Since my ex GF broke up with me under ambiguous circumstances a couple of years back, I have not been the same. Ive lost a lot of spark with my personality, and become withdrawn.
I have had many bad experiences since that time, and have developed a strong feeling of despair, it didn't help that my ex GF ended up really ****ing me up mentally a couple of months ago. (long story).
Despair has somewhat crippled me, I often lose the motivation to do activities that I enjoy because I end up thinking "whats the point?" and then spiral into depression.
Now that I know what the problem is, how can I resolve this?
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Dealing with despair watch
- Thread Starter
- 11-03-2013 14:09
- 11-03-2013 22:44
I had the same experience with my ex boyfriend. It got worse and worse until I faced things. If you havent already maybe it's a good idea to cut contact with her completely? It was only when I cut off contact with my ex that I started getting back on track and getting my life together. Take a break from intimate relationships with girls for a while to get your head sorted, hang out with mates and start doing more things rather than withdrawing yourself from everything. If you start seeing or doing things with girls before you get your head sorted, your heart wont be in it and you end up getting used (this has happened to me, and my current BF).Even though you might not feel motivated, it's a good start and eventually you'll get your motivation back. Rather than letting yourself spiral into depression, when you start to think 'what's the point?' get some paper, and write down everything good in your life and everything and one that motivates you. It sounds silly but keep that list somewhere easy to find and add to it, maybe write good memories with friends and when you start to feel low, look at it. Although it doesnt do much at first, you're constantly reminding yourself of things that you live for and it'll help a bit.
Things may seem hopeless at the moment, but if you have the motivation to get back on track, you can
- 11-03-2013 23:26
As did I with a past relationship. Due to circumstances, it contributed in me developing a mental disorder, and feeling hopeless.
My advice is don't give up. You'll get yourself back on track, you just need closure. You need to confront your past, confront everything and just feel like that chapter in your life is over and you can learn from everything that happened. It won't be easy, but it's certainly not impossible. Just concentrate everything regarding this past relationship as much as you can, photos, feelings, memories, focus it all into one thought process in your mind, so that you don't have things flying left right and centre, and then try to get yourself some closure from it. Whilst not ideal, if you feel you need to say things to the other person so that they're not playing on your mind and you're not wishing you had or hadn't said something, then do it. And by the way that isn't just things like "I miss you", or "I'm sorry" or whatever. I ended up talking about everything that upset me, and that hurt me and before that it felt almost like a burden I was carrying, and once I confronted it it was a huge weight off my shoulders.
I'm sure you're a great guy. Just take time to find who you are again. Try doing new things that you haven't done before, find new hobbies, or try to rekindle old ones. And the other thing that might help are just small adjustments to lifestyles. That could be making sure that you get a good night's sleep, to making sure you're eating a good diet, it sounds a bit patronising and silly, and I thought the same when my doctor told me these things, but they really did help in getting back on track.
Best of luck.
- Thread Starter
- 11-03-2013 23:52
Yeah, I got closure from her 2 months ago, sometimes I have the urge to text her, but I end up feeling its pointless, she has made it clear that there is no future between us. She knows that I love her.
I am finding it very daunting getting myself out there again and meeting a new woman, I don't want to get hurt again, like the way she did. I guess as well, with some of the hurtful things my ex said, and how quickly she 'moved on' after me, it feels like she is better then me. So if a new girl rejects me, it will mess me up a bit too, by making me feel inadequate.
I dont know, I am rambling, but - yeah just finding it hard to motivate myself. Often I start something, only to quickly fall into despair and depression and stop.
- 12-03-2013 00:00
I was always tempted to text my ex, but i'm so glad i didnt. It allowed me to get over him and sort my head without him confusing things more. It is daunting meeting someone else after a bad breakup, let alone one after a relationship that has completely messed someone up mentally. As I said, give yourself time, dont go looking for girls yet, wait until you have at least most of your old self back. Sometimes remembering what you were like and the way you did things before that relationship helps you get motivation to be that person again. And tell yourself that it isn't worth letting one person screw up your life and having control of you even after they've left. You're not inadequate at all, you've just had a very bad experience that you need to recover from. When you start something, force yourself to have the motivation. Often friends will help to encourage you, and when you find yourself having despairing thoughts, stop yourself, take a breather and ask yourself why you're thinking things like that and find positive things to bring you back. I wish you all the best.