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Difficult situation and need advice please? What do think of him...is he sincere? Watch

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    I had a ONS with my ex's friend in mid December. We had never met before this night, but briefly knew of each other. This guy has slept with quite a lot of girls. I found out I was pregnant in January,
    We rarely have gone a day without texting since, he's very supportive. It's a stressful situation and we do fall out occasionally, he's told me he likes me, he hates me, he's offended me, I've offended him... I've told him many times that I like him. He's said it back one night and then claimed to be drunk. This is a text off him during an argument when I told him to stop texting me


    "You have got a right fcking cheek saying that, all I bloody wanted to do was not talk to you and you fcuking pester. Your deluded moron"


    but recently he's been more open and confessed to it being mutual, but I have doubts.


    I took an abortion pill which didn't work and now I have to get a suction abortion which is thisThurs...
    I've told no one but him and I'm not showing, thank god.


    We text everyday and our conversation varies, but we have only actually seen each other once. I've been away at uni, now I'm back home again but we both live with parents...i don't really want to meet him in public place but houses are obviously out of limits. Anyway he's in my uni town on the 23rd and he's going to come over and see me. He wants to come to the abortion on Thursday but I'm not sure, it'll be just added pressure on me as I want to make a good impression.


    I told him this guy on the train asked for my number and he wanted to go on a date and that my mum wanted me to go and he replied "Quite embarrassing your mum trying to make you go on dates, but obv from what you said you aren't listening to that" and then he kept on texting through the day asking what I was up to. He texted me on the night saying what are the plans for the 23rd?
    I copied what he previously said " I'll see you then and many times after " he replied "what's your thoughts though" me "I don't know, what ever you want to do or just come to mine" he replied saying "jimmy" (it's what I called his penis as a joke during our drunken ONS) I replied "I'm not just a shag" he said "but do you want to play with him" me " " then he said "why the sad face? I already shagged you anyway so that doesn't bother me the not a shag as far as I'm concerned that's you changing your ways" i was a bit confused by that, then he went onto saying imagine if my friend who I was out with that night came back to the after party the night of our ONS, and that i might not have been pregnant as he might of got with her instead.
    Then he was going to have an early night so no texting. I asked why and he told me its a secret. I then looked on his twitter which is open to public (I don't have twitter and he doesn't know i look) he was in London at a banking interview for a really good bank. He finished uni in Sep doing accounting, he'd then been working at his dads small accounting company. I didn't say anything and asked where he was, he said he was in bed and going to sleep, I replied saying "suspicious" He said "Be suspicious as its to do with you" I replied "no it isn't! Confused" He then said " its a secret, It involves you in someway" how can moving to the other side of the UK to the capital, getting his own place an becoming a banker possibly involve me. Imagine if he wanted me to move with him, but if It did involve me it'll probably be the fact that he could get his own place and I could come for naughty weekends away and stay with him.


    These are some of the texts he's sent over the past 2 months.


    "Like I said I'm happy to meet you after, doesn't matter about the shagging. At the end of day when pregnancy is over we might see each other in a different light in terms of always had this situation hanging over us ey"


    "You know I want to see you after we had plans and I do like you. When it comes to pregnancy I just think let me be there, it will be healthy for the future if you do. I don't want to walk away one bit, but putting that chapter completely behind us starting fresh is the best way. So the pregnancy page is completely turned. Thoughts? You know if u don't let me come it will just cause problems unnecessarily between us x "


    "I do want to though. I really want to be at the appointment please. As I won't have peace of mind that the oregnancy is over unless I'm there. How do I know that you will go through with it and not come back to me months later and be like I never did it. You have to let me be there please? Ill do whatever you want from there. And I do want to meet u after as I think as u said before I do like you a bit I was just denying it to myself. X"


    "Well what if I wanted to meet up after the pregnancy as I wanted to get to know you more, which I do x"


    "I want to be at the appointment. And I want to see you afterwards, many times. I'm not cutting contact as I like you and want this pregnancy behind us, so we can go on properly"


    What do you think he has in mind for us afterwards? FWB? Relationship? He knows I like him. But I've also said I could just leave if after the abortion if that's what he wants, but he says he wants to keep in touch. I want to know where I stand before this over with and I pour my emotions out on him becoming attached.
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    Hmm...
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    From what you've said, I don't like him. Not one bit. He doesn't sound sincere at all. "I want to come so I can be sure the pregnancy's over?" Not "I want to come because I care about you?"

    Would not advise getting involved with this guy, OP.

    /personal opinion
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    (Original post by theorangebox)
    From what you've said, I don't like him. Not one bit. He doesn't sound sincere at all. "I want to come so I can be sure the pregnancy's over?" Not "I want to come because I care about you?"

    Would not advise getting involved with this guy, OP.

    /personal opinion

    I know, I'm unsure... I thought how things were going we would end up in a relationship when it's done. He has also said that he wanted to come so he can be there for me and it will be good for our future if I let him.


    I'm not sure why he didn't say that he went all the London for a banking interview, I was texting him all day. Maybe it was incase he didn't get it though... He said it had something to do with me, I'm not sure how that adds up! Maybe he is planning for the long term and wants me to move with him or maybe he's just seeing it as a place of his own and I will be welcome for a weekend
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    He sounds like a ****. I'm not bashing your decision to have an abortion as I have been there also, but look at it from this point of view - you are carrying his child, and he only wants to know you if you get rid of the baby. If you kept the baby, would he still like you?

    He doesn't seem sincere and just seems to be after one thing from you. The fact he said he could have shagged your friend instead that night, well, that's low - that seems to mee as if he is sayig "well, who cares who it was, I just wanted sex".
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    (Original post by daisy136)
    I know, I'm unsure... I thought how things were going we would end up in a relationship when it's done. He has also said that he wanted to come so he can be there for me and it will be good for our future if I let him.


    I'm not sure why he didn't say that he went all the London for a banking interview, I was texting him all day. Maybe it was incase he didn't get it though... He said it had something to do with me, I'm not sure how that adds up! Maybe he is planning for the long term and wants me to move with him or maybe he's just seeing it as a place of his own and I will be welcome for a weekend
    You seem to be boiling all this down to whether he wants a relationship or not. Re-read your post, do you really want to be in a relationship with this kind of guy? I have no idea what he wants, but whatever it is, he's messing you around, don't let someone treat you this way.
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    Ewww what a sleezebag! OP, get your abortion over and done with and don't expect anything from him. Of course he wants to be there, he knows if you don't go through with it you could be bashing him for child maintenance for the next 18 years and he is probably terrified that this might happen. He knows he needs to keep you sweet for the time being, lots of women have babies so they can 'keep' their man for good and no man wants to be trapped like that.

    Maybe for your own benefit tell him afterwards you need a bit of time to yourself and ask him not to contact you for a few weeks. If he genuinely likes you he will give you a little bit of space but then contact you and treat you with respect. You won't know if you could have a proper relationship together until all this is over.
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    (Original post by rubixcyoob)
    He sounds like a ****. I'm not bashing your decision to have an abortion as I have been there also, but look at it from this point of view - you are carrying his child, and he only wants to know you if you get rid of the baby. If you kept the baby, would he still like you?

    He doesn't seem sincere and just seems to be after one thing from you. The fact he said he could have shagged your friend instead that night, well, that's low - that seems to mee as if he is sayig "well, who cares who it was, I just wanted sex".
    I came up to him when I spotted him during closing time and everyone was making there way out, I recognised him as he use to post on ex's Facebook, I asked if he knew (insert ex's name) he said yes and asked if u wanted to go back to a house party, my friend didn't want to go, me and this guy then got a taxi together, only in the taxi that I mentioned our mutual was actually my ex!
    It's bad of him to say 'i might have ended up shagging your friend instead and none of this would have happened' but in all honesty my reasoning for going back with him was to annoy my ex. I didn't mean to sleep with him though, maybe if he had any attractive friends I might have ended up getting with them instead. So I can't blame him for saying that.


    This was my second ONS but he's slept with about 30 girls. Obviously it was just ment to be one night. I'm not sure if his feeling have developed going through this, even if it has just been texting, its been nearly 3 months and I'm sure he thinks of me and the situation through the day, he's already said that talking to me has become part of his every day...
    I told him that I would like space after its done, but he thinks having space is silly and that if we have space we may as well just leave it all together, then he changed his mind and said he's happy to give me some space but would prefer not to...


    I really want to know where I stand before its over, I like him a lot and its going to hurt bad if he's just playing
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    I have to say, if I was in his position, I can easily see why he'd do or say anything to make sure I knew what was going on and was kept informed with the pregnancy.

    It's in two days, right? So I don't think it's worth worrying about until after the abortion on Thursday. Anything before that, you have no way of working out what's really going on. Just leave it till then!


    This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
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    (Original post by daisy136)

    "I do want to though. I really want to be at the appointment please. As I won't have peace of mind that the oregnancy is over unless I'm there. How do I know that you will go through with it and not come back to me months later and be like I never did it. You have to let me be there please? Ill do whatever you want from there. And I do want to meet u after as I think as u said before I do like you a bit I was just denying it to myself. X"
    SOmething about this doesn't sit right with me.
    SIncere? Not in the slightest
    I'd be worried that he doesn't want something else after this he wants to seem caring and sweet so you get rid of the baby and then he can wash his hands of you and walk off into the sunset to sleep with another 30 odd girls
    Just have the abortion like you are planning to and then leave him well alone
    And don't feel pressured into letting him be there
    If you don't want him there you don't want him there and that is your choice
    Besides, what does he think happens when you have an abortion? He can't go in there and hold your hand - there will be a cut off point for him and after that if you so wished you could easily have turned around and said "no I'm not having it"
    SO... Yeah.. Just keep at what you're doing - leave him well alone.
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    (Original post by BlahBlaBlahBla)
    SOmething about this doesn't sit right with me.
    SIncere? Not in the slightest
    I'd be worried that he doesn't want something else after this he wants to seem caring and sweet so you get rid of the baby and then he can wash his hands of you and walk off into the sunset to sleep with another 30 odd girls
    Just have the abortion like you are planning to and then leave him well alone
    And don't feel pressured into letting him be there
    If you don't want him there you don't want him there and that is your choice
    Besides, what does he think happens when you have an abortion? He can't go in there and hold your hand - there will be a cut off point for him and after that if you so wished you could easily have turned around and said "no I'm not having it"
    SO... Yeah.. Just keep at what you're doing - leave him well alone.


    Thanks for your reply.


    Since I'm not letting him be there, he wants me to WhatsApp my location to him when I get to the hospital and when I leave the hospital. He wants me to take pictures of the clinic room from the inside and send it him. He wants a doctors note stamped and signed, since I wouldn't agree to meet him so soon, he told me to leave it in an envelope at some rouge location for him to collect.
    I basically just texted all your points and put them in my own words.
    His replies were:


    "I think you are reading into things far too much, you will see after Thursday I'm the nice guy you want me to be. I appreciate you have adhered to my requests but you can understand why I made them. You just want to be sceptical of me, but at end of day I have never done anything wrong to you and have no intention of cutting contact like I said earlier we need to start a fresh without dragging up **** that has happened in the past and with (insert ex) Etc as things got very complicated in stages but now It seems to be getting easier x"


    I added "You want to seem caring and sweet so you can be sure its rid of and then you can wash your hands and walk off into the sunset to sleep with another 30 odd girls"


    His reply "Hang on you just said to me you wanted to cut contact, like you are always worried about me going off and leaving you or whatever but you don't want me to stay. Like where's the logic there"

    hmm...


    EDIT: I said in my post the other day that he went to London and didn't say anything yet messaged me all day, he got the job. Must have found out yesterday... I found out off my ex just now. He'd been saying he had nothing planned for this summer, he'd also said that his parents are moving away in to Singapore in a month to expand his dads company and that he would be staying at home.


    His excuse:


    Didn't think was appropriate to say in light of what's happening on thurs tbh x


    Me: it has nothing to do with Thursday, what a load of bull you must have been saying before


    Him: Not at all I just refrained from mentioning anything that's why I called it secret mission as you would think I was concerned with other things and not thinking about thurs x


    Me: when do you move, you must have a rough idea


    Him: Haven't received phone call of deets can only assume mid June maybe.
    Gone for good then though.
    So once you put all pregnancy behind had your space you can come visit

    him: I would have told you on thurs but didn't think it was appropriate yet x
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    (Original post by daisy136)
    Thanks for your reply.


    Since I'm not letting him be there, he wants me to WhatsApp my location to him when I get to the hospital and when I leave the hospital. He wants me to take pictures of the clinic room from the inside and send it him. He wants a doctors note stamped and signed, since I wouldn't agree to meet him so soon, he told me to leave it in an envelope at some rouge location for him to collect.
    I basically just texted all your points and put them in my own words.
    His replies were:


    "I think you are reading into things far too much, you will see after Thursday I'm the nice guy you want me to be. I appreciate you have adhered to my requests but you can understand why I made them. You just want to be sceptical of me, but at end of day I have never done anything wrong to you and have no intention of cutting contact like I said earlier we need to start a fresh without dragging up **** that has happened in the past and with (insert ex) Etc as things got very complicated in stages but now It seems to be getting easier x"


    I added "You want to seem caring and sweet so you can be sure its rid of and then you can wash your hands and walk off into the sunset to sleep with another 30 odd girls"


    His reply "Hang on you just said to me you wanted to cut contact, like you are always worried about me going off and leaving you or whatever but you don't want me to stay. Like where's the logic there"

    hmm...


    EDIT: I said in my post the other day that he went to London and didn't say anything yet messaged me all day, he got the job. Must have found out yesterday... I found out off my ex just now. He'd been saying he had nothing planned for this summer, he'd also said that his parents are moving away in to Singapore in a month to expand his dads company and that he would be staying at home.


    His excuse:


    Didn't think was appropriate to say in light of what's happening on thurs tbh x


    Me: it has nothing to do with Thursday, what a load of bull you must have been saying before


    Him: Not at all I just refrained from mentioning anything that's why I called it secret mission as you would think I was concerned with other things and not thinking about thurs x


    Me: when do you move, you must have a rough idea


    Him: Haven't received phone call of deets can only assume mid June maybe.
    Gone for good then though.
    So once you put all pregnancy behind had your space you can come visit

    him: I would have told you on thurs but didn't think it was appropriate yet x
    Fair does for calling in him out on it
    I'm glad I was of help
    What do you make of this latest situation with him moving then?

    EDIT: I also don't like how obsessive he is being over the idea of you with the WhatsApp malarky and the stamping of the forms etc
    That is just so OTT
 
 
 
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