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A homosexual muslim's dilemma. Watch

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    How close are you to your parents? As people have said, I wouldn't advise telling them just yet, but most parents instinctively want the best for their children. Is it possible they would actually try to help you, and be able to keep it a secret, or would their religion always come first? I'm sorry if I don't properly understand.

    Assuming that you couldn't tell anybody in your family, have you looked for support groups for other homosexual muslims? They must exist, though I'd imagine they are hard to find. A quick google search came up with;

    http://imaanlondon.wordpress.com/

    This may require a bit more research - I don't know if they would aim to 'cure' you, or help you. However, if it is a legitimate support group I think you would benefit from meeting people with the same problems in person.
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    Coming out to someone in person can often be very liberating, and it can help to ease the feelings of anxiety and depression. It doesn't have to be your relatives - it could even be someone like a counsellor. Just having someone to validate and hear your thoughts and feelings regarding your sexuality and the situation with your religion and family can really be helpful. Maybe that's something to consider - you've taken a great step in coming out to your online friends, but perhaps maybe the next step for you is to come out offline. You could even phone up the Samaritans.
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    (Original post by Simple Symphony)
    I understand your dilemma, I really do.

    You are aware of Islam's stance on homosexuality and its rulings; it's highly probable that your family members and Muslim friends do too. If there's a possibility your relatives may not be so open-minded regarding your sexuality, I would not suggest telling them just yet. Although I cannot stress the importance of telling your parents, perhaps not today, and perhaps not even tomorrow, but there will come a time where you will have to openly admit that you are a homosexual.

    You seem certain about your sexuality and I believe you require support and impartial advice, rather than being labelled by the Islamic society. Your parents may be ashamed, your relatives may blame your Western upbringing, your male friends may start to avoid you. This, I would say, seems very likely, only because Islam and homosexuality are polar opposites. I would suggest you take a step away from Islam for a moment and think about yourself as am individual. There is more to Islam than your sexuality, just like there is more to Islam than a girl's virginity, wearing a headscarf, drinking alcohol and fasting. People sometimes make bad choices in life, especially in mainstream society, where temptation surrounds us all, but this does not make us bad people.

    There is no need for you to feel the need to reconcile with your religion, otherwise we would all have to find the means to do the same. I have not met a single Muslim who has abode by the words of Allah 100%
    Thank you so much for your response.

    My parents will Never be open minded about it, and I'm not even talking about anything sexual or relationship wise, just the fact that I'm attracted to men will most likely make everyone hate me, even though I never chose to be this way. Most of my family and family friends are extremely islamic minded in this topic, which I find hypocritical as they are not so extreme in other topics.

    I would never tell my friends that I am homosexual. Some of them have vehemently opposed it, calling it a fetish and the others don't understand the issue however, both groups would out me instantly. Since I'm not out to them, I feel like that I'm betraying them, in a way, as they don't know who I Really am, and on top of that betraying myself.

    Feelings of loneliness and helplessness have lead me down to how I'm feeling.

    You Can be gay and muslim, however you risk the punishment of Allah on the day of judgement.
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    If anything they'd be betraying you for not accepting you.
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    I dont know what to tell you, its a tough one.

    If you want ur religion then u have no choice but to keep our feelings to yourself

    If your feelings overpower your religious beliefs then I suppose you just come out and leave your religion.

    Thats as blunt as it can get, good luck.
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    (Original post by McFlury)
    Seams to me that your religion is oppressing you and causing you fear of not being accepted for who you are, do you really want to be part of that?
    Thanks for responding.

    Islam deals with the topic of the actual action, not the feelings associated with it. Islam has nothing against homosexual on the surface as long as it is not followed up by actions. What is oppressing me, however, are the people that have a very very backward mentality on the topic of homosexuality, muslim or not. Many people believe this as a horrific disease and for some time I thought of it like this as well until I found out that homosexuality is the product of physiological and genetic factors. The problem is not Islam, the problem is educating the people.

    Where Islam comes into is that as a homosexual, I will not be able to have that emotional or sexual experience with a man, which in itself depresses me.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    (Before I begin, I just want to say that I know the stance of homosexuality within Islam and it's rulings and that I do adhere to my religion and no, homosexuality is not a choice).

    I am a gay muslim and wanted to get some advice. Apart from 2 people, no one knows that I am gay. Trying to reconcile my homosexuality with Islam has been hard, to say the least, and it doesn't help that I have hardly anyone to talk to about this, hence why I am making this thread.

    What can I do to reconcile with myself, instead of going into a pit of depression, anxiety and self hatred, which I am slowly going into? Telling anyone within the family or the muslim community would be social suicide and I would treated as someone with an incurable highly infectious disease. Any advice would be appreciated, particularly from any other gay muslims.
    I forgot, but there was a site to help you, Perseverance linked it before, have a look back on the threads on this issue
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you so much for your response.

    My parents will Never be open minded about it, and I'm not even talking about anything sexual or relationship wise, just the fact that I'm attracted to men will most likely make everyone hate me, even though I never chose to be this way. Most of my family and family friends are extremely islamic minded in this topic, which I find hypocritical as they are not so extreme in other topics.

    I would never tell my friends that I am homosexual. Some of them have vehemently opposed it, calling it a fetish and the others don't understand the issue however, both groups would out me instantly. Since I'm not out to them, I feel like that I'm betraying them, in a way, as they don't know who I Really am, and on top of that betraying myself.

    Feelings of loneliness and helplessness have lead me down to how I'm feeling.

    You Can be gay and muslim, however you risk the punishment of Allah on the day of judgement.
    You can have homosexual tendencies, but Islam can't facilitate homosexual acts.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
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    Man. Feel sorry for you! I'm a Muslim too... I can understand that it must be difficult for you! Whatever happens though, I hope you the best! Depending on what your mother is like, MAYBE, tell her? I find that my mum is open to anything and she'd keep it quiet and help me out with W.E needs to be done!
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    (Original post by hafzaaa)
    I dont know what to tell you, its a tough one.

    If you want ur religion then u have no choice but to keep our feelings to yourself

    If your feelings overpower your religious beliefs then I suppose you just come out and leave your religion.

    Thats as blunt as it can get, good luck.
    Thanks for responding.

    My feelings and my religious beliefs are mutually exclusive. Even if I went out and began a full fledged relationship with another man, that doesn't change what I believe in. I will still believe in Islam. Homosexuality =/= Kufr (disbelief).
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    I'm a Muslim and I really sympathise with you, being homosexual is a definite no-no in Islam. Honestly and realistically it would be for your own well being if you didn't tell your family because this will make matters worse. I can only imagine what you're going through and having to do it alone doesn't help. I can't say I'm a properly religious Muslim but I would advise you to try and ask Allah for help and guidance.
    Feel free to pm me.
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    (Original post by Octohedral)
    How close are you to your parents? As people have said, I wouldn't advise telling them just yet, but most parents instinctively want the best for their children. Is it possible they would actually try to help you, and be able to keep it a secret, or would their religion always come first? I'm sorry if I don't properly understand.

    Assuming that you couldn't tell anybody in your family, have you looked for support groups for other homosexual muslims? They must exist, though I'd imagine they are hard to find. A quick google search came up with;

    http://imaanlondon.wordpress.com/

    This may require a bit more research - I don't know if they would aim to 'cure' you, or help you. However, if it is a legitimate support group I think you would benefit from meeting people with the same problems in person.
    Thanks for responding.

    I'm very close to my parents, but it would devastate them. Most likely try to get me married off to a woman ASAP and try to "cure" me of this "disease".

    I don't believe there is a "cure" for homosexuality as it is not a disease, just like how you cannot change a heterosexual person's orientation.

    I have heard of imaan, but I have been hesitant to contact anyone as till now.
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    Well I'm not Muslim but I am gay. It is a tricky one, think about it like this. You didn't choose to be Muslim or be gay. There's only one thing you can change at the moment and that's your religion. Obviously, even in a family like mine where some are die hard Christian and some have no religious preference there's always going to be failings out. Like my uncle and aunt told my cousins to avoid me and surprisingly they don't have a religious preference. My die hard Christian grandma is probably one of the most accepting out of my family and really doesn't care. I think everyone who believes in religion has doubts about some things that are taught within it and you can't just expect someone who's religious to outlaw you for something that their religion is against. I mean, maybe you could just wait until you're out of your family home then drop the news to your mother privately? Cause one day she's going to find out and even if it turns out to be a really bad experience at least it's still off your chest. I can't even comprehend the situation you're in now but all I know is that there's always light at the end of the tunnel no matter how hard things get!
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    (Original post by McFlury)
    If anything they'd be betraying you for not accepting you.
    That's true, however, if the few family and friends that I talk to turn their back on me, after they found out, it would probably devastate me further. My life hasn't a bed of roses due to a number of other family problems.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    (Before I begin, I just want to say that I know the stance of homosexuality within Islam and it's rulings and that I do adhere to my religion and no, homosexuality is not a choice).

    I am a gay muslim and wanted to get some advice. Apart from 2 people, no one knows that I am gay. Trying to reconcile my homosexuality with Islam has been hard, to say the least, and it doesn't help that I have hardly anyone to talk to about this, hence why I am making this thread.

    What can I do to reconcile with myself, instead of going into a pit of depression, anxiety and self hatred, which I am slowly going into? Telling anyone within the family or the muslim community would be social suicide and I would treated as someone with an incurable highly infectious disease. Any advice would be appreciated, particularly from any other gay muslims.
    Seriously bro, have a read.

    Posted from TSR Mobile
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    You're not alone, I'm also a practising Muslim who is gay and there are lots of LGBT Muslims

    First things first, you need to accept the fact that you are gay and that this won't change. You can't wish it away this is just how the cards were dealt for you and like you said, it isn't a choice so there's no reason to feel ashamed/depressed/guilty/angry etc.

    I'm no scholar so I can't give you a clear cut answer as to what you should do in terms of your faith, and the opinions on this matter are actually divided so you'll have to figure that one out for yourself, sorry I can't be of more help but hopefully you can take some comfort in the fact that you're not the only one going through this

    Best of luck
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    Allah made you the way you are, yet condemns you for who you are - perhaps it's time to reconsider Islam?
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    I have a similar dilemma. I'm muslim and I'm a girl in a relationship with another girl
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for responding.

    Islam deals with the topic of the actual action, not the feelings associated with it. Islam has nothing against homosexual on the surface as long as it is not followed up by actions. What is oppressing me, however, are the people that have a very very backward mentality on the topic of homosexuality, muslim or not. Many people believe this as a horrific disease and for some time I thought of it like this as well until I found out that homosexuality is the product of physiological and genetic factors. The problem is not Islam, the problem is educating the people.

    Where Islam comes into is that as a homosexual, I will not be able to have that emotional or sexual experience with a man, which in itself depresses me.
    Therefore it is stopping you from being happy, to me that's oppression. Islam is obviously against homosexuality if they say it's ok to have these feelings but you can't follow them up. Following them up is the bit that counts. To me that torments you more than if they just said no homosexuality is accepted whatsoever, at least then you'd have an obvious decision to make, religion and be single or leave the religion and have a partner.
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    (Original post by moonziggy)
    I'm a Muslim and I really sympathise with you, being homosexual is a definite no-no in Islam. Honestly and realistically it would be for your own well being if you didn't tell your family because this will make matters worse. I can only imagine what you're going through and having to do it alone doesn't help. I can't say I'm a properly religious Muslim but I would advise you to try and ask Allah for help and guidance.
    Feel free to pm me.
    Thank you for your kind words. I may take you up on that in the future.
 
 
 
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