pissed of if you hid some **** like that, it would only beg the question what else you had hid. Hide it and give him many reasons to dump you, tell the truth and if he does at least you had the guts and decency to tell him and face the consequence of your actions.
    For what it's worth I wouldn't say you blatantly cheated, it's a somewhat grey area. Saying that though I have little patience for people who go out and get wasted and do dumb ****- regardless of their gender. So I wouldn't want anything to do with you or if it was going really well and you really wanted me to stay then you'd have to compromise.
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    (Original post by So Instinct)
    So you got wasted, hung out with a guy you have given head to before and then got in his bed, how exactly did you expect that was going to go?
    Personally I'd have had a problem at you simply getting wasted and in a dudes bed, because you just know how these things end..
    It's always the same ****, then they say it was 'cus' I was drunk - essentially turning into Jamie Foxx and blaming it on the alcahol.

    I'd be pretty pissed of if you hid some **** like that, it would only beg the question what else you had hid. Hide it and give him many reasons to dump you, tell the truth and if he does at least you had the guts and decency to tell him and face the consequence of your actions.
    For what it's worth I wouldn't say you blatantly cheated, it's a somewhat grey area. Saying that though I have little patience for people who go out and get wasted and do dumb ****- regardless of their gender. So I wouldn't want anything to do with you or if it was going really well and you really wanted me to stay then you'd have to compromise.
    alcohol* but you make a good point sir
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    I'll try to put this as nicely as possible.

    - You got sexually abused.
    - You sound like a tart.

    Now I'm not saying you deserved the abuse, but you sound like a trashy lass.
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    I'm the OP. I know what i did here was stupid. And while i do think ths man destroyed our friendship and pushed the limits of what a nice guy would do, i dont think i ccan try and claim sexual assault. I put myself in the situation and even if i said no to sex, i let that final act happen. I guess therefore to him it could have appeared like it wanted to. Drunk girls give mixed signals and as have many have said i am guilty of this with the fact that we had a prior sexual history and that i went to sleep in his bed, even if it was on my own. I didnt scream and i didnt bite him. I accept responsibility for the fact tjat due the circumstances i put myself in i have hurt the person i love the most. I was merely giving background so tjat people would be able to judge whether he would want to know seeing as i have never regretted anything more in my life, it will never happen again and i have learnt my lesson never to trust someone like that again and to stay away from alcohol in such quantities seeing as it clearly impairs my judgement and reactions. I think you all think i should tell him, even if it hurts him? How much detail do i give him? Lastlty, my boyfriend and this man ( and me until now) often are on the same night out. So my boyfriens will have to face him. Do i tell him who it is or spare him that and try and find a way to tell him the act even if it makes me sound worse? Although i highly doubt this guy is going to confirm how persistant he was so i guess it wont matter whether he is able to forgive me for this annyway seeig as he will have no reason to believe a word i say after ive treated him like this. Thanks for all your help everyone. I had no one else to talk to...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm the OP. I know what i did here was stupid. And while i do think ths man destroyed our friendship and pushed the limits of what a nice guy would do, i dont think i ccan try and claim sexual assault. I put myself in the situation and even if i said no to sex, i let that final act happen. I guess therefore to him it could have appeared like it wanted to. Drunk girls give mixed signals and as have many have said i am guilty of this with the fact that we had a prior sexual history and that i went to sleep in his bed, even if it was on my own. I didnt scream and i didnt bite him. I accept responsibility for the fact tjat due the circumstances i put myself in i have hurt the person i love the most. I was merely giving background so tjat people would be able to judge whether he would want to know seeing as i have never regretted anything more in my life, it will never happen again and i have learnt my lesson never to trust someone like that again and to stay away from alcohol in such quantities seeing as it clearly impairs my judgement and reactions. I think you all think i should tell him, even if it hurts him? How much detail do i give him? Lastlty, my boyfriend and this man ( and me until now) often are on the same night out. So my boyfriens will have to face him L. Do i tell him who it is or spare him that and try and find a way to tell him the act even if it makes me sound worse? Although i highly doubt this guy is going to confirm how persistant he was so i guess it wont matter whether he is able to forgive me for this annyway seeig as he will have no reason to believe a word i say after ive treated him like this. Thanks for all your help everyone. I had no one else to talk to...
    I'm sorry but are you nuts?
    1st of all yes it was sexual assault and can be claimed. The fact that you think you might not get through with it lets me question the validity of your whole story as a previous poster already mentionned. It seems like you were way more in consent with what was happening than you seem to state.
    2nd Even if your story was completely true, a big part of it still was your fault since you should NOT be drinking with guys while you ahve a boyfriend especially if you had a sexual history with them. And NOT land in their bed afterwards. WTF?

    3rd and this is the most important as it concerns the present.
    OFCOURSE you talk to your boyfriend especially because as you stated he is often out with the guy?! How can you let him go out with someone who has raped his girlfriend?! How would you feel in his situation? You sound like a complete emotional mess tbh. and you should break up with your boyfriend for the sake of his happiness.
 
 
 
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