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i'm all over the place, and keep messing up! :( dont know what to do anymore.(long) watch

    • Thread Starter

    before you read im sorry if you get confused and i have written another thread.
    and i know I'm going to get some messages on here from people saying 'why dont you move on, or you're stupid he dont give a **** about you or things like that'
    but i do realise i have been stupid which you will see in this...and yes i know i need to move on, but its been 5 weeks since we broke up and he was my first boyfriend! so its going to take me sometime.
    so please dont say anything mean to me im just all over the place i dont know what to do!!
    so im just writing how i feel and i hope someone nice can tell me what i should do or just be there for me..

    basically last week my ex was sending some nice/ok texts and has been agreeing to meet up.
    i dont know if its because i went to his last week when he wasnt in and he missed a chance to see me.
    but i spoke to a friend about this all as i was confused on why he was suddenly being nice.
    and she said that maybe he misses me and was sad that i went over when he wasnt in and missed a chance to catch up.
    so i have been backing away in that week to see what hes been like, and saturday he spoke to me on the phone and it was a normal chat as if he never broke up with me 5 weeks ago and he was telling me about a party he was off to that night and said he didnt really want to go. and also said i can see him next weekend.


    We then spoke again very quickly on the phone sunday afternoon, and and after talking about the party i randomly asked him if he was with anyone at the moment (as i have been wanting to know since we broke up as ive been hearing things) but he said no he's not.

    i then felt really awkward about asking that question as i felt like i messed everything up, because of how everything was going (him being nice and us actually talking)
    but ever since then, he just hasnt spoke, i did say to him i was sorry for asking that question but i just needed to know to help me.

    but because i was wanting to make sure i didnt mess up anything i messaged him on fb in the early hours of monday which i know i proberly shouldnt off, but i mainly wanted to know if he was getting home safe, because of the bad snow, and that he might of been stuck in the town were his uni is and couldnt get home.

    so i sent a message on fb saying 'Heyy i hope you travelled safe today if you got home, as its very bad out there'
    i wasnt expecting anything back from him then.

    but i then became more of a tit and i also asked if he wanted to come out tuesday (tonight) instead of next sunday.i have now just realised how stupid i have been by messaging him but i think because of how he has been it confused me and i just wanted to talk to him and to also say how i feel and just make sure we are ok,
    but instead i've just been sending caring messages. :/which
    i know isnt a bad thing to say stuff like that as you are caring,
    but i feel like he just wont bother with me now.so i think i might just not talk to him anymore even though we might see each other sunday. i just dont know if that would happen now.

    also im dropping off a card at his tomoz afternoon for his brother b/day. (as i get on with all his family and have always given cards to everyone i know)
    but i have a feeling he might be in as of there being some snow.
    and i just dont know what to do, i of course want to sort things out but i think its best not to do anything at the moment....?

    i just wish everything would be back to normal, i keep being told it will, and because our brake up was bad, i can see why we cant try again in the further.
    as he did say we could get back together laster on and that he wont be going anywhere.
    but i can't deal with this all it hurts to much i just want to be friends with him but i feel like ive now lost him
    he's my best friend and it all hurts....

    I know it hurts, but you can't focus so much on getting back together because that's just making your situation worse right now. Losing your first boyfriend is awful and all you want is to have him back right away but by keeping in contact with him as often as you are you might be pushing him away more, as much as I know it makes you feel better. He wanted some space for a reason and the best way to deal with it is to give him that space. If he wants to still be friends/get back together, he'll make contact so just leave it for a while until he does - he said he wanted to hang out, so he probably will get in touch if you leave him be! In the meantime, keep yourself busy so you don't get to the computer or the phone - invite some friends over or go out and do something with friends and have fun. See this as an opportunity to work on yourself and strengthen your relationships with your girl friends - it's not healthy (or attractive!) to be hung up like this. I know you can't help feeling how you do and no one can tell you to get over him until you're ready

    In all honesty you need to give up on the idea of getting back together because pushing the idea will only make things worse, trust me I've made the mistake myself.
    Get one with your own life and stop messaging him, give him his space and keep things casual.
    It's a lot harder than it sounds I know and it will take time, it's only been a month for you some people take much longer- hell I've been out of a relationship for a year and I'm still not totally over it because we kept in contact. That being said if you can't stop thinking about it and him then you will need to cut contact unless you can handle being 'just friends', which it doesn't seem like you can.

    There is nothing wrong with being a bit clingy, some people like it some don't. Sometimes it's to be a little expected especially if you're the 'dumpee'.
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