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HELP: my tormentors are too clever to be bullies Watch

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    Please everyone,

    I got into a boarding school after a lot of hard work. I was so excited and looking forward to it and all my family have sacrificed a lot for me so I can come here for 5 years - and let go of things that cannot be undone. I had a good idea what it could be like because I have lots of friends and family in other schools.

    From the first day there was a girl who picked on me. Then she got others to pick on me. Like it's never ending. It's never bad enough to call it bullying in the eyes of someone else. I keep on telling myself that one day they will grow up. I am in year 9.

    I spent my first term feeling embarrassed about this and now I am starting to be angry because they are ruining my life just for their 'fun'. I feel such a looser because my other friends and cousins are having a great time at their schools.

    Because of this girl and all the other followers (I really feel they don't have minds of their own or don't want to be teased instead of me) I am lonely and can't do anything to fit in. The worst thing is that this girl is in all the teams and made head of our year - the staff love her. My mother complained to the head teacher of my house but was told that this is not the character of the girl. When she insisted, the housemaster said that the other girl's mum said the same thing about me. Now it is difficult for me to respect for the staff in my house because it is going on under their noses - but I love the other school staff.

    After my mum had talked to my housemaster, things were even worse so I didn't tell her anything else. I feel so worn down with being always ignored, and excluded and being the source of jokes. These girls are clever - they know how not to do anything to get into trouble - so I realise it is sort of impossible for the staff to believe me as the worst girls are the ones who are the 'stars' in their eyes. They are also so nice to each other - I mean when you see how great they are to each other they are the sort of girls you would really like for your bestie.

    I really want to fit in and finish my school here. I cannot believe that this one girl has been able to continually get at me even through others. It all seems 'harmless' but it is non-stop.

    Please give me ideas on how to carry on. Will these girls ever drop this habit of treating me badly? What can I do? Right now I am begging my mum to go home but I know I will regret that the only reason was because of one selfish girl. She asked if I can try to remain so I can do GCSEs here because they do the options I know I cannot do elsewhere.

    I could even run away tonight. But I know I would prefer to wait to hear ways of sticking up for myself or magicking this problem away. I feel the only way to stop this is to deal with it myself. There is an anti bullying policy and everyone knows everything about this by heart - perhaps this is why they are so clever about the way they are cruel and ignore. Some girls are just not what you see on the surface. It's so tempting to film/record their behaviour - but then I don't want to do this because it feels wrong and I am sure you are not allowed to do that. Also a few examples are nothing to explain how it feels to have this going on day and night. Also it is difficult to show you are being ignored or never being told about things.

    If things carry on as they are, I will become ill with over 2 years of loneliness until GCSEs (and walk away before my A levels) and do badly anyway in my work. I really want to finish here, and I don't want to be pushed away from what could have been such a great gift from my family just because of one girl.

    Please help me, my unknown online friends. Please don't say talk to a teacher - there are more 'nice' girls who will just contradict me.
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    http://safe.met.police.uk/bullying/o...nd_advice.html

    life it gets really bad it could possibly be harrasment if it gets really bad and especially physical I would get the police
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    Can you change house? At least you'd get away from her at night... Or how about a different school? If you got into one I'm sure it won't be too hard to find another. If you're that unhappy your GCSEs are not going to go well anyway, and your school seems to have basically no regard for your welfare.
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    This is quite hard to answer. This girl sounds pretty manipulative, two personalities for two different occasions. I had something similar to this happen to me too. What if you make sure that there are other people in your company (can be anyone except for this girl's friends) so that if this girl tries to start on you, you have witnesses? Also, maybe keep a tracking diary of the time and dates of everything that she's done, including what she's said to you? Surely that will be enough evidence? I did this too for about a month when I was getting bullied, and no one was doing anything about it when I went to them. It was a successful technique but there is a flaw: one teacher told me that it couldn't be concrete evidence, as I could have made up all the things that my bully had said and done to me.

    Please don't run away! You will mess up your GCSEs, etc, by doing this! What if you speak to more senior and older students at your school? Get to know them and see if you can really trust and confide in them? How old is this girl?

    Don't let her get to you. One way to get above her is to study as hard as you can, get the best grades you can achieve and get accepted into a fantastic university and study something that you truly love. If this girl is in the same year as you, you only have two or three years left of her. Yes, it's horrible and depressing to feel lonely and outcast, and it may seem like a long time to you but trust me, when you enter Year 10, you'll be too preoccupied with having to study to even care about this girl, and the time will go by very quickly.

    Good luck. Hope I've helped.
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    (Original post by larsd)
    Please everyone,

    I got into a boarding school after a lot of hard work. I was so excited and looking forward to it and all my family have sacrificed a lot for me so I can come here for 5 years - and let go of things that cannot be undone. I had a good idea what it could be like because I have lots of friends and family in other schools.

    From the first day there was a girl who picked on me. Then she got others to pick on me. Like it's never ending. It's never bad enough to call it bullying in the eyes of someone else. I keep on telling myself that one day they will grow up. I am in year 9.

    I spent my first term feeling embarrassed about this and now I am starting to be angry because they are ruining my life just for their 'fun'. I feel such a looser because my other friends and cousins are having a great time at their schools.

    Because of this girl and all the other followers (I really feel they don't have minds of their own or don't want to be teased instead of me) I am lonely and can't do anything to fit in. The worst thing is that this girl is in all the teams and made head of our year - the staff love her. My mother complained to the head teacher of my house but was told that this is not the character of the girl. When she insisted, the housemaster said that the other girl's mum said the same thing about me. Now it is difficult for me to respect for the staff in my house because it is going on under their noses - but I love the other school staff.

    After my mum had talked to my housemaster, things were even worse so I didn't tell her anything else. I feel so worn down with being always ignored, and excluded and being the source of jokes. These girls are clever - they know how not to do anything to get into trouble - so I realise it is sort of impossible for the staff to believe me as the worst girls are the ones who are the 'stars' in their eyes. They are also so nice to each other - I mean when you see how great they are to each other they are the sort of girls you would really like for your bestie.

    I really want to fit in and finish my school here. I cannot believe that this one girl has been able to continually get at me even through others. It all seems 'harmless' but it is non-stop.

    Please give me ideas on how to carry on. Will these girls ever drop this habit of treating me badly? What can I do? Right now I am begging my mum to go home but I know I will regret that the only reason was because of one selfish girl. She asked if I can try to remain so I can do GCSEs here because they do the options I know I cannot do elsewhere.

    I could even run away tonight. But I know I would prefer to wait to hear ways of sticking up for myself or magicking this problem away. I feel the only way to stop this is to deal with it myself. There is an anti bullying policy and everyone knows everything about this by heart - perhaps this is why they are so clever about the way they are cruel and ignore. Some girls are just not what you see on the surface. It's so tempting to film/record their behaviour - but then I don't want to do this because it feels wrong and I am sure you are not allowed to do that. Also a few examples are nothing to explain how it feels to have this going on day and night. Also it is difficult to show you are being ignored or never being told about things.

    If things carry on as they are, I will become ill with over 2 years of loneliness until GCSEs (and walk away before my A levels) and do badly anyway in my work. I really want to finish here, and I don't want to be pushed away from what could have been such a great gift from my family just because of one girl.

    Please help me, my unknown online friends. Please don't say talk to a teacher - there are more 'nice' girls who will just contradict me.
    Confront the girl ask her why she says the stuff she says, don't be all "Up in her face" that'll just make things worse . Normally after that she'll stop .
    If she stills insists on making fun of you, just challenge her to a good old fist fight!
    Or fencing, i mean what ever floats your boat
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    Get evidence on the sly. Tape it on you phone or something. Get proof, go to the Housemaster. Nothing will say "I told you so" better than this.

    Sod "not being able to do film/tape". It's this or let it continue.

    Threaten to get the police involved. It's like harrassment the way you are describing the situation. This may be the bluff you need for the school to take things seriously.
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    Exactly, I would suggest to definitely film or record some of the verbal or physical abuse going on. I know you said you werent keen on the idea in the OP, but if you do and take it to the headmaster, they can confront the problem once and for all. This way, at least theres a chance something will be done instead of having to put up with it for another god knows how many years.
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    Move to Hufflepuff?
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    (Original post by larsd)
    Please everyone,

    I got into a boarding school after a lot of hard work. I was so excited and looking forward to it and all my family have sacrificed a lot for me so I can come here for 5 years - and let go of things that cannot be undone. I had a good idea what it could be like because I have lots of friends and family in other schools.

    From the first day there was a girl who picked on me. Then she got others to pick on me. Like it's never ending. It's never bad enough to call it bullying in the eyes of someone else. I keep on telling myself that one day they will grow up. I am in year 9.

    I spent my first term feeling embarrassed about this and now I am starting to be angry because they are ruining my life just for their 'fun'. I feel such a looser because my other friends and cousins are having a great time at their schools.

    Because of this girl and all the other followers (I really feel they don't have minds of their own or don't want to be teased instead of me) I am lonely and can't do anything to fit in. The worst thing is that this girl is in all the teams and made head of our year - the staff love her. My mother complained to the head teacher of my house but was told that this is not the character of the girl. When she insisted, the housemaster said that the other girl's mum said the same thing about me. Now it is difficult for me to respect for the staff in my house because it is going on under their noses - but I love the other school staff.

    After my mum had talked to my housemaster, things were even worse so I didn't tell her anything else. I feel so worn down with being always ignored, and excluded and being the source of jokes. These girls are clever - they know how not to do anything to get into trouble - so I realise it is sort of impossible for the staff to believe me as the worst girls are the ones who are the 'stars' in their eyes. They are also so nice to each other - I mean when you see how great they are to each other they are the sort of girls you would really like for your bestie.

    I really want to fit in and finish my school here. I cannot believe that this one girl has been able to continually get at me even through others. It all seems 'harmless' but it is non-stop.

    Please give me ideas on how to carry on. Will these girls ever drop this habit of treating me badly? What can I do? Right now I am begging my mum to go home but I know I will regret that the only reason was because of one selfish girl. She asked if I can try to remain so I can do GCSEs here because they do the options I know I cannot do elsewhere.

    I could even run away tonight. But I know I would prefer to wait to hear ways of sticking up for myself or magicking this problem away. I feel the only way to stop this is to deal with it myself. There is an anti bullying policy and everyone knows everything about this by heart - perhaps this is why they are so clever about the way they are cruel and ignore. Some girls are just not what you see on the surface. It's so tempting to film/record their behaviour - but then I don't want to do this because it feels wrong and I am sure you are not allowed to do that. Also a few examples are nothing to explain how it feels to have this going on day and night. Also it is difficult to show you are being ignored or never being told about things.

    If things carry on as they are, I will become ill with over 2 years of loneliness until GCSEs (and walk away before my A levels) and do badly anyway in my work. I really want to finish here, and I don't want to be pushed away from what could have been such a great gift from my family just because of one girl.

    Please help me, my unknown online friends. Please don't say talk to a teacher - there are more 'nice' girls who will just contradict me.


    Karma's a ***** really. Those girls will get what is coming to them, God reads man by his intentions and not his actions.
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    Beat her with kindness - don't show her that the teasing is getting to you and just be nice to her and treat her as if you're friends. It sounds weird but she'll start to feel guilty and may even realise what a nice person you really are! Also if she thinks it's not bothering you he'll get bored.. be the bigger person!
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    LOL for some reason i read my demonters are too clever! hahaha
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    I would probably scare the school into doing something, they can't ignore you or your mum forever. If it carries on write letters and insist on meeting someone with authority. It will show that you are very serious about how much these girls are hurting you; if you make enough noise about it something will be done and the thought of getting into that much trouble might even scare those girls enough to leave you alone.
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    i agree that you should tape her, and her friends. at least the staff can no longer defend this girl.
    (i had been in this situation before,and i kind of fought back.but i assume you dont want to get yourself into more trouble so that's why i think the best you can do is to tape her).
    i hope things will go well for you after this.
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    i agree that you should tape her, and her friends. at least the staff can no longer defend this girl.
    (i had been in this situation before,and i kind of fought back.but i assume you dont want to get yourself into more trouble so that's why i think the best you can do is to tape her).
    i hope things will go well for you after this.
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    Have you done anything to the girl in response to this? You should wait until you see her alone without her 'followers' she may feel vulnerable then and ask her why she keeps doing these things to you; ask her straight out and wait to see her answer. If she tries to turn you question round on you just remain firm, don't laugh, don't show anything just ask her what you did to make her behave this way.

    Or if you feel this scenario seems daunting why not do the tactic of being nice to her. I know it's no excuse but you can't know what's happened to this girl in her life or at home so be nice and it may get to her and she will see her actions are bad and feel quilty and stop.

    Try to remain postive, these situations happen to lots of people though admitedly you seem to have it bad. Just smile at her when you walk past each other and tell yourself that what she is doing must mean she either feels insecure herself or can only enjoy herself on other people's pain so stay strong and also I'd say try and stick near friends because then they won't want to come up to you. Good luck to you
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    (Original post by milienhaus)
    Can you change house? At least you'd get away from her at night... Or how about a different school? If you got into one I'm sure it won't be too hard to find another. If you're that unhappy your GCSEs are not going to go well anyway, and your school seems to have basically no regard for your welfare.
    Thanks for trying to help. I know this sounds like good sense. But if you move house that's a pretty bad thing - there will always be questions and gossip. ALso if you move to another boarding school there are always rumours that can follow (or even go before you get there!). Everyone seems to know someone in the other schools. ANd I really love the school and teachers - it's this one problem and I will regret it if I this girl wins in pushing me out.
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    (Original post by TheGoonerGirl)
    This is quite hard to answer. This girl sounds pretty manipulative, two personalities for two different occasions. I had something similar to this happen to me too. What if you make sure that there are other people in your company (can be anyone except for this girl's friends) so that if this girl tries to start on you, you have witnesses? Also, maybe keep a tracking diary of the time and dates of everything that she's done, including what she's said to you? Surely that will be enough evidence? I did this too for about a month when I was getting bullied, and no one was doing anything about it when I went to them. It was a successful technique but there is a flaw: one teacher told me that it couldn't be concrete evidence, as I could have made up all the things that my bully had said and done to me.

    Please don't run away! You will mess up your GCSEs, etc, by doing this! What if you speak to more senior and older students at your school? Get to know them and see if you can really trust and confide in them? How old is this girl?

    Don't let her get to you. One way to get above her is to study as hard as you can, get the best grades you can achieve and get accepted into a fantastic university and study something that you truly love. If this girl is in the same year as you, you only have two or three years left of her. Yes, it's horrible and depressing to feel lonely and outcast, and it may seem like a long time to you but trust me, when you enter Year 10, you'll be too preoccupied with having to study to even care about this girl, and the time will go by very quickly.

    Good luck. Hope I've helped.
    Thank you TheGoonerGirl - I'm sorry you had the same sort of thing - but you have made me feel sooo much more 'normal' and better about the situation. Like I feel completely strong now. SO now I have some Hope. So really thank you for writing. Yes, this girl is in my year. I just know she can get out of any sort of trouble. I sort of had the same ideas things floating around in my head that I should just try and concentrate on my work. I notice she and her groupies get annoyed when I get good marks. But then for others (who get even better) they are in awe. I am going to work hard - too bad for them if they waste their negative efforts on me! Maybe I'll do better thanks to them. And I like some girls in the older years - it's not normally okay to be too chatty with them - but finally, so what. The only ones that care are the ones that are being mean.
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    (Original post by Indeterminate)
    Quite an unusual situation, but I'd advise you to match them.

    Use your smartness to hit back, and this will most likely neutralise the situation, if not put it in your favour slightly.

    One more thing: even if you don't feel it, you have to still be very confident. Otherwise, you won't get anywhere in life.
    I'm going to build on that (the confidence) - so I better stay around - and one day I will hit back!
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    I have olive skin and I have been in school that I was the only person who was not white. Since the first day I used to get bullied for my colour of skin. The only thing that helped go through with it, was to stand up to myself and don't give a **** what people thinks.


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    (Original post by CuriousQuestioner)
    Have you done anything to the girl in response to this? You should wait until you see her alone without her 'followers' she may feel vulnerable then and ask her why she keeps doing these things to you; ask her straight out and wait to see her answer. If she tries to turn you question round on you just remain firm, don't laugh, don't show anything just ask her what you did to make her behave this way.

    Or if you feel this scenario seems daunting why not do the tactic of being nice to her. I know it's no excuse but you can't know what's happened to this girl in her life or at home so be nice and it may get to her and she will see her actions are bad and feel quilty and stop.

    Try to remain postive, these situations happen to lots of people though admitedly you seem to have it bad. Just smile at her when you walk past each other and tell yourself that what she is doing must mean she either feels insecure herself or can only enjoy herself on other people's pain so stay strong and also I'd say try and stick near friends because then they won't want to come up to you. Good luck to you
    I am always nice to her - I think this does get to her - that's why I think she is using more and more others to do it too. I actually can't bring myself to be mean back- I'm not joking - I can't. If a teacher asked me to tell them all this I wouldn't be able to (or only half of it) - then I sound like I'm making a fuss about nothing. I do believe she is unhappy underneath and that's why she needs to manipulate people. I actually visualised all the girls in my year - and I think of all them I am the perfect one to be nasty to. She wouldn't dare to be like that to most of the others! There is no way I have the courage to confront her - yet. No words would come out of my mouth whatever I planned to say. That's how I am. But I am more convinced now that the fact I am carrying on kindly to her is not the result she wants. I'll have to make my weakness my strength. Thank you for encouraging me!
 
 
 
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